A Thousand Miles
by alwaysandforever.x
Summary: Bella has always been in love with her best friend Edward but there's one problem- he's engaged. Somehow, they end up 1000 miles apart and with Alice's guidance, Bella plans to move on. But what happens when Edward realises he's loved Bella all along? AH.
1. Truth and heartbreak

***** THIS STORY IS CURRENTLY BEING RE-EDITED. **  
I've noticed a lot of errors in the earlier chapters and that my writing is a lot better in the end compared to the beginning, so I'm going back and re-editing and replacing all the chapters. None of them will be taken down, they will all stay on but gradually be replaced. I'll take this bit of the A/N down when its all done.**

***~*~***

**A/N- Hey! So here is my first fanfiction ever. It's all human, very AU... but I hope you all like it!**

**So heres the summary (well, my best attempt at one...)**

**_Bella and Edward have been best friends for years, he sees her as the only person he can talk to and someone who will always be there for him. He's unaware that she feels the opposite- she is completely in love with him, and always has been. She's finally ready to tell him- but what if his girlfriend gets in the way? And it leads them to be a thousand miles apart in different colleges with different lives? Will being apart from Edward help Bella move on? Will she even want to when she realises that Edward has always loved her, but he's only just realised... _**

**Anyway hope you like this! Let me know what you think!**

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_(Song for the chapter- Teardrops on my guitar- Taylor Swift)_

_"He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar_  
_The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star_  
_He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do_

_So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light_  
_I'll put his picture down and maybe_  
_Get some sleep tonight_

_He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar_  
_The Only one who's got enough of me to break my heart_  
_He's the song in the car I keep singing don't know why I do_  
_He's the time taken up but there's never enough_  
_And he's all that I need to fall into..."_

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter one: Truth and Heartbreak**

Graduation... some would call it the end of a big stage of a person's life. Some others would say its the point where you have to close the door to 4 years of your life that you think have flown by, but in reality all the memories from the beginning are just a blur. It's a time say goodbye to those you've grown up with – people who might not necessarily be your best friends, but more your acquaintances instead- where you shed a few tears, and give a few brief hugs, and then move on.

It's the point you do move on to your best friends –if you're lucky enough to have them that is - and promise you'll be friends forever and you'll never ever grow apart no matter the distance... I wish.

It's supposed to be the beginning of adulthood where you get to go off into the big wide world- where you go to college, see new places… and ultimately grow up saying a complete goodbye to childhood.

I was now on my way to just that… you see I have recently got my acceptance letter for Dartmouth College where I'll be majoring in English Literature. It should be the best thing that's ever happened to me… My best friend Alice is coming with me, so I should technically be very excited. After all Dartmouth is all I've ever wanted and all I've ever dreamed of… right?

_Wrong._

I'm Isabella Swan, though no one ever calls me that- it's always been just plain Bella. I'm 18 years old, and I live in a small rainy town that goes by the name of Fork's. But enough about me, there's not much more to tell. Everything in my life has always been about _him_, he's my whole life and my _everything_... only he doesn't know that yet.

I have been in love with Edward Masen since the day we met around 7 years ago. He's always assumed I'm one of his best friends, someone who he can turn to, or just have fun with or act stupid like friends do together. He's never known how I've always felt about him though- he's been oblivious to the fact that every night I've dreamt of him telling me that he loves me back, and that he's always felt the same. Unfortunately, being that he is also incredibly good looking as well as having a magnetic personality, other girls apart from me have also dreamt of being with him, and the horrible truth is some of them have and are.

Luckily for me just a couple of months ago, he announced he would be joining Alice and me in Dartmouth, despite having a long-term girlfriend named Tanya. Who luckily for me planned to go to a completely different college in Miami, approximately a thousand miles from Dartmouth give or take a few. He insisted that they could make the whole 'long distance' relationship thing work however, because he loves her.

It hurt to hear him say that back when he confessed to me about her, but I knew that deep down he didn't care as much for her as he let on. After all he was choosing his friends over his love, and as selfish as it seems I couldn't be gladder.

_As selfish as that sounded._

Traditionally in every school across America when graduation rolls around someone will throw a party to celebrate freedom and getting out of the 'hell holes', and although Forks high is small- it is no exception. Tonight, Alice is throwing one in her parents' house- with their agreement of course. And even though I insisted I didn't want to go- I have never really been one for parties - her and Edward finally convinced me to come, and despite my reluctance I was slightly grateful for that.

Anyway back to present, which was graduation. I was currently passing through the large crowd that had now formed, and knowing that I didn't have time to catch Alice, I just headed straight towards Edward. I eventually spotted him and began walking over, only to completely backtrack my steps when I noticed Tanya holding on to his arm.

"Hey, Bella!" he called waving, clearly spotting me.

I sighed, but forced a smile and waved before moving on; he looked confused for a second before Tanya said something, which caught his attention. I'm surprised he's never noticed that I avoid him when Tanya's around- it's just too painful to see them together… when they're doing things couples do. I can't bear it.

I made my way through the crowd and into the arms of my dad Charlie, who then insisted on taking me out for dinner- something that I couldn't refuse, after all he has always been there for me… I didn't want to deny him the happiness of his only child's graduation. Besides, we've only had eachother for years… 10 to be exact. Even since the day my mom, Renee ran away without even so much as a letter or a phonecall.

I've never really known my mom… I can barely even remember what she looks like now. But it had never mattered to be, because I had Charlie… that was all that I needed.

Dinner was fairly comfortable; Charlie and me were very alike after all, so got on very well all the time.

"So it's definitely Dartmouth you are going to, huh?" he asked me, in between eating fries.

I nodded my head, taking a sip of my lemonade- it tasted flat but still nice, "yeah, my minds set on it."

He nodded in thought, "...and your gunna be okay there?" he asked- and without much detail, I knew exactly what he meant.

"Yes, Edward and Alice also got accepted, granted they are not doing the same courses as me but hopefully Alice and I will get the shared dorm we requested," I explained to him.

"That's good, I'm glad you have them two. But isn't Edward going to Miami?" he asked confused.

That's right, everyone know each other's business in Forks- another negative point of living in such a small town.

"Where did you hear that?" I asked, confused… I knew that it wasn't true, after all Edward had said...

"From his parents earlier today. They told me he was going with his girlfriend- what's she called? Tara or something...?"

"Tanya, dad," I replied, "and that's not true, Edward told me so. I'm sure he just hasn't told his parents yet or something," I explained sincerely. After all I knew Edward wouldn't lie to me… he never had. Still, I knew that I would have to confirm that later...

The rest of dinner consisted of more small talk- I asked him more about how his friend Billy Black was doing, and he asked me about Alice, and I told him some more stuff about Dartmouth, and admittedly he was impressed by it all. Although I wasn't planning to leave for a while yet, I still shed some tears when Charlie admitted just how much he'll miss me- because the feeling is mutual… I know I'll miss him too.

When we got home, I went upstairs to get changed quickly for the party, sighing when I noticed Alice had been in my room yet again- the blue dress I had never seen before that was spread across my bed was a dead give-away. I lifted it up only to see a note in Alice's scrawl attached to the coat hanger.

_Wear this. This could be your chance to impress him. Alice x_

I sighed to myself, hating how obvious I must have seemed. She had known for the past couple of years about how I feel for Edward- I didn't tell her, she guessed just by the way I act. I always thought that I wasn't obvious around him but she insisted I was and still am.

The dress itself looked a little formal, but admittedly I loved it- it was just above knee length, so wasn't too long or too short. It was styled with a V-neck that didn't show too much cleavage. It was a deep blue and felt like silk, and was exactly the sort of dress I would pick- if I ever voluntarily went shopping that is. I made a little more effort, styling my curls as best I could, and adding a small amount of makeup also… despite all of this I still felt and looked plain though, and knew that I always would be.

*~*~*

I'm pretty sure that everyone in our senior year had turned up to this party- it already seemed to be in full swing by the time I got there.

"This is turning out so much better than I thought!" Alice grinned, bouncing up to me, full of energy as ever. I smiled and looked down at my best friend, noticing that she was wearing a dress similar to mine but in a light pink- it looked really great on her, as anything did.

"Yeah, looks like everyone turned up, plus this place looks great, good job Pixie." I smiled in response ruffling her spiky hair, feeling smug at my use of her old nickname.

"Ha-ha why thank you Bell-Bell," she laughed, also using my old nickname, curtsying jokingly. I only stuck my tongue out in response, laughing throughout.

She had managed to convince me to drink some alcohol that some people had somehow bought, obviously using fake ID. Admittedly it _was_ helping me relax, I moved onto my third vodka and coke, drinking through a straw- something that Alice smiled at for some reason. She herself only stuck to non-alcoholic sugary drinks; she was hyper all the time anyway, no need to be any more so.

Mike Newton took that moment to come and talk to us, telling us about his so-called sports scholarship, (or more like bragging about it.) Only I got distracted as my gaze landed on Edward- he had clearly just arrived as everyone was bombarding him, congratulating him on being Valedictorian. Luckily I saw no Tanya in sight, so I turned my attention fully on him, noticing was how gorgeous he was, and how beautiful his smile looked across his flawless face.

... They say alcohol makes you more confident and this was living proof, because it was in that moment- the one second where Edward's beautiful emerald green eyes met my own brown ones. And the following few seconds when he grinned his crooked smile for me… it was then that I decided I would tell him how I felt about him. I knew that even if he didn't feel the same way that I had to get it out of my system before I could really live my life, after all its now or never right?

"What are you thinking Bell?" Alice nudged me, breaking me out of my short epiphany.

I turned to her, feeling relieved to notice that Mike was gone- "I was thinking... it's time. To tell him… to tell Edward how I feel," I replied, smiling with little effort.

"Oh, Bella that's great! It's about time!" she laughed, pulling me into a hug.

I laughed also, "Yeah, I have delayed it a bit haven't I?"

She nodded, "Just a bit!" she said, ruffling my own hair, before pausing looking serious, oh no. "Just remember please Bella... Be prepared okay? He may not feel the same way remember, because he does have Tanya and all..." she warned me.

"I know, I know... I get that he doesn't feel the same... but I kind of know I just have to tell him now. So at least he'll finally know the truth and I can move on if I have to," I replied.

"Or so when he finally breaks up with Tanya he'll discover his true feelings for you and will already know you feel the same!" she squealed, enthusiastic. I had to laugh at her enthusiasm for a moment-although she drove me up the wall sometimes... I don't know what I would do without her.

"Alice, that'll never happen," I sighed, glancing back over in Edward's direction, surprised to see him heading towards us, effortlessly weaving through the crowds of drunk teenagers.

"I don't know... I have a feeling," she winked at me. I sighed again but still smiled at her, before quickly downing the rest of my drink. It didn't taste as strong as before, maybe it was because I'd already had a couple...

"Hey Edward!" Alice near on yelled as he stepped in front of us.

"Hey!" he said just as enthusiastic, before smiling apologetically. "Look I'm so sorry that I didn't come to you two before, it's just kind of crazy you know?" he sighed, running a hand through his already messy bronze hair.

"That doesn't matter Edward! We have you for all of 4 years remember? Dartmouth soon! Yay!" Alice replied, near on jumping up and down in her excitement- I didn't know whether it was for the party, graduation, or me finally being honest.

"Erm... yeah..." he said quietly, though he was cut off by Alice pulling us two into a group hug -she sure was strong when she wanted to be, despite being so tiny. And despite his surprise Edward responded by wrapping his own arms around us and holding us tight to him refusing to break his hold for a while.

Only when he did I knew it was time to talk, "Erm, Edward? Would it be okay to talk to you privately for a minute?" I asked him, cautiously taking a step back.

He nodded, "Sure," he said softly.

Alice smiled, "I'll see you two in a minute!" she said, and with that she bounded off, walking up to Angela and pulling her into a hug before Angela had even registered Alice's presence.

Edward and I laughed at her, before we both headed upstairs; and searched until we found an empty room… which coincidentally turned out to be Alice's one. I walked in first, and before I had time to turn around Edward had pulled me into a tight hug halting what I was going to say. Without any conversation he pressed his face into my hair breathing it in, and wrapped his arms around my back to press me close. Letting out a soft breath I wrapped my own around his neck and pulled him even closer.

_It was times like this that I could fool myself into believing that he might just feel the same for me. _

He eventually pulled away, but still stood close to me; "I've wanted to do that all day," he smiled softly, slowly brushing my now messed hair away from my face.

I smiled, feeling suddenly calm with his touch, and was beginning to figure out what to say, when he spoke first.

"I'm glad you wanted to talk Bella… I have something important to tell you," he said softly.

"Oh really...?" I asked, still smiling widely.

"Yeah," he nodded, "… I thought you should be the first to know," he replied.

"Yeah I should," I laughed. He nodded staying silent, "it's the same with what I have to tell you as well, but do me a favour please?" I asked, waiting for him to nod before saying- "Go first."

We both walked over to the pink sofa in the corner and sat down next to eachother. "Okay..." he sighed, facing me, lifting one of my hands in his. "Well, you know how I've been with Tanya for a while now?" he asked.

I nodded vigorously; eager for him to tell me already, the suspense was almost painful... for this could end up being the best moment of my life... I wish.

"And how I've always said I love her? Well, I realised something... clearly there must be something wrong seeing as she's going to Miami and I'm going to Dartmouth. That's a thousand miles apart! So I knew I had to change it… sort it out," he explained, hesitating.

I leaned closer, desperate to hear him say what I wish- that he'll leave her, because he doesn't love her, as he's realised he's in love... with me.

_Three words, Edward… eight letters… say them… and I'm yours. _

Only then, everything changed, as I knew it would- only not at all the way I hoped. This was the way my nightmares tended to go.

"So I've decided... that I'll be going with her Bella, I'm going to Miami!" he smiled at me, not seeming to notice my expression had turned from being hopeful to horrified.

"...After all I love her and there's no reason to be apart, she also made a suggestion... and... we're engaged Bella." He told me softly.

...I _should_ have known.

As I took in his words, the air suddenly felt thick- I felt like I couldn't breathe, and my chest began hurting… like it was breaking into pieces. It was like shards of glass had splintered into my heart. And that was when the tears rolled warm and fast down my cheeks.

He won't ever love me back, _will he?_

Should I bet against Alice, or not?


	2. Emotions and goodbye

**A/N- Hey, so thanks for the lovely reviews, and of course the alerts and favourites! It's really appreciated!**

**Hope you like this chapter… and don't judge Bella for the choices she makes. Please let me know what you think! I loved writing this chapter, so hopefully with encouragement I can really get working on this story!**

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_(Song for the chapter- Starts with goodbye- Carrie Underwood)_

"_I was sitting on my doorstep,  
__I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,  
__But I knew I had to do it,  
__And he wouldn't understand.  
__So hard to see myself without him,  
__I felt a piece of my heart break,  
__But when you're standing at a crossroad,  
__There's a choice you gotta make. _

_I guess it's gonna have to hurt,  
__I guess I'm gonna have to cry,  
__And let go of some things I've loved,  
__To get to the other side.  
__I guess it's gonna break me down,  
__Like falling when you're trying to fly,  
__It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,  
__Starts with goodbye. _

_I know there's a blue horizon,  
__Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,  
__Getting there means leaving things behind,  
__Sometimes life's so bitter sweet."_

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**A thousand miles**

**Chapter two: Emotions and goodbye**

I felt like I wasn't attached to my body anymore, I was aware that I was talking, but I didn't know what I was saying. I moved on from Edward mumbling something about him getting the chance to talk to others before running out of there. I was sure that he must have noticed my change in behaviour… but I didn't care. I didn't really pay much attention to him from that moment.

Because I knew it would have killed me to see him and Tanya together now, if I thought it hurt before- I knew that now it would feel like pure agony.

I moved through the crowds of partygoers like a zombie, making my way through groups of people. I didn't care when I shoved into them; broke couples apart, hit my old classmates... I didn't care anymore about anything apart from getting to the drink table. When I made it there, I poured myself a full cup of drink- I didn't even know what kind it was. It burned my throat and made my eyes water, but I poured another and swallowed it again in one go.

"Bella...? Bella!"

I turned around to see Alice behind me, her dark eyes wide with worry. They flicked between my face and the drink clutched in my trembling hand, before she put two and two together.

"What happened?" she sighed, her voice breaking as she continued to watch my face expression.

I could only shake my head and try to smile but a traitor tear ran down my cheek giving me away easily. She gasped as she saw it, "it didn't go well, did it?" she said sadly.

I laughed humourlessly, "To be honest Ali, I don't think it could have gone any worse," I responded, my voice dry, as I took another generous swig of my drink.

Alice snatched it out of my hand, an angry look on her face, "it couldn't be so bad that you need to drink yourself to death, could it?" she mumbled.

I glanced at her, running my hands quickly through my hair, pushing it back from my face, I let out a long breathy sigh, "to sum it up, I didn't tell him and I'm not going to. Because I now know for sure that he doesn't love me, and that he never will." I said, my voice slightly slurred now.

She shook her head again, and pulled me over to a sofa in the corner of the room, luckily it was quieter there, and there was no one around to eavesdrop on our conversation- like I was almost certain people were doing before.

"You don't know that for sure!" she groaned as she sat down beside me.

I nodded sadly as more tears made the way down my cheeks; they felt like they were burning against my cold face. I leaned over the arm of the chair and saw there was more full-to-the-brim cups of drink placed on the floor. Without thinking, I greedily drunk another- I swore Alice made a noise that sounded like growling when she saw it.

"I do though Alice," I finally said, "hasn't he told you yet?" I asked, putting on a fake smile. Over the other side of the room I could see Tanya surrounded by several guys from school, and girls like Lauren and Jessica. She was sticking her hand out proudly, and even from over here you could see the ring sparkle slightly in the dim party lights.

Truthfully I should be happy for them… I should be happy that Edward's happy, and that he's found his _'true love'_ so young and that he can spend his life with her. I should also be happy for Tanya that she's found the perfect guy. I should be there… congratulating the both of them, wishing them luck, spending my last couple of months enjoying the time I have left with Edward before Dartmouth... but I know what I will be doing instead.

"Told me what?!" Alice screeched in my ear, as she had been doing so for the past minute or two.

"Look," I said, pointing to Tanya. Alice glanced over, but by this point someone was standing in our view of her, Alice looked back at me confused.

I sighed, "he's marrying her Alice," I said quietly. Alice's eye's grew impossibly wide at this, and she was about to say something but I quickly continued- "just as I was about to tell him, he revealed that he's no longer coming to Dartmouth with us- he's going to Miami with Tanya, and that they've decided to get married." I explained in a rush, my voice slurring now even more than before.

"No... He... but he _promised_!" she shrieked, "but now, he's marrying... that blonde bimbo _slut_?! What's he thinking?!" she began screeching. I cut her off.

"Alice, it'll be okay… it's not Edward's fault. He loves her, that's all," I said, my voice final.

She sighed, turning to look back at me sadly, "But... what about you?" she said her voice a murmur.

I once again laughed without humour, "what about me?! It doesn't matter, I'll move on, I'll... forget, the human mind forgets things after a long while or forever apart remember?" I said, smiling as if I just told some funny joke.

Alice didn't ask the question I was expecting from her, she surprised me that she had picked up on the way I had worded the last part.

"What do you mean, forever apart?" Alice near on growled, her hands took mine tightly though they were shaking.

I held her hands tightly also, I glanced around the room to see Edward over the other side, he was watching us too, and he looked worried...? I almost took back what I was about to say but then what I saw next cut it off, Tanya seemed to appear out of thin air and quickly rushed to his side and wrapped her arms around his neck, grinning widely. He responded by wrapping his own arms around her back and leaning in to her, also smiling widely.

_That's it, decision made._

"I'm not staying here for the summer, Al. I'm going to Dartmouth early and staying with Charlie's sister for a while and working throughout it… I just can't stay here and see him with her everyday... I'll give it away, and things will be ruined between us, and I can't do that," I explained quickly.

She nodded, "but you said forever? What, are you never going to see him again? Because won't that be obvious anyway that you've suddenly disappeared from his life?" she questioned me.

I shook my head, "I'll make some sort of excuse, he'll have Tanya anyway and soon he would have forgotten… besides I _will_ come and see him again, once I know for certain that I've moved on," I replied.

"But you said 'or forever apart'?" she repeated, "so do you really think there's the possibility that you'll never move on, and never see him again?!" she nearly shrieked.

I just nodded weakly, "I'm sorry. I know you probably think I'm weak for acting like this but..."

"No, no!" she cut me off, "You are NOT weak… and this… is _understandable_! But I just, I don't see how this is going to work Bells, you know you really can't cut him out, that's just... wrong," she murmured as she pulled me into a tight hug. I rested my head on her shoulder.

"No, there's no way I will cut him out, there's still emailing, and phones... I will still talk to him, and be happy for him," I said, whilst closing my eyes, feeling sleepy suddenly.

I felt her nod, "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you, B, but it'll be okay. Once we get to college, there will be distractions, and after time, things will look better, I promise," she said soothingly.

"Thank you," I replied, sighing.

"So when are you going?" she asked, conversationally.

"The day after tomorrow," I said simply.

"So soon?!" she asked surprised.

I nodded. "It was my back up option from the beginning, I planned to tell him tonight for a while now, and the plan to go to Dartmouth to spend a summer alone was my plan in case things went... like this," I said, drifting even closer to falling asleep. Alice must have noticed that, because she didn't argue, she just climbed off the sofa and let me lay across it.

"Sleep Bells, we can figure this out more in the morning or something," she said quietly. I nodded, now so close to being asleep that I couldn't form an answer completely.

I was pretty sure I was in fact dreaming when I heard the angels voice, "Alice, please tell me what's wrong," he pleaded; I felt pain knowing he was hurting somehow.

"Not now, Edward." She growled in response.

The angel moved closer, I felt him brushing my hair back from my face and touching my forehead lightly. "Why was she drinking?" he said, he sounded mad, but there was also worry etched in his voice.

"You already know why," she said, still in that same angry tone.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his hands still running through my hair.

She sighed, seeming to debate something with herself, "you... y-you didn't tell us you wouldn't be coming with us?! How could you, it's ruined our plans we've been making for such a long time now!" she nearly yelled.

"I thought you wouldn't mind! I mean you have each other, and we still have months of the summer before we all go..." the angel sighed.

"Ha, that is where you're wrong dearest lying best friend of ours! Because Bella is going away for the summer, and guess what? I'll be going with her!"

Wow, that was new information to me. I mean, of course I would love her to come, she is my best friend after all, and I also know that my aunt won't mind, but I felt immensely guilty...

"What do you mean you're going away?! When are you coming back?" he said, his voice now much more angry.

"Oh, I don't know, Christmas break, maybe? Or perhaps when college is over, I don't know..." she said carelessly.

The angel was silent.

"Sorry, we thought you wouldn't mind. After all, you do have Tanya, your _fiancée_, which by the way, you also forgot to tell me..." she continued before I finally drifted completely to sleep, and didn't dream at all from then on.

*~*~*

When I woke up, I found that what Alice words weren't just a device to hurt Edward… she really was insistent on coming with me. I felt guilty about it and told her so, but she only said she would be far more bored here in rainy Forks without her friend for the summer. She also said she felt excited at the prospect of a _'road trip and a great adventure'_ or something like that.

Sure... because living with my aunt and getting summer jobs really did equal _'the great escape'_ standards didn't it?

Anyway, we were all packed and ready to go, driving my truck there so we had some sort of motor vehicle to use at college. The following morning after the party along with having a killer headache, I noticed Edward wasn't anywhere in sight. Alice told me he had left with Tanya after I had fallen asleep and I felt my heart sink even more.

He hadn't contacted me in the past two days, nor Alice. Maybe it was easier, but already it hurt to not hear his voice. Charlie was happy that I would be staying with Aunt Sarah- he knew that visits were easier for him that way, even when college did start two months from now.

Alice and I climbed into the truck after saying goodbye to each of our parents, and were ready for our _'adventure'._

I was finally ready to go when I heard _his_ voice-

"Wait!"

Both Alice and I turned to look out the back window to see Edward running towards us; his Volvo was parked behind the truck. We both climbed out, knowing that we couldn't avoid talking to him now.

"Edward, we have to go soon," Alice sighed, saying that sentence with reluctance.

"I know, and believe me, I'm not coming to tell you to stay or beg for you to not leave. Even if I don't understand why on Earth your doing this..." he said in a rush, before he took a deep breath and said his next words slower- "I just knew I couldn't let you leave without saying goodbye," he said, looking between both of us. I felt my eyes stinging already.

Without any further notice he pulled us both in for hugs at the same time, "I'll miss you both so much," he said into our hair.

"We'll miss you too," Alice and I said, our voices betraying our emotions.

He reluctantly pulled away, and wiped his eyes, as if he also was wiping away the stray tears. "You'll call me right? When you get there?" he asked.

We nodded - Alice more then I - he smiled at the reassurance, "good, because this isn't the end for us three! You're my best friends and I'm planning on making sure it stays that way!" he said simply, forcing a smile.

"You'll always be our best friend," Alice replied, "but... we have to go now," she told him quietly, giving him a kiss on the cheek, and a short but sweet hug of her own. She turned away from him and wiped at her eyes before climbing in the truck. I knew she wasn't as sad as I was because she was going to see him again, soon. But I knew that this most likely would be the last time I would see Edward, for a very long time indeed.

"See you," I murmured simply, as another tear made its way down my cheek. As I turned to walk away though he surprised me, as he pulled me into another hug, he hugged me tighter than ever before, and unknowingly, I clutched myself to him, afraid to let go.

However, things must come to an end, and he loosened his grip, placing a sweet kiss on my cheek as he did so. "See you," he said, repeating my own words back to me. I smiled, letting the image and beauty of him imbed themselves into my memory before I had to turn away.

I climbed in the truck and along with Alice turned to wave Edward goodbye, as we also waved goodbye to our old lives.

It was only when we got out of sight that I really did cry, Alice made me pull over and I spend the next few minutes letting it all out, before I was able to continue. I suddenly felt a lot better.

Because in that moment – call it an epiphany or something - but I realised that things might just get better, and that maybe someday, I could come home again.


	3. Friends and phone calls

**A/N- Hey! So thanks for the reviews, and alerts and faves! Really appreciated! :)**

**Just to say, hoping all Americans, Canadians etc.. enjoyed the movie, thats if you watched it this weekend! Sighh, im jealous, still 26 days for here.. but heck, its made so much money, and yay for New moon being official! Now i cannot wait for that movie! :D**

**Anyway chapter 3... remember, time jump so from June to September, there may be mistakes with facts like with colleges and stuff.. but im not from America and have tried to put it all in, so... sorry if bits are wrong, but i tried really hard! **

**Anyway if you like it please REVIEW! .. theres now 13 people who have this on alerts/faves, and 3 reviews for the last chap?! Hmm how about a deal.. lets say everyone who reviews gets an Edward.. okay, I cant promise that... haha, if i could though would it mean more reviews because i can try.. ha. Well if you do review you'll get a very happy me :) I know, thats not good...**

* * *

_Previously_

_I climbed in the truck and along with Alice turned to wave Edward goodbye, as we also waved goodbye to our old lives._

_It was only when we got out of sight that I really did cry, Alice made me pull over and I spend the next few minutes letting it all out, before I was able to continue. I suddenly felt a lot better._

_Because in that moment –call it an epiphany or something- but I realised that things might just get better, and that maybe someday, I could come home again._

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter three: Friends and phone calls**

The summer was everything I hoped it would be; it got me away from what I hoped it would and I finally felt happy again... well, most of the time that is.

On one hand living away from Fork's was a release- the summer flew by with Alice and I managing to get temporary jobs together, alongside that we had met a few great friends (mainly thanks to Alice's socialising abilities), and so we had some enjoyable times hanging out with them. Rosalie Hale was our best girl friend who after meeting Alice immediately clicked with over the 'fun' discussion of shopping, there was also Seth Clearwater and his sister Leah, who was a sophomore now at Dartmouth whilst Seth was our age. They were fun to watch together with the crazy arguments they get into. And there was also the couple Emily and Sam, however out of our new friends I got on the best with a guy called Jacob Black, he and I were very close and he felt like a brother to me now. He had grown up not far from here, and like the others- he would be starting college in the fall with us.

So the friendship part was fine, there was no worry needed for that with college starting soon. And in terms of family, luckily Charlie was able to come and visit for a week -it was _very_ interesting to see the differences between him and Aunt Sarah, you wouldn't even believe they were siblings. And he would be coming down again for my birthday in a few weeks so it didn't feel that bad leaving him behind.

Hanover was a very interesting town as well; it suited me more than Forks being that there was actually some sunshine here. A couple of times we all made sure to take trips down the beach, one time was disastrous and left us all hiding out in the van to escape the storm, but it was fun nonetheless.

Everything was great, normal, and happy. Well, almost everything.

Despite having my new friends, a great job, living in a nice town and having good college prospects.

I missed _him._

The day that we arrived in Hanover, Alice rung him sticking to our previous promise to him that we would ring when we arrived. She ended up in a detailed conversation with him about the area and how things were, whilst I hid away after barely speaking to him previously.

To start with, he rang us regularly, Alice would always be the one to talk, I did try one time... but then I heard Tanya in the background talking about wedding dates, and I quickly slammed the phone down. It was painful to hear his voice after that, so every time I made sure to have an excuse when he rang.

Instead we emailed, well he did. Hearing his detailed descriptions of the most random things would always have me in tears of laughter, he would always write pages, much more then I could get out. He sometimes wrote really detailed ones, this was easy, I had found my solution to this, that I could still actually keep contact with him even if it wasn't the most personal way. Everything was good for a couple of weeks but then that all changed- for he then began talking about the wedding.

Including that one awful email, which stopped my happy thought that I actually could still talk to him.

It went something like this...

"_Guess what Bells? We've finally set a date! This December, on the 19th, kind of a 'Christmas' theme to it, it was Tanya's idea. Only 3 and a half months now, thought you should be the first to know. You'll be there right?" _

To that email I was even less enthusiastic in my reply compared to my other meaningless ones, simply saying that _'I would try my best' _to be there.

But after that point, I didn't read his emails anymore. And after just a couple of weeks around late July time- he stopped sending them. It's a month later now, and it's painful to think I haven't heard his voice in so long. I doubted it was bothering him though- the absence that is. But there and again why should it? He has his beautiful fiancée and his wedding approaching... I'm not trying to sound bitter, really. I'm happy for him, in one way this distance is helping- simply because I don't have to see them together and act to his face that I'm okay. It hurts that I'm not going to see him again, a lot... but not nearly as much as it would hurt to see him stand at the front of that aisle, confessing his undying love and ultimately marrying Tanya.

It seems like its whenever I'm alone that Edward's absence bothers me the most, when I'm around the others its different. It's like the thoughts of not being loved in return are pushed to the back of my mind and all I think is how grateful I am to know these crazy, fun people I now have in my life.

And I couldn't be more glad that college was starting, and that today we were moving into the college campus- I know once the classes begin I will be even busier and that it will be even easier to finally get over this. However, it's weird to think that Edward's is in Miami now.

A thousand miles away.

So far apart now, from someone that I'm certain that he is the love of my life, and always will be. Sadly it will never be the same for him...

Argh, need to stop thinking things like that! I'm so pathetic.

"Bella?!"

I blinked out of my daze- my debating whether I was pathetic or not- to see three pairs of curious eyes staring at me. Rosalie was across the room, looking at me confused, Alice just a few feet away on the other sofa looking speculative, and Jacob who was sitting beside me was looking at me, he looked the most worried.

"Huh?" I finally said, blinking rapidly.

Rosalie laughed, "Glad we finally got you back!" she said gently, before she turned back to her bags organising whatever was in them.

"Oh, was I daydreaming again?" I replied, smiling as lightly as I could.

"More like in a trance this time..." Alice mused, still looking at me as if analysing my expression.

"Hmm..." I just sighed in response.

Jacob luckily for me laughed, "So anyway are you girls ready yet?" he asked, referring to whether we were fully packed. I nodded, as did Alice.

"I will be, just give me one more minute!" Rosalie said softly as she tried to get the suitcase zipped up fully. She finally gave up realising it wasn't going to go with just her effort. We all just watched her amused.

"A little help would be nice you know..." she sighed exasperated, throwing her hands in the air, which made us all laugh.

Jacob lightly squeezed me on the shoulder before getting up to help her. I rested my head against the couch relaxed now, watching my friends happily.

We were still at Aunt Sarah's; Rosalie had been staying here for the past week with us as well, after her parents moved too far away for her liking. After making a special request and with help from Rosalie's brother Jasper –whom we were still yet to meet- we have actually managed to get a room which the three of us can share at college. Which to be honest was a relief, I don't think I would be able to handle it if I ended up with a awful random roommate.

There was a knock at the door and Alice quickly jumped up to get it, we heard her talking to whoever it was, and she sounded... excited? Rosalie, Jacob and I all gave each other curious looks. Not one minute later Alice walked – or rather skipped in – she was followed by an attractive man, he was tall, blonde, and looked to be around 20 years old... at a guess. I noticed Alice couldn't keep her eyes off of him.

Before I could turn to ask her who it was, Rosalie suddenly squealed, and jumped up to hug him tightly. Exclaiming loudly- "I've missed you Jasper!"

Well, that answers my unspoken question then. Rosalie did comment earlier that we was coming back from his vacation today, she just failed to mention that he was coming here.

Rosalie broke away and turned to face us, "Everyone this is my brother Jasper, Jasper this is Alice, Bella and Jacob, you know who I mentioned?" she said excitedly, pointing each of us out as she said our names.

He nodded, "I remember" he replied to her, before looking up to face us, "it's a pleasure to meet you" he said formally yet kindly, a slight genuine smile on his face.

After more light conversation, we packed as many of our bags into the van Jasper had rented, and were ready to go. We all waited in the living room for Sarah to come back from work so we could say goodbye, although I would be seeing her by the weekend anyway, but still, it was only polite to.

Alice was deep in conversation with Jasper- she looked a little flustered, using her hands to describe everything she was saying, something she only did when she was nervous. Rosalie was giggling over the phone; I mouthed _who's that? _To her, in reference to whom she was talking to.

She smiled and covered the mouth piece, "James, my boyfriend" she said almost shyly, before she returned to the phone call.

"_Boyfriend?" _Jacob and I mouthed to each other confused; she sure did fail to mention that...

For no apparent reason Jacob and I began laughing, I felt really excited and happy, the way I did when I wasn't alone... maybe things were going to go well...

_Riiiing._

My thoughts were cut off by the ringing of the phone, without thinking I walked quickly to it, and I picked it up still smiling, certain that it would be Charlie or Sarah, or maybe a friend...

"Hello?" I said softly.

"Bella...?" – _his_ voice questioned, I froze. I hadn't heard it in over a month but I would recognize it anywhere. Even if it was years I hadn't heard it and not weeks I would still know that beautiful velvety texture of it anywhere.

"E-Edward...?" I whispered, in shock. I saw Alice's head suddenly snap up from her conversation, as she stared right at me, she was the only one who knew about Edward, of course.

I heard him sigh softly, in relief? "Yeah, Wow, it's been so long since we've talked! How have you been?" he asked.

Geez, was he really that clueless? Feeling Alice's stare on me, I stepped outside the room, grateful at that moment that the phone wasn't attached to a wire which would have restricted me from this.

"I've been... okay" I said hesitantly, but then suddenly thought of a better idea- to not let him know how much I was missing him, as he was clearly not on the same wave length, "Actually, it's all been great!" I said, making my voice sound brighter.

"Really? That's good! So it's nice there then?" he also said brightly.

I decided to continue while I was ahead, "Yeah, Hanover's a really great town, and the college itself is amazing, me and Alice have met some really nice people here as well" I explained quickly.

"Like who?" he said, his voice now quieter.

"Like... friends?" I laughed, as if it was the most obvious thing ever "Well, you could call them best friends really" I murmured, thinking of Rose and Jake especially at that point.

"That's good" he replied, sounding sadder, I couldn't think what to say, that he would always be my best ever friend, not them?

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out, because it was a lie. It didn't even feel like I knew him now.

"Y-yeah" I sighed out, my voice cracking slightly.

"I miss you Bella" he said gently, I froze in spot, "Really, I am" he continued, "I feel like I've lost my best friend..."

_Best friend_. Another stab at my chest. He didn't even know, I hated that he was so clueless, but at the same time, I'm glad he will never know about how I feel.

I opened my mouth to tell him I missed my best friend also, a lie of course- he wasn't my best friend, but so much more- yet this was a lie I could handle though, I think.

"Edward, I-" I began, but stopped as the front door suddenly swung open to reveal Aunt Sarah with a wide smile on her face.

"Bella, hi!" she said loudly, I waved quickly in response.

"Bella...?" Edward questioned softly over the phone still, probably wondering why I had stopped mid sentence.

I sighed, "Edward, I have to go. Do me a favour please? Do not call this number again, I won't be living in this house but the college instead" I said, my voice now distant.

"Okay no problem" he replied, I was ready to hang up but he spoke again "but wait!" he suddenly gasped, "I don't have your new cell number or your college one" he informed me.

I sighed and yet again, felt the tears running down my cheeks, why did he always have to do this to me? So unknowingly as well?

"I know" I replied, "I-I have to go... goodbye Edward" I whispered into the phone.

"Wait, Bella?!"I heard him say as I reached for the 'end call' button. And then, his voice disappeared... he was gone.

I didn't have his dorm's phone number either, he didn't have mine. Maybe he had Alice's mobile number, hopefully for her sake. But he actually couldn't contact me again, ever.

I don't know whether that thought made me happy or not maybe it would sink in later, but for now, I just felt numb.

I walked back into the front room, where everyone was gathered now, standing. They all turned to look at me enter and probably saw the couple of tears running down my cheeks, because in the next instant I was in Jacobs arms, him holding me tightly, I held him back, needing the comfort which he could give.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked from across the room, I looked around away from Jacob to see her looking concerned. I nodded, "I will be now" I replied, she nodded in understanding, before focusing her gaze on the floorboards.

* * *

"I'll see you soon" I murmured into Sarah's hair as I hugged her tightly, luckily she was one person I didn't have to reach up to hug, I think I somehow inherited my 5 foot 4 height from her judging by how we were both the same height.

"Yeah, you will!" she said softly, "have a brilliant time Bella" she continued, speaking sincerely, "...you deserve it"

"Thank you" I whispered as I broke away looking at her, "I mean it, for everything, for letting me stay, and Alice too! I... really am so grateful" I said gently yet sincerely.

"It was no problem! If anything I should thank you for the company!" she laughed, "now, go! Your friends are waiting!" she urged, pushing me gently out the door. I laughed also as I made my way to the van.

As we pulled away I turned to wave again to Sarah before the house faded into the distance, another new beginning huh?

* * *

It surprisingly didn't take as long as I thought it would for us to get all our belongings up from the van and into the apartment, soon we were unpacking, and gradually as our possessions were out- our pictures, books and stuff, it felt a lot more comfortable here, somewhere that I knew I would be more than happy to live in.

Jacob and Jasper left after lifting our stuff in, having their own apartments to move into, leaving just us three for the time being.

I noticed that it was just before Jasper left, that he and her were whispering to each other, I saw her nodding eagerly, and as he laughed in response to whatever she was so enthusiastic about.

The three of us hung out for the afternoon, sitting comfortably watching some _friends _box sets we shared, we were all laughing hysterically at the part with Ross with the crazy cat on his head on the balcony, when Rosalie suddenly gasped as she looked at her watch.

"I'm going to be late!" she shrieked and ran out of the room, oh, that's right- she has a date with her boyfriend later, she hadn't told us anything about him when we had questioned her earlier no matter how much we begged, however she did promise we would meet him soon, and insisted that apparently we would love him.

Now it was just me and Alice sitting on the couch, I was ready for her questioning about the phone call earlier, but to my surprise it never came, instead she looked guilty.

"What's wrong?" I asked cautiously, she just shook her head.

"Nothing, why are you asking?" she asked in response.

"Oh I don't know, maybe because judging from your face expression, you look as guilty as if you committed a crime..." I teased, before hitting her leg playfully, "come on Al, what is it?" I asked her softly.

"It's just... I have a date also later, with Jasper" she admitted quickly.

"That's great!" I replied enthusiastically, "so why the guilty expression?" I asked her confused.

"Because I do feel guilty! This is our first night here, and both me and Rose are leaving you here alone! Will you be okay, should I cancel?" she said somewhat in a rush.

"NO!" I said loudly, "No freaking way! You do not need to worry about me, I'll be fine, I'll call Jake or something, just please go, have a great time" I said, my voice growing softer yet still stern to show her I was serious.

"Only if you're sure..." she said quietly, still hesitant.

"YES!" I near on yelled, "Now go and look beautiful!" I said, hitting her leg again, she squealed and ran out of the room pick her outfit.

They both felt guilty about going, but when the time came for them to leave, I pretty much pushed them out the door, feeling guilty myself that Alice especially considered cancelling her date. I couldn't hold them back, I never would.

I hugged them both quickly, and then they walked off, both sneaking glances back at me, I waved eagerly to show them I was okay. They seemed to accept my smile and expression because they also went smiling and looking excited.

Once alone, I threw myself back onto the sofa and flicked through the TV channels, finding nothing on. I groaned, before glancing towards the phone.

Guilt crept up me yet again hitting me like bricks. So maybe I shouldn't have hung up so abruptly... after all I didn't even attempt any kind of explanation. He would most likely be very angry at me now... and the mere thought of that made me feel ill.

Without thinking, I ran to the phone quickly, ready to ring his parents, surely they would have his apartment number right? I had the phone placed by my ear, and was ready to dial... but somehow I couldn't will my hand to move.

I couldn't do it. I was a coward and always will be.

And now as the mere thought of being alone tonight began to drag me under, I knew I had to change that.

And so I tried again, instead not ringing the family of Edward, making sure that I wouldn't speak to my secret love, and ultimately killing our friendship for him as well as for me. No, Instead I rang who I relied on far too much these days, who maybe needed an explanation for my weird behaviour earlier.

I smiled as Jacob finally picked up the phone on the other end.

* * *

**A/N- Okay so before BJ fans/haters ask, this is NOT, I repeat NOT a BJ story! I like their friendship in the books, you know from twilight//early new moon, and love reading fics where they're friends, and thats all they'll be in this. Jacob will play a big part, but not in a romance, someone else might though... and who says it'll be Edward yet? ;)**

**Anyway review and the next chapter will be SOON!! :D**


	4. Memories and sitcoms

**A/N- Hey, thanks to those who reviewed! Thanks to- caww, Hersheybear, oh-my-edward, jaspers lil pixie (awesome name btw ;D), and LolaluvsEdward and NatSatOnTheMat, so appreciated! Plus 16 favourites and 24 alerts, verrrry nice ;)) **

**Anyway on to chapter fourrrrr, finally! Please review, it will be like an Early Christmas, (no exaggeration), and if so I'll get the next one out before Christmas!**

**Btw, I do know when Edward's birthday is- 20th June, but it fits better that he isn't the youngest in the year in this story and is instead only slightly younger then Bella by only a week. So that's why I've changed it :]**

**Also, 4 DAYS TILL I CAN SEE THE MOVIE! OME, I can't wait! :D**

* * *

_Previously..._

_And so I tried again, instead not ringing the family of Edward, making sure that I wouldn't speak to my secret love, and ultimately killing our friendship for him as well as for me. No, Instead I rang whom I relied on far too much these days, who maybe needed an explanation for my weird behaviour earlier._

_I smiled as Jacob finally picked up the phone on the other end._

* * *

**A Thousand Miles**

**Chapter four: Memories and Sitcoms**

Being friends with Jacob was easy, effortless, like breathing- our friendship was different then mine and Alice's for instance, not deeper, just more brotherly, like Jacob was the fun big brother I had always wanted. I called him 'my own personal sunshine' simply because I felt so much lighter when he was around.

Let's say metaphorically if I was having a bad day missing Edward particularly it would feel like it was raining and I was trapped underneath the dark, depressing clouds, feeling nothing but depression and admittedly sorrow for myself. However whenever Jacob comes along things always get so much better- Edward would never leave the back of mind but I was still happier, so in relation to the sky- the sun would now be there in the centre of the sky, but the clouds would be aligning it. They would occasionally coming across the front of the sun, blocking the rays for a moment or so before the sun made its appearance once more, allowing me to smile again until the next time the clouds attacked.

Okay, so enough of the sun and clouds analogy- though it does seem like a pretty good and fitting example- and on to the present.

Jacob didn't ask any questions when I asked if he could come over, instead he just insisted that he would be here in 15 minutes once he had found his way, and so I relaxed and waited calmly, all the time focusing on not thinking of _him._

This endless thinking and yearning of Edward was going to stop soon, right?

Lately I had taken to dreaming of the old days, back from when him, Alice and I were aged eight up and to eighteen. These weren't sad or bittersweet, they were just happy, they made me know that things certainly were getting easier and that soon I will just be able to think of Edward and feel happy because of the times we did have instead of alone because I didn't have him now.

There was one memory that kept coming up however, my seventeenth…

--

_It was officially the one and only September the 13__th__. This day stood out more then the rest for it was my most hated day of the year, and also my favourite._

_For one thing, being seventeen does sound like a nice thought, its another step closer to adulthood after all. I always joked with people that if I could ever stay one age for eternity that it would be seventeen, being this age forever sounded like a beautiful thought, wishful thinking, Edward did agree though, imagine that- being a teenager with Edward forever, impossible but incredible, just the mere thought. _

_The day itself also means a day of people being intentionally nice, buying nice gifts, giving constant attention- now that's the part I really dislike. And because according to Alice it was one of the most important birthdays ill have -'my super seventeenth' she called it – I know that being Alice, she'll have plenty prepared for today, which I hate._

_But here's the reason why it's my favourite though- no matter how selfish it sounds, is because I'll have Edward's undivided attention. That's one of our traditions as friends, back when we were eight he insisted on treating me like 'the princess I am' on this day and that tradition has never wavered. So that's the reason why I believe today will be a good day, because in this day it felt like Edward was all my own. _

_I hurried to get dressed, glancing at the clock every 5 minutes, the time continued to pass, although it was going slow it was reassuring to know that no matter what- time does still pass. _

_Typically I had to go to school today, as I do every year, at least it made the day feel more normal. I near on skipped downstairs and into the kitchen. Unfortunately Charlie had already left, but that also was tradition- we celebrated my birthday together in the evening when I was back from hanging out with Alice and Edward. _

_It was disheartening to see that the sky was covered in dark grey clouds, they didn't look lasting though, the sun looked ready to break through some thin ones._

_It was a rarity to hear the knock at the door signalling someone was here to meet me- I normally drove myself. I ran to the door eagerly trying not to feel stupid for getting too excited. I flung the door open to reveal the beautiful still sixteen year old Edward, (he was younger by a week exactly- September 20__th__.) Every time I saw it I couldn't help but be struck by his perfection, I just hoped he didn't notice how I always seemed to react when I was near him, I must have looked incompetent at times. _

_I smiled and slung my bag over my shoulder stepping out of the front door to stand beside him pulling the door shut behind me. However before the door had even completely swung shut he pulled me into a tight hug, pressing his face into my hair and breathing in deeply as he did so- he had always said he liked the smell of it, thinking of that always made me blush._

_"Happy birthday Bella" he whispered softly into my ear._

"_Thanks" I replied also softly in response. _

_We broke apart, and he smiled gently at me, and we began walking towards the Volvo parked by the curb by the road._

"_So how does it feel being old? Got your reservations at the care home sorted yet?" he asked lightly- I loved it when he was in these moods, he seemed so serious and brooding a lot of the time. Don't get me wrong, I love every version of him, but the fun light-hearted Edward would always be my favourite. _

"_Not yet, they wouldn't take me in- something about my clumsiness being a risk to the other elders" I joked, he smiled at my joke and laughed quietly, but after we had climbed into the Volvo he frowned and looked deep in thought. "What's wrong?" I asked quietly, "Wake up on the wrong side of the crib this morning?" I attempted to joke._

_It worked- he laughed that relieved me slightly but that relief ended as he didn't reply. _

"_Bella? Is it okay if I give you your present after school?" he asked quietly when we were both seated and he was starting up the engine. _

_I groaned loudly- eww, presents. His lips twitched, he knew my hatred for having money spent on me. "…Well?" he asked finally, raising a perfect eyebrow as he spoke. _

"_Yes, that's fine" I nearly growled out, I couldn't fight the smile from forming over my face though- I just felt blissful. He noticed and that also made him grin in response. _

_Fork's high school still looked the same as ever though I wasn't expecting any different, Edward slid the Volvo into its usual spot effortlessly. The right spot was empty as my truck remained on the driveway back at home. _

_Alice was already waiting, jumping up and down in anticipation, and I sighed quietly before climbing out to meet my doom. _

"_Happy Birthdayyyyy!" Alice screeched as she ran to me, she jumped into my arms making me stagger slightly with shock. Maybe I should have expected it though, she did tend to overreact on certain occasions, apparently any of my birthdays were included in this list. _

"_Erm, thanks?" I asked quietly after she broke apart and stood in front of me, Edward only laughed as he walked around the car to stand by us. He lightly placed an arm around my shoulders, in a friendly way unfortunately. _

_Alice just smiled wider as she watched that simple action, she cleared her throat quietly, "so, feeling old yet?" she asked quietly but as if she was amused. _

"_I'm beginning too" I muttered dryly, glancing at Edward quickly- he just stood staring across the car park though, at what I didn't care to look. _

"_So, do you want to hear about my plans for this afternoon?" Alice asked excitedly, I only groaned but this somehow seemed to encourage her. "Good!" she laughed, "Because this is going to be your best birthday yet-" _

"_Edward!" a voice called across the parking lot, effectively cutting off Alice mid conversation. Alice and I both glanced over to where the voice was coming from, only to see some tall blonde running towards us- towards Edward. _

"…_Tanya" Edward replied, though less enthusiastic, he did however drop his arm from my shoulder and pull her into an embrace when she reached him. Alice and I blinked in shock, she only shook her head telling me she didn't understand who and what this was when I looked up at her. _

_They broke apart, but their hands remained clasped, their fingers intertwined. Oh no… _

_Tanya only smiled at us widely, looking almost… smug?_

_She turned to Edward, "well, aren't you going to introduce me?" she asked softly, her voice seeming too high pitched to match her features, well, so I thought… _

_Edward didn't. He only smiled lovingly at her as if she was his own sunshine... and everything was better now she was beside him. _

"_Of course" he finally replied, "Tanya- these are my best friends Alice and Bella" he explained, smiling softly at us as he pointed us out, Tanya also smiled- it seemed like her smile was more genuine to Alice though. _

"_And Bella, Alice…" Edward continued, "this is my girlfriend Tanya" _

_And that's where it began, the 'epic' love story of Edward and Tanya, she had to come to hang out with us after school. She dominated all of Edward's attention at his seventeenth… and that's when I should have known what was going to happen._

_-- _

I was bought back to the present by a knock at the door, I jumped up knowing it was Jacob, glancing at the clock confirmed he had only taken 12 minutes to get here. Unfortunately in them 12 minutes I yet again thought only about _him._ Something I promised I wouldn't do.

I opened the door to a grinning Jacob; I smiled warmly in response, and felt lighter again, like it was easier to smile or to breathe even.

We spent an hour or so just relaxing and watching _scrubs _– I seriously needed to find something else to watch apart from comedies and sitcoms – and there was only light-hearted conversation as we laughed at the characters antics.

It was only when he paused the DVD that things ever felt slightly uncomfortable. He turned to me looking more serious then before, but he didn't look accusing, at least that was something…

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked- admittedly, I was expecting him to ask something a bit more difficult to answer, this question surprised me.

"I'm fine" I shrugged, even managing a smile effortlessly to prove my point.

He nodded, though he now looked contemplating. "…And earlier? Back at your aunt's?" he asked again, clearly referring to after my phone call.

Normally Jacob wasn't the type to know other people's business, he must have been really eager to know this; he didn't like to come across as the prying type.

"F-fine" I replied quietly.

He raised an eyebrow, this time it was definitely accusing though.

I sighed, "it was just an old friend I haven't seen in a while" I replied, half-lying as I explained this, "it just made me sad I guess" I shrugged.

He still looked as if he didn't completely believe me, "that's all?" he asked slowly.

"That's all" I murmured the words back, making them sound as believable as possible, "I guess I'm just prone to overreaction really" I said, well that part was true, just not in this case though. But it was in fact a habit I had picked up from _him. _

Jacob smiled slightly, before reached to take my hand in one of his, I loved how warm his were. It felt… protective.

"Okay" he breathed, "but Bells? Just so you know, if you ever want to tell me anything, you can, I can be a good listener" he grinned, flashing his teeth.

I smiled genuinely, "I know. And thanks Jake, it's nice to know that" I replied sincerely.

He smiled and finally pressed the play button again on the remote and we resumed with the laughter and carefree feelings. All the while he didn't let go of my hand.

* * *

Alice arrived back at around 11, Jacob had left not that long ago so I didn't have much time to try to find something to do.

I did the normal thing and joined in her excitement, asking her how it went.

"It was so great, Jazz is just amazing, so sweet and such a gentlemen!" Alice giggled, I blinked surprised, it was staggering to see her like this, she looked so… _in love._

"That's really great Ali" I replied happily, she nodded grinning widely.

"So where did you go?" I asked with interest, continuing with the conversation.

"Oh, to this amazing restaurant called Donatello's, it was just outside the town centre so it was quiet there and SO romantic" she gushed, barely able to keep still in her seat.

"It sounds perfect" I murmured, smiling softly, "I'm so glad you had such a good time" I said sincerely.

She only smiled, I couldn't hope but notice how it turned mischievous after a moment or two. Oh no- I knew that smile, this couldn't be good.

"Bellaaaaa…" she drew out the word, effectively making my name into a sentence.

"What…?" I replied quietly, worrying suddenly.

She sighed, letting out a long heavy breath, "Please don't be mad at me okay?" she said hesitantly.

"I don't know, should I be mad?" I asked her.

"Well I don't think so, if the roles were reversed I wouldn't be but… I don't know" she replied- I knew what she was doing, she was avoiding telling me this.

"Just tell me" I snapped, wanting to know now.

She continued to smile, how come that was beginning to irritate me now? "Well… while Jazz was in the bathroom I got chatting to this guy who worked behind the bar, he's really good looking, kind of got the whole Italian/American thing going on. He actually goes to Dartmouth but works there a couple of evenings…"

"Hold on, you're not trying to tell me that your dating two guys now?" I asked cutting her off, my tone sounding incredulous, _poor Jasper…_

She surprised me however, by laughing loudly, "no, no!" she replied between giggles, "No. As if I would give Jasper up now I've got him!" she grinned, "But, No.. This guys nice, but not my type… too insightful? He talks about literature, stuff like that… so no, not for me." She shook her head but suddenly grinned again, "he is however… perfect for you."

I was instantly shaking my head before she had even finished her explanation; I doubted what she was telling me.

"No Bella, you can't say no before you've met him!" she growled "Besides, you don't have a say in the matter because I've already arranged a blind date for you two" she suddenly squealed, bouncing even more in her seat then before.

Wait... _what?_

* * *

**A/N- Next chapter soon! I've figured out a way to bring Edward back- SOON. Cant waaait. :) So, review.. please?**

**Just for the record- I LOVE Donatello's, its an Italian restaurant near me. So nice theree :) Probably because I think anything Italian is the nicest food out there.. ****I also love Scrubs. JD is adorable I must say, all the characters are awesome especailly Turk and Janitor :) But yeah, its 10.30 now, and got to be up at 6 so I'm off now..**

**Hope you liked! Please review! **


	5. Boyfriends and surprises

**A/N- Hey thanks for the reviews and everything! Its really really appreciated!**

**Sorry for the really long delay but from now on updates will be a lot quicker.. as long as people are still interested in this that is.**

**A reviewer pointed out a mistake and I'm so sorry for it! In the first chapter I said that Renee was not in Bellas life, but then later on forgot that little detail and said that Bella spent her summer with her, could people forget about that part please? :) Renee isn't in this story at all... yet. ;)**

**Anyway not so sure about this chapter, I'm sorry if people dont like that Bella dates the guy, but its really important to the plot! As if I'll ever have Bella/OC as endgame ;)**

**So, please review! If so I PROMISE I'll update soon**

* * *

_Previously…_

_"But, No... This guys nice, but not my type… too insightful? He talks about literature, stuff like that… so no, not for me." She shook her head but suddenly grinned again, "he is however… perfect for you."_

_I was instantly shaking my head before she had even finished her explanation; I doubted what she was telling me._

_"No Bella, you can't say no before you've met him!" she growled "Besides, you don't have a say in the matter because I've already arranged a blind date for you two" she suddenly squealed, bouncing even more in her seat then before._

_Wait... what?_

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter five: Boyfriends and surprises**

"No, no way!" I gasped feeling numb with surprise… and horror.

And so, I begged, I argued, I sulked, and then I literally got down on my knees begging to Alice to just cancel this date thing she had set up right away.

But the cunning little pixie never even wavered.

So, I had little else to do but to hold my head up high and to go to this date, and then to come back and tell Alice she was wrong- and that dating was not a good idea for me at this present time.

…After all the semester hadn't even properly started yet! Soon enough I would have good enough distractions, and having a boyfriend would not needed to help me forget about _him._

So I told her just that letting myself feel just a little bit of hope… but she didn't listen again.

"No excuses Bella, you're going- and you're going to have a great time, and that's final!" Alice kept insisting repeatedly every time I begged.

And so eventually I gave up- right at the last minute though.

"Fine, You win! …I'll go, but I can't guarantee I'll have a good time!" I told her whilst she sat behind me curling my hair.

I saw her roll her eyes in her reflection in the mirror in front of me, "about time you agreed- it wouldn't exactly be fair to Luke if you continued to sulk all through the evening after all" she replied, sighing in disbelief.

"Luke, that's his name? …I thought you said he was Italian," I asked confused.

"No… I said he was part Italian- he's called Luke because he's grown up here, it's only his dad's side of the family who are Italian after all"

"Right" I said dryly all the time thinking to myself- _like I care._

She sighed, "Bella, just give him a chance okay? I think he's a really great guy and he'd be really good fun-"

"Then why don't you date him?" I grumbled, cutting her off.

She glared at me through the mirror, making me instantly regret what I had said.

"Sorry" I finally mumbled after letting her glare for a minute or two, "It's just… I don't know him, and I've never even dated! How am I supposed to act around him?"

"Just act like yourself" she stated simply, returning to her torture on my hair.

"Because that's _so_ easy when going out with someone you don't even know" I grumbled again, earning a smack on the shoulder from Alice… not a pleasant experience.

"Just be quiet for a minute please? And keep still" she asked me, and stupidly I obliged.

* * *

Dare I say it… never bet against Alice.

As much as I was reluctant, and nervous, and unwilling… I went ahead with it. And of course… Alice was right.

For within minutes of meeting Luke I understood what she meant- he was _very_ insightful and _very_ observant.

The conversations we had on the first date weren't too deep- I didn't go too much into my past, but instead we talked about our interests.

… Needless to say I was happy when I found out that he was a huge fan of _Wuthering heights _– after all it's not like anyone else I know is particularly a fan of it.

Basically, we were quite alike in our interests so conversation flowed naturally, and I was able to follow the advice of just being like myself.

I leant a little about him though- that he's a sophomore at Dartmouth and has recently decided to major in photography. Also that he's from New York though he was born in Italy and lived there for his first two years, and that he's the oldest of 3 brothers and 2 sisters.

To top off his wonderful personality, there was of course the added bonus of how gorgeous he was… though Luke's beauty was nothing compared to _his_. …But I pretty much knew everyone paled next to _his_ magnificence anyway.

I half expected Luke to just leave with shaking my hand and saying something along the lines of 'good night' or 'see you around' but as ever… people can surprise you.

"I had a really good time tonight" Luke told me sweetly as we walked back to campus.

"I did too" I replied sincerely, smiling in his direction.

Upon his insistence, he walked me right back to my apartment.

"Well, good night then" he said softly, leaning forward and kissing my cheek with the same softness of his voice.

If I wasn't before… I felt certain that I was blushing by that point.

"Good night" I replied smiling up at him.

He smiled and turned to step away, before surprising me and quickly turning back to face me.

"Would you like to do this again?" he asked me, whilst I blinked at him, surprised "I mean… you know... go out somewhere?" he asked, seeming shy.

_Adorable. _

I instantly agreed- "I would love to" I said softly, only to see his smile grow in response.

…And everything went from there.

* * *

…2 months passed.

It's amazing how I seemed so unaware of the minutes ticking by, and the change of months and passing of events, but now I noticed with a stab of recognition that it's now the 1st of November.

It's surprising how fast the time had went, these two months had consisted of little more then college work and time with my friends and Luke.

Speaking of which…

Luke and I had been virtually inseparable ever since our first date… the second date a couple of days had lead to our first kiss, and then on the third date he asked me to be his girlfriend.

I finally opened up and told him about my life before Dartmouth, about my family... my school, my fears and the good times I had in Fork's. I only left out one important detail that unfortunately meant I was keeping a lot of my life secret from Luke. The one person who was my life before all of this… Edward.

But he seemed so interested in what I had told him, which made him even easier to talk to, and easier to spend time with.

Hence how we are still together.

I had to remind myself to keep thanking Alice for talking to him, and arranging the date, every time she just had a slight smug expression always telling me with her eyes- _'I told you so'._

She surprisingly never forced me into things since then, not about my appearance or dating. She never even mentioned Edward… even though she was talking to him weekly.

So back to the present… yet again, the day had gone quick, in a blur... I wonder if it will continue this way ultimately ending up with me wondering where the year has gone after all of this.

Our classes had finished early today, so with nothing to do. Luke and I sat cuddled on the sofa in my apartment watching films; I felt fully focused in the film we were watching so when the phone abruptly began ringing I jumped in the seat slightly in surprise.

"I'll get it!" Alice chorused from her bedroom, before she sprinted into the room lifting it to her ear.

I laughed slightly under my breath, focusing my attention back on to the film Luke and I were watching- _Tuck everlasting._

"Wouldn't it be awful living forever?" Luke murmured into my hair.

"What do you mean?" I asked him, not taking my attention from the screen.

"Just imagine all the awful things you would see- and wouldn't the pretence be so difficult? …Having to stay the same age forever would surely mean suspicion from others, so it would mean having to move every few years… it wouldn't be nice getting to know people then having to keep leaving" he explained.

I nodded, but I felt like getting my opinion across… which for once was the opposite of his.

"Yeah I understand what you're saying… but there are so many positives as well, I mean you could learn _everything_, and see _every_ country in the world which you may not manage if you only have the normal life span" I explained.

"I suppose…" Luke finally agreed nodding, before kissing my hair.

I let my mind wander thinking of the possibilities… I guess that it would be wonderful, so long as you weren't alone that is. All the experiences wouldn't be good if you had to go through them alone.

But if you had someone with you… it would be wonderful.

"Bella?" Alice called from across the room quietly, breaking me out of my thoughts.

_Why does it seem like everyone does that? … Maybe its because I think too much._

"Yeah?" I replied looking over my shoulder at her.

"Edward wants to talk to you" she informed me holding the phone out in my direction.

Instantly, my heartbeat sped up and my throat closed- something that always happened when I knew he was close.

It had been 2 months and I hadn't spoken to him at all, I hadn't even mentioned him to anyone, especially making sure I didn't tell Luke.

"T-tell him I'm not here" I told her quickly, keeping my voice low.

She shook her head, quickly covering her hand over the speaker, "he heard you in the background, he knows you're here" she replied quietly.

"I don't want to talk to him, please make some sort of excuse for me" I begged her, noticing out of the corner of my eye that Luke was now looking in my direction confused.

"_Fine,_ but you know this isn't fair on him Bella" Alice replied, shaking her head at me. Silently she walked back into her bedroom raising the phone back to her ear.

I leant back against Luke, taking deep breaths to calm myself down, "are you okay?" Luke asked softly, rubbing my arm gently.

Slowly I nodded, "I'm fine" I replied, my voice cracking slightly as I spoke.

"Who's Edward?" he asked, not sounding jealous but curious instead.

"He's… my _friend_. Well, sort of. We… fell out, before we left for college… we haven't spoken since" I stuttered out, making sure to half tell the truth.. I knew my lying skills aren't believable.

"And does that upset you?" he asked quietly, his expression concerned, probably at my now glum expression.

It seemed like it hurt him to see me looking unhappy.

Feeling like I couldn't really lie, I went with telling him the truth… as best I could.

"Yes… it does, he is- was- my best friend, so it does yeah" I admitted.

"If you could, would you be friends with him again?" he asked.

I didn't even think that he could be planning something, or absorbing the information more then I thought… I just answered what he was asking.

"Yeah, I would, but its not possible… he's all the way in Miami and I'm here, us being friends wouldn't be easy anymore" _– little did he know I would find it __very__ difficult –_ "so it's best not to bother, really it is"

"Okay…" Luke replied hesitantly, like he didn't really believe me anyway.

So I lightened the tension by changing the subject, "so how much of the movie have we missed talking about this?" I asked him, grinning widely.

He sighed also smiling, wrapping his arm tighter around me before we continued with the movie.

* * *

Another week flew by, and not much changed.

All of it was consistent, easy and nice. I wouldn't call college life so far _wonderful _or '_the best time of my life'_… but at least I had amazing people around me, and for that I was grateful.

Luckily everything remained normal between Luke and me, he even told me that he loved me and would do anything for me a couple of days ago, which was another step up in our relationship.

I told him I felt the same, but I didn't understand why I had this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I loved Luke… didn't I? He was my life now, in the sense he was _always_ there for me. But would it really go further then that?

It's not like it really matters anyway, for now is not the time to think about it. After all it's Friday, and Luke told me he had big plans tonight for me.

So all ready for him to turn up at any point I paced the apartment, feeling nervous for some unknown reason.

_Knock knock_

_Ring ring_

I gasped slightly at the sound of someone knocking the door at the same time that the phone began ringing.

Knowing that it would be Luke at the door I grabbed the phone not answering it until I was by the door.

"Hello?" I asked sounding slightly out of breath.

Finally I managed to get the door unlocked and swung it open, glancing at the phone quickly to see if it was working…

"Bella…" a musical velvet voice said through the phone and in front of me at the same time.

I froze in that same position.

…I knew that voice…

…That _beautiful,_ magnificent voice.

I felt my heartbeats become faster in my chest and my breaths quicken in pace as I looked up at who was standing in front of me.

…Because less then a foot from me in my doorway stood Edward.

* * *

**Yay! So next chapter = tons of EB.. of course. Hmm... wonder why Edward came? ;)**

**Please review, 28 people have this on alert, so is it too much to ask for 6 or 7 reviews?! Even if its one word I just want to know people opinions of the way this is going! :)**


	6. Talking and reasons

**A/N- WOW, thanks for all the reviews! Definately beat what I thought there would be! You're all awesome, really :) Its so appreciated!**

**Because of it.. I managed a super quick update! Two days.. I tried to get it done yesterday.. but this chapter just took me too long to write, about 8 hours I think.. and considering I didn't get home 'til 5 I'm happy I managed to get this out today :) Anyway, I have a week off starting at the end of tomorrow so I'll write as much as people want me too :) So please review, and I will do! :)**

**Anywaaaay.. Edward & Bella :) Hope this chapters okay. Everything will be resolved, just maybe not yet, I'm sure its kind of expected whats going to happen in the end though :)**

* * *

_Previously…_

_…I knew that voice…_

_…That beautiful, magnificent voice._

_I felt my heartbeats become faster in my chest and my breaths quicken in pace as I looked up at who was standing in front of me._

_…Because less then a foot from me in my doorway stood Edward._

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter six: Talking and reasons**

As I stared at Edward in front of me I felt like pinching myself, just to check that this wasn't a dream and that he really was in front of me.

However, if he was a dream or a hallucination there's no way he would look so perfect… I wasn't that imaginative; I couldn't conjure his beauty with my own dull mind.

Noticing how nothing had been said, I realised that now would be the perfect time to say something.

Perhaps something along the lines of – _'long time no speak!' 'Hey did you grow again, I could have sworn you were only 6'2 last time?'_

Or... _'What a surprise! So, how's the fiancée? …Speaking of which where is she?'_

As I considered which of those to say, I knew definitely not the last one. _Now that would be awkward._

I could have said something like those sentences or something similar, but instead I stayed there mute disbelieving that he was actually here.

After all… he's engaged, he lives _a thousand miles_ away, it's the middle of the semester! ... Just, how… _what?_

Just as I was about to ask just that, he ended up speaking first.

"Hi" he breathed, "…Can I come in?" he asked me, seeming like he was nervous.

I nodded, "sure" I replied – my voice sounded very weak, breaking slightly at the end.

I stepped aside and let him walk in, he took a few steps into the main living area looking around it, particularly focusing on the mural of pictures Alice and I had made.

"You have a nice dorm" he murmured, "…definitely beats mine, mine's more like a box instead of an apartment..." he rambled on unnecessarily.

I only nodded in response, "you could have had a dorm like this, you know that" I replied spitefully, before regretting what I had said… a little.

"Right, yeah" Edward finally replied, running his hand through his hair, walking to the other side of the room, before turning back to me.

Ironic… we were opposite sides of the room.

"So… enjoying college so far?" he asked me, seeming like he was trying hard to make conversation.

I nodded, "it's good here" I replied simply.

He nodded, seeming lost in thought, slowly he walked across the room back in my direction and sat on the couch.

I let out a long breath that I hadn't even noticed I was holding, and walked over and also sat on the chair, but right on the other side from him. I placed my hands on my lap and looked down at them.

"Why are you here Edward?" I mumbled, still looking at my hands.

"Can't I just come to see my best friend?" he asked, his voice sounding lighter now.

"Yes, but why unannounced?" I grumbled, still regretting the way I was talking to him- surely this wasn't the way I should be acting? It just seemed like an automatic reflex now. For I didn't want to let myself fall all over him, because if not he would only be even more confused by my distant behaviour over the past few months.

"Well I would have rung to tell you I was coming, but I figured you wouldn't have talked anyway" he replied, his voice sounding slightly spiteful as well.

"I might have," I said quietly, finally looking up in his direction- he wasn't looking at me, but instead was staring at the window.

"…Doubtful" he replied, and his expression looked hurt.

I could feel by breath hitch in my throat at his expression- knowing I had caused that pain "Look- I apologise for that, I really do" I told him softly, before continuing- "Edward, please just tell me why are you here… I won't believe the excuse of a ' spontaneous social visit?'" I smiled.

He smiled slightly at the memory of our younger teenage years- because that was the excuse we always gave each other if we just randomly turned up at eachother's houses no matter what hour or day, whether it was 1am on a Sunday or 9pm on a Wednesday.

"…And why can't it be?" he asked, trying to hide his smile now.

"It's not like we live down the road from each other anymore." I replied, shaking my head "After all you must have come _A thousand miles_ Edward… and during the college semester none the less and with your fiancée still in Miami or wherever you're living"

"Yeah I know that…" he sighed, annoyed that I was just pointing out the obvious.

I nodded, "So why are you here?" I asked, my voice growing quieter by the end.

He looked up and stared at me- his eyes wide and sincere, "Because, I missed you… I missed us" he confessed sincerely.

Yet again I didn't know what to say, but after staring into his beautiful green eyes I didn't register what I was saying until I spoke- "It's the same with me" I whispered, so quiet that I was sure he wouldn't hear me speak.

But to my surprise – yet again- he smiled, "come here" he said gently, opening his arms as an invitation.

Wanting so badly to feel him hold me again I didn't hesitate and moved so I was leaning into his arms, he instantly wrapped them around me in response.

He held me tighter then he ever had before- like he was trying to prove I was actually there… I did the same. I wrapped my arms around his neck, whilst his went around my back. He buried his head into my hair whilst I placed my face in his shoulder breathing in his wonderful exquisite scent when I thought he wouldn't notice.

We stayed in that position for a long time, both so comfortable.

But being left alone with my thoughts I felt the guilt begin to set in…. After all, here I was in Edward's arms- the one person I have been in love with almost all my life- and yet I had a boyfriend… I had Luke now, so it was unfair to be acting this way.

It was almost cheating, I felt like I was- how can I love Edward the way I do, when I love Luke as well? It was deceiving and confusing and Luke didn't deserve this.

After it's Luke who's putting me back together and making me whole again… he loves me, whereas I loved someone else as well as him.

It was silent the majority of the time, until Edward began speaking-

"…I was going to come to see you and Alice some time no matter what, recently I even discussed taking a couple of days off with my tutors and checked it with Tanya. But… I'll admit the truth, it wasn't entirely my idea to come at this time" he explained, his breath blowing softly into my ear, giving me chills.

"What do you mean?" I finally managed to ask him, though my voice was slightly muffled from leaning on Edward's shoulder.

"I got a phone call from someone called Luke who suggested it" he answered, his voice calm.

I instantly froze and stopped breathing when I heard Luke's name; I was surprised Edward didn't notice me stiffen.

"…He said that it was really hurting you as well- our lack of friendship I mean" Edward explained.

Like a knee-jerk reaction I pulled away from him, scooting back to the other side of the sofa in the matter of a second. He looked shocked at my reaction; his arms still extended towards me.

"Luke said that?" I gasped out eventually.

"Yes…?" Edward breathed out, making his reply sound more like a question instead of an answer.

"…_Luke_ rang you?" I asked incredulous, still surprised.

"Yes…" Edward repeated, moving towards me a little again.

But I put my hands up to stop him, I took a deep breath- "Hold on, let me get this straight… my boyfriend _rang you_ and told you I was upset about our friendship, and asked you to come here…?"

"Yes! He did! I promise" Edward insisted, and I didn't ask it again after that. I believed him, deep down it did sound like the sort of thing that Luke would do, and putting it into perspective all of his questions from the other day suddenly made sense.

I nodded slightly, my eyes still wide; "Okay" I breathed my voice barely recognisable.

It was silent for the briefest of moments.

"Bella? …Did you say that this Luke is your boyfriend?" he finally asked, his voice showing surprise in it.

I felt like glaring at him; after all was it really _that_ surprising for me to have someone? Just because I've never had a boyfriend before didn't mean I would never find someone…

"Yes I did" I replied, my voice coming out surprisingly quiet.

He was silent again- I looked at his face the whole time observing his expression, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what it was.

"Oh… that's good" he finally replied his voice dull, his voice was like his expression- unreadable.

"Yeah, we're all really moving on now aren't we?" I murmured, my voice sounding sad.

He nodded, biting his lip- my habit- "Yeah I guess…" he agreed "…but that's exactly what I don't understand" he replied.

The last part didn't make sense to me.

"What don't you understand?" I asked him.

"Well …When your boyfriend rung, he said you were upset because we had fallen out. But… we never did, did we? Unless…" he paused, seeming to think hard for a moment or two "Unless, did I do something wrong? …Something to upset you?" he asked me.

I didn't know what to say, "I… no… you…" I mumbled out not even forming sentences- I was always terrible at lying and now was no exception.

"Please just tell me Bella" he began begging, reaching for my hand, probably to calm me down.

His fingers grazed my own slightly, causing my thunderous heartbeat to increase even more.

I snatched my hand away quickly, shaking my head slightly, ignoring his hurt expression; I crossed my arms over my chest.

He sighed, now looking - and sounding - frustrated "Bella… Please, _please_ tell me… after all I can't make it better if I don't know what I did wrong" he now literally begged.

I took a deep breath, "It's _not_ your fault," I admitted,

"What do you mean?" he asked sounding confused now.

"…It's my fault" I replied, my reply coming out in a deep breath.

I glanced at him through my hair up at him quickly, he looked puzzled, his eyes wide whilst he stared at me… it seemed like he didn't know what to say.

And so, in that moment as I looked into his beautiful eyes I made a sudden decicion- to tell him the complete truth.

I know it's unfair to Luke, but there and again wasn't it unfair to Edward and me to keep it a secret? … After all, I couldn't remain his friend baring the truth, which meant hurting him and even Alice as well, due to the loss of contact and not even being able to talk so much anymore.

Besides… even if telling him meant a rejection, then maybe that'll be what I need to truly move on. It's useless, pathetic and stupid to decide this now. But he's getting married in 49 days… when will there ever be another chance?

_Think first; speak after… think through what you're going to say._

"Edward, I have to tell you something…" I informed him, speaking quietly.

"Okay" he nodded his voice strong.

_Out with it then Bella- _"I-I don't want…" – I paused briefly, – "I don't want you to marry Tanya" I told him truthfully, watching for his reaction.

He didn't look that surprised, only interested in what I had to say- "…Why not?" he asked.

I took a quick but deep breath. _Ready or not, now or never… _"Because… Edward, I…" I cut off quickly as another high-pitched voice interrupted what I was about to say.

"…_I'm baaaack!" _the feminine voice called, before a door slammed – signalling that Alice was back.

Could I say it now? It was simple…

… _Edward, I love you._

Should I tell him quickly now? Maybe I could write it in a note? Or quietly whisper in his ear…?

_No, don't tell him, not like this…_

I had closed my eyes as soon as I had heard Alice enter; it had only been a few seconds that my eyes had been closed at most. But it seemed like Edward was impatient to know the truth, to be honest- I don't blame him.

"Bella…?" he asked warily.

I slowly opened my eyes in response to see him still staring at me- his expression looked confused.

I only shook my head, "No it doesn't matter… its not important Edward, I'm sorry" I told him, still continuing to shake my head the whole way through the conversation.

Alice finally made her way to us, skipping her way to stand in front of the sofa facing Edward.

"So Edward I did _not_ appreciate that text during my class- I ended up getting in trouble when I screamed half way through Andrew's lecture about silk fabrics which was embarrassing! … But it is really exciting- you're actually here!" she squealed, running up to him and flinging his arms around his neck. She hugged him for a moment and then stepped back seeming to suddenly notice the tense atmosphere, and that Edward was glaring in my direction whilst I looked at my feet to avoid his gaze.

"…Did I interrupt something?" she asked worriedly.

"Yes" Edward said to her, nodding whilst he spoke.

"_No_" I replied to both him and her, "…you didn't Al"

Edward's very apparent frown only deepened in response to that and clearly Alice noticed- she always did notice these things, it was something I both loved and hated.

"Okayyy…" Alice drawled out, raising her eyebrows showing that she didn't believe me.

I knew that I needed to distract both of them now so I put on my best fake smile- something I was used to doing.

"Don't look so worried Al, I- I'm just surprised that's all... Edward and I were just talking about that." I paused quickly, trying to decide what to do, I only had one idea- and that involved getting out of here now. "Well… I'll leave you two to talk for a little while… I-I… I need to talk to Luke," I said hurriedly, lifting myself up out of my seat.

"When will you be back?" Edward asked, standing up also, his expression now looked even more confused then before.

"Later… I don't know when" I shrugged, trying to make it seem like I didn't care.

Both Edward and Alice nodded, though Alice had the most confusing expression on her face, it looked… _thoughtful?_

"Well, whenever you do decide to come back, we'll be here" Edward informed me, making it almost sound like a warning.

I knew him so well; that I could tell exactly what he was saying through his expression. It was something along the lines of- '_This isn't over, I need to know the truth.'_

And I knew he was right.

But ever the coward I was I made my way out as soon as I could, leaving Edward and Alice to talk. When I made it outside I ran around the corner of the building out of any ones sight. I paused to take deep breaths, allowing for my heartbeat to finally calm down.

I hastily wiped away the couple of traitor tears that had made their way down my cheeks.

…Edward being here… it is so unfair- just when I had decided to finally move on from Edward… he crashes back into my life, and having been in his presence again I know it will be a while until I can even begin to imagine forgetting about him again.

Now that I had seen him in his beauty, heard his voice, breathed in his scent… held on to him… I know these feelings will never fade, I suppose they may dim if I try really hard to forget them… but they'll still be there.

… I leant against the wall for a while, luckily not coming across any other students.

Then with shaking legs I began to walk, heading back in the direction of the dorms.

I decided to go in the opposite direction to mine and Alice's dorm, instead heading where I had planned and told Edward I was going- to Luke's dorm.

…I didn't want to lose him, I know I love him too.

But if Edward was going to be here for a while and I was going to be this way- lost, upset, jealous… then Luke needs to know the real reason behind my obsession, the real reason that I'll never properly fall deeply in love with him.

I still want Luke, but I know I don't deserve him.

When I made it there, I knocked timidly on the door, only once.

But still less then thirty seconds later, the door opened.

And I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. Noting how much calmer I suddenly felt while I felt his warmth- my heart was beating slower, and it was easier to breathe.

In that moment, I debated turning back on my idea of telling him the truth, but still I spoke before I thought about what to say.

"I'm sorry" I whispered.

* * *

**Little bit of a cliffy there... not as bad as the one on last chap though. :) Hmm, dropped a few hints about Edward liking Bella as well.. he's so oblivious though, isn't he? .. I kind of feel bad for Luke in this aha.. but anyway so many questions now, like will she actually tell him she loves someone else?! .. and will Edward ever learn the truth?**

**I knowww :D**

**Anyway please review! The reviews were all awesome for the last chapter, so can we get about 9/10 again? :) :) I'm really hopeful! If so I'll update very SOON again! If theres barely any... I will review... eventually. But I will have less motivation if I think people dont like it, isn't it the same for every one else who has stories on here?! :) :)**


	7. Honesty and dreams

**A/N- Heeey, thanks again for all the awesome reviews! I tried to get this chapter done asap, and planned to get it done much earlier... only I got called to go into work.. unlucky. But yeah. This chapter is long for me btw, about 4,000 words. :) Thats okay right?**

**So I must have re-written this chapter three times, all with different outcomes for Bella and Luke- the first one being they break up, the second where he doesn't mind the truth and plans to go to the wedding together… but none of them seemed right. Hope the way I changed it worked okay.**

**Emerald0319 gave me the idea in a review about putting some Edward's point of view in. I thought about it and realised it would fit in well in this chapter :) so thanks for the idea!**

**Hope people like Edward's POV, I really liked writing it, weirdly I planned for the Bella part to be so much longer... but I had so much to write for Edward as I haven't used his POV so far. It's ended up a lot longer then Bella's, hope that's okay also. This may be a one off though, or maybe there'll be some more when it's near to the wedding…**

**Anyway, please review!!!**

* * *

_Previously…_

_But still less then thirty seconds later, the door opened._

_And I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. Noting how much calmer I suddenly felt while I felt his warmth- my heart was beating slower and it was easier to breathe._

_In that moment, I debated turning back on my idea of telling him the truth, but still I spoke before I thought about what to say._

"_I'm sorry" I whispered._

* * *

**A Thousand Miles**

**Chapter Seven: Honesty and dreams**

I kept my face pressed against him, so I couldn't see what surely would be only a confused expression on his face right now.

I could feel his chest moving with the deep breaths he was taking though, showing he was surprised.

"What's wrong Bella?" he asked me softly, rubbing my back in a circular motion.

Yet again today, I was lost for words and so I didn't answer him.

"Bella…? Please tell me" he urged me after I didn't reply- his voice was anxious.

I took a shaky breath, "You… E-Edward…" I mumbled out.

"Oh…" Luke sighed in recognition, "…I take it he's here then?" he asked me.

I nodded against his chest in response.

He sighed softly, "Come on lets go in and you can tell me what happened if you want" he told me sweetly, taking hold of my hand gently.

We walked into his apartment hand in hand, taking a seat on the sofa.

I hated how the scene seemed almost the same as the one from earlier- from Edward's and mine- how he was on the right side turned to face me, whilst I stared ahead towards the wall. It was so ironic it really was painful.

"Marc isn't here is he?" I asked, wiping some of the tears away.

Marc is Luke's roommate, and although he is also a good friend to me now, I didn't exactly want him hovering around whilst I talked to Luke, it's not the sort of conversation you want other's to hear after all.

"No, he's away for the weekend" Luke reassured me.

"Okay" I nodded, biting my lip.

"Hey" Luke said softly, scooting across the chair so he was pressed against me. He wrapped an arm around me rubbing my back again to calm me. "It didn't go bad did it? I'm sorry… I should have thought before I called him…"

"No, don't you dare apologise" I told him sternly - _It's me who needs to do that – _"It was very thoughtful, very sweet of you" I insisted.

"Okay… so what's wrong then?" he asked, still keeping his voice soft and calming.

"I-I… I came to tell you…" I mumbled out, barely able to form sentences.

"Hmm?" he hummed softly, not forcing me to speak- I really liked that about him, he never did that whereas others might be impatient to know the truth.

_Hint- Edward and Alice. _

Time to be honest- "I… I never told you the full truth. Edward and I… we never really fell out," I admitted, finally turning to look him in the eye, his arm dropped from my shoulder, but he was still close to me.

"Right…?" he mumbled, looking completely confused.

I tried to think of a way to word this; for one brief moment I actually considered backing out and just lying…

…I doubt I would be convincing though.

"… The last time we really spoke was on graduation day… it was at a party Alice was throwing, he told me that he had proposed to Tanya" I explained.

Luke nodded, looking deep in thought, "were you annoyed he hadn't told you beforehand or something?" he asked, trying to understand.

"No, no that wasn't it…" I mumbled. "When he told me I felt angry… and jealous" I admitted, my hands shaking slightly.

Luke frowned slightly, "Jealous? Why?" he asked, surprised

"Because… I-I've… I did…" I paused quickly, bracing myself "…I love him" I whispered.

Luke was silent for a moment, "You… love… him?" he asked, as if he was trying to put the words together.

I nodded, biting my lip, blinking away the tears.

"Oh… well I wasn't expecting that" he murmured, "that explains it though, were you deliberately avoiding him?" he asked.

I was surprised how calm he was- it was unnerving, unnatural…

I nodded again though, "I knew that cutting all ties would make it easier… I wanted to move on" I explained.

"Did I kind of ruin that plan?" Luke asked, a hint of smile playing at his features- it wasn't a happy one though, only sad and unsettled.

"No, no…." I argued, though I was lying.

"Has the plan worked so far though? Have you moved on from him at all?" he asked me, hope suddenly playing at his features.

"Y-Yes I have, because I found you- and I love you" I insisted.

He laughed bitterly, "How can I know for sure that I'm not just a re-bound? Not a 'I can't have Edward so I'll settle for second best' type fling?" he asked, his voice taunting.

"No!" I nearly screamed, trying to sound stern - "Honestly Luke, I'm telling the truth with this." I insisted, before trying a slightly different approach- "…Remember how Alice was the one who set us up? I'll admit I didn't _want_ to go at first because I didn't want to date… but then I met you and… you amazed me, after all you're my first boyfriend… I didn't think I would love anyone but Edward but I do, it's you" I explained, telling him exactly what I truly felt was the truth.

As selfish as it seemed- I didn't want to lose him. I know he deserves the truth though, which is the reason why I'm telling him this.

…If he doesn't want me anymore, I wouldn't ever blame him; I'll walk away. But if he does… I'll make it work, I know I can.

Because although I love two people… only one loves me back, and I truly believe that my love is strong enough for him… even though it pales next to the others.

I was proud of my small epiphany, but then Luke had to ask me a question I was dreading

"Do you think you'll ever stop loving him though?" he asked- his expression serious.

I waited a moment until I was ready to tell the complete truth- "I-I think I'll definitely move on, and eventually yes, after all he's getting married soon… I need to" I explained; though my voice wasn't as strong as I wanted it to be.

"So are you never going to tell him?" he asked- his voice accusing.

I thought for a moment, and then shook my head. "No, I don't think it would be a good idea" I mumbled.

He nodded.

I tried to get him to look me in the eye, scooting even closer to him, before speaking again- "I do love you, you know" I whispered, "…I just thought you deserved to know the truth" I said softly.

He nodded again, "I guess it's best to know" he murmured; though he didn't look like he believed what he was saying.

Taking that as a reassurance I decided to ask what I was worrying about- "So what about us?" I whispered, my voice coming out surprisingly soft.

"…What about us?" he asked in reaction, sounding slightly bewildered.

I took a quick breath and lowered my voice slightly, speaking quietly though; "…Do you still want me?" I asked him.

He let out a deep breath, before looking into my eyes trying to tell me something I couldn't see- "No matter what happens Bella, I'll _always_ want you" he whispered, his voice completely sincere and loving.

I allowed a soft smile at that.

Luke proceeded to take a deep breath during the brief silence, "So has he said how long he'll be here?" he asked, and immediately his voice wasn't as calm as before- there was a very obvious hint of anger in there.

Although I had expected him to be angry at some point, so it was more then understandable.

"No… I didn't ask, I imagine it'll only be a day or so though" I reassured him, though I didn't know any more then he did to be honest.

He nodded, and then his expression changed once again, though I couldn't tell what it was. "Then I guess we'll have to talk about us when he's gone then" he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

I nodded, grateful and relieved that he was willing to do that.

It was so much more then what I deserved.

… I had never disliked myself as much as I did now, because although I knew I didn't deserve him at all- I wanted him, I wanted someone. And because there was still a chance, I would try my best to keep him.

"Okay… can I call you soon?" I asked him, my voice showing my hope.

He nodded, "yeah" he replied, his voice quiet and dull.

He wasn't looking at me by now, though he seemed calm.

Noticing that he had been quiet for a while I took that as my cue to leave wanting to give him the space, though I was afraid of what he would be thinking of once I was gone.

Ignoring my shaking legs I stood, leaning over and kissing him gently on the cheek.

"I love you" I whispered.

And then I left him behind, walking back to the apartment not knowing what to expect from here either.

It's incredible and horrible how things can go from being so balanced, comfortable and easy one day, to being a complete mess and a disaster the next day.

I wouldn't ever blame anyone for this though… only me.

* * *

_Edward's point of view_

After Bella had left I hung out with Alice, both of us talking about anything and everything that came to mind.

Such as how college is going and what courses we are taking, how our families are doing, and our friend's… we stuck to comfortable and easy conversation really.

However all the time we were talking I kept sneaking quick glances back at the door waiting for when Bella would come back. It was automatic- I couldn't help myself glancing over every now and then, hoping that she would come back soon.

Don't get me wrong I love Alice's company, and she is my best friend as well as Bella… its just our friendship is different. More brother and sister like… we didn't rely on eachother so much throughout our lives like Bella and I did.

Where Alice had always been more social and easy going… Bella and I were different.

As for mine and Bella's relationship… I could never describe it if I was asked to. It wasn't like siblings at all… after all; we went to each other for _everything._

I always felt like I needed to protect her, or look after her whenever she was upset about something. I would help her do various things, drive her about wherever she needed when I got my license... not because I had to, but because I always without a doubt _wanted_ to.

It also felt like we were _more_ then best friends, she was always the most important person in the World to me.

Basically to sum it up- until I met Tanya, Bella was my _life._

…After I had met Tanya it all changed, I wasn't always there for Bella, and I never saw her outside of school. As much as I hated it we did drift apart slightly, whilst her and Alice made plans and became closer friends. Early this year they decided on Dartmouth and I told them I would go with them, Believing at that time that it was what I wanted.

But then Tanya began telling me about where she had always dreamed of going, and suddenly I thought that would be the better option. After all Bella, Alice and I would still see eachother regularly in the holidays… plus there is always the option of phone calls and emails.

I knew though that going with Tanya would mean committing myself, hence the proposal… I wasn't desperate to get married, but Tanya has always been 'that girl' that wants it. And being in love, I knew it was the only option to keep her.

It was difficult telling Bella I wouldn't be coming to Dartmouth and that I was engaged… her reaction wasn't that surprising, but it was still heartbreaking. To be honest I did expect her to seem happier for me… her congratulations seemed so forced- she always was a terrible liar after all, I could always see right through them.

And to prove my suspicions true she never spoke to me… it was painful, more so then I ever thought it would be.

…For the whole Summer I just thought of how much I missed her, yet everytime I called to talk to her she was busy, so it began to sink in… maybe she didn't care anymore.

However, having had time to think it through… maybe it's the opposite. …Maybe she decided to distance herself because she's afraid I won't want her as my friend once I'm married, and maybe being prepared beforehand would make it easier once it happened.

…After all I wasn't exactly the best friend when Tanya and me were just dating, let alone married.

That's the one thing that's really frightening me about marriage- losing her.

I'll try to reassure her that it isn't the truth- that we'll always stay best friends, but I have feeling that doing that will also mean convincing myself as well.

There's no way that Bella and my relationship could be the way it was when I'm married… its just possible, or fair or anyone.

Eventually Alice decided to go to bed, but I stayed up waiting for Bella to come back.

At about 11 I heard her walking through the front door.

I turned round to face her, "you're back" I whispered softly, pointing out the obvious.

"Yeah" she whispered softly, slowly walking to sit beside me on the couch.

It was quiet for a moment… a comfortable silence though.

"Edward… How long are you planning on staying here for?" she asked softly, breaking the silence.

… She always did manage to surprise me with what she was thinking, now was no different.

I thought for a moment, "…Until Sunday evening, if that's okay with you? Alice is fine with it but if you're not then-"

She cut me off- "Edward don't worry, its _fine_" she reassured me, her features also soft.

I smiled sheepishly, "I promise I won't turn up unannounced again, whenever I feel the need for a 'spontaneous social visit' I'll make sure to call first" I told her, trying to make her smile.

It worked, she did smile… slightly, but again her response after that surprised me- "It's not like it'll be possible when you're married" she whispered.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair- a habit of mine whenever I was nervous, confused or annoyed. I was a mix of all three of those at that moment.

"…Can you tell me now?" I asked, changing the subject abruptly- wanting to find out the truth now, I'll admit it… I'm impatient.

But it's only fair to know what's bothering Bella, how can we fix our friendship properly if I don't know?

"Tell you what?" she asked, her expression confused.

"…The reason why you don't want me to get married" I informed her.

"Oh…" she replied, though she didn't seem surprised "It's… it's because of Tanya… I-I… I don't like her" she mumbled, hanging her head down after she spoke letting her hair frame her face.

I frowned but leant towards her so my face was inches from her "Why not?" I asked quietly.

She jumped slightly, probably surprised at my close proximity, she finally looked up at me, and her beautiful brown eyes so close to my own.

She blinked a couple of times "…Just because she never seemed to like me either, she always seemed like she hated me." She admitted, biting her lip and breathing deeply- I leant away from her slightly, giving her space to breath.

She looked hurt for some reason, probably thinking I was mad at her- I wonder what my expression was like- "I-I'm sorry I'm not blaming her, I know it's my fault because I never _tried_ to like her myself" she said guiltily.

How dare she blame herself! This mess is my entire fault… I wouldn't ever blame her for anything.

And so I shook my head viciously "It's not your fault" I insisted.

She didn't seem to hear me though, for she was still talking "…I will work harder on it" she murmured, her eyes unblinking.

So to calm her, I forcefully took her hands in mine, she froze and looked down at our clasped hands.

Glad she was more likely to listen now I spoke, "…That's really great of you Bella, I appreciate it." I told her, speaking softly.

She nodded, still looking at our hands.

"…After all, it sure would be awkward if my best friend and wife ended up hating eachother after all." I continued speaking, keeping my voice light.

I must have said something wrong, because she suddenly pulled her hands from mine "… Y-yeah" she agreed her voice shaky. She stood up from the seat and began pacing the relatively small room.

"I'm tired" she suddenly announced, coming to a stand still.

"Okay…?" I drawled out, confused.

"I'm going to go and get some sleep" she announced again.

I nodded, continuing to watch her.

"Where are you going to sleep?" she asked me, running her hand through her hair- the habit she had picked up from me.

Her question confused me, "Erm… here?" I replied, gesturing to the chair, "Alice said it was more then okay"

She shook her head, "that chair is evil to sleep on! It gave me the worst back one time…"

"I'm sure I'll survive" I replied, smirking.

She continued pacing though, and it seemed like she didn't hear my response "Hmm…" she murmured to herself, deep in thought.

She paused, and began wringing her hands together, a nervous habit of hers. It was also a habit that I had picked up from her- I had been doing the exact same thing the whole flight here.

"If you want... We could share my bed," she said shyly.

"Oh…" I said surprised, "Erm …that would be good, but really I wouldn't want to ruin your sleep" I mumbled, thinking of an excuse and failing pathetically, '_ruin your sleep?!_' – how awful of me.

"You wouldn't be" she replied, shaking her head insistently, "the bed's huge- we can spread out, I swear it's more like a double bed"

"Oh, okay" I replied, nodding.

She suddenly gasped, her hand flying to her mouth, "I'm sorry! I didn't think… Tanya wouldn't like it would she?" she asked me nervously.

But I shook my head to ease her fears, "Tanya wouldn't ever know, besides… we used to share a bed all the time, there's nothing romantic about it" I told her, though I couldn't help but think I was lying.

"Right, yeah. So that's okay then because of Luke as well…" she mumbled.

"Yeah" I told her softly, smiling.

We quickly got ready, both tired after the seemingly eventful day.

I didn't even feel guilty to Tanya once I was lying with Bella, as we both spread out on either side – Bella was right earlier, her bed seemed more like a double size then a single. – One thought kept occurring to me though… did lying in bed with my best friend make me a bad fiancée?

But it definitely would if Bella and I were in some type of passionate affair or in love or something…

_Hold on, Why didn't that thought make me laugh like I expected it would?_

…Bella would probably laugh until she was crying if I mentioned my thoughts to her, we would probably laugh together and it would ease the tension, possible make everything more comfortable.

But I didn't say anything, I didn't feel like laughing at the thought.

I had successfully managed to make myself feel uncomfortable now, so decided to talk… ease that a bit.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked her quietly, picking a safe question.

"I was just wondering… my invitation still open? I never said whether or not I would be coming to the wedding!" she exclaimed, sounding worried.

"Of course!" I insisted, smiling at the thought that she would even worry about that! "…Besides, I wouldn't be able to do it without you there" I said softly.

I didn't look at her expression- I wouldn't be able to see it clearly anyway.

"Will you be staying in Forks for Christmas then?" I asked her, continuing to make conversation.

"Of course, I wouldn't leave Charlie to be by himself for Christmas" she sounded surprised at my question.

"That's good to hear, it will be nice to have you around" I told her sincerely.

"Right… but I think I'll be keeping away from the Masen household this year," she said, her voice drawled out.

"Why?" I asked surprised- her, Charlie and Alice and her parent's all came every year… why break tradition now?

"Don't sound upset!" she laughed, "You'll have a new wife to keep you company, you won't need me in your way" she whispered, turning on her side- facing away from me. Showing she was now ready to fall asleep.

I waited a moment or two before whispering so quietly that there was no chance she could be able to hear- "… I'll always need you."

After lying awake for hours I finally fell into a deep slumber.

But what I dreamt about confused me- I was in the church Tanya and I have chosen to get married in, and I was standing at the front next to my father watching my bride come towards me.

When she was standing in front of me, I pulled her veil back to see my beauty's face- only to see it was Bella's face I was looking at, and it was Bella I was marrying.

…And all I could think about was how beautiful she looked.

* * *

**Hope you all thought this was okay, I'm nervous about this chap to be honest :S In terms of the stories I'm trying not to drag this out too much… but not rush it either, hope the pace is okay. I'm not going to drag out the rest of the build up to the wedding… and the point where Edward may just find out the truth. I'm looking forward to writing it all, though I'm kind of stuck on a couple of ideas involving the way it all comes out… any input would be appreciated :D**

**So now there's 42 people how have this on alert (awesome, thank you!) so is about 9/10 reviews too much to ask for? If it isn't and people review I'll update on Sunday, (sorry but I cant update tomorrow, i have driving and work all day) but yeah. Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!!**


	8. Shopping and running

**A/N- Thank you so much for the reviews! It's so great to see what everyone thinks of the story so far :) Plus, A few of them were especailly nice also which is always good :) So thanks!**

**Just to say further thanks to Lazybelle for her suggestion which I've used in this chapter and Emerald0319 for her ideas which I'm using for the next chapter! It's appreciated! I love getting the small suggestions... I always end up thinking 'I like that!' and then try to incorporate it somehow… so thanks!**

**So here's the next chapter… hopefully it's a little less angsty then the others… plus there's some more Edward and Bella! I've done half Bella and half Edward point of view... it's easier to write when you can use each persons point of view plus Edward's nice to write :)**

**Anyway... please review!! It would be great to get the same amount of reviews again, but if not I would at least love to see what some people think :)**

* * *

_Previously…_

_After lying awake for hours I finally fell into a deep slumber._

_But what I dreamt about confused me- I was in the church Tanya and I have chosen to get married in, and I was standing at the front next to my father watching my bride come towards me._

_When she was standing in front of me, I pulled her veil back to see my beauty's face- only to see it was Bella's face I was looking at, and it was Bella I was marrying._

_…And all I could think about was how beautiful she looked._

* * *

**A Thousand Miles**

**Chapter eight: Shopping and running**

_Bella's point of view:_

Sleeping next to Edward surprisingly bought a night of dreamless, easy sleep- not full of the vivid and life like ones I have grown accustomed to.

Perhaps that wasn't surprising through… I did always sleep well with him beside me.

I don't, however, know what had come across me when I suggested this though- all I thought was that, _if I'm going to try to just be his best friend whilst I can, why not try to re-create the easier times?_

I had meant it when I asked if I could still come to his wedding- I knew I would go, after all I would be in Fork's no matter what. At least I wouldn't have to make excuses as to why I wasn't going.

I did however, obviously, lie about Tanya… well kind of… I used her as the excuse, knowing now that I didn't want to tell Edward about my feelings, but it didn't mean that she and I were friends- we would always be far from that.

But if it was important to Edward… I could at least act friendly to her when he's around.

Anyway no time like the present… I could see Edward was still asleep, so after yawning loudly I dragged myself out of bed and headed into the kitchen to see that Alice was also up and awake.

"Morning sunshine!" she said cheerfully, from her position on the counter.

"Morning" I grumbled my voice groggy- not really awake yet.

Alice laughed quietly, "get back late then?" she asked, sipping her drink of orange juice.

"Not really at about 11. I just didn't want to get up today to be honest," I admitted, rubbing my eyes.

"Do you ever?" she murmured under her breath.

…I only just managed to resist the urge to stick my tongue out at her.

"So… did you talk to Edward then?" she said, her voice now quieter- probably just in case Edward was awake.

"Hmm, yeah I did." I replied, also speaking quietly.

"…And are things okay?" she asked cautiously.

I smiled slightly, though my eyes were still drooping. "Yeah, things are a lot better between us now" I replied nodding.

"You didn't tell him did you?" she asked, speaking even quieter then before. By this point both of us were sitting at the table, at opposite sides, she was leaning slightly across so to hear me better.

"No" I replied, shaking my head, "I'm not going to"

Surprisingly she didn't argue against my decision- but she didn't agree with it either.

"If that's what you think is best" she finally replied- her voice dejected.

I nodded, "it really is …what good would it do telling him now? It would ruin what we've salvaged, plus… it's all okay, I have Luke and he loves Tanya- _it's the only way that makes sense_"

She nodded though her eyes looked unfocused looking lost in thought.

"…What is it?" I asked cautiously, ultimately ending her thought train.

"Nothing… it's just… I swear sometimes the way he looks at you…" she paused quickly, shaking her head though not in an uncertain way. She then looked at me her expression now careful, whilst I frowned in confusion "it's the same way you look at him, the same way I look at Jasper…"

_That can't be true._

"Sure you don't need to visit the opticians?" I replied half-smiling.

She didn't seem to even notice my comment though… well maybe she did, but didn't want to say anything regarding it "All I'm saying Bella… have you ever considered something? What if he does feel the same way… but just doesn't realise it because he has always thought of you as a friend?" she acted rhetorically.

_I wish. _

"That's impossible" I argued.

I genuinely believed that though, after all why bother hoping?

"Nothing's impossible" she also argued, a typical Alice argument.

"…It is for this" I finally replied.

She shook her head, "Bella that doesn't really make much sense…" she disagreed.

"Neither does telling him the truth" I replied, my voice suddenly sounding void of emotion.

"Hmm" Alice sighed disapprovingly.

"Please just agree with me" I grumbled.

"I never said I didn't Bella…" she sighed out, seeming frustrated.

I didn't blame her, even I was frustrated with myself.

"Then why are you saying all this stuff about Edward?" I challenged her.

She shrugged, "I just have a _feeling_ you're not doing the right thing…"

…_A feeling?_ Here we go with psychic Alice again…

"Well I _know_ I am" I lied stubbornly- attempting to convince her, but at the same time also failing in convincing myself.

Silence ensued after that, luckily Alice knew to break the short tension.

"So Jasper and I are going into the town today…" She drawled out, "maybe it would be best if you and Edward came"

I nodded, "sure, I think Jasper and Edward would get on" I told her honestly, after all Edward and Jasper are fairly similar in some aspects of their personality…

"Plus with a group of four you get no awkwardness!" she exclaimed, practically bouncing in her seat.

I sighed, knowing she was right, "Fine, I'm coming. It's up to Edward if he is though"

"Oh he will" Alice replied, winking at me.

"Whatever you say Pixie" I murmured, leaning down to rest my head in my folded arms.

"Guess we're about to find out!" she said excitedly as a door opened.

"…Morning Eddie!" she said impossibly loud- both Edward and I groaned at the noise at the same time.

"… Ally." He grumbled in response, as he sat down beside me on the spare chair, his head in his hands as well.

"Edward" I said- softer then what Alice did.

"Bella" he replied just as softly trying to look up in my direction, but failing miserably due to fatigue.

Yep, both and Edward and I are officially not morning people, just like a huge percentage of the population are not. I had figured that Alice _must_ be one of the exceptions, I just couldn't comprehend how she could be so energetic so early.

"Sleep well?" she asked him, an almost knowing smile on her face. .

"Like a rock" he grumbled, still half asleep.

Meanwhile I was feeling a lot more awake by now so decided now as good a time as any to get moving; "…well as the bathrooms free, I'm going to shower" I informed them.

They both nodded, though Alice now seemed focused in her bowl of cereals she had just poured and Edward looked like he wasn't even listening.

_My best friends everyone... you've got to love them. _

After the shower, I began getting dressed in the outfit Alice had already lined out for me.

In my time thinking I had decided that I would act as normal as I could today… I would act like the best friend again, not the love lost loser.

For example if Edward mentions Tanya, I will not try to change the subject like normal, instead I'll listen and act interested.

This shouldn't be too difficult, after all I just have to last one more day… come tomorrow and I can drop the act. And then I won't have to see him again until the wedding… which will obviously be the hard part.

I'm choosing to believe it won't be impossible though- losing him I mean.

…So why is the mere thought of saying goodbye to him tomorrow so painful?

* * *

_Edward's point of view_

' _"No, please come back! What did I do…?"_

"… _You never loved me, did you?"_

"_But I do, I always have… please don't leave me" '_

WHAT?!

I sat upright suddenly coming into awareness.

Honestly though, I should have expected the dream coming to a shocking ending considering the circumstances- however despite it being shocking, I didn't understand the last part though… _why was she running away from me?!_

I blinked a couple of times, trying to adjust to the harsh light coming through the windows. _It's morning already?_

…You know those types of dreams? I mean the ones that are so vivid and lifelike that you think that they are real? …That's what my dream last night was like.

The most surprising part of it all was that the dream of marrying Bella didn't seem weird, like a nightmare, instead it felt normal. Like the childhood dreams I used to have of simple things, like the plans for the next day.

_It's just a dream, just a dream…_ right…?

…_Right._

Because I have Tanya, I love her, I'm marrying her… the dream must have just come because of the change of location, and the return of friends I thought I had lost… it must have represented something like that.

There's no other possible explanation.

I turned over quickly, to see Bella was no longer lying there, to be honest- maybe that was for the best.

I turned to lie on my back listening intently for any sounds. I hear whispering coming from the communal room, though I couldn't quite hear what was being said.

It must mean that Alice and Bella are up. Taking into consideration that I don't have long left here I may as well spend as much time as humanly possible with them.

However sitting at the table with them didn't help me from feeling guilty about last night. The dreams I had of Bella by the end were not exactly appropriate… she would be horrified if she even knew what I was dreaming.

I continued thinking about ideas to make it up to Tanya, without her noticing something was wrong when a slap on the head snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Snap out of it Eddie!" Alice moaned from opposite me.

Being snapped back into awareness I noticed it was only Alice and me sitting at the table by now, meaning that Bella must have gone somewhere…

"Out of what?" I grumbled, rubbing the spot on my head that she had hit.

She sighed exasperatedly, "I've been trying to talk to you for 2 minutes now, you however seemed to be enjoying whatever you were daydreaming"

"I wasn't-" I began to argue, my voice sounding higher- the lying voice.

Alice however, cut me off before I could continue- "Don't even argue it" she told me, her voice low and harsh, though her expression was teasing.

I sighed, and tried again "But…"

Only, she cut me off again "No! Don't even try it!" she said, pointing at me accusingly, I sighed in defeat.

She took a deep breath and began again- "Anyway… what I asked you about_- when you were daydreaming- _was about today's plans" she informed me.

"Today's plans which include…?" I asked her, confused.

"Well Bella, Jasper and I are hanging out for the day, and I _expect_ you to come" she informed me, her voice completely serious.

_Typical Alice… _"Expect me?" I replied my tone and expression incredulous.

"Yes! …Come on don't look at me that way," she said, looking surprised that I looked annoyed at her.

I sighed and softened my expression for her benefit, she smiled and then asked me a question I didn't have an answer to- "What else are you going to do anyway?" she smiled, triumphant.

I sighed, "Nothing…" I admitted feeling defeated.

"Good! Then that's settled" she said happily, her expression smug.

* * *

After agreeing, I got ready making the decision to act as normally as possible around Bella today. I didn't want to her to know about the dream… it wasn't important anyway.

I'm probably just overreacting.

It did please me to see Alice so happy around Jasper though, it was very obvious that they felt strongly for eachother and it was nice to see the emotions shown to us.

I didn't get much chance to talk to Jasper but when I did I found I got on well with him, we had a few things in common and he seemed like a very relaxed person- I was surprised actually comparing him to Alice's energy.

When we got outside of the college Alice began begging that we all went to the mall, which of course Bella and I argued.

"Please, please! There's just a couple of stores I want to look in!" she begged, pouting.

"Alice, not again" Bella moaned, sounding frustrated.

"I won't be long!" Alice pleaded, before facing Jasper, "Please Jasper you'll come with me right?"

He looked over, and it was easy to see his expression soften as he looked at her pleading expression, "you know I will" he replied finally.

She squealed, flinging her arms around him. "Yay! Thank you" she said softly, leaning in to him.

After a couple of moments she turned back to us, her expression pleading again.

"Bella, Edward…?" she begged us, her eyes wide and unblinking.

I sighed- not wanting to bother to argue, "fine, I'll come" I replied softly.

"Me too" Bella also replied; though she spoke through gritted teeth.

…I didn't know how much I would regret agreeing with Alice again, because a couple of stores for Alice meant _hours_ in each one.

A couple of hours later whilst feeling irritated and my small and conniving best friend I glanced at my phone to look at the time. Only instead the screen displayed that I had a missed call from Tanya… again.

Once we were finished on this shopping trip I would make sure to call her and let her know when I would be back.

I sighed out of boredom- not due to the company, but due to the activity.

Honestly it was surprising how someone so small could have so much energy… it was entertaining to see Alice pulling Jasper about with her though- the poor guy.

I continued to look at the people around me to see that Bella looked just as bored as I did by now- she was playing with the sleeves on her jacket after all.

However, I found it unusual that even though I'm bored by this trip… I actually feel like I'm having the one of the best times that I've had in a long while.

…Of course I have Tanya where I live now and that's great, but I can't help but feel that I belong more in Hanover compared to Miami… maybe it's the place, maybe it's because of the people… I couldn't put my finger on it.

Maybe once I get back to Miami I would forget these thoughts… after all I love it there, I love that it's what Tanya wants and that it's her dream… the only problem is that I doubt is whether Miami is what _I_ want.

But if Tanya's what I want… then wherever she is, is what I want, right?

_My thoughts were confusing even to me. _

"You there Edward?" Bella said from beside me, her face curved into a wide smile.

"Hardly" I mumbled, "…How much longer do you think she'll be?" I asked, gesturing to Alice- who was currently piling a couple of handfuls of clothes into Jasper's arms.

I laughed at the sight, if I haven't said it before- the poor guy.

Bella giggled, "We've only been in this store for half an hour, so I'm guessing we'll be here until the store closes" she replied, as she also watched Alice and Jasper.

"At _twilight_ then" I murmured, noticing out of the corner of my eye that Bella turned to give me a curious look.

"Yeah…" she eventually replied, now also lost in thought.

_Was it selfish that I wanted her to continue talking to me?_

"Bella…?" I asked gently, leaning towards her slightly.

"Hmm?" she replied looking slightly dazed- _what had she been thinking?_

I would love to be able to hear people's thoughts in these types of situations, imagine how convenient it would be. Though I doubt Bella in particular would want me intruding in her mind.

I smiled as a genius idea came to me, "want to get out of here?" I suggested, grinning evilly.

She grinned, "nice idea _batman_, but how are we going to escape super pixie?" she asked me jokingly, making a clever reference to our kindergarten games we used to play.

Aka- the easy times… The times where the most difficult decision was whether you wanted to go on the slide or swing, or if you wanted apple or orange juice.

…And even then those decisions seemed difficult.

It's weird how them decisions change as you grow older, into questions such as- Miami or Hanover? …Friend's or fiancée's?

I snapped out of those thoughts, feeling irritated that I kept distracting myself from the plan at hand.

For Bella's benefit- I grinned widely; "well Bells, I think we're going to have to be clever and cunning… take them by surprise…" I played along with her game, as we watched Alice and Jasper crossing to the other side of the store.

Bella smiled and replied- "Either that or we could just turn and run because we're right by the exit" Bella said sarcastically, gesturing to the fact that we were in the doorway.

"Right" I nodded, I turned to her and put on my half smile, it worked- she soon began smiling and seemed almost… dazed?

I leant even closer to her, "…so what are we waiting for?" I grinned, grabbing her hand and pulling her along and out of the door behind me.

Once outside, we ran for a minute or so alongside eachother still hand in hand until we reached the mall exit both of us laughing at the same time.

"That was easy, " I said triumphantly as we began walking slowly beside eachother.

"Yeah" she replied softly.

"So how long are we going to disappear for?" I asked her, leaning in her direction.

She looked up at me, "Until _twilight_" she replied winking at me, swinging our still intertwined hands together.

I hadn't even noticed we were still holding hands… I waited a moment before letting go gently, she didn't seem to notice- once again she looked deep in thought as she stared upwards at the sky.

…Though I missed the comfort and warmth, it surprised just how much I did to be honest.

We walked in comfortable silence- I loved how things felt so natural, and even though I didn't know where we were going, I also loved that I was enjoying being with her.

"… Is that a phone ringing?" Bella's soft voice pulled me out of my reverie.

I paused for a moment, only to hear my familiar ring tone blaring- it seemed loud in the mostly empty street, how had I not noticed it before?

I quickly pulled it out of my pocket to look at the lightened screen.

'Tanya calling'

"Answer it then" Bella urged me nudging me with her elbow, smiling widely at the same time.

The question is- did I want to? …I knew this would be a long conversation that I wasn't prepared for, not when it was cutting into my time with Bella.

"Go on, it's okay, I'll give you a minute alone- I just need to grab something from the book store, okay?" Bella informed me, speaking softly.

I smiled at her softly and nodded to agree. Though before I clicked the answer button I watched as she walked across the street to make sure nothing happened to her… after all it is Bella here.

…And for all I knew anything could happen.

For instance she could be chased by a group of frat boys, or a van could spin out of control and head in her direction…

Okay, maybe that's a bit ridiculous, but still possible.

All the time watching Bella I eventually raised the phone to my ear.

"Hello…?" I said cautiously, after pressing the answer button.

And my lovely, sweet fiancée greeted me… _"Edward Anthony Masen, you've got some explaining to do!!!"_

… _Right. _

* * *

**Ick, Tanya. Ha, I love how its so easy to write her as the annoying character... I dont think ive ever read a fanfic where shes genuinally 100% nice haha. ****But being an Edward and Bella fan its impossible to like her I guess...**

**Anyway next chap- Edward meeting Luke, wonder what his reaction will be? And it may get up to the point where Edward leaves, and then the part im most excited about can begin! Yay! Lol. :)**

**Anyway... please review, and thanks for reading. :)**


	9. Books and jealousy

**A/N- Hiiii, thanks for the lovely reviews again! It's really really appreciated! Literally every review really makes me smile so thank you! I would have updated quicker but honestly college is crazy, just last week I had to make a 20 minute presentation, a 3000 word essay, a report... well, you get the point haha. Anyway I have less work this week so I've got this done! (even though this chapter has taken me about 7 hours aha...)**

**So anyway chapter nineee.! Hope the multiple split E/B POV's is okay, but I could only see each part in a certain persons point of view such as the phone call being in Edward's etc... Also I'm happy to be using Emerald0319's suggestion of Edward/Luke this chap! Thanks!**

**I've also been working on an outline for this story, I've currently planned up to chapter 16 and it's not anywhere near the end I have planned in my head. So I'm guessing this story will probably go on about 25 to 30 chapters maybe if thats okay? I could shorten it if not. Anyway... **

**Hope you like! Please review and the next update will be a bit quicker! **

_

* * *

Previously…_

_I eventually raised the phone to my ear._

"_Hello…?" I said cautiously, after pressing the answer button._

_And my lovely, sweet fiancée greeted me… "Edward Anthony Masen, you've got some explaining to do!!!"_

… _Right. _

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter nine: Books and jealousy**

_Edward point of view:_

I had to pull the phone slightly away from my ear- my hearing had always been better the normal, but I was afraid that with the volume that Tanya was screaming in my ear that it wouldn't stay that way.

I wasn't surprised at her tone; I was used to it. It was the only flaw in her personality- a raging temper that is.

…And so I endured her wrath, listening in silence.

"Why haven't you called me yet? First I have to cope with the _sudden_ announcement that you need to go away- so soon to the wedding and all!" she continued to yell through the speaker, now a good distance from my ear. "-When you told me I thought 'okay, that's like… _fine_' but I thought you would at least let me know what's going on! You haven't called me today!" she moaned- her voice now turning from angry to whiny.

I took a deep breath, finally raising the phone to press it against my ear "Tanya I was going to" I told her sincerely, making each word sound separate and distinct.

"When exactly?" she quipped back, her tone now snide.

"I was honestly going to call you very soon, it's just I've been so busy here…" I began to explain, my voice sounding desperate.

"…So busy that you forgot to call your fiancée? I thought you were supposed to put _me_ first, before those friends of yours at very least!" she continued to complain, now sounding more whiny then before.

Okay so maybe she has two flaws, flaw two being: She's just a tiny bit selfish sometimes… though admittedly I can understand her point of view in this situation.

But really… was it so wrong of me to put Bella before Tanya for a couple of days?

Is it so wrong that I left only giving Tanya short notice?

Is it so wrong that I basically forgot to contact her?

No, Yes. Yes…?

… I know that it was wrong of me, but does it really mean that I'm deserving of 'America's worst Husband-to-be' or am I just exaggerating?

Admittedly, I _have_ been known to do that. But so has Tanya.

"I know, I'm sorry" I apologised to her, speaking softly.

"Hm." She barely mumbled in response.

I ran my hands through my hair only just noticing that I was pacing, "Don't be like that Tanya… I really am- I'm sorry. I promise I'll make it up to you okay?"

She seemed to ignore my comments, "When are you back?" she asked, her voice now sounding detached.

"Tomorrow, I'll be there in the evening" I replied to her, ignoring how I got that feeling again- that I didn't want to go back that is. I brushed it off quickly this time, after all It's probably just the novelty of being here. Because I wouldn't ever live here, Miami's where I belong… right?

"Good, well I guess I'll see you tomorrow then" she replied, her voice sounding a little lighter.

And from that point she launched into a conversation about how she's decided on the bridesmaids- or something like that.

Amazing… how she managed to change her mood in such a short conversation that is. As I stood listening to her talking it was almost as if she had never been annoyed at me in the first place.

Tanya did remind me of _Jekyll and Hyde_ sometimes- the changing personalities part of the characters that is.

Hold on… why am I picking at flaws in her personality?

…It's the distance that's all. I know for certain that aside from these flaws that Tanya is wonderful. Once I'm back in Miami all will be resolved, and I'll be reminded how much I love her.

It's my first few days away from her since we've been engaged- that's what the reason must be for this.

However, I know it'll be a long journey tomorrow due to the amount I have to think about on the plane journey. This includes question such as: is it unusual to not miss or barely think about your fiancée when you're _a thousand miles_ away from her?

… I hope I can come to the conclusion that it's not, because that's certainly the case with me.

* * *

_Bella's point of view:_

The first thing I did when I entered the store was watch Edward through the windows I could see him from- by this point he was standing over the other side of the street not looking on my direction.

Good, at least then he wouldn't notice I hadn't stopped staring at him when I'm _supposed_ to be looking for a book for lit class.

He was still on the phone and was clearly agitated by the way he was pacing whilst running his hands through his hair wildly.

I silently noted to myself that it's one conversation I do _not_ need to ask him about. Finally I finally tore my eyes away from his pacing figure and I finally turned my attention back to the books in front of me.

I soon found myself immersed in all the classics lined up; I quickly up my short half-hearted search for _Great Expectations_ and instead focused my attention on my favourites, for example- any book from Jane Austen.

So far this afternoon had been good for Edward and me, it was nice to just be friends again- unrequited feelings aside.

I've found that whenever he's around without Tanya that it's not difficult knowing the truth that he doesn't feel the same way… because I can almost imagine that he does. Due to the way he acts, perhaps it's just his personality but he has always seemed so… attentive, and I could mistake this for affection if I really wanted to.

Example of this include the way he held my hand, and how he wanted me to be in a good mood… although I knew that he was just acting like a good friend, I would always wish it meant something more.

Unfortunately he's on the phone right now- with who I can only predict is his fiancée Tanya- and he's probably telling her how much he loves her and misses her. _She's probably all he's thought about whilst he's been here. _

_-----_

A while passed as I crossed the store aimlessly, I eventually found myself with a pile of books in my arms as usual. By this point I was struggling to balance them but still continued looking at the spines of other potential reads.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward approaching- it was a relief to see him seem a lot calmer as compared to when I last looked.

"Hey" I said softly when he was by my side; he smiled in response though I could tell it was forced- his expression was stressed.

"Bad call?" I asked him sympathetically, readjusting my grip on my books.

"Yeah…" he agreed, nodding "sorry for taking so long" he apologised.

"Don't apologise," I cut him off shaking my head, "besides, the call looked important" I remarked, trying to sound off-hand.

"Yeah, you could say that" he replied vaguely- he didn't say any more on the matter and I didn't ask him, After all it's none of my business.

"So what are you getting?" he asked taking the books out of my arms- I was about to argue but I found it a relief on my arms to not have the weight in them, plus it didn't even seem like it was an effort for him at all.

He glanced at the books for a moment, and just as I expected he noticed one book in particular.

"_Wuthering heights_?" he asked his voice disbelieving, he looked up at me raising an eyebrow.

I nodded, "I need a new copy, somehow my other one ended up in the washing machine… I don't know how it got in there, but let's just say it's unreadable now" I sighed, feeling mournful for my deceased book- it had been mine for years and had provided many hours of re-reading and enjoyment.

Edward was laughing softly at what I had said, I tried to make myself seem annoyed at him for it, but it's as if his laughter really was _infectious_… I couldn't help but smile, even though I tried to hide it.

He finally stopped laughing, "I'll bet it was worn out anyway" he replied, his voice light.

I rolled my eyes, "Ha, yeah" I commented dryly, _he was definitely right though. _"… it really was" I agreed.

He smiled widely at me, seeming in such a good mood, a completely different version compared to the stressed expression he had only minutes ago when on the phone.

Silently we walked in the direction of the cashier so I could pay for the books. He still wasn't letting up on the abuse of my poor old book though.

"I still don't know why you love that _classic_ so much" he remarked dryly, though his expression was teasing.

I rolled my eyes at him again, my own little habit- "I still don't know why you hate this classic so much" I quipped back, sticking my tongue out at him. He only shrugged, wearing his ever so irritating but also gorgeous smirk.

My irritation for him eventually won over the dazzling though, "Honestly Edward…" I groaned letting out an exasperated sigh, annoyed I had to explain why I loved it so much _again._

"…It's a _beautiful_ book, the characters are so complex and the love between them is so strong…" I explained, feeling as if I had this speech well memorised.

He cut me off, seeming surprised at my wording "You cannot call _that_ a love story" he replied incredulous.

"But it _is_ one" I argued back.

"But… they…" Edward complained pulling at his hair, though his expression was still light and carefree.

"Just don't bother arguing, you'll never win this debate" I told him smugly, shrugging.

"Oh, wouldn't I?" he murmured, his voice thick with implications.

"Nope" I replied simply, shaking my head.

"…Want to bet on that?" he suggested, with that gorgeous smirk back in place on his face.

"Nope" I repeated myself- it's pointless, he would just end up losing! I glanced over at him to see a peculiar expression on his handsome face.

"_I'm not scared of you,_ Mr Smart-ass." I remarked, "I know for a fact that I can out debate anyone as proven in my English class" I informed him smugly, trying to copy his smirk but failing miserably in the process.

He laughed, "_You really shouldn't have said that_… Because all the things I can complain about this book… lets just say it's so much that even _Bronte_ would think twice about her novel" he explained, now grinning widely.

I rolled my eyes, I expected him to come up with a comment like that after all.

"Stupid masochistic man" I mumbled more to myself then him.

To my surprise though- he heard and he laughed.

"You say that, but could you honestly find someone to side with you on this debate?" he asked me, musing to himself.

I thought for a split second when I realised, "Yes I could actually" I replied, feeling very smug all of a sudden.

He looked surprised, blinking a couple of times, "who then?" he asked.

I smiled at him, before turning to take a couple more steps towards the cash point so we could go somewhere else.

However, the person who was at the cash point in front of me turned and I blinked in surprise at who stood in front of me.

I basically answered Edward's question at the same time as I spoke in recognition of who was in front of me.

"…Luke"

* * *

_Edward point of view:_

So _this_ was Luke.

…The person who rang me for Bella's sake

And the person who is Bella's boyfriend and the person she went to last night?

I wouldn't have known who he was if it wasn't for Bella's surprise when she said his name and I think it would be the same for him.

Once she said his name he instantly looked in her direction as if reacting to her voice.

And then his expression of boredom changed into surprise and joy. Heck, even a blind man would be able to see his happy and elevated expression right not.

… The expression, which I am certain, is completely fabricated and fake.

In that split second before he had even replied I had already decided that I didn't like or trust him at all.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked Bella finally, smiling softly at her.

She shrugged, "you know me, I practically live here" she replied innocently.

He laughed softly, his eyes never leaving hers.

"True…" he murmured.

Bella suddenly gasped as if she had forgotten something very important, "sorry how rude of me, Edward this is Luke, Luke this is Edward" she exclaimed pointing each of us out when she said our names.

I didn't really reply in response, I just nodded slightly, looking anywhere but the two of them, instead focusing on a picture on a wall. All I saw was the colours- black, red and white.

I didn't however, consider being nice. The last thing I wanted to do was become his friend.

I just wanted him to get out of here, or disappear… better yet jump under a van- so I could spend the rest of my time here with Bella without _him_ in the way.

_Hold on_.

…Why do I hate him so much?

…Why do I feel sick at the sight of his smug expression looking at Bella?

"Hey Bella, can I talk to you alone for a second?" he asked her breaking the short silence.

I couldn't help but notice how when he spoke the word 'alone' that he looked up at me. And in that split second his eyes narrowed and his expression became more of a glare that was clearly at me for some obscure reason. Before I could barely blink he softened his expression to look back at Bella.

_I wonder what my expression looks like right now. _

She glanced over at me, "oh yeah, sure! Edward you don't mind right? I'll be right back" she pleaded with me, smiling softly.

"No I don't mind" I replied through gritted teeth, forcing a smile on my face- for her benefit only.

She didn't say anymore but smiled at me again, before walking with him over to the other side of the store.

Watching how he took hold of her hand and how she walked close to him made me want to punch someone, or at least knock over a bookshelf or something.

Silently walking ahead and ignoring the churning feeling in my stomach, I went to the cash point and bought Bella's books for her. I knew she would complain, but I wouldn't take any notice, it was something I liked to do for her.

Once I had them paid for I took a seat in one of the leather sofa's, I could see Bella and Luke out of the corner of my eye – unfortunately this store really isn't that big – and I could see from Bella's stance and expression that she seemed happy.

So why wasn't I?

I _should_ be happy that Bella, my best friend, _my_ Bella has someone, after all I've never wanted for her to be alone.

… If that's the case then why am I thinking she would be better off alone without him?

Knowing that I couldn't stand looking at them anymore I quietly picked up the closest book to me, from the small table beside the sofa.

The pink title against the black background stood out, the title of it surprised me more though; it read- _just jealous. _

And then it hit me; 'Just jealous'… is that the way I am feeling right now? No, no it can't be…

Needing to take my mind off of the sick feeling in my stomach I opened the book and began reading whilst waiting for Bella to come back.

* * *

_Bella point of view:_

Once we were a safe distance away from other people we stopped walking. I glanced quickly at the sections around me looking at the tops of the bookcases. They were all the same two genres- 'fantasy' and 'romance'

…_Ironic much?_

Sighing softly, Luke gently let go of my hand and took a small step back from me, "So… that's Edward then?" he asked, sounding detached, gesturing in the direction of where we left Edward.

"Yeah" I replied nodding not knowing what else to say.

It's not like I could say- "Yes that is Edward, the man who I have always loved. But don't worry- we're only hanging out, it's not like I'm wishing he would suddenly declare his undying love for me or anything" – it was the truth mostly, but I doubt it would fare well with my uncertain boyfriend.

Not knowing what to say I took a step back and leant against the shelf for support.

Meanwhile Luke also seemed in the same situation- he looked down at his feet shuffling them, seeming uncomfortable.

I opened my mouth to explain, to make him understand, _anything_…

"Look, Luke I…" I began, my voice sounding weak.

But he cut me off- "Can we meet up tomorrow, once he's gone?" he suddenly asked, bringing up his head to look me in the eye.

I smiled softly, "really…?" I whispered, surprised.

He nodded, reaching forward to take my hand in his again. He intertwined our fingers together softly; I stared at our hands- noticing how they didn't really seem to fit together.

Yet, the warmth was comforting.

"Yes then, that will be wonderful" I breathed, smiling softly at him.

"Great" he said gently, he lifted our hands and kissed the back of mine.

I was confused as to why he had changed his mind so quickly, and suddenly seemed so much warmer as compared to the way I had to leave him yesterday.

But I wasn't about to argue or dare to ask him why.

Because tomorrow once Edward's gone it'll all be so much easier, it'll be Luke and me… Edward and Tanya…

Although I will always wish for different circumstances and to have Edward, is this the way it's supposed to be?

…After all this isn't a fairytale, I know that.

So can I live happily with Luke and forget about Edward eventually?

…I hope so.

* * *

**Hope you like! I originally planned for Edward to leave in this chapter but then I decided on something else to happen before he does that I couldn't fit in here. (will all happen next chap!)**

**So please review, let me know what you think! Oh, and... thanks for reading :D x**


	10. Sunsets and smugness

**A/N- Hiii, thanks for all the reviews again! They are all really nice ones which of course are the best :) 47 people now have this on faves so thats really nice as well :)**

**So this update was a lot quicker then the last one, but I had all of today free- I've literally been writing it all day aha. Let me know what you think and I'll try to update in 5 days again, I'll try anyway! But please continue reviewing.**

**Hopefully people like this chap :)**

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_Previously_

_I was confused as to why he had changed his mind so quickly, and suddenly seemed so much warmer as compared to the way I had to leave him yesterday._

_But I wasn't about to argue or dare to ask him why._

_Because tomorrow once Edward's gone it'll all be so much easier, it'll be Luke and me… Edward and Tanya…_

_Although I will always wish for different circumstances and to have Edward, is this the way it's supposed to be?_

_…After all this isn't a fairytale, I know that._

_So can I live happily with Luke and forget about Edward eventually?_

_…I hope so._

* * *

**Chapter ten: Sunsets and smugness**

_Bella's point of view:_

The rest of the day just breezed by. It felt as if you could blink for just one short second and then once you opened your eyes you would have found that you missed it all.

…The expression _'time flies when you're having fun'_ was most definitely proved true.

Luke left shortly after asking if I could meet up with him which I thought was a little unusual. Actually… reflecting back on it, the whole situation felt bizarre, but like I said- I wasn't going to ever argue or question him.

I walked back over to Edward to find him sitting engrossed in what book he was reading. I leant down to get a look at what it was- I laughed out loud when I saw his choice.

"Really, Edward? You're reading a book by _Anne Cassidy_?" I asked him, acting outraged- _no need to tell him I have one of her books back at the dorm_.

"What's wrong with my choice?" Edward asked confused, standing up from the sofa.

Now that the book was in better view I glanced quickly at the title- how could I not notice it? – It was 'just jealous.'

I wondered briefly _is that book about me then?_ …Was it about the way I felt whenever he was with Tanya?

"Nothings wrong with it at all" I told him honestly, "It's just not the sort of thing you read that's all" I said, shrugging my shoulders.

At that point his beautiful smirk formed again on his flawless face, "Alright then…" he murmured, thinking hard for a moment. "What books do you think I read then?" he asked me.

All I remembered was what he chose to read at school- it had been months by now, I assumed his taste must have changed.

"_Stephen King_?" I replied, my response coming out as more of a question.

He laughed quietly shaking his head, "…Because I love horror," he said more to himself then to me.

It was silent for a moment, until he spoke again.

"Are things okay?" he asked, "with you and… Luke?" he said quietly- and if I wasn't imagining things- through gritted teeth.

"Yes, it's fine" I replied quietly looking down at my shuffling feet, not wanting to go into too much detail- I didn't exactly want Edward to know that things were… _awkward…_ between me and Luke. Because the odds are he would ask me for the reason, and _that's_ a conversation I _never_ plan on having…

"Right, that's good" he replied, sounding distant now, staring ahead.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, virtually repeating his earlier question, "things are okay with you and Tanya right?" I asked, putting fake concern into my voice.

_Don't get me wrong- I hate to see Edward in pain… but it's not like I'm going to cry if I find out that things are less then perfect with his barbie bride-to-be. _

"Yeah… I think so" he murmured quietly, I frowned slightly and opened my mouth to ask him more when he spoke again.

"Let's get going then, I think Alice will be all too ready to tear our throats out if we're gone too long" he said, smiling slightly. I knew it was deliberate- him changing the subject, I don't know whether that annoyed me or not.

On one hand maybe I didn't want to know what was wrong… meanwhile I thought the opposite- I felt like I _needed_ to.

Instead of arguing with him, I also smiled softly, "Too late for that" I said in reference to his 'Alice tearing our throats out' comment. I continued talking though- "But yeah lets go, I just need to pay for the books" I told him, gesturing to the cash point.

He only smiled wider, "Too late for that" he said teasingly- copying my sentence from a mere 5 seconds ago.

It sunk in what he meant when I noticed the bag leant up against the sofa, filled with books. "You didn't…" I gasped in recognition.

His smile turned into a smirk as he reached down for the bag, "Yeah I did" he replied. He must have seen my now horror stricken expression because his own one changed- into an incredulous one. "…Don't you dare argue with me for it" he said shaking his head, smiling at me.

"But I-" I began to argue with him, my voice desperate.

He sighed, reaching out a hand to cut me off, "Bella, Bella… don't you dare say you don't like having money spent on you, because guess what? …What's done is done" he told me smugly.

"Fine, but I'm not happy about this" I informed him, speaking through gritted teeth.

His smug expression and tone stayed in place, "I wouldn't expect you to be" he replied, shrugging lightly.

"Hm" I grumbled, folding my arms across my chest. I knew that I probably resembled a sulking child right now, yet I still didn't move from my position.

I heard Edward laugh quietly, "Come on" he said gently, taking me by the hand and pulling me along with him to wherever we were heading next.

* * *

We walked together silently through the now darkening streets- I stared at the sky and noticed how it was now a mix of orange and red with the sun sinking in the distance. I recognised the time it was- the time that Edward had mentioned before we left Alice and Jasper behind.

"It's _twilight_ now" I whispered, still looking above. Through the corner of my eye I noticed that he was watching me with interest.

"You're right" he murmured, now joining me with looking up at the sky, "and you know what? …It's my favourite time of day" he murmured, his voice thoughtful.

"Why?" I asked him gently.

He laughed quietly; "You might think this sounds crazy but… I love that it means change." He replied now looking directly at me, I faced him as well frowning at him in confusion, he smiled softly and then explained more- "I like that it's the middle of everything, because it's neither day or night. I also like that it is going towards the darkness but still lingers on the day and the light." He replied, wrapping his arm around my shoulder as he spoke the last part.

_Didn't he notice the irony or the parallel to us in his explanation? _

…I don't exactly mean that Tanya is the 'darkness' – even though I think and know that she _is_ evil- and I'm not saying that I'm the day part of his description because facing facts- I've never been '_little miss sunshine' _or anything.

What I mean is- Edward's heading in one direction, and yet here he is- still lingering on his friendships from his childhood.

_He's heading towards his future but still lingering on the past. _

… _Just like I am._

"…It's my favourite time as well" I choked out, my voice coming out surprisingly weak.

"It is?" he asked, sounding surprised but happy, his smile beautiful, "That's good to hear… it's almost as if it's… _'Our time'_ if that makes sense?" he said, his voice marvelling, he looked ahead of us as we began walking again.

"…It does," I said softly, smiling widely. I leant into him slightly, and we continued our walk alongside each other.

I watched his face as we walked, smiling at his beauty, his wonder… everything about him. I'm certain that he knew I was watching him, as he kept glancing in my direction, his own expression curious.

…_Could he not see how much I love him?_

_Couldn't he see what I was constantly telling him without words?_

He looked away from me, and I sighed quietly in defeat.

… _Maybe not then. _

We found Alice and Jasper only a couple of stores from when we left them, still in the same type of situation- Alice running around as if possessed, and Jasper following her.

_True love, eh?_

It wasn't long before we were noticed, Alice's reaction wasn't bad- admittedly when she first saw us she looked terrifyingly angry and I felt afraid. But then once her eyes focused on Edwards arm around my shoulders, and the blissful smile on my face- still smiling from a conversation we had on the way there- she smiled knowingly.

"Where did you two go then?" she asked accusingly, stepping towards us.

I sighed, gesturing to the bag full of books that I was now holding.

She rolled her eyes dramatically, I was certain that she muttered something sounding like _'again?'_ under her breath- though I couldn't be certain.

"So, are you done with shopping for today then pixie?" I asked her, my voice hopeful.

She looked at both Edward and me as we both put on our best pleading expressions- the pout. Impossible to resist!

"Fine" she grumbled, seeming unhappy about it.

_Sweet victory!_

Jasper soon had her smiling again though, after agreeing to come with her next Saturday. I told her that I would _not _be coming however… something that made her protest again.

We all walked on together heading back to the dorms, all laughing and smiling the whole way.

…And then the rest of my time with Edward went, in the blink of an eye.

And then the dreaded time came.

* * *

_Edward's point of view_

My final 24 hours or so in Hanover passed in a blur, and soon we were arriving at the airport, where I would shortly be catching a flight back to Miami and back to where my fiancée was.

We all walked the short distance from the car lot to the terminal all talking about last night- Bella, Alice, Jasper and I all hung out in the dorm for the night. And although it was simple- eating pizza and watching films, I really enjoyed it. After all I didn't really have many friends in Miami and it was nice to hang around with different people who I missed here.

When we arrived by the entrance of the airport, we continued to talk and then it was the time I had to go.

I hugged Alice, kissing her spiky hair, telling her I would see her soon, knowing it was only a month until I could. I shook Jasper's hand, happy for both him and Alice- that they had found eachother I mean.

And then I went to Bella, unknowing at the time just how difficult this goodbye would be for me.

I held her tight, pressing my face into her hair, my arms holding her to me. I whispered in her ear just how happy I was that our friendship was perfect again, and that I would see her soon.

I held on to her for a long time, longer then Alice. I felt the most unusual feeling that I didn't understand, I only knew one fact- that I didn't want to let go of her.

This felt so much more painful then the last time when Bella left, and I knew why- this time it was me that was leaving, and it was not completely by choice.

To my dismay it was Bella that pulled away from me, kissing me on the cheek as she did.

Her expression was sad, and something else that I couldn't identify. I frowned slightly examining, still completely unaware of what her eyes were telling me.

Sighing sadly as I glanced at my watch I spoke- "Well, guess I have to go then"

"Are you sure you don't want us to come in with you?" Alice asked, her arm now linked with Jaspers.

"No, no we've said our goodbyes… it will make it harder if you all come in there, and we have to repeat them" I said reluctantly.

"Okay" she said nodding, a small smile on her face.

I nodded as well, and although I knew I had to go to get to check-in on time… I didn't feel ready to.

Bella was still staring at me as well, her beautiful brown eyes still telling me something.

I glanced at Alice who was also watching Bella- she seemed to know that I wasn't ready to walk away yet, despite already saying goodbye to Bella.

"Well we need to be heading back to the car anyway. Edward- you had better call me when you get back home okay?" she asked me in a tone that told me _'do not argue with what I am asking of you.'_

"Sure, sure Alice" I agreed softly, nodding again.

With a last smile and wave Alice and Jasper began walking, but just as Bella turned to follow them I grabbed her elbow.

She still looked at me with the same expression from before. Again it was times like this that I wished I could read her mind.

"I'll miss you," I said quietly and sadly,

She smiled softly, "I'll miss you too" she whispered, her voice breaking.

I leant forward slowly; pressing my lips to her forehead and letting them linger there, one of my hands on her shoulder.

"Be safe" I whispered against her skin softly.

And on that note- I turned and walked away, all the time ignoring the weird ache that told me to go back. I couldn't even look back.

_I wiped away the wetness on my cheek… _wait, I was crying?!

My mind kept repeating the same three statements, all consisting of- _don't go back to Miami, stay here instead… don't leave your friends… don't leave Bella._

…Why was I thinking these things? Why was the pull to stay here, to stay with Bella so strong?

Surely it has to be something more then liking the town and the college, because if it was that I know that I wouldn't be feeling this way. There was something else, something stronger that made me want to stay here… was it because I was leaving Bella? I know I had felt pain like this when she left last time, but somehow the pain and the pull to her was different this time.

…Was it because I knew that our friendship would eventually fade away, and I was afraid to let her go?

I pondered all of this as I walked through the relatively quiet terminal, my bag slung over my shoulder.

Because I now wasn't looking where I was going I was constantly bumping shoulders with people, no one protested or complained though.

Even if they did I may not have heard- I was so lost in thought after all, it almost made me dizzy.

However as I began closing in on the distance to the check in desk I bumped into someone else, only this person shoved me back. I glanced up quickly as a reflex action only to be faced with none other then Luke.

What was _he_ doing here?

Immediately my lingering thoughts of missing Bella changed as I remembered he was the one who I wouldn't ever trust with her.

I hate this guy.

"Hello Edward" he said slowly and cautiously.

_Acting as if he's the good guy… of course. _

"…Luke" I barely grumbled in response, before I turned to step around him.

He stopped me though by grabbing hold of my sleeve forcefully, bringing me to a stop.

Sighing I turned to face him again and his expression was the complete opposite of what I had seen just a second ago- his black eyes were glaring at me, his whole expression hateful.

This time, he didn't speak in such a friendly tone, instead opting to growl out the words- _"I need to talk to you now, it's about Bella"_

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**So is Luke as nice as he makes out to be..? Kind of got a twist planned with him, hopefully it will surprise everyone, I'm thinking it might do. :)**

**Bit of a cliffy again, I just can't help them :) New chapter will be as soon as possible, thanks again to everyone who's reviewed so far! Especailly to all those who have stayed loyal to this story so far, its so appreciated :)**

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	11. Confrontations and suspicions

**A/N- Hiii! Holy crow... the reviews were so amazing last chap! Seriously... by far the highest for this story so far! They were more then double the average Plus loads more people have this on faves now- I think its 70 now? But yeah.. thats so lovely. Thank you so much!!**

**So hope this update is okay, I got it updated as soon as possible, in 5 days again! I could have been quicker, I wanted to be... but college like I said is crazy at the moment and it's my priority really :)**

**But yeah this is split POV's again.. Edward's being his talk with Luke and Bella's POV being her talking to Alice. **

**Next chap might include a time jump.. to nearer the date of the wedding, that is- if Edward and Tanya get that far. ;) Pleeeease review again, and I'll update ASAP... again. :)**

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_Previously…_

"_Hello Edward" he said slowly and cautiously._

_Acting as if he's the good guy… of course. _

"…_Luke" I barely grumbled in response, before I turned to step around him._

_He stopped me though by grabbing hold of my sleeve forcefully, bringing me to a stop._

_Sighing I turned to face him again and his expression was the complete opposite of what I had seen just a second ago- his black eyes were glaring at me, his whole expression hateful._

_This time, he didn't speak in such a friendly tone, instead opting to growl out the words- "I need to talk to you now, it's about Bella"_

* * *

**A Thousand Miles**

**Chapter 11: Confrontations and suspicions**

_Edward's point of view:_

When I heard the last word he spoke- the name of my best friend – my eyes immediately widened, my head snapping up to show him that I was listening.

"…What about her?" I asked him, my mind instantly thinking of the worst possible situations- had something happened?!

_Was she okay? Did he know something about her I didn't?_

Whatever the problem, I knew it couldn't be good from his expression, still the same as before.

It must have been something for him to track me to the airport… I doubt it's just a coincidence.

"I don't think here is the best place to talk about this" he mumbled, sending pointed looks at the mass of people manuvering their way in between us, bumping shoulders as they passed.

"Well where do you suggest? Because I have a flight that leaves soon and-" I began asking him, only to be cut off.

His voice was now more urgent as he spoke- "This won't take long, don't worry you'll still make your goddamn flight" he informed me, somehow managing to make himself sound like he was belittling me at the same time.

I glanced over at the check-in desk, there was still 15 minutes left until closing… I _suppose_ I could easily make it on time, if I kept the conversation short that is…

"Fine" I agreed my voice low.

We walked a couple of minutes just to a quiet part of the terminal where it was less likely that anyone would listen in.

I noticed that his expression seemed to soften when he looked at a young family passing us, but it was the complete opposite when he looked at me.

I knew by now that my expression most definitely matched his.

"I want to tell you the reason why I called you to come here, in the first place" he began to explain, pausing momentarily.

"Okay" I urged him on, desperate to know the situation and if Bella was okay, but also aware of the time passing…

"I did it because I love her you know." He sighed, not looking at me by this point. He spoke again- "I hated seeing her upset when she told me she missed you, but I should have thought it through…" he trailed off.

"I don't get what you mean" I mumbled, now confused as to where he was heading with this conversation.

Although he wasn't look in my direction I could still see that he looked like he was debating with himself… as if he was unsure whether to say anymore.

I sighed, taking the moment glancing over to the check-in desk across the airport in panic knowing I didn't have much time left. As I debated whether to run for it now I considered both options- firstly I wanted to know what the problem was with Bella… but secondly I promised Tanya that I would be on this flight, so should I try my luck finding out what the problem was?

But there and again if he took much longer and I didn't make the flight, Tanya would definitely be angry when I call her to tell her I won't be back until tomorrow, instead of tonight.

And I knew she had one heck of a temper, admittedly it would be worse then ever, because it would be deserved.

_Hell hath no fury like Tanya scorned. _

"Look could you just spit it out please? I don't have all day…" I groaned, now feeling even more impatient.

By this point he was looking down at the floor, but after I spoke his head snapped up only for me to see he was wearing a completely different expression. He still looked murderously angry, but he also looked… _contemplative?_

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked his voice low.

I nodded, "okay" I agreed, despite my reluctance to do so.

He took a deep breath, "how much does Bella… _mean to you_?" he asked me slowly, still seeming hesitant to talk at all.

"She's my best ever friend" I replied shrugging, not feeling the need to explain anymore to him- no need to tell him that for years she had been my life, and she would always be a big part of it… hopefully.

He didn't look happy with my answer, "and that's all?" he asked, his voice accusing.

"Yes" I nodded, surprised that I wanted to tell him 'no' … I knew she was so much more.

"Does she mean more to you then anyone?" he asked, still reeling off the questions.

_What is he trying to get to? _

"Well no, my fiancée Tanya means the most to me, shes my life" I replied, again feeling surprised- because this time, I felt a bizarre tugging, nervous feeling… the kind you feel when you're lying through your teeth, and don't want to get caught.

He looked as if he was observing my reaction; his eyes were narrowed as he watched me.

I had never hated this guy so much, there was _something_ weird about him, I couldn't put my finger on it…

"Well you need to get your priorities straight then" he suddenly mumbled,

"What do you mean?" I asked him, surprised that this conversation was changing yet again.

"What I mean is… the way you are acting with Bella and Tanya isn't fair. I know the story okay? …I know that when Tanya come along that you acted like Bella didn't matter anymore, and now for this weekend you've act as if Tanya doesn't matter?" he asked me, his expression calculating and smug.

I knew I had to defend myself, I couldn't let him win this argument- "You can't blame me for this weekend, you're the one that rang me asking me to come in the first place!" I argued back, my voice raising a couple of volumes, a couple of people passing by turned to look at us quickly, seeming confused at the sitation.

Once they had passed, dragging their luggage behind them, Luke spoke again- "Yes I did" he agreed, nodding slowly, "but… I just didn't realise how _close_ you two are…" he said, laughing at himself bitterly.

_Hold on, he's jealous? …__That's__ what this is all about?!_

"Look, we're not that close, we're best friends that's all…" I replied, shaking my head, trying to convince him, and myself.

"It didn't seem that way," he argued, "look here's the deal okay? _You stay away from her _you hear me? She's not yours for the taking anymore" he told me, his pose all rigid, his eyes murderous.

Was he seriously asking me to stay away from Bella…?

He couldn't be… I couldn't.

I wouldn't.

"I'm not going to stay away from her," I informed him, my voice now low but as menacing as I could manage.

After all, the mere thought of having to do what he's asking of me is impossible, I would rather kill him now then do that.

"Oh but you're going to," he said, taking a step closer, his eyes still narrow, "I take it your well acquainted your fiancées father Richard Denali?" he asked me, now seeming smug.

… As smug as if he knew just how much that man hated me.

Hold on… _how could he know that?_

"Yes, how do you know him?" I asked him warily, my voice quieter now.

"He's a family friend" he replied shrugging, the smugness still etched on his expression.

I didn't know what to reply, so I kept silent.

"What a shame it would be if he found out your carelessness towards his daughter…" he murmured to himself.

I continued to glare at him, not afraid of his lame-ass threats.

He smiled slightly though it was fake, "just leave her alone, please? Stop messing about with her" he said, his voice now slightly softer, showing the love he had for Bella buried underneath his hate for me.

Yet again I didn't say anything; I couldn't find the words to say.

"See you soon Edward, by the way… you had better run fast if you want to get your flight back to Tanya" he told me smugly, smiling a lot less fake then before.

And with that he walked off briskly, hitting my shoulder as he went, I didn't chase after him, to be honest I was more then glad to see him gone.

…I knew by now for certain that there is definitely something wrong with him- and I knew in that moment that it would be my duty - for Bella's sake - to find out what it was.

But now I had consider what he meant by me and Bella being so close, and by me not treating Bella and Tanya right.

But as I stood in the crowded terminal knowing that time was passing… I had never felt so torn, I didn't know whether to stay or leave.

…Should I go to who means the most to me whoever out of Bella and Tanya that is?

When did life get so complicated?

* * *

_Bella's point of view:_

Alice and I entered the apartment alone; I noticed that because we weren't speaking- that it seemed eerily quiet… and that the apartment itself looked empty, and plainer then before.

We had barely spoken on the journey back, I was lucky that Alice knows me too well, because it's as if she knew I wouldn't want to talk. So she kept up conversation with Jasper whilst I stayed in the back admittedly wallowing in my own misery.

…Thinking back to when we drove away from the airport at the time I felt a mixture of emotions, such as sadness that he was gone after I'd only had such a short space of time with him. Although, I also felt happiness because of the recognition that he is my friend again and that he never had to discover the reason for my distance. However I also felt regret… because of how I ignored him before, and also because he'll never know the truth.

… And I don't know if I'll ever truly believe in my heart of hearts that my decision not to tell him was the right one.

However needless of whether it was or wasn't I know that time goes on… and in a couple of hours I can see if I can salvage something of my relationship with Luke.

_Every cloud has a silver lining… right?_

Now that we were fully in the apartment Alice decided to attack- the silence was now no longer there, and instead was replaced with her high pitched squeal.

"Okay, Bella, tell me _everything_! …Don't you dare skip around the details this time!" she exclaimed pulling me by the hand until we were sitting on the sofa in the centre of the room.

_Ah, the famous sofa. _

I sighed, pulling and twisting on the ends of my hair with my fingers. "Really Alice…" I replied, my voice sounding whiny, "please listen to me when I say that there's _nothing_ to tell… well, nothing interesting anyway," I said shrugging, putting on a fake smile as I spoke- hoping she would buy my comments and leave it at that.

Unfortunately she saw right through it, and instead raised her eyebrows, "Are you kidding me Bella?" she asked, her tone incredulous, "You and Edward are my best friends… I don't think I've ever been so desperate to hear the latest gossip! …To me this is bigger news then Obama getting elected or that time that Serena admitted that she killed that guy on _gossip girl_!"

I rolled my eyes at the last part of her sentence- it wasn't exactly a compliment having your best friend compare your life to a TV show after all.

I'm not saying that it's not a great show, because it is, _but still…_

"Bella!" she groaned loudly interrupting my brief entertainment related thoughts, I glanced at her expression- yep… she was most definitely irritated with me now.

"What…?" I replied moaning, feeling irritated myself; I grabbed onto one of the sofa cushions placing it on my lap- _just in case_.

"I'm dying of impatience here!" she whined, her voice louder then before.

"Fine, I'll tell you the gist of it" I grumbled admitting defeat, it not like I even had a chance at winning against her anyway. "On Friday – the day that Edward got here – I-I told Luke the truth," I admitted, looking down at my lap and the red cushion placed there.

She gasped loudly, "you told him _what_?" she shrieked, seeming surprised.

_Ha… so apparently psychics don't know everything; she seemed awfully surprised about this after all. _

I nodded, biting my bottom lip, "I found out that it was Luke who asked Edward to come here and it was because I told Luke that Edward and I had a fight, and Luke wanted us to become friends again. Well anyway, I felt so guilty that I had lied to Luke about the real reason of Edward and me not talking. So to ease this guilt I went to his apartment and told him the real reason" I explained to her, speaking quickly hoping she wouldn't catch it all.

Of course being her, she heard it all- "So… you actually told your boyfriend that you love someone else?!" she asked, seeming completely shell-shocked by all of this.

I nodded again, "I know it sounds like an insane idea, but I felt like I couldn't keep it a secret from him, like it's not right for him to love me if he doesn't know that I don't fully love him in return"

She nodded, now clearly thinking it all through- all the information I told her that is. "Right, I understand your idea I really do… but I don't get it, Luke's a really nice guy so why did you throw that away?" she said quietly, seeming disappointed by that, it was no secret that she was supportive of my relationship with Luke after all.

"But I didn't though…" I argued back, feeling the need to defend myself slightly.

She blinked as if understanding was dawning on her, "Didn't react badly when you told him then?" she asked me, her hazel eyes wide.

…_She catches on quick._

"Not really no, he seemed more in shock… and really calm, I'm meeting him in a couple of hours to talk things through" I told her shrugging slightly.

"…And will you stay with him, if you can?" she asked me, her eyes now less wide and instead more thoughtful again.

"Yes" I replied without hesitation.

"And are you really sure that's the best choice?" she asked warily,

"… Yes" I replied- my voice less sure this time though.

Her expression was now confusing, I couldn't understand what she was thinking at all.

_I would love to be a mind reader in moments like this._

"What…?" I asked quietly, worried of what she was going to say.

She snapped out of her trance, blinking a couple of times before focusing and speaking again- "Okay I have two issues with this Bella, first I don't really understand Luke's reaction… I mean you admitted that you love someone else and one day later he's okay with it? That just seems a bit weird…" she murmured, her voice growing quieter.

"He's understanding that's all, I think he reacted perfectly" I defended him, feeling the intense need to.

"If you insist…" she sighed, looking at me disapprovingly.

"I do, now… the second thing?" I asked her, my tone coming out harsher then I intended.

"Well after seeing things this afternoon I am now even more convinced that both you and Edward are not making the right decisions" she replied.

"Edward…?" I asked her, sounding and feeling confused- _she said his name right? … And she said that he isn't making the right decisions?!_

_Did I hear her right?_

"Yeah," she nodded confirming my thoughts somehow, "it's just… he's just so blind to the truth! Because he doesn't see that you love him, and because he can't see that he loves you back" she explained, staring into my eyes the whole time.

I couldn't agree, though I wished I could.

_She's the one who's blind, although I would give __anything__ for her to be right._

"Alice, for the _thousandth time_, he doesn't…" I argued, my voice coming out weak- I clutched the cushion closer to my chest feeling pain there.

"_He does_, did you not see him at the airport just an hour ago? He looked heartbroken to let you go, the way he was looking at you… it's _not_ the way a friend looks at a friend" she insisted, edging closer to me on the sofa.

"Alice, please don't…" I begged her, shaking my head. I let my hair frame my face so she wouldn't see.

"But Bella I know what I saw…" she sighed, her voice now weaker as well.

But still, I hated how she had to keep insisting on this! Why does she want to put false hope in my mind?

And so, I argued, snapping my head up to look at her- "But you didn't, Alice! Please just understand this because I now do… he will _never_ love me! He's getting _married_ in a month- he loves her! End of story okay?" I told her, leaving no room for argument.

"Okay, fine" she said, looking away from me, her voice now detached.

I felt guilty for arguing with her suddenly; _she was just trying to help right? _

"Sorry Alice I didn't mean to yell… I just need to let it all out. To convince myself that what I believe is right, I don't want to have false hope…" I mumbled, my words incoherent and barely making sense even to me.

"I know" she replied softly and soothingly, she reached over and took hold of my hand holding it gently.

It was silent for a while, I didn't look up at her, and she didn't look at me.

"Are you going to his wedding?" she asked quietly after a while, her voice gentler then before.

I swallowed hard, taking a moment before replied- "Yeah I am" I said quietly, but firmly.

She raised her eyebrows surprised; "Will you be okay with it though?" she asked softly, finally turning to look at me again.

"Hopefully yeah" I sighed, unable to be as certain as the last time I spoke.

She didn't say any more on the matter though I could tell she was having one of her 'moments' as she stared right ahead of her, her eyes unblinking and instead focused on something.

…Something that I wasn't sure that I wanted to know or not.

I excused myself, knowing that this conversation was over for now, I made my way into my bedroom lying across my bed.

I let my eyes flutter closed thinking about everything, knowing that although I'm not entirely certain on my decision – my decision to never let Edward know the truth. To watch him marry Tanya and then find happiness for himself – and even if I was never convinced it was the right choice… that it was my only choice.

If I just manage to convince that to myself, things will be okay eventually… I know it.

Feeling tired and headachy due to all the thoughts going through my mind, I turned to my nightstand and set my alarm for two hours from now.

So that I could awake, and then go and see Luke, and hopefully find some of this happiness I want.

However as I drifted, I dreamed…

And as always I only dreamt of Edward.

* * *

**So I know that the way Luke acted is confusing and I know that some people wanted him to tell Edward the truth... but that's all on purpose all the mentions of him being reluctant was showing that he's unsure as well but yeah.. all will be revealed very soon I promise. Hope it was okay though. :)**

**And yay the wedding and all the big events leading up to are now very soon. Its so tempting to mention what happens... but yeah. :)**

**Please review! Because all your reviews were so brilliant and lovely last time, so why not again? :) :) Thanks for reading!**


	12. Forks and visions

**A/N- Hii, thanks to everyone who reviewed! Yay the storys made it to 100!! Thanks to Desi Cullen for my 100th review! :) And thanks to missie33 for managing to remind me about this story and to continue writing :) All the reviews were really nice so thanks everyone! What I love is that a couple of people have guessed kind of correctly about things that are going to happen in the story.. :) I'm not going to say what these plots are yet, but you'll know soon :)**

**Sorry that this chapter took so long to get out but things have been crazy lately- some things have been good, some bad and some really bad :( But yeah, I would never give up on this! The next update will be quicker I promise! I don't know when it'll be, but not long!**

**So yeah I realise the last chapter was pretty bad… ah well. I'm making a couple of changes to the story because I noticed that I've kind of taken it from the main plot a bit… so there will be less Luke from now on. The truth about him will come out though, but not for a few chapters. ****This chapter has Bella point of view, but not Edwards, instead I have a different character's point of view... Alice's! This will probably be the only part of the whole story in her point of view, I just felt like it would be good in this chap.**

**Yeah this chapter is a bit of a filler... big events are coming up though! Sorry for the long AN and please review!! I'll update as soon as I can!**

* * *

_Previously-_

_Feeling tired and headachy due to all the thoughts going through my mind, I turned to my nightstand and set my alarm for two hours from now._

_So that I could awake, and then go and see Luke, and hopefully find some of this happiness I want._

_However as I drifted, I dreamed…_

_And as always I only dreamt of Edward._

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter twelve: Forks and visions**

_**Song for this chapter-** Someday we'll know- Mandy Moore and Jonathon Foreman _

_"Someday we'll know  
If love can move a mountain  
Someday we'll know  
Why the sky is blue  
Someday we'll know  
Why I wasn't meant for you..."_

(I don't know why but this chapter reminds me of this song, with lots of unanswered questions and why Bella can't be with Edward, and why she can't dedicate to Luke. Plus can't resist including _a walk to remember _somehow, its my fave film and the only one that can make me cry)

_Bella's point of view_

Although it was early on, it was now officially the 11th of December; yes- time had passed that quickly again, five weeks feeling little more then 5 hours… well at least that's what it feels like to me, not counting anyone else.

The month of November flown by had been simple; surprisingly there were no more difficulties and no worries.

And now the autumn had become the winter- the windy days had turned into white snow covered ones, and the days of normalcy had disappeared and it was now time to go back to Fork's, and to see Edward get married.

_Just two weeks and this misery will be over… right? Hopefully._

…In reference to how this relates to my now virtually non-existent love life, I know I'm about to see this never-meant-to-be love with Edward confirm that it will _never_ become anything at all.

Although we don't really have much of a relationship to talk about, back on the 9th of November, just less than 5 weeks ago I managed to salvage what me and Luke do have, somehow.

_After knocking and waiting a mere five seconds, the door swung open revealing Luke, he seemed surprised and flustered…?_

_It had been a couple of hours since I had got back from the airport and said goodbye to Edward, I hadn't been able to get in contact with Luke, yet I decided to come to his apartment anyway. After all, he had asked me too. _

_He didn't say anything, and I didn't know what to say myself- "You wanted me to come right?" I finally mumbled out, shyly. _

_He paused for a moment, before nodding quickly "Yeah, yeah I did. Come in" he said smiling, stepping aside to let me in._

_I stepped around him and walked into his room, instantly noticing the security I felt there- and although it sounded something like Alice would think, I couldn't help but noticed how plain his room looked._

_Had it always been painted white…?_

… _Surely some more furniture wouldn't hurt?!_

_Luke broke my inner negative thoughts to his décor quickly, and I felt guilty- after all its not like it's important what his apartment looks like! _

"_I'm glad you came," he said softly, reaching his hand towards me. _

"_Me too" I replied, swallowing uncomfortably as I placed my hand in his open and waiting one. _

_We stood awkwardly, facing eachother a foot apart with our hands clasped to cross the distance. _

_And as the time progressed, I ignored the feelings that told me that I didn't want him. _

_I ignored the emotions telling me that perhaps I shouldn't be with anyone for a while. _

… _I ignored those feelings, because he still seemed to want me. _

"_Things are going to be okay between us, right?" I asked nervously._

_He took a moment to reply, when he did his voice sound so strong and sure- "Yeah, I hope so…I mean, I really it to be" he said softly. _

"_Me too" I agreed quietly, my voice sounding strong as well._

_He smiled wider at my reply, and then whispered-_

"_Come here"_

_With the hand that was still wrapped around my own he pulled me to him. He then wrapped his arms around me and in response I rested my head on his chest, listening to his steady breaths._

"_We'll be okay," he whispered in my ear, his voice filled with such certainty and conviction that I was completely convinced. _

"_Yeah" I whispered back, smiling slightly against the fabric of his T-shirt, believing the words I spoke at the time._

… And are things okay?

They're normal I can give them that.

But despite normalcy and being so comfortable with Luke it was as if what spark there was had worn off our relationship by now, and all that was left behind was two people who just wanted someone.

We spent a fair amount of time together, but it felt more like we were friends- to me it did, he was confusing though, sometimes he would be distant and then suddenly close again, like at the beginning of our relationship.

I know our relationship is a time bomb ticking down, and that it won't be long until one of us ends it, in fact the decision will probably be mutual.

But regarding mine and Edwards friendship…?

…That's normal, as well.

We've kept in close contact- his phone calls now more regular, talking to me as well as Alice. Sometimes he makes sure to phone so only us two can talk.

Our conversations sometimes run on for hours, about a week ago I think we made it to three and a quarter hours until the call had to be ended due to Tanya coming home abruptly.

He was _always_ the one who rung me, I felt too nervous to in case I rung one day and Tanya answered… that could possibly be awkward.

…Maybe it's just my imagination or my desperate belief but I swear that lately he has been calling more often like every day, sometimes even twice a day, in the mornings before college and then in the evenings.

I shudder to think what his phone bill will end up costing.

It's nice though to think that he wants to talk to me so much. And that he wants to tell me about such insignificant things like how his classes went that day, what his plans were, what type of coffee he had down Starbucks that morning… heck, _anything_ and _everything_.

…Like I said, it's nice.

Anyway, nothing like the present right?

Because now that Alice is back from saying goodbye to Jasper for the two weeks we have a mad rush ahead of us to catch our plane, due to how long their goodbye took.

Seriously, it only took me a couple of minutes to say goodbye to Luke, but really that isn't surprising is it?

… It took me longer to say goodbye to Jacob and Rosalie after all.

Now I really am going to miss them for these two weeks, our group of friends had all grown closer recently as well, which again was another positive.

As I slowly broke out of my thoughts, I suddenly noticed the time.

"Are you ready yet? We're going to miss our flight!" I complained to Alice, as I waited by the front door. I kept glancing at the clock nervously,

"Yes! Don't worry okay? Jeez give me some credit…" Alice grumbled as she walked through the door, dragging two suitcases and a backpack and handbag with her.

I rolled my eyes at the sight of how much luggage she had, after all I only had one suitcase! Were all those clothes even necessary?!

"Don't even say anything" she grumbled as if she had read my thoughts, walking past me and to the front door.

"Wasn't going to" I mumbled back in response, following her out.

Somehow we made it with plenty of time, and boarded our plane. Several hours later after what felt like a very long flight we landed in Seattle.

Alice's parents and sister were there to meet her, just as Charlie was there for me.

I was thrilled to see him- it was the first time in a couple of months I had seen him in person after all.

Charlie had never been a man of many words so our phone calls were always brief, it's going to be nice to actually have a proper conversation with him- I missed him more then I thought I would.

I hugged him quickly, and as we walked out of the terminal and to the police cruiser I answered his questions about how college is going.

I told him about my classes, my new friends and the town in general. However, I left out one important detail in particular, not feeling the need or the urge to tell him- I knew he wouldn't react well about me having a boyfriend, despite my age, it's not like he would have anything to worry about.

Eventually after a fairly long drive we made it back home, it was weird but nice to see the town of Fork's again… although the green and brown colourings made Hanover look colourful and lively in comparison.

Imagine that.

It had been my home for the past eighteen years though, and coming back here made me realise that I also missed the town itself. Even the bad weather and dullness.

It was only early when we got there so I spent most of the day just milling about the house, unfortunately Charlie had to work down the station for a couple of hours so I was left by myself but I hoped he would be back soon. I felt lonely, after all I had gotten used to _not_ being alone with college, and now that I was- surprisingly I found that I didn't like it.

It was raining so my earlier idea of going for a walk suddenly seemed unappealing, I eventually decided on reading to pass the time.

I was just getting to my favourite part of _Pride and prejudice_ when my phone began ringing, I ran over to it not even looking at the caller ID thinking it would be Charlie or maybe Alice.

To my surprise it was Edward- instantly a smile crept up onto my face and my heart rate sped up.

Ironic, I couldn't even see him yet he managed to have such an affect on me.

He asked if the flight was okay, which I assured him it was. He laughed at my story of the old guy on the plane who fell asleep on my shoulder, whilst Alice managed to snag the window seat, and how she sat amused and smug at the situation for the whole journey here.

He eventually changed the subject, even though he was still laughing at my story.

"Hey I was wondering, are you still coming to my parents party tonight?" he eventually asked me, his velvet voice smooth.

_The party…?!_

Oh, Damn! I had forgot about that! His parents party… I'm not sure what the occasion was but they were insisting that Charlie and I come, as well as all of Tanya's family…

Hence the reason why I wanted to forget it.

After a few moments of hesitation and desperation to think of some excuse to get out of the party I realised that I had to get used to this. Seeing Edward and Tanya together I mean.

If I wasn't able to go to a party where I probably wouldn't see them together much then surely I don't stand a chance of coping with the wedding just a mere eight days away.

_Be strong Bella, you have to._

"Yeah, yeah I'll be there" I promised him, though my voice was weaker then before- I don't think he noticed it seemed that he was too excited about everything.

We spoke for a short while longer before he had to hang up because Tanya was calling loudly for him; I could even hear her shouts through the phone. He told me he was looking forward to seeing me at the

When the phone was back in the hook I walked over to the sofa lying down on it, burying my face into a cushion and groaning loudly.

I lay there for an hour or so before realising I would have to start getting ready for the party.

And so the torture begins…

Help me, help me now.

* * *

_Alice's point of view_

Finally I arrived back home, in the good old 'always-so-sunny' Fork's… ha, ha.

Did you catch my attempt at sarcasm there? … I swear Bella is much better at it then me, but it never hurts to try.

Anyway I must admit, It's great to see my parents and my younger sister Cynthia again, but despite that I've realised even in these few hours that I don't think of Fork's as home anymore. I think of home as anywhere that Jazzy is… whether that's Hanover, here or wherever.

I miss him.

I didn't dare tell my parents that though, all they would have replied with is something stupid like 'Mary, this will always be your home' … so, so not true.

Anyway as I was saying… I made it back to Forks and now I'm back in my old room looking through my clothes trying to find something to where for tonight, I had to at least look stylish for it if nothing else!

Eventually I picked out a perfect outfit, a pink strapless dress. I can't wait to get dressed and get ready… of course I won't until nearer the time, I would hate to ruffle it.

My attention suddenly went to the window seeing a flash of hideous bright colours out of the corner of my eye walking past.

What I saw scarred me.

Eww, there was a girl that was wearing tie-dye red jeans with a neon green shirt? Is she freaking blind..!?

…I feel ill.

I quickly looked back at my pink dress for tonight and smiled, feeling relieved to see some nice fashionable clothes.

There… now that's much, much better.

I hadn't really spoken about important things with Bella today; I'm debating whether or not to tell her about my dream last night. I knew it was one of 'those' dreams by how vivid it was. Everything looked like it should be, I could see how strong the emotions were… and I could feel the pain.

And of course the dream was about Bella and Edward.

It started off with them being in a forest alone, it was bright and sunny and they were both so happy…

That was when it changed and they ended up in a huge argument, and she ended up running away, he called after her but didn't follow. Instead, he stood alone looking heartbroken.

The rest of the dream just came in flashes, I kept dreaming of the same scene but different situations. The one that stood out the most though was just of Edward… he was panicking. Begging to know where Bella had gone, saying he had to go after her right away to tell her something.

The part of that scene that stood out the most was that he was in a suit… outside a church.

I don't know what to make of it all, because like I said it kept changing… one was an image of Edward and Tanya sharing their first dance, one was the same but of Bella and Luke on their wedding day. Another one involved Bella standing in the trees crying as she saw them emerge from the church… and one was like I previously said- Edward going after Bella.

Most of the situations I dreamt of turned out negatively, yet the one that stood out the most was the positive one, was that telling me something?

Regardless, I have always known that they are meant to be together, the problem is there is just too many obstacles in their way.

Although reluctant, I think I'll keep the dreams a secret for now, but for the sake of my two best friends I will do everything in my power to make sure that they can be together, and that the most vivid part comes true.

I don't know how that will be done, but I have to try.

…Even if it means taking out the competition and placing Edward and Bella together.

It will all start tonight… at the party.

* * *

**Yay for Alice! Some people may not agree with her actions.. but I do! Ha! After all Edward and Bella are her best friends and they do belong together, she's just trying to help!**

**Anyway please review, could we get to about 110? I realise I have taken so long to update but please? 82 now have this on faves and it would be incredible for everyone to review, but I understand it wont ever happen, so at least 10 reviews... maybe?! :) :)**

**Anyway hope you liked, thanks for reading. x**


	13. Parties and eavesdropping

**A/N- Hiii, thanks for the reviews again! Yay, it was nice to beat the target of 110! You're all awesome :)**

**The time between chapters was a lot better this time yeah? Its been a week right? Thats pretty good for me lol**

**Anyway, once again I hope this chapter isn't dissapointing. Please, please, pleaseeee review and once again I'll update as soon as I can. I've left most of the A/N for the end, as its spoilerish for this chap :)**

* * *

_Previously…_

(Alice)

_Although reluctant, I think I'll keep the dreams a secret for now, but for the sake of my two best friends I will do everything in my power to make sure that they can be together, and that the most vivid part comes true._

_I don't know how that will be done, but I have to try._

_…Even if it means taking out the competition and placing Edward and Bella together._

_It will all start tonight… at the party._

* * *

**A thousand miles **

**Chapter thirteen: Parties and eavesdropping**

_Bella's point of view_

Why I had agreed to this I will never know.

I didn't want to come, and yet I here I stood next to Alice on the Masen's doorstep waiting for someone to answer- I hoped no one had heard us knock. It would give me a good reason to escape.

I shuffled my feet feeling uncomfortable in the heels Alice had insisted that I should wear, though I knew that it wasn't my choice of shoes that was really making me feel as if I was about to throw up.

"Chill Bella, you're somehow managing to make me feel nervous" Alice hissed in my ear.

"I can't help it… Al, this is such a bad idea…" I replied to her, my voice shaking slightly.

"It is not! Things will be fine" she tried to insist with me.

Oh no… no more of the physic stuff for tonight Alice, please.

"I have a feeling this won't go well… maybe I should just go…" I mumbled.

I decided then that I would go home and hide like the coward I am, I knew Charlie would still be there (he was coming to the party a little later having been delayed at the police station) – I knew he would accept my excuse of not feeling well.

Putting my plan into action, I turned around to leave when my plans were faltered- the door swung open, ultimately freezing me mid-step.

I turned back around to see it was Edward's mother Elizabeth who had opened the door.

She was thrilled to see us- she always had been very loving and welcoming.

"Oh how wonderful it is to see you both again!" she exclaimed as she hugged us both.

We walked inside with her, all the time answering her questions- she always managed to talk so much, and everything she said was interesting.

She spoke to Alice for a little while, before Alice politely excused herself to go and find Edward. I stayed behind with Elizabeth; I loved talking to her. I had always admired her- I remember when I was younger that I used to wish she was my mother.

She was kind of like that already though; without knowing she made up for the lack of a mother figure I had in my life.

"Tell me- how's Dartmouth? I must admit I was slightly disappointed when I found out that Edward had rejected his offer for there. But oh well, where he chose is fine- it's what he wants. So what do you think about your classes?" she rambled, eventually concluding on one question. She smiled kindly at me as we both walked through the house- it wasn't over crowded yet.

"Difficult but enjoyable, I regret a couple of the choices I made, like the choice to do Spanish" I replied, "However…I love my literature class though, its very interesting"

"Oh that's lovely! You know something? Edward did always say your writing was amazing" she commented, her face looked thoughtful, pensive.

"He did?" I asked, surprised. I hadn't remembered giving Edward much of my work to read… only one of my stories in agreement that he play his piano compositions for me, I suppose he must have thought it was better then I did.

She nodded, "all the time, but there and again- he was always praising you for anything you did, he never stopped talking about you"

_Did he?!_

In response to her comment I had one question I wanted to ask her-

'Did that change when he met Tanya though?'

However I couldn't bring myself to ask her that, it seemed rude somehow…

Besides, I already knew the answer.

Instead I finally replied… "Oh… that's nice"

After a while more guests arrived and Elizabeth politely excused herself from our conversation to go and greet them.

I made my way to the living room, hoping to maybe find Alice to talk to her.

But when I went into the room, although it was crowded I only saw one person: Edward.

He was standing right across the room from me, I smiled at him, and he smiled my favourite smile back at me.

Both of us walked towards each other quickly, crossing the distance.

I stopped in front of him ready to say something, but he pleasantly surprised me by opening his arms as an invitation.

Without hesitation, I stepped towards him and he pulled me into a tight hug, his arms encircling me holding me to him.

As I breathed in his scent hoping he wouldn't notice, I couldn't help but think that this felt like so much more then a hug between friends.

… It was so much more intimate then that somehow.

"You came" he whispered, his voice soft.

"I said I would, right?" I replied just as softly, leaning against his chest.

"Yeah… but I know how much you hate these things, so I wouldn't have blamed you if you decided to back out" he said, his voice light.

"I wouldn't say I hate them… hates a very strong word after all" I said teasingly, as we broke apart from our hug.

_Theres only one person, sorry- __thing__ that I hate, it begins with T and ends in A, and is blonde and plastic and bitchy. _

He laughed, "but I know that you hate being Alice's 'Bella barbie' did she insist on picking out your outfit again?"

"Nope, I picked it myself" I said smugly, "I did allow her to pick out my shoes and do my make up though… I'm getting used to it, I don't even argue against her anymore"

In a flash his face turned serious, he placed one of his hands on my forehead as if he was feeling my temperature, while he let the other one run down my arms as if he was checking for bruises or something.

"What are you doing?" I asked, sounding amused yet confused at the same time.

"Just checking… are you ill? Do you feel okay?" he asked seriously, though I could detect amusement in his beautiful eyes.

I rolled my own eyes, "I feel fine"

At my simple statement, his face relaxed and then turned teasing. "Sorry but it sounds weird… you no longer hate parties and you now allow Alice to make you over… who are you and what have you done with my Bella?" he asked rhetorically, smiling his beautiful smile.

I would have been offended if it weren't for the term 'my Bella' I doubt he even noticed that he said it.

After all… _his Bella…? _

_I wish. _

I took a deep breath; I didn't even know what I was going to say until I was speaking.

"Funny how time flies huh? It was the last party we were at together that you told me about your… _engagement… _and here we are months later celebrating it" I said, hoping he wouldn't notice how my voice had turned resentful.

"Yeah… time really has gone to quick hasn't it?" he murmured, his voice sad as he brushed some of the hair away from my face gently.

_What did he mean by that?_

"Edward can I ask you something?" I asked him quietly.

"Of course" he whispered his voice weaker then before, as he dropped his hand from my cheek.

I immediately missed his warmth. But now back to what I wanted to ask him…

_Here it goes. _"It's about your wedding, do you really want to-"

"Edward, there you are!" a slightly high pitched and very girly voice exclaimed, cutting me off.

_Why did it seem like everyone did that to me?_

The person to match the face suddenly appeared next to Edward as if she had been there the whole time. She linked her arm through his and kissed his cheek.

… Tanya.

"Tanya" Edward exclaimed; his voice sounding slightly… defeated?

My eyes were wide though as I looked at her. She tore her eyes away from Edward and looked at me- her look now hateful.

Not wanting to see her face, I looked back to Edward waiting for him to ask me to continue, or to tell Tanya to go away until we finish our conversation…

But he only stared back, saying nothing. His eyes seemed sadder then before though- when it was just me and him talking.

"I'll leave you two to talk," I said quietly, forcing a smile at him and Tanya.

I turned away and walked out of the room, and back into the kitchen where I came from- it was now crowded in here as well. I only knew a few people, but I still felt shy to approach anyone at all for some reason.

Eventually I decided to walk upstairs for a look around- to my delight everything in the house was still the same as the last time I saw it.

I walked down the hallway looking at the walls that were covered in pictures of people- I stopped in front of a picture of Edward, Alice and me.

We were about 7 years old, and were down the park all standing around the slide. We were all toothless and grinning, and to be honest the picture was very cringe-worthy… but at the same time was also very cute. I loved this picture simply because I loved those times… because they were easy.

…Before I fell in love with Edward.

Elizabeth had insisted on hanging this picture up, after all Edward was her only child and she wanted as many pictures of him as possible, one of them was including him with his childhood friends.

"He always did have a nice smile, didn't he?" a voice mused behind me.

I knew that voice.

I turned round to come face to face with Tanya again. She looked angry and hateful.

"_Bella_" she said through gritted teeth.

"…_Tanya_" – I mimicked her action.

Her expression and voice suddenly changed, becoming sickly sweet- "Just who I wanted to see… I have something I need to ask you."

"You do?" I asked, now feeling confused and wary.

"Mmm… so here it goes…" she said, her voice changed in tone, growing angrier- "Bella, tell me… do you think I am an idiot?!"

"Excuse me?" I gasped, surprised at this question.

"I said- _do you think I'm an idiot or something?"_

Yes.

"No" I lied.

"Oh is that so?" she mused, pacing the hallway, towering above me.

_Damn, why did she have to be nearly a foot taller then me?! _

"See I think your lying…you must think I'm stupid… after all you think that I don't notice the way that you act around MY fiancée." She said, her voice getting louder. She continued to talk- "Well news flash- I can see the way you look at him and the way you act, and I must say I find it _pathetic. _He wants ME. You're just wasting your time"

Now I felt angry… and as many people do in the heat of the moment, I replied with the first response that came to mind.

"If you weren't threatened then why are you confronting me?" I mumbled, sounding stupid and not strong like I was aiming for.

"Because I want you out the picture- for good. Your always in the way playing the 'perfect best friend' - its repulsive and annoying. I want you gone, right now," she growled, stepping towards me. She looked down at me, and as embarrassing as it was for me to admit- I was intimidated.

"What if Edward doesn't want me to go?" I finally replied.

"I don't care, he'll soon be over your little friendship thing. He has me, and he'll soon forget about you" she insisted.

"Your wrong" I argued, but my voice showed that I wasn't confident.

"I don't think so" she said smugly, "Remember who he's been with the past year? Me. And let me tell you, when we were in Miami he acted as if you never _existed_"

That can't be true.

"You lying bitch" I seethed, only just resisting the urge to hit her for that comment.

She only laughed at me, "I'm not lying," she said smugly. "Now think about what I've said" she said, while flicking her hair.

At my lack of response, She smiled smugly and then turned around walking away, lifting her phone to her ear.

I'll be damned if I let her bother me. I knew if I thought too much about what she had said then the words might have hurt a lot more- _was I really pathetic?_

I tried to let what she had said go.

And I tried to keep convincing myself that what she said about Edward wasn't true… it couldn't be, could it?

Even though I wasn't afraid by her threats, I decided to leave anyway- I should have known from the beginning that I wouldn't be welcome here.

As I turned the corner to walk down the stairs I heard Tanya talking, she seemed deep in conversation, really focused on whomever it was she was talking to.

I glanced around the corner to see her sitting on a chair, the phone to her ear.

"Yeah I just talked to her- she still seems as obsessed as before, your gunna have to up your game a bit" she said to the person on the phone, her voice low.

There was a short pause, the person replying to her.

"Don't you dare start feeling guilty!" she snapped, standing up from the chair, "Remember who it is your working for" she said, her voice low again.

They replied again to her.

"…It won't continue for much longer I promise, just as soon as the deal is sealed… or so to call it" she continued explaining.

More silence…

"Yes I mean that. Now stick to your end of the bargain okay? You're not doing the best job at the moment" she said harshly, her voice quiet again.

"Good, good… look I've got to go, but I'll call you again soon for an update"

"Bye"

I turned and quickly walked when I saw her heading in the direction I was.

_What was that phone call about…?_

I knew I didn't really care- I didn't like Tanya so why would her phone calls be important to me?

Although… I suppose that if I was able to get evidence that she was conniving then it would matter to me.

If only I had something, some proof that Tanya was a bitch, then at least Edward would know the truth, and that would work in my favour.

Eventually when the coast was clear I ran through the house, heading straight to the front door. As I passed through the living room as fast as I could I saw Alice and Edward turn to look at me, their faces showing their surprise.

"Bella!?" Edward called after me, panicked. He began to follow me.

"It's okay Edward, I'll go find out what's wrong" I heard Alice say quietly- they were behind me now as I made my way out.

I slammed the front door open and ran down the front door steps and across the lawn, coming to a abrupt stop on the sidewalk.

I turned to see Alice running after me, while Edward was at the door, his expression worried- maybe worried that I was hurt.

I wasn't crying or afraid at all though.

No, I was now _determined._

…Tanya thinks she's got everything and that she deserves it, what she doesn't know is that I am going to tell Edward the truth- before the wedding.

…And that will be as soon as possible.

* * *

**Yeah I know I haven't really followed on from the Alice part… but that will come back up. Even though I don't think I'm going to do her point of view again, we will find out what Alice does to help out Bella and Edward. I must say it is clever and kind of obvious really. Any guesses? It was in this chapter. **

**And yeah I know there could have been more Edward and Bella… but I think some Tanya bitchiness was definitely needed (and important for the plot!). Plus so much more ExB is coming. I've worked a lot more on the outline, and next chapter will mostly be Edward's point of view and can I say 'he's having doubts?' much … obvious. :) **

**And it will either be the chapter after that or the next one that is only Edward and Bella, now that will be a long chap and then of course after that is the wedding dun-dun-dun! So stick with this!**

**Once again, thanks for reading and please review! Maybe we could get to 130?! Or is that asking for a bit too much? I'll ask to get to 126 though... thats realistic right? Thats 12 reviews, I'll update once we get there :) **


	14. Annoyance and gatherings

**A/N – Firstly thank you so much for all the reviews! It's amazing to reach not 126… not 130… but 140!! It was so much more then I was expecting and is really nice, so thanks to everyone! Special thanks to those who have stayed loyal to this story and keep being so lovely about it- thanks so much! ...funnily enough 10 people guessed who Tanya was talking too… did I make it too obvious?! :/ Heh, well, the secrets pretty much out now and I'm glad! :)**

**It's random but for some reason this review really made me laugh- 'He's like a tree. No, trees are nice. He's like a stupid rock that's in your shoe' – so thanks to safrise for making me laugh after a pretty bad day :)**

**So here we are on a chapter that is ONLY Edward… it is starting at the party just before the Tanya/Bella confrontation, and will go on from there. Finally, we get a lot of insight as to what he's thinking, this chapter is more thoughts then actions but I hope E/B fans are happy with it.**

**Please review, and I'll update as soon as I can. Next chapter will have a LOT of Edward and Bella (seriously, tons) to make up for the kind of lack in this one.**

* * *

_Previously…_

_I turned to see Alice running after me, while Edward was at the door, his expression worried- maybe worried that I was hurt._

_I wasn't crying or afraid at all though._

_No, I was now __determined._

…_Tanya thinks she's got everything and that she deserves it, what she doesn't know is that I am going to tell Edward the truth- before the wedding._

…_And that will be as soon as possible._

* * *

**A thousand Miles**

**Chapter fourteen: Annoyance and gatherings**

_Edward's point of view:_

Of all the times I had to 'enjoy' these gatherings, I had managed to come to a conclusion.

And that is there is only one word to describe parties- tedious.

Even though this one was at my parents house and I knew practically everyone here I just couldn't enjoy myself, I found myself unable to talk much to most people.

Instead all I did was mentally criticise the music, '_time to pretend' _was currently playing, and I cringed inwardly… seriously we started the evening with Yiruma and then moved on to Rihanna and now MGMT?! …It was easy to tell which songs were my parents choice and which ones Tanya had chosen.

I was currently considering going to find Bella, after all we hadn't really talked much so far this evening. In fact I was still confused as to what she was going to ask me before she was cut off.

Thinking back, she had said- "It's about your wedding, do you really want to…" before said cut-off. I've been wondering and worrying what she was going to ask.

And after many thoughts, there was only one idea I had come up with-

'_Do you really want to get married?'_

But was that even possible? It didn't seem like Bella to ask me that, she wouldn't... _Would she?_

Okay, Let's say for argument sake that it _was_ what she was going to ask me. And let's also imagine if we hadn't been interrupted and if she had managed to ask me the full question- would have I replied to it? If so, what would have I responded with?

I know I would have said yes, it was instinct to. I love Tanya, and well… I want to get married.

…_If that's true then why do I feel so nervous everytime I think about the wedding?_

That doesn't necessarily mean that I don't want to get married right?

Admittedly, I feeling much less excited about the prospect of marriage recently. But I suppose that must mix with the nerves because the weddings so close now.

Although… thinking back, my reluctance and lack of enthusiasm hadn't just begun; it had begun back in November… when I got back from Dartmouth… what did that mean?

"Hi Eddie!" Alice suddenly squealed, seeming to appear in front of me.

_Where did she come from?!_

I snapped out of my thoughts and focused on the upcoming conversation, "'Aly" I replied smiling at her.

She stuck her tongue out at me, her expression teasing.

I was just about to ask if she was enjoying the party or something along those lines when her expression cut me off. She looked really serious and worried… this wasn't like her.

"What's wrong?" I asked warily.

"Its nothing…" she mumbled, though her voice wavered.

Now I was _really_ confused.

"I know it's not _nothing_, just tell me Alice, please" I pleaded with her.

She looked up at me, and then sighed quietly. "I guess you would find out eventually…" she murmured, "Well I just went upstairs because I wanted to talk to Kate about something. I didn't find her, but I saw Bella and-"

She was cut off mid sentence though by loud footsteps

_Why did that keep happening?!_

I looked upwards to find out who it was who interrupted us, already feeling more then irritated with this person for causing this to happen once again to me.

Just as the irritation continued to grow the person suddenly stepped into view.

The irritation instantly vanished and a different feeling replaced it when I saw that it was in fact, Bella. The emotions that hit me were surprising, they were the same as earlier when I first saw her at the party, I figured it was a mix of happiness and relief.

However once again, things changed. I no longer felt elated to see her once I saw her expression. I was instantly worried again.

Because I could see that she looked very angry and upset at something, even from this distance I could even see her infamous 'angry tears' forming which meant that something was wrong… very wrong.

I hoped she would approach Alice and me and tell her what was wrong so we could comfort her and sort out whatever the problem was, but once again that idea was out the door. She looked at both of us, but didn't react, instead she ran right through the room and towards the front door.

"Bella?" I called after her, feeling the worry and sinking feeling in my stomach intensify- was something wrong? Was she okay?!

Just as I was beginning to run after her, Alice stepped in my way ultimately blocking me mid-step. I have never been so tempted to yell at Alice before, but in that exact moment that was exactly what I felt like doing. I was about to run past her but she spoke softly-

"It's okay Edward, I'll go and find out what's wrong" she said quietly, her expression un-readable… almost as if she knew _exactly_ what was wrong.

Without waiting for a reply from me she turned and ran after Bella who was now halfway across the front garden having left the door open behind her.

I didn't hesitate to follow them.

By the time I had made it to the front door Alice was right by Bella, having already made it the whole distance. I continued running until I was with them on the sidewalk.

When I got there I could see that Bella seemed calmer then before, she was nodding at something Alice had said.

Despite seeing her a lot calmer, I still had to make sure she was alright to ease my own internal worry.

"Bella, are you okay? What's wrong?" I asked, my voice coming out in more of a panic then I thought it would.

"I'm fine Edward," she said quietly, though she wouldn't look up from her feet as she spoke.

As I hesitated not knowing what to say or do next, Alice spoke up, "Well I'll just go and get my bag, then we can go okay Bella?" she said quietly, touching Bella's shoulder.

Bella nodded, but didn't say anything. Alice smiled quickly at me and then hurried off.

Again, I didn't know what to say.

"So your leaving already?" I eventually murmured, feeling saddened by the thought alone.

She nodded, "Yeah… nothing against the party or anything, but… it's just been a long day, that's all"

"Oh right, yeah of course" I agreed with her.

…Admittedly they had travelled a long way just this morning, I didn't blame her for being exhausted. I just felt like blaming her because I knew she was making excuses. I knew Bella well, better then anyone else- and I could tell that something is bothering her.

…But for some reason she won't tell me.

As a matter of fact she wasn't telling me anything- she wasn't even speaking to me.

"Edward?" she finally whispered.

"Hmm?" I said immediately, trying to get her to continue. I leaned lower down trying to make eye contact with her.

"This is going to sound strange and stupid, but… can we hang out, just us two before the wedding? It could be sort of a last day for us two before you… well you know" she mumbled, looking embarrassed.

I was fed up with her not looking at me, and I wanted her to see my expression when I replied. So to solve the problem I placed my hand under her chin and gently lifted it until her face was level with mine. It was then that I noticed that she was blushing.

"Hey, there's no need to be embarrassed to ask me that" I said softly, "I think it's a great idea"

A hint of a smile graced her features, "you do?" she whispered.

"Definitely" I assured her, "I'm probably not free for a few days, but I'll make time and call you, it will be nice just for us two to hang out- like you said" I said softly.

She blushed even harder then before, and a soft smile was now a lot wider on her face.

_She was beautiful._

Hold on…

Wait, what?

After realising I was still holding her chin, I let go. I glanced over my shoulder quickly, and saw Alice making her way towards us.

It was then that I remembered to remind her of something, "are you still coming tomorrow then?"

Tomorrow it was just a small 'intimate' dinner as my parents called it, just my family and Tanyas. I had invited Alice and Bella to come as well, because they were practically family to me, Alice was like my sister and Bella… well she was so much to me. I couldn't quite describe it.

"Tomorrow…? Oh you mean the dinner?" Bella asked, seeming surprised.

I nodded to confirm her question.

She paused for a moment, "yeah I'll be there" she finally whispered.

I quickly pulled her into a hug, and kissed the top of her head softly. "I'm glad" I whispered into her hair.

I noticed that Bella seemed to relax at my gesture, beforehand she seemed stiff and nervous but now she was much calmer, and was breathing deeply.

After a moment I pulled away, but I didn't step away very far. I realised that it was because I didn't want to.

"Ready to go then Bells?" Alice asked quietly, her voice breaking the silence.

I looked at her quickly and noticed that she was standing a couple of metres away, as if she had been there the whole time and was afraid of intruding.

"Y-yeah" Bella nodded. She turned back to me; "I'll see you soon then Edward"

I smiled at her, "yeah, see you"

I said goodbye to Alice as well and then watched them as they got into their car and left.

I stood alone outside in the dark for a few minutes, and I noticed for the first time just how cold it was out here.

I tried hard to not think about things this evening, but too many questions and concerns kept coming up.

First of all: _what were Bella and Alice hiding from me?_

Could it be something serious?

My mind instantly began panicking at the thought.

-----

It was soon the next evening and I stood at the entrance of the restaurant waiting. Everyone had gone inside, but I was anxious- Bella and Alice were not here yet. I decided to wait for them by the front doors for when they did get here.

The rest of last night had gone okay, after I went back in Tanya came over to me, and spent the rest of the night by my side. When she spoke to the guests it made it easier for me to stay quiet alone with my thoughts and not feel guilty.

I was broken out of my thoughts by a car pulling up just across the parking lot, and I instantly felt a lot happier as I saw it was the car Alice and Bella had come in to the party last night.

Alice climbed out of the driver's side and ran across the lot reaching me in no time.

"Hey Al" I said smiling at her.

"Hi there!" she said cheerfully as she hugged me.

Almost instantly she began talking about how she really likes the restaurant- it is a personal favourite of hers. I listened to her at first but kept my eyes focused on the car, waiting for Bella to come out.

However as the moments passed and Alice continued talking- I realised what she was doing. She was distracting me, because Bella wasn't here, I could see that now my eyes were accustomed to the dark.

"Where's Bella?" I asked quietly but quickly, cutting off her talk about the shrimp dishes or whatever she was saying.

Alice paused before reluctantly answering; "Oh, Bella? Erm, she's…she's not coming"

I blinked a couple of times- "she's not coming?" I asked.

Alice nodded.

"Why not?" I asked her more urgently, pressing for information.

Alice seemed calm though, and even shrugged, "She wasn't feeling well," she said quietly, not looking at me.

I had a feeling Alice was lying- I knew her fairly well, and I could tell by the way she was twitching more then normal and avoiding eye contact that she wasn't telling the truth.

And once again I was being kept in the dark… I didn't have a clue as to what was going on.

Something was being hidden from me, and I didn't like it.

I _would_ find out what it was eventually.

I knew Alice was expecting some sort of reaction, so even though I was genuinely worried about Bella, for all I knew she could honestly be really sick. But because I knew Alice was keeping something from me, I forced myself to look disinterested.

"Oh well, I hope she gets better" I said distantly, my voice was quiet and sad, showing my hurt.

Soon we were all seated; along with me it was my parents, Alice, Tanya and her family, the Denali's- Kate, Irina, Carmen and Eleazer.

There was one empty seat though.

Managing to put most of my worries to the back of my head for a while, I did enjoy the evening, I had always got on very well with Tanya's family, and it was also nice to have my parents and one of my best friends here.

It was good company and there was a lot of excitement in the air- all the conversations were about was the wedding.

Alice was the chattiest out of everyone, though it did seem forced- she kept shooting me worried glances from her position across the table.

As the evening wore on, my pretence began to fall. Tanya tried to cheer me up, she was continually running her hand through my hair, or resting her hand on my knee. But it didn't help.

"It's a shame Bella couldn't make it tonight" my mother eventually commented.

And that's when it hit me what was wrong.

… Bella.

I missed her.

I missed her a lot.

I missed her not being here.

I missed not having my best friend beside me; I missed her soft voice, her sarcastic comments, and her lovely scent…

I missed her more then I should.

_Why was this bothering me so much now_?

I had spent those few months practically across the country from her, and although it bothered me… it didn't compare to this.

Is it because I've seen her recently and so I feel sad to not see her now?

Is it because I know that she chose not to come?

This feeling was staggering, I knew for certain that when I was unable to talk to her at the party I never felt much of this feeling… was it because I knew she was just in the next room?

Another emotion suddenly overtook me, and it was fear. Fear of losing her.

Lately it feels like she's drifting away, like she doesn't care anymore.

"Edward?" Tanya mumbled, clicking her fingers in front of my face.

"Huh?" I replied, confused.

She laughed quietly, "thought I'd lost you there for a minute"

I forced a laugh, "that wouldn't ever happen" I replied, kissing her softly.

…_Would it?_

Another barrage of questions bombarded me… why do I always miss Bella so much at this moment, when I saw her just yesterday?

Why does it hurt _so much_ to know she chose not to come?

And then the most important, confusing question of them all- why do I miss Bella so much within 24 hours of just seeing her, when I can go days without seeing Tanya and not miss her this much?

Is it really only because Bella's my best friend?! It seems doubtful.

I need to figure this out, now.

* * *

**Next chapter will be back to Bella's POV! :) Hope this was okay. **

**Hopefully soon I will be update much more regularly, college finishes for good in three weeks and I'll have so much more free time, I'm planning on getting this completed soon :) **

**Please review, any chance of us reaching something like 155? Once again that would be incredible! But yeah.. I would update no matter what, my enthusiasm might just be lower if not many people like this chap... so let me know! :)**

**Thanks for reading!**


	15. Meadows and time

**A/N- Hiii, firstly I must say- thank you so much for the reviews! I mean 40?!? Thats just huge for me lol :) And we're nearing on 200... :D Awesome. Thanks so much for all the lovely comments, every review really is so appreciated! **

**So yeah heres the newest chapter, I think its a quick update and all :) Its been less then a week since my last update so thats not too long to wait is it?**

**Anyway, hope you like the chapter and please review. Can we reach 200 by any chance? That would be incredible :) It would also mean another quick update... which I have a feeling some people may want after this chap. **

**So enjoy and review please! :) x**

* * *

_Song for this chapter (Kelly Clarkson- My life would suck without you)_

_Guess this means you're sorry, y__ou're standing at my door. _

_Guess this means you take back, __All you said before _

_Like how much you wanted, __Anyone but me _

_Said you'd never come back, __But here you are again.. _

_Cause we belong together now, yeah, __Forever united here somehow, yeah_

_You got a piece of me, __And honestly my life… would suck… without you_

* * *

Previously…

_(EDWARD)_

_Why does it hurt so much to know she chose not to come?_

_And then the most important, confusing question of them all- why do I miss Bella so much within 24 hours of just seeing her, when I can go days without seeing Tanya and not miss her this much?_

_Is it really only because Bella's my best friend?! It seems doubtful._

_I need to figure this out, now._

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter fifteen: Meadows and time**

Alone, so alone, alone, alone…

…Yeah, that's me summed up in that one 5-letter, two-syllable length word.

By this point I was seriously regretting my decision to not go to the dinner with Edward, Tanya and their families.

In my defence at the time two days ago I had thought I wouldn't be able to face it… seeing them together, knowing that Tanya hates me and Edward doesn't love me.

I didn't have to be a psychic to know it wouldn't have been pleasant.

And so I backed out and made up an excuse… perhaps the most over-used excuse in history, at what's worse- I asked Alice to tell Edward for me.

And why did I do that? … Well, I did it because I'm a coward.

The reason why I was regretting it now was because it had been a few days and I hadn't heard anything from him, not a phone call or a text or email… nothing at all.

I was too nervous to contact him because I was too afraid of rejection, and so I made no effort to contact him either.

And as the days passed, I began to wonder if I had made the right choice.

_Stupid Bella…you need to stop always following your head and not your heart._

Currently, I was sitting alone in the kitchen, Charlie had left only half an hour ago and again I was already bored and depressed. Alice was busy with her family, so I couldn't call her and beg for her company. And the result was…?

…It was just me alone with my thoughts.

I looked around the room desperate for something or anything to do, hmm… maybe I could cook?! No, it was for too early... Still early in the morning… so how about…?

_Wait._

Something across the room caught my eye, it wasn't something I wanted to notice or that I wanted to take into account. But unfortunately once I saw it, things went from being calm and boring to almost… depressing?

I got up from my seat and ran over to it, hoping my eyes were deceiving me. Unfortunately, it turned out that they weren't, and because of that I felt like breaking down, or screaming.

… All because of something so simple- seeing the calendar on the fridge,

And noting the fact that it is now the 17th of December.

In other words it was just two days away from the wedding therefore two days away from the tiny fleck of hope I had for Edward and me disappearing for good.

I had planned to tell him the truth, as part of a revenge plan against Tanya as spiteful as it was of me. I thought about it more and realised just how much I wanted him to know the truth. It would help him understand so much more… and when he rejected me at least I would never have to live my life thinking _'what if?'_

Well, that was the plan for a while.

But I seemed to forget as I spent these few days away from him.

And now that he wasn't talking to me, and the time was drawing in, I knew it was over.

I stood no chance of ever telling him the truth… and with that knowledge I felt…

Riiiing, riiiing…

My cell phone began ringing breaking me out of my thoughts, the sound was loud in the silence and made me jump, placing my hand over my heart. I sighed, trying to calm my heartbeat down and made my way over to the obnoxious silver ringing _thing._

However just as I stepped up to it I heard a quick but loud knock at the front door.

I quickly picked up my cell phone, letting it continue to ring, whilst making my way to the door.

I glanced down at the caller I.D to see it was in fact Luke calling me.

He seemed to be calling a lot the last few days…

I didn't answer it right away, decided to see who it was at the door first, and so I swung the door open to reveal who was standing there.

Like a knee-jerk reaction I clicked the _'reject call'_ button on my phone ultimately picking the person in front of me over talking to Luke.

Now that the phone had stopped ringing I focused on Edward who was standing on my doorstep.

His face was expressionless and was merely a blank mask. Although that didn't matter, my entire mind was rejoicing was- _he's here, he's here, and he does care!_

"Uh, hi?" I mumbled, somehow managing to make such a simple statement seem like a question.

"Hi… Are you free today?" he asked, his voice quiet.

"Y-Yeah I am," I replied automatically, I was still confused as to why he was here- "why?" I asked.

"…Well a few nights ago you said you wanted to hang out just us two, and as I have today free from the planning… here I am" he explained shrugged.

_You know… A little enthusiasm never went amiss, Edward._

"Oh right… okay… just let me grab my coat and bag," I said in a rush, backing away from the door slightly.

"I'll wait" he verified, still standing still on the doorstep.

I quickly ran back inside and grabbed my rain jacket and my handbag in a hurry.

After much deliberation I decided to leave my phone here. If Luke rang again then I would call him later, I didn't want any phone calls to distract my time with Edward today.

I hurried back to the door, feeling guilty for leaving Edward there.

He stepped aside as I locked the front door behind me; he was still quiet and clearly deep in thought.

"Why didn't you call before?" I asked quietly, smiling up at him as we walked towards his car.

"I'm not sure, I guess I could have…" he murmured "I just figured that as you didn't call me the other night to cancel, that I wouldn't need to"

I flinched at his comment, suddenly understanding him.

… He wasn't mad because I didn't go the other night, but because I didn't tell him I wasn't going. Him not contacting me was some sort of comeuppance for it.

… At least, I _think_ that's what he was upset about.

"I'm sorry about that… not calling I mean" I apologised sincerely, playing with the sleeves of my shirt.

We were now by his car, and stood opposite each other by the passenger side. I looked downwards, trying to look anywhere but his beautiful face, I knew I must have looked really upset or like I was trying to hide from him because of the way my hair was framing my face, hiding it from view.

"No, I'm sorry…" he sighed, before crouching down to my level a little, I looked at him to see his expression no longer expressionless, he now looked concerned- "Don't be upset Bella... after all, no blood, no foul right?" he said softly, smiling down at me.

I smiled in response. "Right" I agreed.

He opened my door for me and waited until I was in before shutting it behind me and quickly walking round to his side.

I decided to lighten the atmosphere up a little, after all what was the point in being depressed when I had Edward next to me?

…I didn't know what I was going to do concerning Tanya and revenge, and about Edward ever finding out the truth or not, but I decided to just enjoy today and worry about all of that later on.

…Despite the lack of time I had left.

"So… what's the plan for today then?" I said eagerly, getting comfortable in the posh leather seat.

He turned the ignition on, and placed his hands on the steering wheel, he looked like he was contemplating- "Hmm… I'm not sure… any ideas?" he replied.

I shook my head when he looked in my direction, because even though I had plenty of options, I wanted _him_ to decide. "You choose" I insisted.

He nodded, and then stared ahead at the light rain drops on the windscreen.

He looked pensive and deep in thought- "Okay… well, I guess we could go to port Angeles?" he suggested, looking nervous for some reason.

"That sound's fine" I said a little too excitedly.

I knew I was being much too enthusiastic but I just couldn't help myself- this was a day I was going to enjoy no matter what, with no angst or heart-broken feelings included.

At least that was what I kept telling myself.

"Actually, no. That's a bad idea…I know where we can go instead," he said quietly, his face breaking out into a beautiful smile, as he drove out of my driveway and onto the road.

"And where is that exactly?" I asked him curiously.

He flashed me his beautiful crooked smile, "You'll see" he replied.

Once again, I smiled in response, and didn't ask anymore, despite my raging curiosity.

The drive was mostly silent, I just watched the scenery pass us as he drove out of Fork's and then turned onto a side road, weaving the car skilfully into the forest.

_It's surprising just how much I've missed Fork's, I hadn't realised it until now. _

I noticed that the weather seemed to be clearing; beforehand it was pouring with rain, hence why I bought my rain jacket just in case. However, the rain had now cleared and I could see that the sun was beginning to break through the grey clouds slightly.

However as we drove further into the forest the scenery grew darker as the sun became completely obscured from view. I frowned at that, hoping Edward wouldn't notice.

Eventually he pulled the car to a stop, and I noticed that we were opposite a dirt path meaning we were walking somewhere.

It suddenly clicked where we were going; and automatically excitement flared up in me- after all it had been _months_ since we had been here!

…It was always where Edward and me would go when it was just the two of us, it was a lovely secluded place, and was ever so beautiful.

The best thing about it though was that no one knew about it apart from us, not even Alice or our parents, or Tanya.

When we were out of the car and were beginning the walk, Edward faced me, "you're okay with this idea right?" he asked.

I nodded, smiling widely, "of course! It's been so long since we've been here… I wonder if it's still the same…" I murmured, musing to myself.

"I'm sure it will be," he said reassuringly as he stepped over a log, I followed suit.

The walk was calming; Edward would always hold my hand or help me over uneven ground or fallen trees to stop me from tripping.

Throughout the whole journey easy conversation flowed, covering pretty much everything… luckily we managed to stay away from the topic of the wedding.

Well, we did mostly.

We had been walking for about half an hour, and Edward had gone quiet, he stared ahead and was clearly thinking something through.

"What's wrong Edward?" I asked him, concerned.

He looked over at me, seeming to come out of his daze a little. He smiled, "It's nothing… I was just thinking"

"About what?" I asked, nudging him slightly in the side.

"About something you said" he murmured.

I froze, _what did he mean?_ Had I said something wrong? Had I spoken without realising and said something ridiculous…?

"What did I say?" I whispered full of panic.

He looked over at me, "It's not important, it's actually more what you didn't say then what you did" he said quietly.

He took my hand to help me step over a couple of rocks, and then let go of it once I had crossed them. I wished he could have kept hold of it.

"Okay… now you've lost me," I said forcing a laugh, even though I was still panicking.

He smiled slightly, "it was back at the party… remember when we talked? You were going to ask me something about my wedding but you got cut off?" he asked, waiting for my reaction.

I nodded to show him I understood and remembered.

"…I was just wondering what is it you were going to ask?" he asked me.

"Oh…" I breathed in response, "It was stupid really…"

"Just tell me please," he said, his voice now taking on a begging tone.

I nodded, "Okay, okay, I was just going to ask… if it's really what you want" I murmured, we were now standing still and he was facing me, he was staring at me intently, nodding.

"…I was going to ask if you really want to get married or not" I told him truthfully.

He nodded again, and then whispered something that sounded like _'thought so' -_though I couldn't quite be sure if that was it.

"Okay" he replied quietly, and then began walking again; I followed him trying to keep up.

He didn't say much after that, and once again looked deep in thought. I just about managed to resist temptation and didn't ask him to answer the question for me.

I knew it would just make things even more awkward if such a thing were possible.

Eventually after what felt like hours and hours of hiking and near accidents, I could see the clearing just yards in front, and the green light peaking out from in between the trees.

I smiled and both Edward and I picked up our pace, crossing the small distance in no time.

And eventually I reached the destination, I pushed back some of the branches and stepped out into the sunlight, smiling at the beauty and perfection in front of me.

The meadow was exactly the same as the last time had I seen it. It was still just as wonderful as it was all those months ago… it still had the colourful wildflowers and the tall grass, which swayed in the breeze. It was still just as perfectly round and symmetrical with the sound of the stream running in the distance… the sun still shone directly overhead with its beautiful rays illuminating the whole area.

It was so beautiful.

I walked to the centre of it and sat down, I could feel that my smile was wide enough to fit the width of my face.

Eventually I could hear and see Edward sitting beside me, also cross-legged amongst the grass. He looked over at me and smiled his beautiful smile, taking one of my hands in his, and then suddenly the tension was gone.

…It was just Edward and Bella again, and everything was perfect.

-------------------------------------------------------

We were there for hours, just talking and reminiscing. It was incredible how I didn't notice the time pass, and yet before I knew it, the sun was setting behind the trees giving the sky a warm red and orange glow.

There was something that was so familiar about the way the sky looked, and yet I couldn't quite figure out what it was for the life of me…

"It's _twilight_," Edward said from beside me, somehow answering my unspoken question without even hearing it.

I smiled at that, instantly remembering his visit to Dartmouth and the afternoon we spent together, I remembered exactly what I had concluded from it…

"It's our time of day again" I whispered softly, almost afraid to talk any louder then what I did.

"It is" he whispered just as quietly as I did.

As wonderful as this moment was, my emotions once again overtook as it hit me that this would be the last time we were like this… just us two.

The thought was devastating, but it was soon to be a reality just two days from now.

"I'm going to miss you so much" I murmured, not aware I was speaking out loud until I heard the words.

He tore his attention away from the sky and looked at me, "Miss me when?" he asked, confused.

"…When you're married" I replied quietly, biting my lip to try to hold back the tears I could feel forming.

He still looked confused though- "Why would you miss me then? I'll still be around…"

"But you won't, will you?" I whispered cutting him off, my voice broke as the panic hit me.

He blinked, surprised at my comment, "of course I will" he argued, his voice changing tone quickly.

"It won't be the same though" I argued back, shaking my head.

He didn't reply for a long time, "Bella, where has this come from?" he asked cautiously, his voice low.

"Where has what come from?" I replied, turning away from him, hurt evident in my voice.

I could feel him leaning towards me; he slowly and soothingly ran his fingers through my hair.

"I know you're worried Bella, but there really is no need to be… we'll stay in contact. You mean too much to me to ever lose" he said softly.

I sniffed, now willingly allowing the tears to fall, "I can't lose you either" I admitted, my voice weak.

He pulled me into a hug from behind; his arms were wrapped around me tightly.

I instantly turned in his arms and leant my cheek on his shoulder, as he rubbed my back in soothing circles. I savoured the feeling of his hold and his touch, trying to remember it… just in case it really was the last time we were like this.

He didn't say anything and just held onto me tightly, I couldn't break from the grip even if I tried.

…It was times like this that I could kid myself that he loved me back.

Just like how I love him.

And how I always would.

…_That was the moment when everything changed. _

Because as he held onto me under the darkening sky trying to calm me down, I realised that now was the perfect moment, it was only us two and there was no chance of interruptions.

It really is now or never…

I was shaking as what I was about to do sunk in, I leant away from him so I could see his face, and he loosened his grip in response, but still held on to me.

I sat up slightly, and looked him directly in the eye. I took a deep breath, not failing to notice how it came out shaky.

"Edward… I have something to tell you" I whispered.

He nodded, looking me in the eye.

…He had no idea what I was about to tell him.

"I'm sorry" I whispered before I spoke, "but Edward?" I spoke louder to get his attention, he nodded in recognition.

And so I continued- "I-I'm… love… " I paused, and took another deep breath, though it was unnecessary.

Like I said before, it's now… or it's _never_.

"Edward… I-_I love you, _I'm _in love _with you"

* * *

**Dun-dun-dun!!!**

**I hope you don't hate this turn in events, or me haha. **

**Please review! Opinions are definately needed.. though please don't kill me for the huge cliffy! New chapter will up soon, as long as people want it...?**


	16. Revelations and devastation

**A/N- HOLY CROW! ... haha. But seriously.. the response for chapter 15 was incredible. 63 reviews?!? Thats just beyond what I ever imagined! So thank you so much everyone! I love how everyone said how they wanted this next chap. A couple of reviews really made me smile too, like 'assward'? i've never heard that before until now, and it made me laugh- pretty clever nickname for Edward!**

**I would have had this chapter out a little sooner, but its just taken me so long! I've re-written it about 3 times and I'm still not sure if its good or not. I'm not sure what people were expecting for this chapter, I hope the ending will suffice :)**

**Please please review! Because once again, I really truly need your opinions for this!**

* * *

_(Song for this chapter- Hilary Duff- Now you know)_

_In these eyes, more than words, more than anything that I've spoken, _

_As the skies turn to grey, my heart's just about to crack open _

_So the story goes, but there's something you should know _

_Before I walk away and I blow the ending… _

…_I never wanna be without you, Oh no, here I go, now you know- _

_What I feel about you, there's no running… I must have been wrong to doubt you,_

_Oh no, there I go, no control And I'm fallin', so now you know_

* * *

_Previously…_

"_I'm sorry" I whispered before I spoke, "but Edward?" I spoke louder to get his attention, he nodded in recognition._

_And so I continued- "I-I'm… love… " I paused, and took another deep breath, though it was unnecessary._

_Like I said before, it's now… or it's never._

"_Edward… I-I love you, I'm in love with you"_

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter sixteen: Revelations and devastation**

At my revelation his eyes shot open in shock, his posture stiffened, and his jaw went slack. It was clear that he definitely was not expecting my statement- he looked shocked, confused, and speechless… simply every emotion stereotyped with when people receive a huge bombshell.

Also non surprisingly, he didn't say anything for a long time.

"W-what?" he eventually stuttered, indicating that he wanted me to repeat my comment, even though he obviously heard me the first time.

"You heard before," I whispered, my voice broken and bitter, "I'm in love with you"

_I shouldn't have told him. _

It was in that moment that I knew that I had made a huge mistake. He didn't say anything, but continued to stare at me as we sat opposite each other, I could see many emotions on his face which kept appearing… though none of them was what I really wanted to see the most.

Eventually the silence became too much; I needed to hear his response- whether he decided to scream at me, run off or tell me I was insane. No matter what the response was going to be, I needed to know.

And so, I urged him on- "Say something… please," I begged him.

He took a deep breath, his dark eyes now looking anywhere but me- "I don't know what to say," he admitted reluctantly, "apart from… how? _When?_"

I put my head in my hands noticing how they were shaking uncontrollably. "I have _always_ loved you" I whispered against my skin, "…I think I loved you from the moment I met you,"

He was silent for a long while again, his expression frozen in place.

_In other words: he wasn't expecting that answer either._

"…That long ago?" he whispered in surprise.

I nodded, "I thought my feelings would fade over time… that maybe it was just a crush, but I've come to realise that it's all far too strong to just be a crush" I admitted, looking down at my lap whilst I spoke.

He once again didn't say anything, but instead he stood up from his place opposite, and walked over to one of the trees lining the meadow.

What was he going to do? Run away? Yell at me?_ …Throw a root or branch at me?!_

However, instead of those three scenarios he chose a simple one and paced back at forth, covering the width of the wide tree.

"This… it… I don't understand!" he growled in frustration, running his hands through his hair, he suddenly froze during his movements- "Hold on, is this why you ran away during the summer, and why you didn't talk to me after graduation? Because Bella… that really doesn't make any sense"

I silently stood from my position, and walked until I was a few feet away from him, he took one step towards me before backtracking, as if he was nervous to come close to me.

"It's because I was so jealous about you and Tanya…" I murmured, wringing my hands together. "Trust me, I have my reasons"

He sighed, shaking his head, "Okay, okay, reason's… right. Please just explain _everything_ please, Bella all the reasons and the truth" he pleaded with me.

I nodded, trying to stop my hand from shaking, "of course" I agreed.

_Where to start?_

I breathed deeply a couple of times to calm down my nerves; "W-well… do you remember Alice's party after graduation? I told you I had something to tell you…?"

He nodded, now staring intently at me; I tried my best to not look at him and after succeeding with that I continued my explanation.

"Well, I was going to tell you the truth that night… the truth that I love you, but you told me about your engagement to Tanya first. When you told me about that, I knew that I couldn't tell you then. It was later on that night that I decided to back away. I knew it would be too painful to see you marry Tanya and to see you love her, so I got this idea in my mind to cut all contact with you. I thought it would help me move on…" I explained in a rush, I paused and took a deep breath whilst still pacing, before continuing-

"… But the plan never really worked, you were all I could think about… I lived on my friends and my studies and I mostly felt okay and that the idea was good… but then every time I heard that phone ring and Alice answered to talk to you… it was difficult and I would feel that hurt and rejection all over again."

I could feel the tears began to spill over, betraying me. I had tried so hard to keep them back- I didn't want to look weak in front of him- but now it had gotten to the point that I couldn't stop them.

I continued my story-

"Alice knows about all of this by the way- the way I feel I mean. She could see things really were not improving for me so she set up a date for me with Luke, hoping he would be a distraction. After much persuasion I agreed to go and Alice was right… he was an escape. It was nice to have someone who cared for _me _in a way that's more then a friend"

-It was bitter of me to say that, and I knew it. But I continued talking without a pause-

"However despite him being so wonderful to me I knew I could never love him… I loved _you _and that completely _eclipse_d anything I felt for Luke. I loved you even though you loved someone else, so the relationship between Luke and me became mine and your situation switched around the other way ironically… and I don't even know where me and him are anymore."

It was quiet for a long time, "That's the whole story by that the way" I said softly, trying to stop the shivering and the tears.

Edward was now leaning against the tree; he had his head tilted back and was looking up at the sky, which was quickly darkening. I watched him for a while, still stunned by him despite all of this.

"I had no clue you loved me Bella, none at all," he finally admitted, as he still looked up at the sky.

"You didn't?" I asked surprised, unfortunately my voice still came out shaky.

He shook his head, "when you told me you had something to tell me, it was the last thing I expected." He admitted.

"Well what did you expect?" I said bitterly.

He shrugged, "I don't know… anything but this, I thought you were going to tell me you were engaged or something like that"

I laughed without humour, "now that idea is insane" I murmured.

"And this isn't?" he murmured closing his eyes.

I flinched- he was referring to the idea of me being in love with him as insane?!

"No, this definitely isn't insane" I snapped, hurt clear in my voice.

He instantly looked back at me and I could that his expression had changed, it was softer- "I'm sorry Bella... I just; I don't know what to say."

"It's understandable" I murmured, still feeling hurt.

More silence continued, until Edward spoke again.

"…Why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly, referring to how I hadn't told him before that I loved him.

"I'm telling you now" I whispered, knowing that wasn't the answer he wanted.

"Why not before?" he asked, his voice clearly less patient now.

I stuttered in my response, unable to find one- "Well... it's because you love Tanya and-"

He cut me off, "No, I mean _before_ Tanya." He informed me, his voice louder then before. "You said you've felt this way for years… we were friends a long time before I met Tanya… so why didn't you tell me then?"

"I don't know…" I admitted, "it just never felt like the right time, I kept waiting for the perfect moment. There were several times that I nearly told you but I always backed out, I was afraid of you rejecting me or hating me" I said quietly.

"Bella" he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He looked up at me, his green eyes were surprisingly soft and gentle- "you know I could never hate you"

"…So you don't hate me at all now then?" I replied, hope building in my voice.

He smiled softly at me, "Not at all, how could I? You're my best friend" he said gently.

…_Friend._

I knew this was coming… realistically I never expected him to suddenly declare his love for me. It's not like I was imagining being able to just jump right into his arms and run into the sunset with him. Things like that do not happen because this is not a fairytale; I'm not _that_ lucky, though I wish more then anything that I was.

I didn't expect anything different from this, but still it stung to have my thoughts and fears confirmed yet again.

"F-friend?" I whispered.

"Yeah…?" he replied seemingly confused at my statement.

It was silent for a while- I didn't want to say anything for the moment. I could see different emotions playing across his face; my last comment must have been sinking in, he must have noticed how sad I was.

In all the time we were quiet, he didn't take a step towards me once.

I knew I had to get out of here now, I was going to do what I did best… and that was _run._ Meaning that I would leave again, and stay out of his life for good this time.

Although I cannot call this at all successful, not all of it was negative. At least now I wouldn't spend the rest of my life wondering 'what if?' …maybe now I knew for certain how he felt, just maybe I could truly move on.

…All I needed first was the final nail in the coffin, the confirmation straight from him.

"My confession hasn't changed anything has it?" I whispered, my voice showing nothing but heartbreak.

His expression was sad as well, more so then I expected.

Once again he replied, speaking slowly and quietly- "It can't Bella… I mean I know I feel something more for you then friendship, I've come to realise that. But I don't think its enough, my wedding is two days away, it's so close… it's just not possible Bella" he said quietly, almost as if he was regretting telling me this.

I nodded, "I knew it" I whispered, "I'm so sorry Edward, I shouldn't have told you… I've ruined everything"

"What? No you haven't Bella…" Edward said lowly, finally taking one large step towards me.

"I have!" I cried, feeling the regret hit me.

_I'm so stupid. _

Edward took another few steps forward, until he was right in front of me.

"I'm so stupid…" I said aloud, "I let my feelings ruin our friendship…"

"What are you saying Bella? Our friendship isn't ruined…" he said worriedly as he hesitantly reached his hand towards me and began wiping my tears away softly from my cheeks.

I forced myself not to lean into his touch or to melt under his gaze. He was staring into my eyes intently; he looked indecisive as if he was thinking hard about something.

I closed my eyes, and leant away from his touch slightly, "…I won't be coming to your wedding Edward" I informed him quietly, deciding to begin the inevitable goodbye now.

… As much as it pained me to do so.

He nodded, I could tell that he expected me to say what I had just said. "Okay" he whispered.

He brushed my hair out of my face; I wanted to tell him to stop. It was just too painful to know what I'll never have and what I'm missing. To top that off it isn't exactly right when he's just admitted that he'll never love me and that he will be marrying someone else.

…I _wanted_ to tell him to stop his actions, but I couldn't find the words to speak out loud. I didn't think I would ever see him again, and I wanted to truly commit this to memory.

"I-I think its best if we say goodbye here" I whispered as more tears fell.

His hand froze for a second on my cheek, "What?" he replied, stunned.

"I'm leaving" I stated, sounding emotionless.

He paused for a moment, "…Oh right okay, I'll drive you back home then and we can-"

I cut him off, "No Edward… I'm _leaving_, I'm going back to New Hampshire" I said quietly, looking up at him.

His expression had changed, "What? When?" he gasped.

"In the next couple of days" I replied instantly.

"But, why…?" he said sadly, his voice full of shock.

"I think it's best if we have less contact again" I told him, my voice sounding broken.

More tears fell down my cheeks, but he didn't wipe them away this time. Instead he just left his hand in its place, wrapped around my cheek and around my neck into part of my hair.

"No Bella, that's not what's best" he said fiercely, his green eyes boring into my own.

"It is" I replied simply, even though I wanted to sob out loud.

"No…" he murmured, closing his eyes, "don't do this to me again, Bella. Please…" he began begging as he leant his forehead against my own.

"I don't have a choice" I told him, I closed my eyes as well still with my forehead against him.

"Yes you do," he argued with me instantly.

"No… I don't." I cut him off as I leant away from his touch.

_Time to cut all ties._

"I have to do this Edward, I can't take this anymore… I can't watch you marry her Edward, I can't watch you two together… I can't be around when you have your first anniversary, or your first child… I can't stand by and watch the way you look at her" – I briefly paused – "… because I will always wish it was me" I admitted, my voice breaking.

He tried to reach for me again, but I stepped backwards away from him.

"It's what's best" I insisted, trying to believe what I was saying.

"Bella, please don't do this… you've only just told me how you feel a few minutes ago, please just give it time to sink in and-" he began begging with me.

I cut him off, "and what, Edward? …Let it sink in so you can just tell me you're marrying Tanya?" I paused quickly; he looked like he was about to argue, so I finished my sentence quickly- "I _know_ that's all you'll say and I'm not waiting around for it, I don't want to be hurt anymore"

Edward didn't say anything after I finished speaking- instead he looked speechless.

I breathed deeply, ready for the most difficult part- "Goodbye Edward, I'm sorry…" I whispered.

He looked close to tears, and reached towards me one more time with his hand, however instead of stepping away like I should, I took his outstretched hand.

He pulled me towards him and into his arms, holding on to me tightly. I pressed my face into his neck while he buried his in my hair.

"This isn't goodbye," he said fiercely. "I'm not going to lose you" he insisted.

I nodded in response, and then broke from his embrace slightly so I could see him.

And then I did something I never thought I would have the courage to do under these situations. I did something I had always dreamed of, and that I knew I had to do at least once in my life.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, and leant up pressing my lips to his just for one second, before pulling away.

I walked away from him, picking up speed as I went. He began following me, and so I turned and ran into the trees.

As I got deeper into the forest I could hear him following me, calling out my name desperately. But as it was now dark due to the day fading into the night, he soon lost sight of me, and gradually his voice faded away and I no longer heard his footsteps.

I collapsed against a tree out of breath, both regretting and feeling pleased for my decision.

Our friendship couldn't recover from this, because it was simple- he didn't love me. However, even if I _hadn't_ told him then our friendship would have been nearly impossible anyway, with his marriage being so close.

As I sat alone in the dark waiting until I was certain that he was gone, all I could think was about how much I was going to miss him, and how much I wished everything hadn't turned out this way.

* * *

_Edward's point of view_

When Bella turned and ran from me, I reacted instantly not even thinking beforehand. As she began to fade from my view running deeper into the trees I continued to run after her as if she was my lifeline.

Almost as if she was my sole reason for living, and I couldn't live without her.

The truth was…_ I couldn't. _

I hadn't expected her to tell me she loved me today, when she told me she had something to tell me, this truly was the last thing I expected.

…Simply because I had considered telling her the same thing today.

It was heartbreaking to watch her pain, to see her believe that I really didn't want her. She thought I didn't love her, she _assumed_ I didn't just minutes ago, but I never once told her that.

I knew the truth now, I had figured it all out over the past few days I've spent apart from her and the time I've spent with her throughout today.

I've been such a blind idiot all these years for not realising it before, and for not telling her the truth today when I had the perfect opportunity.

In summary, I had finally realised that-

_I'm hopelessly and positively in love with Bella Swan._

…But I didn't tell her, I couldn't.

I had an obligation to marry Tanya, I had let it go too far and I couldn't back out. I cared about her and she loved me, and so I couldn't hurt her this way.

I suddenly realised with a devastating discovery that I couldn't see Bella anymore, she had truly disappeared from my sight, and she was no where to be seen in the darkness.

_I've lost her. _

"Bella!" I called out, before whispering gently- "_I love you too"_

* * *

**Once again- dun-dun-dunnn!! **

**Please let me know what you all think, any chance we can get to like 282 now? It would be brilliant to keep the amazing amount of reviews up, its really encouraging and plenty of reviews= quick updates again!**


	17. Darkness and separation

**A/N- OME! Nearly one HUNDRED reviews? That's just crazy amazing! Thank you so much everyone! It's so so appreciated! I will get round to thanking everyone personally through, though it won't be until tomorrow, because right now its late and I'm really tired... plus I've got to get up at 6 am tomorrow.. grr. Ha. I'll write to everyone though :) Seriously though... thank you so much! It so much more then what I was expecting... you really are all so amazing! :)**

**Anyway so here is chapter seventeen... I think this was a quick ish update.. it could have been quicker but I've been busy this week. Not to mention due to me passing my driving test on Tuesday (yay).. pretty much all I've been doing is going out for drives! Ha. Anyway.. this chapter keeps changing POV between Bella and Edward, but I think it suited the chapter, as it keeps showing what each of them is feeling. This is probably the longest chapter so far, but it couldn't be any shorter then this!**

**I've also been figuring out how many chapters this is going to be.. it should be between 23-25 chapters, maybe with a couple of extras. I think thats enough yeah? I'm not sure of any ideas of how to make it any longer..**

**Please do keep reviewing :) And I will update ASAP, the next chapter is going to be a huge turning point.. I really want to start writing it. That is if people want the next chap? :/**

**Anyway, thanks again!**

* * *

_(Song for the chapter- Tomorrow- Avril Lavigne) _

_It's always been up to you, It's turning around, and it's up to me  
__I'm gonna do what I have to do, Just don't…  
__Give me a little time; leave me alone a little while  
__…Maybe its not too late…_

_Not today, today, today, today, today…_

_I don't know how I'll feel, tomorrow, tomorrow…  
__And I don't know what to say tomorrow, tomorrow, is a different day…_

* * *

_Previously…_

_(Bella)_

_I collapsed against a tree out of breath, both regretting and feeling pleased for my decision._

_Our friendship couldn't recover from this, because it was simple- he didn't love me. However, even if I hadn't told him then our friendship would have been nearly impossible anyway, with his marriage being so close._

_As I sat alone in the dark waiting until I was certain that he was gone, all I could think was about how much I was going to miss him, and how much I wished everything hadn't turned out this way._

_(Edward) _

_I suddenly realised with a devastating discovery that I couldn't see Bella anymore, she had truly disappeared from my sight, and she was no where to be seen in the darkness._

_I've lost her. _

"_Bella!" I called out, before whispering gently- "I love you too"_

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter Seventeen: Darkness and separation**

_Bella's point of view:_

_He'll come, he'll come, he'll come…_

… I debated with myself whether I wanted Edward to find me or not- on one hand I wanted the distance, I felt it was best and that this was just the beginning.

However on the other hand… I wanted to believe that he at least cared enough to try to find me. Because even though I basically told him we couldn't be friends I hoped that it meant that he still cared to some degree, because I always would.

_Forever and always._

I sat in the darkness, waiting for more then an hour, and yet I never heard him. I didn't hear his footsteps like I imagined… I couldn't see running to find me frantically or him calling for me.

Maybe he had never even looked.

_No, he must care at least a little…_

Maybe it was because he had given up?

Maybe he had gone in the completely wrong direction, so was nowhere near me?!

Or… _maybe…_ he had decided something like- 'enough of looking for the _best friend_, my _beautiful fiancée_ is waiting for me at home'

… That sounds dreadfully bitter of me, I know.

But still, I feel that a little bitterness can be justified. Whether I end up feeling angry, confused or bitter I feel it would be okay to feel so, I just need something to take my mind away from the crushing pain that I'm feeling right now.

…The pain that was as dark and empty as the night sky that I now felt trapped underneath. The sky was moonless and starless sky and was obscured by the thick growth of the trees.

It was so dark… the green that had become the black as the day had become the night, just like how my life had gone in just the space of a couple of hours or so.

I lay on the dampening ground and let my emotions get the better of me- the emotions I refused to let anyone- _especially_ Edward see. After all I had allowed him to see the tears, but I couldn't ever let him hear the heart wrenching sobs that were now coming from me, the ripping and tearing sound that made me feel as if I was falling apart.

I looked upwards and saw that there was a thin break in the trees- allowing me to see directly where the moon should be.

But there was no moon; there was a _new moon- _it was starting over for the next cycle, forever changing every night. I closed my eyes, knowing that my life would be doing the same now.

Fork's isn't my home anymore- I wouldn't ever come back; Edward can't be anything in my life anymore either, and as Fork's is part of him, it can no longer be a part of me.

I would wait here for just a little longer and then make my way back home. One of the first things I would do is call for a flight back to Hanover, which would hopefully be for tomorrow or before the wedding.

I wanted to be as far away as possible, out of sight out of mind. I just couldn't stay in Fork's when I knew that Edward would be marrying Tanya… it will be all that anyone talks about. And although I want to be happy for Edward that he's found his love… I never will.

All I will ever think is about what I can't have.

That thought just bought on more tears and more loud cries, which eventually lulled me to sleep despite my best intentions, under the earie and empty night sky.

***~*~***

_Edward's point of view:_

_Where is she? Where is she?_

_Bella, where are you?_

I continued calling her name in agony, feeling desperate to not give up looking for her. My thoughts were no longer focused on my internal 'do I love Bella or Tanya more' debates which I was selfishly previously thinking of, but were instead completely panicked about if Bella was okay.

I was utterly terrified about whether she was okay or not. _Damn it, why did I have to insist on bringing her here today?!_ I'm such an idiot to bring her somewhere so big and secluded… we were far into a forest, which managed to be dark during the day, let alone the night… It was cold now; I could feel the air cooling my clothes, causing me to shiver.

Panicked thoughts continued to run rampant- what if she wasn't okay? What if she was hurt or… _worse?!_

…It would be _my_ fault.

If only I had just told her the truth or not let her run away from me… none of this would have happened.

Instead, I would know for certain that she's safe and wouldn't be searching for her, feeling terrified about whether she's even alive or not.

The need to find her, to make sure she's safe and to tell her how I really feel was overwhelming.

…_How had I not realised until the other day that I loved her? _

All the signs had _always _been there, the way I always thought about her, and wanted to know how she was feeling, the way I felt as if I was in pain if she ever was, or if we ever had to spend much time apart.

There's also how I love everything about her, to me there isn't one fault… none at all, I even mostly loved how selfless she is.

Excluding this current situation of course.

_Oh, how I love her._

…All it took was one single moment for everything to come into focus and for me to realise just how much Bella meant to me.

It was after the meal at the restaurant, when I was disappointed at not seeing her- not realising at that moment what my emotions were telling me.

It was that night that I dreamt of her… of a life with her. Part of it was a dream I'd had before many times, a simple but beautiful one of her walking towards me at the aisle on our wedding day.

… A dream I had thought little of until lately.

However this dream had gone so much further, with me actually seeing us getting married and us going on our honeymoon… us holding our new-born daughter, and then flashes of the few children that followed, and then us celebrating our tenth anniversary…

That wasn't what was bizarre to me though. No, what confused me was how normal it all felt, and how the dream had felt so lifelike that I couldn't distinguish the difference between reality and fantasy.

But then of course, like everything good in life, the dream ended and I woke up to see Tanya lying next to me… and I wished with everything in me that it were Bella there instead.

It was through the rest of that night that I lay awake unable to sleep, trying to figure out what all the feelings meant… I only managed to come to my conclusion when Tanya stirred, and when she had settled again, I whispered in response 'I love you Bella' without even realising.

That was when the epiphany came- I was in love with my best friend, and I always have been, but unfortunately never realised until that moment.

Due to my surprise and guilt over the new found feelings I kept my distance from Bella for a few days, feeling it was for the best.

But it soon became far too painful, and without even realising I found myself knocking on Bella's door suggesting this day out with her.

… If only I realised then what it would lead to.

_What am I going to do?!_

I want to marry Tanya… or do I not?

I love Tanya… don't I?

It's Tanya I want to spend my life with… right?

_Wrong_

_Wrong_

… _So wrong._

I knew that by marrying Tanya in a couple of days that I would be throwing away a lot, after all it would mean paying a devastating price… which would be losing my Bella.

But on the other hand, if I chose not to marry Tanya… I dread to think the way she would react, or what my parents and family would think of me.

It was not something that any man should do, walking away from his fiancée at the last minute was unfair and unjust on all those involved. And I didn't want to cause any of them any unnecessary pain.

But… the idea of not being with Bella… and her not knowing how I felt… now that was heartbreaking- it would hurt me more then anyone, I'm certain of it.

So now the choice is do I put myself first and choose the life I want, or the life that would make the majority of people around me happy?

One thing was for certain, and that was that I didn't have much time to figure it out, just like how I was running out of time to find Bella.

On that note I began calling for her again, while picking up my pace, knowing before anything else that I needed to find her… and I needed to soon.

***~*~***

_Bella's point of view:_

The light was visible even through my closed eyelids; I could feel warmth beginning to touch my numb face, warming it pleasantly, ultimately waking me up.

Hold on… there was something wrong with this picture… warmth? Light?!

Feeling hesitant and slightly afraid about what I would see I slowly opened my eyes, confused as to where I was, only to find myself still in the forest in the same position I last remembered myself in. I was still lying on the ground, curled up in the fetal position with my arms wrapped around myself to protect myself from the cold.

Only there was one noticeable difference… it was no longer dark, instead it looked like the sun had made its appearance again. The rays were just managing to break through the leaves high up the top of the trees, and the scenery around me was now a lighter green- I could see everything around me in vivid detail.

That only meant one thing… it was no longer the night, it was the morning.

Meaning… I had slept here all night.

_That can't be good. _

The light and the sunshine I was surrounded in did nothing to improve my mood as the reality of what happened yesterday sunk in miserably.

I glanced at my watch to find it was 6 in the morning.

Oh no…

I knew I had to find my way back home right now, Charlie and Alice would be worried for certain, and were probably searching for me.

I also needed to just be out of the forest right away- away from the reminder of what happened last night. To top it off, I also felt starving and fatigued as if I hadn't slept in weeks… I more then likely looked that way too.

I knew there was no chance that Edward would still be looking for me at all, so I moved from my spot and began walking the way I thought was best, knowing that my wait for him was over.

My eyes felt dry and my limbs felt stiff, as if I hadn't moved from my position in weeks not hours. Yet despite my discomfort I continued walking, I didn't even know if I was heading in the right direction, but I continued ahead the way I was going, determined to not change my mind now.

Despite my thoughts constantly being about Edward and what happened, I managed to not cry, instead I solely focused on just making it back.

… So I could leave and get back to Hanover again.

I didn't see anything that was familiar- none of the trees or scenery looked vaguely familiar- but eventually after what was most certainly hours I saw a break in the trees… which I instantly ran towards, managing to not trip even once.

Finally I stumbled out of the trees and into the clear, breathing a huge sigh of relief when I found myself standing on the road which most certainly lead into Fork's.

I had somehow got to this point in the road that was nearer to home as compared to where Edward parked his car, which was staggering… I cannot for the life of me figure out how I managed it.

More time passed as I followed the road, I managed a slight smile as I passed the welcome to Fork's sign, knowing it would be the last time I saw it from this angle.

I felt in even more pain – both physically and mentally - as I took each step, but I also felt more triumphant because I knew I was getting closer.

It was noon when I eventually made it back to the house, in my haste and relief I tried to run towards it, but ended up tripping over my own feet.

When I finally made it to the front door, I patted down my hair and straightened out my clothes, trying my best to compose myself for Charlie's sake – even though I felt like I was dying inside – before I finally walked in.

When I did though, an angry and worried Charlie was there to meet me.

"Bella?" his voice called from the living room,

"Yeah, it's me" I confirmed for him.

Not one second later he came storming into the hallway- "Where have you been?!" he asked, his voice now turning into a near-yell.

"I-I was…" I murmured stunned, I desperately racked my brain to try to think of a suitable excuse, "…around a friends"

_Major fail of an excuse you have there._

"Hmm" He mumbled unconvinced, "And being there meant that you couldn't have called?" he said impatiently, when I didn't reply he continued talking- "Me and Alice were so worried, we were about to send out a search party for you…"

"I'm sorry, I just… forgot to call…" I mumbled, looking down at my feet, which I was shuffling.

When I looked back up at him I noticed his expression- disbelieving. He was looking at me as if he didn't believe my lie at all, I didn't blame him for that. After all I must have looked awful considering that I slept on the forest floor all night, and then walked all the way home. I was exhausted so my eyes must have been red… probably a very obvious red due to the amount of times I had cried over such a short space of time.

After many apologies and excuses, I excused myself and made my way upstairs, grabbing my phone as I went.

Once I was definitely out of hearing range I collapsed on the bed, burying myself under the sheets, shaking violently.

I reluctantly looked at my phone, only to see that I had 10 missed calls- 2 from Luke, 5 from Alice and 4 from Edward. I also had dozens of text messages and voicemails all from the same people.

I sighed, and picked up the phone, selecting one person to call. I closed my eyes as I listened to the ringing tone.

"Hello?" Alice answered on the other end.

"Hi Alice…" I mumbled, tears once again forming in my eyes.

"Bella? You're back!?" she exclaimed, seeming relieved to hear my voice.

"Yeah I am, sorry for worrying you" I replied, my voice breaking as the tears fell yet again.

"That's doesn't matter as long as-" she cut off, pausing as she heard me sob quietly, "Bella? Is everything okay…?" she asked warily, concerned by the sound I was making.

"N-no it's not…" I admitted, my voice just above a whimper, "Alice it's all gone so wrong…" I sobbed, burying my face in my pillows.

"Shh Bella whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be okay" she replied, her voice soft and soothing.

"It won't be" I replied weakly, shaking my head even though she couldn't see.

There was a short pause, "… What's happened Bella?" she asked warily.

I closed my eyes even tighter then before, "I finally told him…" I replied quietly, "Edward knows that I love him… and he's still marrying Tanya"

***~*~***

_Edward's point of view:_

My search for Bella continued all night long, and as time passed I grew even more worried. I was now beyond terrified as I noticed the time- it was 6.00am. I hadn't seen her in about 12 hours, and that truly was devastating.

'She'll be okay Edward, she's probably at home now…

_You're just overreacting.' _

… That's what I was trying to tell myself, but it didn't work.

It didn't help either that I was also most certainly lost or that I didn't have my phone with me- it was back in my car, wherever that was.

If I had my phone I could have called for help… or called Bella… or done something better then this, maybe just _maybe_ I could have found her by now.

"Bella, where are you?" I murmured quietly, my voice now not much more then a whisper.

I felt exhausted and utterly drained of all my energy; I hadn't stopped my search and had just continued looking all night long, but to no avail.

… Reality had sunk in and that was it just wasn't enough for me to look for Bella alone.

I needed help.

And so, I began searching for my car, knowing that my phone was back there.

Unfortunately that task turned out much more difficult then I could have ever imagined, it was hours before I made it back to the meadow, and then another hour before I was back at the car.

The whole time I thought of nothing, just what was around me.

When I finally somehow made it back to my car I collapsed in the seat, feeling my muscles relax in relief at getting to sit down.

I didn't even think much about how I had found my way back; it must have been instinct or something.

Instead, I wiped away the couple of tears that had fallen and shakily picked up my phone that sat on the dashboard.

I rung Bella a few times, and then Alice… I even tried Charlie but was dismayed to find that the number didn't work.

I was just about to give up hope and begin searching for her on foot again when my phone suddenly began ringing in my hand.

I didn't even look at the caller ID before putting it to my ear, "Hello?" I replied desperately.

…It was Alice.

"She's okay Edward" she told me quietly, cutting straight to the chase.

There wasn't even any question as to who she was talking about, I knew right away it was Bella without her even confirming so.

I felt the staggering emotion of relief as I took in those few words though.

My mind quietly rejoiced- _she's okay! She's safe, my Bella's safe…_

The fact that I was due to collapse at any moment didn't matter, or the fact that the wedding is now tomorrow and I'm not even home yet didn't matter… nothing did. Instead, all that mattered was that Bella was okay.

I had feared she was hurt or even dead, so just hearing Alice tell me Bella was okay was the relief I had been praying for.

"Where is she?" I asked breathlessly.

"She's at home, she just called me from there… I'm just about to go over and talk to her" Alice said quietly, she paused for a moment- "Edward… she told me what happened"

I sighed…_ Of course she did._

I closed my eyes, and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to keep my emotions under control.

"And?" I murmured, not knowing what Alice was going to tell me.

"And she's still leaving Edward, I'm sorry." She said quietly.

I felt another lone tear slip down my cheek, but didn't wipe it away this time.

Alice continued talking- "Edward, I did ask if she was going to call you but I'm sorry… she's not" she said sadly.

"…Can't I call her?" I asked her hopefully.

"I don't think that's the best idea Edward, do you?" Alice replied, her voice sounding much more spiteful then before.

I spoke to Alice for a little longer, deliberately cutting the conversation short, just wanting to get going. Once I had hung up, I finally turned on the engine and began driving home, trying not to fall asleep behind the wheel as I drove.

Throughout my whole night of searching I had drawn a final decision, and that was… although I don't think I want to, I have to marry Tanya.

I just can't disappoint people by not going through with it after all.

As heartbreaking as this decision is for me… and for my poor, sweet Bella.

… Who probably will never know just how I feel about her.

I finally made it back into the towns limits, and drove past Bella's house, not looking at it as I passed. Although I wasn't able to see her in front of me, all I could see was her face in the front of my mind.

My eyes clouded over once again at me never getting to tell her how I feel…never getting to show how I love her, or having that life that I dreamt of and wanted so much.

And once again, I was undecided.

What am I going to do?

***~*~***

_Bella's point of view:_

Later that day when Alice had left I finally went downstairs and made lunch for Charlie, and myself. While we were eating I continually apologised to him but never explained exactly what had happened, he accepted my apology as I promised I would call next time something like this happened.

If there even _was_ a next time.

When Alice had come around I told her everything that had happened, and surprisingly she was quiet throughout it all. Though I could tell through her expression that a lot of things were on her mind… she didn't say anything about what she was thinking though.

She only argued a little when I told her I was leaving, but eventually half-heartedly agreed that maybe it was a good idea.

I didn't tell her that I was planning to cut all contact with Edward again though… she would find out soon enough after all.

The rest of the day passed, and I heard nothing from him. I didn't expect to and part of me was relieved; though the other part was devastated.

What if he really doesn't care anymore?

There was a large lump in my throat as I made my second –and my most important – phone call for today.

… I was booking a flight out of here, for as soon as possible.

"The earliest flight we have is for tomorrow – December the 19th – which leaves at 2.30pm" the sales woman told me through the phone.

I glanced at my nightstand, noticing the wedding invitation sitting there; it told me that the wedding was the exact same time as the flight… tomorrow.

I closed my eyes tightly, trying to fight off the devastating pain once again.

I finally replied as calmly as I could to them- "That sounds perfect, I would like to book one ticket please"

* * *

**Gah, hope that was okay? I might come back and re-edit it, but for now I was just desperate to get this chapter out tonight. Please try to ignore any mistakes that there might be. **

**Please review and I'll update soon! Any chance at all that we can get to 400? Or am I wishful thinking now? Anyway.. review!**

**Thanks for reading :)) xx**


	18. Messages and weddings

**A/N- Yay! Once again thank you so much for all the reviews! It's brilliant that we reached 400! Thanks to Sarah J Cullen for my 400th review haha :)) Thanks everyone for helping the story get to this though!**

**This** **chapter is divided into two parts, I originally planned for the first part of it to be in the previous chapter, but I just ended up too tired to edit it properly to put it on, so here it is on this chapter! ****This chapter is SO long, over 5,000 words. By far my longest chapter ever, thats got to earn a little credit right? ;) haha.**

**Please review!! I know I've said it before.. but I really need peoples opinions for this chapter. You'll see why by the ending ;) Besides... any chance we can get to 445? Keep up the good run?**

* * *

_Previously…_

_Bella_

"_The earliest flight we have is for tomorrow – December the 19__th__ – which leaves at 2.30pm" the sales woman told me through the phone._

_I glanced at my nightstand, noticing the wedding invitation sitting there; it told me that the wedding was the exact same time as the flight… tomorrow. _

_I closed my eyes tightly, trying to fight off the devastating pain once again. _

_I finally replied as calmly as I could to them- "That sounds perfect, I would like to book one ticket please"_

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter eighteen: Messages and weddings**

_(Song for the chapter- U2- With or without you)_

_See the stone set in your eyes, See the thorn twist in your side,  
__I wait for you…  
__Sleight of hand and twist of fate, On a bed of nails she makes me wait, _

_And I wait, without you…  
__With or without you, With or without you…_

_Through the storm we reach the shore, You give it all but I want more, and I'm waiting for you_

_With or without you, With or without you…  
__I can't live with or without you._

***~*~***

_There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honoured by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up. – __**Lucas Scott, OTH.**_

_***~*~***_

_Bella's point of view_

2.32 am.

Twelve hours to go, just a mere twelve hours…

It will be okay then- it _will_ be okay.

… Or so I keep telling myself.

_One, two, three…_

When you count the time that way- second by second- it sure does feel like time does pass too quickly.

After all it only takes _one_ second out of all the millions in the year for something to change.

For instance- later today it will only take _one_ second for Edward to say I do, officially making his married, just as it will for Tanya to gain a husband from him.

… In comparison, it only took me two seconds to tell Edward those infamous three words, which have lead to me to where I am now.

However, even though seconds pass far too quickly, it's a different story for hours.

Or so I've thought before… I'm not thinking that now because I know that in just twelve short hours Edward will be _married_.

Married, in love and forever bound to Tanya… and that will be the end for me, the ordinary girl destined too never be with him.

I keep thinking that once I'm on the plane later today that I will be able to accept it- after all theres nothing I can do once they are married, so why would I regret anything?

Only… regret really isn't the problem here is it?

After all I've already done all I can do- I've told Edward the truth and only gained rejection in response, so theres no reason why I should feel regret… unless if I regret telling him the truth, which I don't in particular.

Instead I feel pain, and I'm heartbroken… meaning it's very unlikely that I'll be able to accept them once the wedding itself is over.

…Actually, I doubt I will ever accept it.

My idea is that with this distance that I will come to terms with it, and hopefully be somewhat happy for him eventually.

The only problem is that I know that this idea didn't work last time, who's to say it'll work this time?!

I don't feel I have any choice though.

I watch wide-eyed as the clock on the wall announces that it's now 2.33am.

… I've been this way for around four hours now; after I realised that sleep was impossible I moved downstairs and found myself sitting at the kitchen table. I was currently slouched against my seat with my head in my hands as I stared at the time on the wall. It really didn't pass by fast, every minute felt like an hour.

I just hoped the time that I could leave would come quickly.

12 hours to go until the wedding and my flight…

9 hours until I leave here.

I hope it passes quickly before I begin to really consider what I am doing.

* * *

**_Eight hours later…_**

Edward's point of view

_Four hours to go…_

_Just four hours until my wedding…_

This should feel like the most wonderful and exciting day of my life… funny how it feels like the exact opposite.

I know that my decision was made though… despite my lack of enthusiasm at the idea of being with Tanya and not Bella… I felt it was my safest option.

It was secure after all, it guaranteed a good future, and keeping my parents happy, after all I know my father has always wanted me married to one of the Denali daughters, in all honesty it was almost a set up.

But everything would be okay… or so I hoped.

I felt so uncomfortable about everything though- in a normal situation I _should_ and _would_ be thinking about my fiancée and how happy I was to be becoming her husband. But instead the only person I can think about is Bella, and how much I wish things had turned out different, and that it was her and not Tanya that I was marrying.

…I really wish I could talk to Bella right now.

But it would be impossible to go and visit her, I suppose a phone call would be good enough… _anything_ would be more then good enough, just as long as I got to hear her voice.

However, I knew it would make things even more complicated then before, if that were even possible.

The phone sat in the far corner of the room, seeming to appear much larger then it really was. I carried on packing, trying in vain to keep myself busy however I found that I could see it from everywhere I turned, like it was telling me to just pick it up and dial.

I didn't know what I would say though…I wanted to be able to tell her that I would go with her, I didn't know when she was going but I had a feeling I wouldn't have much more time.

I wanted to tell her I should have said more the other day…

I wanted to tell her how I felt, knowing it would be my only chance.

I wanted to tell her that the wedding was no longer by choice, I was not deliberately picking Tanya over her.

_Hold on… if I'm not picking one over the other, then what am I doing?_

_I don't even know. _

I began to cross the distance of the room once more; making my way towards the phone, knowing my mind was made up now- I was going to talk to her, no matter what the outcome, I needed to hear if she was okay...

Maybe if nothing else her voice would help me with the indecisiveness I'm feeling.

"Edward…?" a soft voice whispered.

I froze mid-step; my hand still outstretched towards the silver object.

"Yeah mom?" I asked quietly, having recognised my mother's voice even through the slight muffled sound the door had caused.

The door creaked open slightly, and a second later she was peeking through. "Can I talk to you for a minute Edward?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah of course," I said softly, smiling at her, "I thought you were going to Tanyas though?"

"I'm just about to go there," she replied, "I just… wanted to come and see you before I went" she admitted, shrugging slightly.

I smiled at her and pulled her in for a quick but tight hug.

When we broke apart she smiled softly up at me and then began pacing my room, which was still in the exact same condition from when I lived here in August.

She walked towards a picture that was balanced on the windowsill; it was of me in the middle with Tanya on one side, and Bella and Alice on the other. It was a simple picture, all of us looked a little awkward at having to pose that way… but somehow it just made the picture better. Because even though I knew how much Bella and Tanya despised each other, they willingly agreed to the photograph and both smiled widely, cleverly hiding their distaste from eachother.

Elizabeth lingered there for a long while, her gaze firmly held on the picture.

"I've been watching the way you've been acting for the past couple of days Edward and I'm really concerned" she explained sadly, still looking at the picture.

"What are you concerned about?" I asked quietly.

"You" she replied just as softly, "you just seem so different…" she murmured.

I stood still in place unable to say anything.

She paused for a while, waiting for my response. When it was clear that I wasn't going to say anything, she did- "You are happy Edward, right?" she asked, taking a step towards me.

"Yes I am," I responded instantly, though I found it difficult to say "why?" I asked, feeling confused about this change in conversation.

"I may be completely wrong here, but you just… you don't seem as happy as you used to be" she replied turning around to face me. "Is it because your nervous about getting married Edward?"

No.

_It's because I'm more in love with someone else instead of my bride. _

"Yes…?" I replied my response sounding more like a question.

She sighed, walking towards me again, "You don't have to do this if it doesn't make you happy Edward, you and Tanya… you're both just so young." She paused for a moment, "Think about it… is this truly what you want?" she questioned me.

_Yes, I have thought about it._

_No, this isn't truly what I want._

"It is what I want" I whispered, though my voice betrayed my emotions- it showed my apprehension, and somehow emphasised it to seem like stronger then it was.

The wedding…

It's not what I want; it's what I think is best.

She shook her head slowly- she didn't fall for my façade at all, "Remember you only have one life, Edward," she said sternly.

I frowned, confused as to what she was trying to say. "Right…?" I replied, showing her how confused I was about her comment.

…After all it did seem like an unusual turn in conversation to have just before a wedding.

Actually… it seemed unusual in general, let alone in this situation.

Unless… I suppose she _does_ know me very well, so can she tell by my expressions and actions that I don't really want to marry Tanya? And that all of this isn't what I truly want?

It was quiet for a while, "Edward could you do a favour… for me? Please?" she asked quietly, breaking the silence, I nodded in response.

Her expression was still stern as she spoke, "I have a feeling you're not being honest, and that you may not be completely happy with the situation" she paused for a moment, before speaking again with a softer tone- "Just remember that being happy is the most important thing. So do whatever it takes to make sure you're just that. No matter who you may hurt or have to step over to get to that point." She explained.

"Okay…" I agreed, still utterly confused as to what she was talking about exactly.

She continued speaking though, probably not even hearing my short comment.

"I guess that what I'm trying to say is just think about it before you make this commitment please… because if its _not_ what you truly want just know that its _never_ too late to back out" she

"Okay" I agreed again quietly, internally cringing at my lack of vocabulary.

She nodded, smiling slightly, "well I had better get going then…" She walked up to me and reached up, lifting her hand to touch my cheek; "I'll see you later, I love you"

"I love you too" I replied, smiling down at my mother.

… _It was a different kind of love and situation, but I wish I could finally say those words to Bella to let her know how I felt._

_Or I wish I could say them to Tanya today and actually mean them. _

… Either of those scenarios would make the situation a lot easier.

Elizabeth smiled at me and then left it at that, once she had gone I finally let her words ring through my mind.

"Do what it takes to make sure you're happy.

_Whatever it takes." _

I knew already that I wasn't happy about this wedding- after all I loved Bella far more then Tanya. And that instantly made things much more complicated then I ever imagined they would be.

_But…_ Tanya's a good person, she's never done anything hateful… and I _think_ I love her as well. Perhaps that love may not be as strong as I love Bella, it wasn't the eclipsing, staggering true love I felt for Bella, but it was comfort with Tanya… kind of more of a family love, the way you would love a sister perhaps.

But… maybe that's enough.

I knew what I wanted to do though; I had to hear her voice… explain myself somehow. I decided to go with my plan of action that I was about to do before Elizabeth came in.

And so, I made my way to my phone, and finally dialled the number I've wanted to call all morning. I knew that would be it- I would speak to Bella… make things better between us, and then go with the plan to marry Tanya, just four hours from now.

I closed my eyes as the phone kept ringing,

Once, twice, three times…

I hoped that she would answer, just so I could say something… _anything…_

But I didn't get that opportunity, as she didn't answer, and instead it went straight to voicemail.

I sighed loudly, upset that my plan wouldn't completely work.

But still… at least I could leave her a message.

I waited until it told me to speak, and then mentally prepared for what I was about to say in the short time that I had.

"Hi Bella, it's me." I said quietly into the receiver, I closed my eyes and continued talking- "So I know things aren't good between us at the moment but I just want to tell you…"

*~*~*

**Part two**

"There are two tragedies in life, one is to lose your hearts desire, and the other is to gain it" **–George Bernard Shaw.**

***~*~***

_Bella's point of view_

_Fifty eight, fifty nine, sixty… _

_11.30 am._

The time had eventually passed and now I was on my way to the airport knowing it would only be three hours until I was on my flight home.

… Away from here, and away from him.

I was making my own way to the airport with no one there to see me go, after all I had already said goodbye to Charlie and Alice so there was no need for either of them to come, they were both busy anyway.

Charlie said a temporary goodbye before he went to work- I had convinced him to come and spend Christmas Aunt Sarah and me in Hanover, telling him I wanted to be there for Christmas. Luckily he didn't question me about my reasons for wanting to leave, which was a relief- I wouldn't have been able to think of a good excuse even if I tried.

He would be coming over on the 23rd, which was good for me; it made me feel less guilty about going having the knowledge that he wouldn't be alone for long.

Alice had also come over earlier, she was still going to the wedding and felt guilty about it, however I assured her that she shouldn't feel that way. Edward was her best friend too, and I know that Edward would need a friend there for moral support if nothing less.

And so… here I am.

I slowly made my way into the crowded terminal, noticing everything as if it was in slow motion. Once I had checked in my bags I took a seat on one of the benches in the centre of the terminal and just watched everyone walking past me. I noted how everyone seemed so happy… in euphoric moods, clearly they were all going on their Christmas vacations. The majority of people passing by me were young families or young couples, walking past hand in hand, which only stung that little bit more.

I felt so alone.

I paused, taking the time to look up at the flight boards. I groaned as it confirmed that my flight had been delayed by an hour- after all I wanted to get going, to get away from everything. It would now be at 3.30 instead, it was possibly due to the amount of flights and the time of year.

Oh well, theres nothing I can do I suppose. All it means is that I have another sixty minutes to wait then.

I have everything planned, for starters the first thing I'll do when I arrive back is will go and visit Luke to end things between us. I knew he wasn't leaving to be with his family until tomorrow so that wasn't a worry.

Ending the relationship wouldn't be a worry either, it felt right, I'm not one to go into things light-heartedly, and I know that I can't be with him anymore.

Deep down I also know that I shouldn't have gone out with him in the first place.

… _No regrets remember? _

_Everything happens for a reason. _

More time passed, and then finally it was 2.30.

It would be right at this very moment that Edward and Tanya stood at the altar, reciting their vows…

_Don't think about it; don't think about it…_

I pushed it to the back of my mind the best I could, and eventually I managed to focus on the people passing me again.

I couldn't help it though… throughout my time sitting here I had kept looking over at the entrance, just hoping against hope that Edward would walk through…

But he didn't.

He was at his wedding instead.

I knew I had to go now… it wouldn't be long and soon they would be calling for boarding.

I couldn't help but feel even more rejection at the fact that he hadn't come, even though I knew he wouldn't. I shouldn't have even let myself hope.

After all, life isn't like a Taylor Swift song- I know judging by my life that my prince won't suddenly appear on his white horse, declaring his love for me, before getting down on one knee and us living happily ever after.

I was never one for fairytales when I was younger- I didn't sit around and watch Disney or read stories like that, for some reason I always enjoyed the tragedies more- they were the types of stories that seemed more realistic to me.

However despite not fully believing in fairytales, I couldn't help but wish for a _love story_ type situation.

But its not going to happen.

It's time to go.

I decided to switch my phone off to go through security when I noticed I had one missed call. Hmm… that's weird, how had I not heard it ring before?

I looked at the number, and my heart felt like it had stopped and then suddenly started back up in double speed when I saw who it was that had tried to call me.

Edward.

…And that wasn't all.

He had also left a voicemail message.

What did he say?

Did I even want to know?

Would it only hurt me even more to hear his voice? Or was I more afraid of what he was going to say?

As I stood in the middle of a large crowd, deciding whether or not to listen to the message, little did I know what was happening elsewhere…

* * *

_Edward's point of view_

"Edward, stop fidgeting! There's no need to be so nervous" Alice mumbled beside me.

"I'm not nervous" I retorted.

It was currently 2.10 and we were waiting outside the church, literally just minutes away from everything beginning.

The final hours before the wedding had passed so quickly.

…And I hadn't heard anything back from Bella, despite the heart-felt message I had sent her, telling her so much, I had left out the infamous three words, but I made it very clear just how much I care about her.

So I'm assuming that either she deleted the message as soon as she saw it, or she listened and chose not to contact me in response.

At this moment it was only Alice and me who were waiting here, everyone else was rushing around preparing everything, but I said I just needed a moment to relax a little to get my head around everything. I had asked Alice to stand with me, not knowing at the time whether I would tell her about my worries or not.

I kept my eyes on the front gates knowing soon that Tanya would be arriving, and yet… I felt nothing. No excitement, no happiness… I just felt numb.

"What's wrong then Edward?" Alice asked quietly, probably noticing my stunned expression.

"Nothing's wrong" I instantly defended myself.

She raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced by my terrible false act.

"Edward…" she said warningly.

I sighed quietly, "fine" I mumbled, "something _is_ wrong… but it'll be okay" I admitted reluctantly.

She still looked impatient, "Explain please"

She left no room for me to argue.

I stuttered a little when I spoke- "I… I don't think I want to get married"

She blinked, seeming surprised at my comment, "You don't?" she asked.

I nodded, "…at least I think I don't" I murmured so she couldn't hear, before speaking louder- "Alice, you know what happened with me and Bella the other day right?" – she nodded, so I continued -"Well, its made me come to realise some things. One of them being that I don't think I love Tanya enough to marry her" I told her quietly.

I made sure not to go into too much detail, deliberately not mentioning to Alice about my true feelings for Bella. If I ever told anyone about the way I felt it would be to Bella, not anyone else.

I continued my "But Tanya she's just… such a good person, she doesn't deserve me walking out on her now" I explained.

I stopped talking at that point, ready to see Alice's reaction to what I had said. However when I looked over at her, I noticed that she looked almost… _guilty?_

"What is it Alice?" I asked warily.

She began digging through her purse, "I should have shown you this before… but I didn't know that you weren't sure about the wedding" she murmured quietly.

"Show me what?" I asked, trying to get her to explain to me.

"This video" she verified, lifting her cell phone out. She began pressing the buttons on it, "…I filmed it on the night of the party, Tanya didn't know I was there… but I think you need to see this, she's not what you think she is"

"Here" she whispered, handing the phone to me.

I focused my attention on the screen, confused at to what I was about to see, however as Alice pressed play it soon came into focus.

It was clearly my house… I could see that from the pictures on the wall, I could see that even from the bad angle and lighting. But the real question was- why was it a video of _Bella_ and _Tanya_ talking?

Alice turned up the volume and my questions were answered when Tanya began talking-

_"See I think your lying…you must think I'm stupid… after all you think that I don't notice the way that you act around MY fiancée. Well news flash- I can see the way you look at him and the way you act, and I must say I find it pathetic. He wants ME. You're just wasting your time," she said to Bella._

What…? I don't understand what's going on, did Tanya know about the way Bella felt then?

Why was she yelling at her?!

"_If you weren't threatened then why are you confronting me?" Bella replied quietly. _

"_Because I want you out the picture- for good. Your always in the way playing the 'perfect best friend' - its repulsive and annoying. I want you gone, right now," Tanya growled._

"_What if Edward doesn't want me to go?" Bella finally replied._

… I didn't, I don't.

Tanya would understand that right? She knew a certain amount about me and Bella and how good our friendship is. However I'm choosing to believe that she doesn't know the way I feel about Bella.

"I don't care, he'll soon be over your little friendship thing. He has me, and he'll soon forget about you" she insisted.

… Forget about Bella?

Why would Tanya say that? She knew it wasn't true.

What does this mean?!

It means that _I was wrong. _

I had always believed that Tanya had never been hateful or horrible to anyone, I thought that she was a flawless and good person. But that video truly gave evidence to show the complete opposite- it was Tanya verbally attacking Bella, with Bella putting up no fight, just accepting the comments.

But everyone does have flaws, even Tanya's allowed to have them, think about that.

But still, part of the reason I was so decided on marrying Tanya was because I believed that she was such a lovely person, and that she didn't deserve anything horrible to happen to her.

Only, now that I know she isn't so nice… that reason isn't valid.

What should I do now…?

"What am I going to do?" I said to myself, my voice just a whisper.

"Edward?" my father's voice called from the church entrance, "it's time to get started"

"I…I… okay!" I replied, though my voice now sounded hysterical. He nodded and walked back inside.

I turned back to Alice to see her looking concerned; "I should have shown you it sooner" she murmured to herself, shaking her head slightly.

"Well, yes…" I replied honestly, "But… it doesn't matter, I'm grateful you've shown me it at all…"

She nodded, "and what do you think about it?"

I answered honestly- "I don't know"

I began walking towards the doors, still feeling numb, confused and terrified.

"Edward?" Alice called after me, her voice now panicky, "you're still going through with this then?" she asked as she stepped in front of me.

I don't know.

… It's gone too far now; I don't have a choice.

I nodded and replied, the words coming out strained and devastated- "…I can't back out now"

*~*~*

This can't be happening now…

As I stood at the altar I didn't pay attention to anything around me.

Not the music, the people, or Tanya walking towards me…

All I could think about was my life, and how its come to this.

_It should be Bella in Tanya's position._

_Tanya isn't who I thought she was._

_I'm only marrying her because I think I should, not because I want to._

I could see Tanya walking down the aisle with her father, but I didn't really look at her. I couldn't see anything but Bella's beautiful face in my mind.

And due to this, before I knew what was happening Tanya was beside me, and hushed whispers grew over everyone.

And then it began.

As the priest began speaking, I looked right into Tanya's blue eyes, trying to find that emotion I felt when I looked into Bella's soft brown ones.

But I kept coming up blank, no matter how I tried.

… I didn't feel anything for Tanya; I was void of emotion for her.

I always thought I loved her to some extent… but I didn't even care for her at all, I wouldn't mind if she walked out of my life right now.

"If anyone may have any lawful reason why these two may not be married…"

That's when everything flashed through my mind.

_… The idea that I marry Tanya right here, right now, we enjoy our reception and dance our first dance together like planned._

_… After our honeymoon we move back to Miami, and back to our apartment…_

_We live together somewhere that's different to here, its warm… sunny all the time…_

_We'll live the wealthy life with both of us coming from well-off families, and years later we'll watch our blonde haired, green eyed children grow up…_

…But, I didn't want that, not at all.

It would be the easy option, after all it was the scenario that I wouldn't have to work for, for it was right in front me here and now.

But I didn't want it.

And I had known it all along.

I wanted the other option- the one that would quite possibly be more difficult.

_Bella and me._

_…Bella and Edward._

_The best friends that could become the husband and wife._

_The way it should be._

_… The life we'll live at Dartmouth- which will be more cloud then sun, me getting to help her through her difficult courses and her expenses for the college._

_And there will be times that I'll be there for her, holding her, reassuring her if she was ever upset… because her pain was my pain._

_Our lives would be difficult, challenging, emotional, but also full of fun, laughter and love… the way life should be._

_The lives that may become out of reach…_

"STOP!"

Everyone suddenly froze in their seats, all quiet conversation and slight movements stilled; not one word was spoken as the word echoed throughout the large church, sounding loud and forceful, everyone's face showed their shock.

… Because it was me who said it.

"Edward…?" Tanya asked urgently, her voice a hushed whisper. She took hold of my hands, "what's wrong?" she asked in concern.

…Only concern for herself.

I snatched my hands back from her, "I've been so stupid" I mumbled under my breath.

I only wanted to marry Tanya because it would make those around me happy; but in planning that I had never taken into account my own happiness, which should be the most second most important thing.

Only coming in second to Bella's happiness.

I repeated my mother's words in my mind-

_'You only have one life, do whatever it takes to make sure your happy. No matter who you may hurt or have to step over to get to that point.'_

As I continued my staggering epiphany Tanya was looking at me confused- her expression was a mix of many emotions.

I took a step away from her, seeing her eyes widen at my action. "I can't do this" I confirmed for her, putting my hands out in front of me, ready to fight her off if I had to.

And then I spoke louder, so that everyone could hear-

"I can't marry you Tanya"

* * *

**I've said it before, but heck- I'll say it again :D … but, dun-dun-dunnnn! Haha. Biggest or the 2****nd**** biggest cliff-hanger so far perhaps…?**

**Again, I'm sorry about that. But I personally love cliff-hangers, they make things more interesting in a weird way. Besides as long as people want the update, I will update very quickly. Next chapter will be very exciting I think. Theres a **_**huge**_** twist coming up that I'm certain no one will expect, though I'm not sure if it'll happen in the next chapter or the one after. **

**Anyway… was this what people hoped for? I'll be surprised if it wasn't! **

**Please review!**


	19. Voicemails and understanding

**Kind of important A/N (?)- Firstly, once again thank you SO MUCH for all the lovely reviews again! 62 is pretty darn awesome, and I never thought so many people would be responding, so thanks! Please can we keep it up though? :D**

**Firstly, this is involving the plot and I don't like to give anything away, but I _will_ say what is not going to happen. A few reviewers guessed that the twist I mentioned is Tanya being pregnant, and I'm just going to say here that it will NEVER happen in this story. I don't think that by the sounds of the reviews that anyone liked the idea of her being pregnant... so that's good, because theres no way it's happening. I don't really like that plot line either, at all. I've seen it happen in other stories and it always makes me upset, so I'm not using it on this one. There _might_ be a pregnancy in this story, or in a possible sequel… but it will never be Tanya!**

**Also please vote in my poll, it's about a possible sequel to this story. Quite a lot of people have already voted which is lovely, thank you. But as many votes as possible would be brilliant- I don't mind if people say no! Just give honest opinions. If people do want a sequel then I'll start telling people what it'll be about- I have an idea! Haha.**

**Anyway sorry for the long-ish AN, hope you like this chapter. The next one will be a lot more eventful (so excited!), but please, please review!**

* * *

_Previously…_

_As I continued my staggering epiphany Tanya was looking at me confused- her expression was a mix of many emotions._

_I took a step away from her, seeing her eyes widen at my action. "I can't do this" I confirmed for her, putting my hands out in front of me, ready to fight her off if I had to._

_And then I spoke louder, so that everyone could hear-_

"_I can't marry you Tanya"_

* * *

_Song for the chapter- Archive- Lights _

_(thanks to Lazybelle for the suggestion- the lyrics fit the story really well :D)_

_It hurts to remember  
It hurts to hold on_

_Turn my head_

_The hurt's relentless  
The hurt of emptiness  
The hurt of wanting  
The hurt of going on  
The hurt of missing  
The hurt is killing me_

_Turn my head off, Forever_

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter nineteen: Voicemails and understanding**

"I feel that my whole life has been some kind of dream… sometimes I've wondered who's it is, and whether they are enjoying it or not." **– Douglas Adams**

***~*~***

_Edward's point of view:_

"I can't marry you Tanya"

I waited for a reaction, or some sort of response to confirm that she had understood and heard what I had said.

But instead all that I could hear was the silence that filled the church- the silence that matched the stunned expressions of the hundred or so people that completely filled the place.

Of course as expected, the person who looked the most surprised was undoubtedly Tanya.

Well… she showed that emotion along with many others; one in particular that stood out greatly was pure anger.

I had expected her to be angry though… it was part of her personality, her temper I mean. She always had reacted angrily to anything that she hated.

And quite possibly the thing that she hated more then anything else was being humiliated in front of people, which I had just caused, probably making her hate me more then life itself.

It still remained silent.

All I could hear was my steady breaths and my heartbeat that was racing.

Apart from that though, I heard nothing. No one dared to speak. That was until…

"You _WHAT?!" _Tanya suddenly screamed, her voice echoing multiple times throughout the entire church.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw everyone jump slightly, not expecting the sudden outburst.

Anger was now the only expression that I could see on Tanya's face, and it was not a good sight.

She tried to compose herself, fanning her now red face with her hands, to calm herself down.

I waited for her to say something else, this time I was prepared for her shouting though.

What she did surprised me again though,

She turned towards the priest who was looking at both of us in shock, "Continue please," she eventually said to him, her face now a mask of calm.

_I was not expecting that. _

He now looked confused, but was about to speak again nonetheless.

"No… stop," I said quickly, my voice sounding too loud and desperate.

I turned back to Tanya, "I promise I'll explain everything… but can we talk about this in private please?" I pleaded with her, gesturing to the crowd containing all our families and friends.

She looked back at the crowd of people, who were all undoubtedly watching us like hawks.

She turned back to me, her expression showed how reluctant she was, but she nodded anyway.

"_Fine_" she spat out emotionlessly.

I didn't look back at everyone watching us again, I was too afraid to see everyone's expressions now. I knew that I would be able to see my father's disappointment, or Tanya's fathers fury… or anyone else's curiosity or anger.

…I didn't want to see their emotions, because I didn't want to care.

_What's done is done. My decision has been made. _

Surprisingly no one followed us or yelled something at me… no one questioned what was happening. They were all silent as we walked out the back door, though I doubt their thoughts were as kind as this.

Once we were well and truly out of sight of everyone, I began to prepare for what I was going to say to her.

Say something!

_The truth perhaps…?_

She continued to walk though until she was standing on the grass, surrounded by the gravestones.

Probably because if she decides to kill me, she'll be able to hide the evidence quickly and no one will be any the wiser.

She was staring out into the distance, towards the thick, dark lining of trees that circled the yard.

I couldn't help but focus on something else though; one name stood out which was on one of the gravestones. It shouldn't have affected me but it did, it frightened me.

_Isabella._

… It was a different Isabella of course, I knew for certain that it wasn't my Bella, but I couldn't help but pay attention to it.

It's an unimaginable thought- the possibilities of losing Bella like this… I had already lost her in one way, but not in this sense.

If anything or any type of harm came to Bella, I do not know how I would be able to cope or to carry on.

… _How did I not realise how much I loved her before?!_

I've debated this before, but I can't help but think it again… its insanity, and unfair that it took so long for me to not realise before. It's stupid that it had to come to this for me to finally stop being an idiot and to realise what and whom I truly want.

_I should have known from the beginning that I wanted Bella and not Tanya._

At least I eventually realised though, better late then never,

Tanya probably doesn't agree with that though.

_Time to explain myself to her- _"Tanya I…" I began explaining, but she cut me off quickly.

"How could you?" she suddenly screamed as she closed the distance lunging at me, trying to hit me anywhere that she could reach.

I accepted it and let her take her anger out on me; it was acceptable after all, considering the circumstances.

"You humiliated me!" she continued to scream in between punches on my chest, "in front of _everyone_!"

"I know, I'm sorry" I murmured, unable to look at her.

She froze in her actions, before taking a large step back, "you're _sorry_?!" she whispered.

I nodded.

"Well…" she replied, "Unfortunately, being 'sorry' just isn't good enough, is it?" she asked rhetorically.

She screamed again and began pulling at her hair, and at the jewellery she was wearing, causing it all to break and fall into the grass and flowers.

Eventually she calmed a little, though I could tell she still wanted to hit something. I made sure to keep my distance just in case.

"Explain then," she said quietly.

_I didn't know where to start._

And so, I didn't speak.

After a short silence Tanya spoke for me, "Is it _her?_" she near on growled.

"…Who?" I said dumbly.

"Your _friend_ Bella" she growled.

_Ah… so she does know the way I feel about Bella then._

Tanya took my silence as confirmation.

"…Has she said something bad about me?" Tanya asked quietly, "I promise you its all lies! She's just jealous of what we have!" she began begging.

_Right, maybe she doesn't know the truth then. Tanya was still talking, so I cut her off as quickly as I could. _

"Tanya… that's not true" I insisted, shaking my head slightly.

She paused, but still had a suspicious look on her face, "Oh… so this _doesn't_ involve Bella then?" she said sarcastically.

"No, I didn't say that…" I shook my head as I explained, "-I meant that she hasn't said anything against you that caused me to do this" I insisted.

Tanya now looked very confused, "Then just how is she involved in this?" she asked warily.

I knew that was my perfect moment to tell Tanya the truth, though once again the three words got stuck in my throat and wouldn't come out. "She's involved because… because…"

Tanya sighed and pulled at her hair again in frustration, "Spit it out Edward, I can take the truth" she mumbled.

"Okay…" I sighed, knowing exactly what I was going to say now. "…The reason why I called off the wedding is because… I love her"

***~*~***

_Bella's point of view_

"_Hi Bella, it's me. So I know things aren't good between us at the moment but I just want to tell you…"_

After much internal debating I had decided to listen to Edward's voicemail message, seeing no reason not to.

After all, it's not like he'll say anything that I don't already know already, or anything that can hurt me even more then I'm already hurting.

I was walking in a hurry to the boarding gate, listening to his voice the best I could, though it was difficult to hear considering the loud noises of the airport around me.

I managed to hear the majority of the message though-

"_I'm so sorry Bella. I know that I didn't handle things well, and I regret that so much, because now I know that I can't change anything." _

I closed my eyes, trying to fight off the stinging tears as I remembered what had happened, and the way I had to see him for the last time.

"_But Bella… Isn't there any way you could stay in Fork's? Just for a little while? I really want- no __need__ to see you again. There's so many things that I should have said but didn't, and I just… I'm going to miss you so much, so, so much…" _

I paused in my movements; suddenly more interested in what he was about to say.

_Where was he heading with this message?!_

However just as his voice spoke again, my phone beeped telling me that someone else was calling me. I quickly clicked the answer button knowing I could listen to Edward's message again anytime.

"Hello?" I said quietly, tucking the phone between my shoulder and my ear as I searched through my carry-on bag for my ticket.

"Bella?" – I recognised the voice instantly as Alice's – "I'm so glad you answered!" she squealed.

I sighed, cringing at how loud she was and how it hurt my ear, "What is it Alice?" I asked managing to make my voice soft.

I could tell by her voice that she still seemed very excited about something, "I have something… _amazing_ to tell you. You won't believe it!" she squealed again.

I sighed, hearing the announcement ring out informing me that it was the last call for my flight. I knew that if I didn't go now that I would miss the flight, which I couldn't afford to do.

I decided to cut this conversation very short, "Alice, really that's great, but can't it wait? I'm going to miss my flight," I said quietly.

"But Bella, you really need to know this!" she groaned, before continuing- "See, I'm in the church and Tan-"

_Great._ The last thing I need to hear is that Tanya's dress split or she fell while walking up the aisle.

Although… it would make me laugh, as bitchy as that sounds.

But still… it's not important. What is important is getting on this flight which I'm very likely to miss.

"Alice" I sighed, "Really, I love you, and I do want to hear whatever this is, but not now, I really have to go." I said quietly.

I heard her beginning to protest, but I for once managed to cut her off, "Look I'll call you the second I land in Hanover okay? I promise. But for now I have to go, I'll talk to you later okay? Bye" I said as I hung up and turned the phone off before walking to the check in desk.

I knew it was rude of me to hang up on her like that, but I would make sure I apologised when I rung her in Hanover, maybe I would buy her them Gucci shoes or whatever they are that she wants.

_There's a world-class apology for you._

I handed over my ticket and then boarded the plane; I quickly found my seat in row 17 and seat number E.

_Ironic._

I once again tried not to think about everything, but it didn't work.

I pulled out my I-pod and picked a song, deciding that music would be a welcome distraction for the next few hours.

I put it on shuffle and Lights by _Archive_ instantly began playing.

I closed my eyes, and tried my best to not think about how the lyrics seemed to match my mood so perfectly…

But unfortunately, I once again failed.

***~*~***

_Edward's point of view:_

"_I love her"_

Tanya looked completely shocked by my revelation, as if it truly was the last thing she was expecting me to say.

"You _what_?" she hissed, slowly taking a step closer towards me.

I didn't back away from her though, feeling certain in my confession, "I love Bella," I said with more strength and conviction then before.

Tanya froze in her steps towards me, seeming to accept my words, "You… love… Bella?" she whispered, as my comment seemed to sink in.

I nodded, not trusting my voice anymore.

"Oh… well that complicates things." She said dejectedly, "…I thought it was always just her who felt that way" she murmured.

_Wait… she knew the way Bella felt?_

"What?" I asked, sounding confused.

_How did she know, did someone tell her?_

"Erm… she… you could always tell by the way she acted around you, it was obvious to anyone" she stuttered.

"Oh right" I murmured, surprised that everyone else had noticed, except from me that is.

I didn't know what my expression was, but judging on Tanya's next comment, I'm guessing it wasn't good.

"Don't you _dare_ be angry at me for not telling you!" she suddenly snapped, her face red again.

"I'm not!" I defended myself, knowing it was the truth.

Tanya sighed, and began pacing, "when did you realise how you felt?" she eventually asked quietly, closing her eyes.

"Only a few days ago" I replied quietly.

"And why did you leave it until now to tell me?" she continued to question me, she opened her eyes again.

"Because I truly thought that I could marry you… I thought I loved you too" I told her honestly.

She blinked a couple of times, "Wait… what? Are you saying that you don't love me at all?" she asked quietly.

_Be honest._

"I… I don't," I admitted, my voice weak, "well not in the right way, not in the way I should" I tried to explain it as best I could.

She looked really hurt now, and I flinched knowing that I had caused the pain, "Why not?" she asked.

"I don't know," I admitted, now unable to look at her again, "it's just the way it feel I guess… I'm sorry"

"Oh…" she breathed, seeming more stunned by this as compared to my confession about Bella.

It was silent for a very long time after that; the only noise came from the gentle wind, which was rustling the leaves up in the trees.

I found myself thinking about Bella, wishing I could just go to her now…

"Does she know?" Tanya finally asked, as she walked over to sit on a bench, which was built against the stone wall of the church.

I knew what Tanya meant without her going into detail, and so I didn't ask her anymore before replying.

"No" I replied softly.

"Are you going to tell her?" Tanya asked again.

I knew my answer right away without thinking about it, "yes" I replied, just smiling at the thought of finally being able to tell Bella the truth.

When I looked back at Tanya I saw that she was looking at me, and her expression looked even sadder then before. She must have seen the way I smiled thinking about Bella.

_I'm such a terrible person._

"I'm so sorry Tanya…" I apologised sincerely, "I'm sorry that I let it get this far… I'm sorry I humiliated you," I said quietly, feeling the need to apologise for everything.

She only shrugged; she now looked numb and void of emotion. "I'll get over it… I suppose its better this way. It's better then you marrying me and us both being unhappy"

"So you're okay with this then?" I asked warily.

Her reaction was expected, she began yelling- "Okay with it?! I'm anything but that Edward! I'm furious, embarrassed and hurt just to name a few, in fact all I want is to kill you and bury you in this yard right now!" she yelled before pausing.

_I knew that the killing part was a possibility. _

She took a couple of breaths; "I'm just… I'm _trying_ to understand the way you feel. I can't force you into this after all, you've made your decision and me punching you or screaming and crying isn't going to change your mind now is it?"

I shook my head, though I knew I didn't need to, Because Tanya completely understood.

"…Go then" she eventually whispered.

"What…?" I asked, thinking that I had misheard her somehow.

"I said go… go after her" she explained quietly.

I was speechless, "Okay… are you sure?" I said quietly, unsure as to whether she was actually willing to let me go or not.

She nodded slowly.

"I hate her… but I love you." She whispered softly, I felt another stab of guilt hit me at her words.

She continued talking- "…And I'm saying go because I want you to be happy, and if this will make you happy… then go for it" she said quietly.

"But…" I began to argue.

She cut me off- "Edward, I've done some pretty bad things myself. Some you may know and some you will find out soon, I just… I feel that this is deserved somehow"

"It's not deserved" I argued instantly, "If that's the case then that means that I don't deserve happiness myself… after all it was awful of me to do this to you"

She shook her head, "it doesn't matter, what's done is done… can't change anything" she said quietly, still seeming numb of emotion as she stared into space.

"I guess that's true" I mumbled too quietly for her to hear.

It was silent for a while, "are you going or not?" she mumbled, her voice sounding bitter.

I fidgeted a little, desperate to go and find Bella but also not wanting to go if Tanya didn't want me to.

"If you're sure…?" I eventually asked hesitantly.

"Yes, I'm sure" she said sincerely, emotion finally coming back into her voice.

I finally let another smile spread across my face, as I began to walk back to the church.

"Edward…?" she mumbled from behind me.

I turned round to look back at her, "Yeah?" I asked, noticing she was still in the same position.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, so quietly that I nearly didn't hear it.

"You have _nothing_ to be sorry for" I insisted; though it didn't look like she agreed with my comment. I thought I heard her mumble something like 'yet' but I couldn't be sure.

I walked back through the door, saying goodbye to her as I did.

"Goodbye Edward" she whispered softly.

"Goodbye" I whispered in response, knowing that it was likely to be for good.

I turned and silent walked through the door and out of sight, once I was in I ran at full speed feeling like too much of a coward to have her family attacking me just yet, or to see anyone's reactions.

I had to get to Bella first. I _needed_ her; I _needed_ to tell her how I felt.

_No regrets._

I continued running as fast as I could until I was running down the aisle through the middle of everyone who were still sitting in the pews, obviously waiting for something to happen.

I could hear a lot of people yelling after me, and some people leaving their seats and following me.

I was already past them though, within seconds I was outside of the church, and heading towards the line of cars by the road.

_It's times like this that I appreciate being a fast runner._

I didn't even notice Alice standing by her car until I passed her, and nearly ran into her in my haste.

"Edward, where are you going?" she yelled after me, sounding completely alarmed.

"To Bella's house…?" I replied – my response coming out more like a question.

I expected Alice to start squealing and jumping up and down but instead she was shaking her head sadly; "she won't be there Edward"

"What?" I asked, now feeling confused "Where will she be then?"

"She's gone already…" she said quietly, "back to Hanover"

"Already? When?" I gasped, feeling shocked by this new information.

"Today, her flight was at 2.30" she explained.

I was silent for a while, I could see everyone heading towards us, my father and Tanya's were at the front.

"Alice, can I borrow your car?" I asked her in a panic.

"Y-yeah, why?" she asked, seeming surprised as she began digging her keys out of her bag.

I smiled as I replied, "…I'm going after Bella"

* * *

**So yeah… an understanding Tanya, sorry if that wasn't what people expected. But there's still more to come… Edward's not going to be forgiven by everyone easily, and Tanya may still try to ruin things for him… **

**There was also a bit of foreshadowing in there… anyone have any guesses? There's still a lot more to come, so don't think Edward's going to be let off lightly… there will be everyone's reactions to deal with, but firstly… let's see what happens between him and Bella, because surely that's the most important?! :D**

**So yeah please review! Opinions are definitely needed! Can we get to… 5oo? It would be amazing because 500 was originally my target I set when I started this story… it would be so nice to get there. Next update will be... soon, depending on reviews!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	20. Lies and disbelief

**Important-ish A/N- Yay! We're definately over 500! By 19! Thats so amazing once again! I can't thank everyone enough! Special mention to Izzie for my 500th review :) Thank you everyone! So appreciated!**

**Also thanks to everyone who has voted in the poll concerning a sequel so far, it's given me a good idea about whether people want a sequel or not.. **

**So yeah, heres chapter 20 :) Gah, this was a tough one to write... some people may think that Bella's not very nice in this chapter, but I have a feeling many people will agree with the way she acts. I definitely do!**

**Please review!**

* * *

_Previously…_

_I was silent for a while, I could see everyone heading towards us, my father and Tanya's were at the front._

_"Alice, can I borrow your car?" I asked her in a panic._

_"Y-yeah, why?" she asked, seeming surprised as she began digging her keys out of her bag._

_I smiled as I replied, "…I'm going after Bella"_

* * *

_Song for the chapter (just because I had to include my favourite band somehow…)_

_Jimmy eat world- Hear you me (may angels lead you in)_

"_And if you were with me tonight  
__I'd sing to you just one more time  
__A song for a heart so big  
__God couldn't let it live... _

_May angels lead you in,  
__Hear you me my friends  
__On sleepless roads, the sleepless go  
__May angels lead you in._"

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter twenty: Lies and disbelief**

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."  
**~ Alexander Graham Bell**

_Edward's point of view:_

My phone would not stop ringing, but I paid it no attention. Instead I focused on the road ahead, determined to make it to my destination… the airport, then Hanover, and then Bella.

After leaving the church I decided to home quickly and was relieved to see that no one was there yet, it gave me a chance to grab the things I needed… money for a ticket which was my first priority for example.

At that point, I debated leaving my phone at my house, but then realised I might need it later on if I needed to contact Bella or anyone else in case of an emergency.

As I drove the airport it drove me instance with its constant ringing though… I knew it was probably my father ready to yell at me for performing a disappearing act, or Tanya's father ready to kill me for not marrying his favourite daughter.

I suppose, It could have been other people, but I never answered out of fear that it was one of them two. I knew that I was being a coward now, but I had already decided that I would come back and face them all soon and explain why I acted the way I did- hopefully everything would be sorted with Bella by then.

Or at the very least, she'll know how I feel about her.

I wasn't afraid about telling her, I have no doubts about it.

I'm not even nervous about her reaction… because, of course I want her to be with me, but if she doesn't want me anymore… I won't force her into anything. I'll just show her how sorry I am, and admit how foolish I've been… just so I can get her back in my life somehow.

After all, I _need_ Bella in my life and I would not let her slip away from me.

Being friends with her didn't feel like enough anymore, but if she never wanted to be with me then I would take it more then willingly, simply because I can't lose her.

… In other words, the only reaction I'm truly afraid of is Bella continuing to insist that she doesn't want me in her life.

Anything else apart from that I can take.

I knew I was probably driving too fast – the speed I was going was quick even for me – and I knew that I should have been focusing more. It had begun raining about ten minutes ago and the roads were already covered in a sheet of water, with muddy puddles along the sides.

Still, that wasn't enough to make me slow down.

I didn't know when the flights were… and I didn't want to risk the possibility of missing one by just a few minutes, I felt like I needed to get to Hanover as soon as possible.

And so, I pushed Alice's car to go even faster… I suppose if I did damage it that I would pay her back, or pay for repairs or something.

I'm sure she would understand anyway.

Eventually after far too long driving I arrived at the airport. I parked the car in the first spot I could see which unfortunately was a long walk to the terminal.

I ran the distance.

Once I made my way into the terminal, the first thing I looked at was the departure board- it showed that a flight for Hanover that had been delayed had left recently.

_Damn._

_Bella might have been on that flight._

If only I had gotten here quicker… or perhaps not stopped off at home or spent so long talking to Tanya… I would have made it on time.

I knew I would get there eventually, but I wanted to get there as soon as humanly possible.

And so, I ran quickly up to the ticket desk, weaving my way through the crowds of people.

When I finally got to the front of the queue having had to wait for three people who were there before me, I cut straight to the chase.

"When's the next flight to Hanover?" I asked, sounding and feeling out of breath.

The assistant didn't seem in the talkative mood either; instead she quickly typed on her computer, finding out the information.

"There's one that leaves an hour and a half from now" she explained quickly, her voice bored.

_That's lucky._

"Are there any seats left?" I asked in a rush.

She typed again on the computer, "Yes there's one… its economy though" she replied.

…_As if that would really matter to me._

"I don't care… I would like to buy it please"

***~*~***

"Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars." ~**Violeta Parra**

***~*~***

_Bella's point of view:_

_**Hours later**_

Full of pure shock and utter disbelief… that's the way I was feeling right now.

I walked silently back to the college dorms, huddled up tightly in my coat, fighting against the cold wind and trying to protect myself from the darkness that the night time bought.

I had only made it back in Hanover a couple of hours ago, but once again everything had changed.

And it definitely wasn't for the better.

Before I went back to the college and to my apartment I headed to Luke's, knowing that he was leaving in the morning to spend Christmas with his family.

I knew at that point that what I was about to do wasn't nice at all, it would possibly leave him in a less then perfect mood, a mood that no one would want for Christmas.

But what I didn't know, was how I was going to end up leaving his apartment for the worse.

…And that I would feel even more rejected, and less loved then I ever have in my life.

**One hour ago…**

_You can do this Bella… you can do it._

I hesitantly knocked on the door, debating with myself whether I wanted Luke to answer or not. On one hand, I knew that I needed to talk to him, but on the other hand I was completely afraid to.

I had never been in this situation, considering that this was my first proper relationship… and I really didn't want to hurt him, or make him feel humiliated.

And if I'm honest… I was afraid of his reaction.

_Would he hate me?_

_Would he not even care?_

_Which out of those two options would be worse?_

…I didn't even know the answer to that.

I was about to turn and run- suddenly finding myself too afraid to do this - when the door swung open, revealing Luke.

"Bella…?" he asked in surprise, "what are you doing here?"

I sighed, playing with the sleeves of my coat, feeling completely uncomfortable.

"I… came to see you" I whispered.

He still seemed completely surprised to see me in front of him, "…But I thought you were in Forks for Christmas?"

I shrugged, "I'm not anymore… plans change" I admitted vaguely, "Besides, I need to talk to you"

He looked surprised at my dull tone, "of course…" he murmured, "come in" he gestured to the apartment behind him.

I stepped around him, dodging him when he tried to reach out for me- I didn't want to feel his touch, I knew it would make the guilt even worse. As I walked through his apartment I didn't look back, not wanting to see his face expression.

I made my way over to the couch and sat in my regular spot on the far left; he seemed to hesitate for a while before sitting next to me.

As I tried to think of what I was going to say I stared down at my hands which I kept nervously wringing together.

It was silent for a while… too long.

"What's wrong Bella?" he eventually asked quietly.

I closed my eyes, knowing I had to admit the truth to him now. "Everything Luke…" I sighed, looking up at him.

"What do you mean…?" he whispered, his eyes wide and concerned.

…He was probably imagining a wide range of possibilities.

_Time to get it over with then, time to end his curiosity and concern._

He's going to hate me; I just know it…

"I-I can't… do this anymore," I stuttered, feeling completely nervous and upset about all of this.

He frowned slightly, obviously not expecting my response, "I don't… understand?" he asked slowly.

I slowly ran my hands through my hair, pulling it as I did, "This relationship… it'll never work"

"Why not?" he asked me immediately.

I found it difficult to respond to his question, I couldn't seem to put it into words. "Because…"

He sighed quietly, "It's because of Edward right?" he asked, looking down at his lap.

I nodded, not surprised that Luke had guessed the reason- "I will never get over him… I just don't think I should be in a relationship anymore, not if I feel so much for Edward" I explained.

"…So this is why you came back? To dump me?" he asked quickly, his expression full of hurt.

"No!" I answered immediately, before sighing in resignation- "Well yes… but that wasn't the main reason. I just couldn't watch the wedding… I had to get away from Fork's," I said sadly, running my hand through my hair again.

He seemed a lot quieter now, "Oh… but I thought you were okay with him marrying Tanya?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head, "I was kidding myself, I don't think I ever was" I admitted.

He flinched slightly, and didn't say anything after my comment. I noticed how he couldn't look at me anymore- he had edged away from me and was now sitting closer to the right hand side of the couch.

"I'm sorry…" I sighed, feeling incredibly guilty, "I'm not doing this right… but I don't know how to say what I need to… I've never done this before"

He was still silent, but now his expression looked… guilty?

"I'm sorry" I repeated, trying to make him feel happier somehow, "but… you'll find someone much better then me, you deserve too"

He started shaking his head; "No… I don't"

"Of course you do!" I responded instantly, "You're a wonderful person you're-"

He cut me off, "No… I'm not" he replied sadly.

His words began to sink in.

What did he mean…?

I repeated the words in my head- "What do you mean?" I asked slowly.

He struggled for words, "It means… I mean…" he groaned, putting his head in his hands, "It means that _I'm_ the one who's sorry Bella, I'm so, so sorry"

Why is he apologising?

_What's happened?_

… _Do I even want to know?_

My instincts were telling me not to ask, but the words were out before I could stop them- "What for…?" I asked.

He wasn't talking to me though, instead he seemed to be rambling to himself- "I shouldn't have agreed to her offer… but I needed the money, I didn't know how it would affect either of us, I thought it would be meaningless, and over in no time…"

"Luke!" I cut him off, "what on earth are you talking about?"

He looked up at me, and his expression was pained. "S-She hired me to do this" he whispered.

Oh no…

"To do what?" I whispered quietly, my voice now sounded afraid.

… Just like how I felt.

He still wasn't looking at me, "-To be in a relationship with you, she… she wanted me to distract you…" he murmured to himself.

What…?

I was completely frozen,

Numb…

And shocked.

What was he saying…? Who hired him…?

WHY?

My voice came out a lot calmer then my mind felt, "Wait… who's _'she'_?" I asked slowly.

He finally looked up at me, his expression full of nothing but remorse and guilt.

"… Tanya" he whispered.

_Tanya._

She… hired him... to be with me?

But…

"W-why?" I stuttered, feeling my throat close up.

I felt like a fool… a stupid, naive, idiotic fool.

I didn't know the details yet, but it sure as hell didn't sound good.

Luke was looking at me as he began explaining- "She hired me because she wanted me to keep out distracted until the wedding was over. She thought if you fell in love with someone who was just like you- interests and personality wise- that you would realise you didn't want Edward" he explained quietly.

I got why Tanya would have done this, so why was he explaining it for her? I already knew she was a hateful, vain shrew.

But my question was why did he lie this way to me? Why did he pretend to love me?

I had never done anything to hurt him. Maybe I had slightly with Tanya… maybe she was jealous… but why did he do this to me?

I was furious by this point.

"I didn't mean that!" I screamed at him, "I meant why did _you_ do it?"

He was shocked at my outburst, he clearly didn't know what to say and his voice was shaky as he finally began explaining- "… I know her family, Tanya and her father knew how my family and I were struggling finance wise, they offered me money for it…"

He did this for _money_?! I already _hated_ him, just like that.

"So you agreed to intentionally hurt someone for money?" I continued to yell at me.

"The plan was never to hurt you!" he defended himself, looking close to tears.

_Here comes the 'pity me' party. _

"Yeah…" I snorted, "likely story" I murmured bitterly.

He was about to talk, but I cut him off.

"You know, you were really convincing as a good boyfriend for such a heartless liar… you really had me fooled. Congratulations" I muttered sarcastically.

"I mean… you acted like you cared about my feelings, like when you called Edward to come here - which makes no sense by the way – it was very 'caring' of you"

He didn't say anything again… the coward.

And so, I continued- I needed to let out all my anger over everything, especially over this.

He didn't even know me- yet for something so fickle and meaningless as money - he was willing to join in one of Tanya's schemes.

How many people will she continue to do this to? …Will she pay Jasper to marry Alice just to dump her, just because Alice is Edward's other best friend?

… I know it's not the same as this. Tanya does know the way I feel about Edward, but she also knows that Edward doesn't love me.

So why did she feel so threatened enough to have to do this?!

Just how many times can one person be hurt and rejected before they give up…?

"It just… it makes no sense!" I yelled again, as a horrifying thought occurred to me.

I didn't want to know the answer, though at the same time I needed to.

"It was Alice who set us up on the date in the first… does that mean that she was in on the plan?" I asked sadly.

"No, no! She has no idea…" he defended instantly, "…I didn't even plan on using Alice at all, but when she started talking to me that evening and mentioned that you were her roommate. The plan had already been set up by then and I realised that it was my opportunity for a first date with you, so I-"

"Shut up!" I cut him off, "Just… shut up" I screamed, pulling at my hair, trying to feel the physical pain- a change from the emotional pain I always felt.

He instantly began begging me to listen to him, "But Bella I…"

I cut him off, "No! Just shut the hell up! I don't need to hear it…" I trailed of, before yelling again-

"I don't need to hear that you're yet another person who doesn't care about me!" I screamed, feeling the pain over this and Edward hit me.

He tried to reach for me, "But that's not true! Over time I've begun to-"

I cut him off by slapping him as hard as I could… ironically it seemed to hurt my hand more then it hurt him.

But still he looked shocked by it.

"Ironically… this doesn't hurt as much as you may expect… because I don't love you, I was coming here to end it between us after all" I murmured quietly, noticing how he flinched when I told him I didn't love him.

I continued talking, "…I've been hurt worse then this, I told Edward how I felt and…" I cut myself off, "You know what? I don't know why I'm telling you this, I'm going" I said bitterly.

I stood up from the chair and was about to walk away when he grabbed one of my hands in both of his, effectively holding me in place.

I don't know why, but he was begging me to stay- "No, Bella, please don't go, I haven't finished explaining…"

"I don't want to hear anymore" I replied emotionlessly.

He grabbed my hand, "Please don't go… I love you" he begged me.

I finally managed to tear my hand from him grasp, "No more lies, please" I spat at him.

He was shaking his head, "No Bella, this isn't a lie, truly it isn't…"

I cut him off once again though, "Tell me something Luke… how long did you plan on keeping this a secret for?"

"I don't know…" he admitted, "Bella, just believe me… it got to the point where I didn't even realise it was a lie anymore…" he trailed off, unable to find the words.

My voice was flat, "I don't believe you, you know. Why should I?" I asked rhetorically.

His head was in his hands again, as he murmured quietly, "You have no reason to I suppose"

I nodded, and then walked away from him. Luckily he didn't try to follow.

"Goodbye then Luke"

… And with that, it was all over.

**_Current time_**

That was around an hour ago now, and I had just found myself walking the streets, lost in thought throughout that time.

I was numb.

I had nothing else to say or think about it.

…_It_ being Luke.

_I should have expected something like this to happen… why would anyone ever fall for me?_

I had successfully managed to not cry in front of him, and with a lot of fighting against it I wasn't crying now.

Finding no more energy to walk any further I pulled my coat off, and sat on the curb by the side of the road- I was opposite the dorms I lived in by now.

My instincts were telling me that I should have gone in… the night had an earie feel to it, as if something was about to go very wrong.

Very, very wrong.

Impossible… surely nothing else could go wrong right? _I'm worrying over nothing._

I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on them, as I looked up at the sky. The stars were still very clear and beautiful… I blinked away the couple of tears as I thought about what Edward and Tanya were probably doing know.

After all tears would mean blurred vision, which would mean that I wouldn't be able to see the stars.

I never saw them in Fork's, but could always see them here. I personally loved that, it was the only thing I liked about the night.

Edward had always agreed with me…

…Beautiful, wonderful Edward who was now forever married to the hateful cow that is Tanya Denali.

Edward…

"Bella…?" a voice whispered softly beside me.

I closed my eyes.

The voice had to be my imagination, but it sounded so much like him…

_Great, now I'm hallucinating him. _

A soft hand touched my shoulder- surely I couldn't imagine that? – And a voice whispered to me again.

"Bella, love?"

Surely there was no hallucinating that…

I finally opened my eyes and there he was.

He was crouched down beside me… his eyes were full or worry, his hair was messed, and he was still in his suit- it had the tie and jacket missing and was creased and stained.

But that didn't matter.

I didn't care that I had told him I would never see him again…

I didn't care about how he had hurt me… because he was here.

Just the sight of him began to piece my broken heart back together.

"E-Edward?" I stuttered, "What are you doing here?" I asked, quietly.

He shrugged, "I couldn't go through with it" he replied, referring to the wedding.

Impossible…

"You left Tanya?" I whispered.

He nodded; his green eyes were staring at my own intently.

"Why… why are you here?" I asked quietly.

I couldn't find it in me to be angry with him for everything, though I knew that this was just the calm before the storm.

He sighed quietly, smiling gently at me; "can we go somewhere to talk?"

I was confused, "What's wrong with here?" I asked, slightly angrily.

He touched my arm gently, and I surprisingly didn't flinch away, "you're freezing Bell"

"Oh, right…" I nodded, agreeing with him as I suddenly noticed just how cold I really was, "let's go in the apartment"

He nodded, and stood up, helping me up afterwards. Once we were both standing I carefully stepped out of his grip and stood a foot away from him.

We walked silently across the road as my mind wondered the possibilities… why had he left her and come here?

Was it for…?

_No,_ I wouldn't even get my hopes up.

I rubbed my hands up my arms as an attempt to warm myself, noticing that I was missing…

"Ah, shoot my coat!" I murmured, glancing back to see it was still on the curb, "let me just go and get it" I told Edward, looking at him quickly.

He nodded, and silently stood and watched as I ran back across the wide road and grabbed my coat. I was about to start walking back across the road, when what I heard froze me in my spot.

The sound of screeching tires… and Edwards voice screaming at me.

"Bella, look out!" he yelled, beginning to run across the road- to me.

I whirled around to where the sound was coming from.

Instantly my gaze was met with white lights, they were blinding and all I could see... they were also coming towards me at an alarming speed.

I knew that Edward was too late.

I closed my eyes tightly and prepared for the inevitable impact that was coming any moment now...

Right now.

_"BELLA!!!"_

* * *

**((Runs and hides)) ... would people forgive me if I PROMISED that things will get a lot better very soon? Because, I seriously promise. I'm already working on the next chapter- it will be up very soon, there wont be much waiting for it.**

**Yeah this has been the plan for ages… I've had it in my outline ever since chapter 7 or something like that. Were people expecting this? Sorry once again for the cliffhanger, but I just cant stop using them. Makes things more interesting.. I kind of slightly based it off an Eastenders storyline (an English programme).. because something simular to this happened with two characters, it was annoying but really good.. kind of tragic how the characters were always kept apart, which is one of the themes in this.. how Edward and Bella have to fight to be together and all. **

**You know, I've actually loved peoples guesses about the storyline.. I actually wish I was using some of them.. ah well, maybe in the sequel? I'll credit people if I do!**

**Gah, what an upsetting chap to write, and yeah there was an obvious lack of Edward and Bella... but more is coming up! A ****lot**** more! It will be romantic soon.. I promise what is coming will make up for the drama! ExB fluff and romance is what its all about right? :D**

**But yeah.. please, please review! How about 560? :) Is that possible? ****Thanks for reading- sorry for the long boring an's! ... and the cliffhanger... :| I'll try and stop using them, really.**


	21. Agony and hospitals

**A/N- Wow.. what a response! Aha! Thank you so much for all your reviews! They were so interesting.. to hear peoples reactions that is. Clearly some people HATED that Bella was hit, but some people did like the twist.. hmm..**

**Although.. I must say this for those who are wondering but Bella getting hit by the car does have a purpose, and no I would NEVER kill her… this is fanfiction after all! I'm not going to kill off the main character. I'll go into more detail about why I included her getting hit in the next chapter when it becomes a bit more obvious. Although some reasons may be obvious in this chapter already... plus it does open the story for possible later storylines which is a big reason. **

**Anyway thank you so much for the feedback everyone! We got 13 over the target and are now close to 600... just amazing. Please keep letting me know what you think.. the stories getting close to its climax so its important to hear your opinions now. **

**So anyway... on with the chapter, its a quick update like I promised- just two days, I really need to try to keep this up... This chapter is all Edward POV, of course, its a bit sad.. but stick with it! It does have promise.. so read to the end.. and then dont kill me :) Haha. **

**Please review.**

* * *

_Previously…_

_I whirled around to where the sound was coming from._

_Instantly my gaze was met with white lights, they were blinding and all I could see... they were also coming towards me at an alarming speed._

_I knew that Edward was too late._

_I closed my eyes tightly and prepared for the inevitable impact that was coming any moment now..._

_Right now._

_"BELLA!!!"_

* * *

**Song for the chapter- Wires by Athlete**

_(I know the song has a completely different meaning to this chapter and it's easy to guess through the words who the band aimed it at, but part of the lyrics fit the chapter so, so well.)_

_You've got wires going in  
You've got wires coming out of your skin  
You've got tears making tracks  
I've got tears that are scared of the facts_

_Running down corridors,  
Through automatic doors  
Got to get to you  
Got to see this through  
I see hope is here in a plastic box  
I've seen Christmas lights reflect in your eyes._

_I see it in your eyes,  
I see it in your eyes…  
You'll be alright._

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter twenty-one: Agony and hospitals**

"Time takes it all whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all. Time bears it away. And in the end there is only darkness, and sometime we lose them there again."  
**– Stephen King**

_Edward's point of view:_

It's a wonder just how things can change in the blink of an eye.

In a split second, a single moment… everything can turn for the better…

Or the worse, the much worse.

Just five minutes ago I had everything in perspective, everything was clearly mapped out- I would tell the love of my life how I felt, and hopefully get the response I wanted… the happy ending, the happiest possible outcome.

Just minutes ago it seemed like it was heading that way… I found her easily, sitting alone outside the dorms. When I approached her she reacted calmly and as if she was genuinely pleased to see me, even after everything that had happened.

She was going to give us a chance to talk.

It was going to be my chance.

If only I had done things differently…

For example, if I had told her how I felt that day in the meadow, or before she had left Fork's.

Or if I had agreed that we could stay outside and talk…

Or if I had gone and got her coat for her, instead of allowing her to…

If I had done any of those things, she wouldn't be hurt.

But in that single second I heard the car… and saw it coming around the corner far too quickly out of control…

It was undoubtedly the single most painful moment of my life.

I tried to save her, I really did. When I saw the car heading straight towards her I ran as fast as I could just to push her out the way, and take the blow for myself… but I know that I should have been quicker, because I never even made it close.

When the car hit her it was the most terrifying and devastating thing I have ever seen and would ever see in my lifetime.

But I couldn't help but think it was unusual- because in those few moments, Bella didn't even look afraid, in fact she looked less afraid then me. I noticed how she made no movement to get out of the way; she just stood frozen in shock… and almost in acceptance.

As if she _wanted _the car to hit her.

But that's impossible… isn't it? She wouldn't want to die… not beautiful, sweet Bella.

That thought alone terrified as I ran to her, my footsteps loud in the silence of the empty street.

"Bella!" I yelled, as I crouched over her.

She was lifeless, as motionless as stone. She was lying crumpled on her side and wasn't moving.

And the worst possible outcome suddenly sprung to mind.

_She can't die… she just can't die._

_Please god no. _

_Not her._

I ran one of my shaky hands through her hair, hoping that if she awake or aware of what was happening that she would hopefully be somewhat soothed.

I wanted to cry when I saw her blood on my hands, so I did- I didn't care how I looked as I allowed the loud and desperate sobs to escape from me.

I didn't wait to get a grip of myself, I just pulled my phone out of my pocket and with trembling hands I desperately rung 911.

"I've already rung them" a male voice suddenly announced from beside me.

I turned to look who it was and my emotions instantly changed from despair to anger.

I knew that he was the one who hit her, he looked guilty but he shouldn't dare feel anything… if it weren't for his stupid reckless driving… this wouldn't have happened.

I wanted to kill him… but I chose not to for this moment, instead I didn't say anything to him at all.

He looked at Bella, "is she okay?" he asked quietly.

I looked at Bella as well, I already knew that she wasn't… but again I didn't say anything.

I completely ignored him, I knew at a later date I would make him pay for this, I secretly noted the registration on his car for future reference.

For now though… Bella was all that mattered, I needed to be beside her, I couldn't leave her side.

I continued to run my hands through her hair, not wanting to hurt her.

Deep down though I wanted nothing more then to hold her in my arms… but I didn't want to move her, at the risk of hurting her even more.

"Just hold on sweetheart, it'll be okay…" I murmured to her.

For the next few minutes I continued to whisper soothingly to her, but she never made a sound… she never even moved. There was nothing apart from her shallow breathing to prove that to me she was still alive.

Everything after that was a blur, the time surprisingly passed quickly almost as if I was in dream… I felt like I wasn't in my own body and instead I was just watching it from afar feeling all the terrible emotions.

The ambulance arrived and began helping Bella, while I stood watching- I could have cried in relief when they arrived, but it seemed as if the tears from before had stopped, instead they were frozen and unable to fall anymore.

The police arrived after that and began questioning the driver but I paid no attention to that, I knew already that I would be pressing charges, he was definitely speeding… if he wasn't going that fast then he would have been able to stop in time.

Finally they lifted her onto a stretcher, and into the ambulance. I lied and told them I was her fiancée just so I could be with her.

After all I didn't know if they would allow me to go with them if I told them the truth that I was just her friend. I knew that they probably _would_ have let me go... but I didn't want to risk the possibility of them not allowing me.

Luckily they believed my lie, I doubted they would bother to question it anyway- they seemed in too much of a rush to get Bella to the hospital.

…I tried not to panic about that.

Once they had Bella in the ambulance I took a seat next to her and watched on in silence as they continued to help her.

Eventually they had everything set up, and they informed me that the hospital was only a few minutes away from here.

I sat just watching her, still feeling the need to hold her, or comfort her somehow… only I didn't see any way to do that.

Eventually I lifted her hand up gently; it was the only part that I thought wouldn't hurt her now.

_I couldn't cause her any more pain._

If she made it through this, I would make sure of that she never felt any type of pain at all, emotional or physical. I would make sure that no one ever hurt her at all- I would make sure whoever dared upset her in anyway paid for it.

I would be there for her, forever. And I would _never_ leave her side again.

I kissed her hand gently as I whispered repeatedly to her, "Please, please be okay…"

***~*~***

Once we got to the hospital they immediately took her to the A&E wards, I followed them for as long as I could and watched in slight horror as they headed straight to the operating rooms.

I knew what that meant, but no one would tell me exactly what was happening which was incredibly frustrating.

A nurse lead me out towards the main waiting room, telling me to wait there for information, but the second she was gone I moved.

I knew that I needed to call someone to tell them what had happened.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and began looking through the contact list, completely ignoring the many message and missed call alerts I had.

A deep voice interrupted me, "I'm sorry sir but you cannot use cell phones in here"

I looked over to see a young doctor; he looked very tired with dark circles under his eyes and also looked annoyed.

I sighed, feeling irritated with him for no reason.

I began trying to persuade him, "But it'll only be a quick call…"

He shook his head immediately, "even that could affect the equipment, if you need to make a phone call, then go to the courtyard or out the front of the hospital to do so please."

And with that he walked off down the corridor quickly, not even checking that I did what he said…. I was going to, but he didn't know that.

I sighed sadly, knowing I had to call someone right away… I knew it would only take a few minutes, but on the other hand I didn't want to be outside the hospital.

It would mean being even further away from Bella, when she needs support the most.

What if something were to happen while I was gone…?

I tried to push that possibility to the back of my mind, though it didn't work. I knew I had to ring someone though… they all had a right to know what had happened.

I followed the directions to the front of the hospital, once I was outside I felt the cold air hit me hard.

It seemed so dark and empty out here…

I didn't even know what time it was, it could have been midnight… or 5am… I didn't know.

But I didn't care.

After all the night time always looked the same no matter what the hour, it was always as dark with a near on frightening feel to it, and the air always seemed as cold every time.

I looked up at the sky quickly, and frowned at the sight, one question instantly came to mind-

How can the stars and moon continue to shine while my beautiful Bella is suffering?

It didn't seem right.

But I suppose, in logical terms and to anyone else she's just one person, one person out of millions, yet to some people – especially me- she was so much more then that. She wasn't just one person in the world… she was _the_ person, the most wonderful person I had ever known.

All I wanted to do right there and then was scream loudly, as loud as I could. Either that or I wanted someone to hit me, so the doctors could switch me and put me in Bella's position- anything to spare her this.

I realised I had been out here a few minutes, so I decided to go back in- I had completely forgotten to call anyone but I didn't care. However the familiar ring tone that suddenly played from my phone stopped me mid-step.

I quickly glanced at the caller ID before answering.

"Alice…?"

"Edward! Finally you answered!" Alice exclaimed excitedly, "so are you there yet? Have you spoken to Bella?"

I sighed again… she was in such a good mood, and I was about to ruin it with such terrible news. "Yes, I'm here… I talked to Bella" I paused, trying to gather up what I was going to say before talking, "Listen… I have something bad to tell-"

She suddenly squealed cutting me off mid-sentence, "did you tell her how you felt? Is she there next to you? Pass her on!"

"Alice… calm down" I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

She groaned in annoyance, "Fine… but tell me! I want _details,_" she said forcefully.

_How do I word this? _"I didn't tell her Alice" I replied quietly.

Alice didn't say anything for a moment, before eventually replying- "Why not?" she asked.

I stuttered as I tried to explain, "I… she… they…" – I paused for a moment- "She's in hospital"

It was silent for a split second, all I could hear was her breathing which was now getting frantic, "Oh my… _NO!_ What happened?!" she gasped.

"I found her, and we were about to talk but… she got hit… by a car" I replied; though it was difficult due to the lump in my throat.

She sounded like she didn't believe me- "Oh no… that can't be true… you're lying… please say you're lying!" she begged, sounding like she was in tears.

I laughed without humour, feeling my own eyes cloud over, "I wouldn't lie about something like this would I?" I murmured.

"No…" she mumbled, "Is she okay?"

"I… don't know." I admitted, shaking my head sorrowfully even though Alice couldn't see. "She's in surgery now… the doctors haven't told me anything" I replied, allowing a little anger to creep into my tone- it was terrible not to know.

"Okay… I'm on my way" she replied, sniffing slightly.

_She was coming to Hanover as well? _"What…?"

"I'm coming to Hanover, she's my best friend! I need to be there…" she said frantically.

"Okay, okay…" I replied calmly and soothingly, "Alice…?"

She was still crying, "Yeah?" she whispered.

I sighed sadly, "I'm so, so sorry to ask you to do this, but could you tell Charlie for me? I need to go back into the hospital and…"

She cut me off, "It's okay Edward, I'll tell him, I don't mind" she insisted.

I sighed softly, "thank you"

She was abruptly serious- "Call me when you hear anything, anything at all okay?" she said sternly.

"Yes, I promise"

She was quiet for a moment, "Okay, well I guess I'll talk to you later Edward, I'll be on the next possible flight there" she insisted.

I nodded, though she couldn't see, "Alright" I agreed.

Once I had hung up I walked quickly through the wards back up to the A&E. Because of the hour, the whole hospital was quiet, the nurses and the doctors seemed almost in a trance state as they walked around the dimly lit rooms.

There were no patients in sight; they were obviously all in their beds sleeping.

However, once I made it to the A&E, it seemed like everything was different as compared to the rest of the hospital.

Because it actually had people in it- patients waiting to be seen, receptionists trying to organise them for example. Of course there weren't many people, but compared to the other wards there was a lot.

My thoughts were interrupted by someone suddenly running past me, I stopped breathing when I saw who it was.

Bella's doctor… the one who treated her when we first arrived at the hospital and then took her into surgery.

…who was also running as if in an extreme panic.

I still couldn't breathe as I continued to panic… _what if something had gone wrong?_

Without knowing what I was doing I began running after him, trying to see where he was going.

_Please say Bella's okay… please._

I ran quickly, not even waiting for the automatic doors leading towards the operating area to fully open before I ran through them, hitting my arm roughly in the process.

Following him lead me to a familiar long corridor where they had bought Bella earlier, I finally came to a stop to see the doctor head into the operating room right down the end of the corridor.

_Where Bella was._

I prayed that his running didn't mean anything bad… but just as I began to reassure myself another surgeon ran past me and into the room as well.

And he looked just as frantic and worried as the doctor had been.

Knowing I could go no further I leant against the wall, and slid down it so I was sitting with my back against it. I bought my knees to my chest and once again allowed myself to succumb to the tears of grief.

I allowed the guilt to hit me… the guilt that I wasn't able to prevent this hit me.

And the regret… regrets that I hadn't told her how I felt while I could.

And the pain I felt knowing the pain she must be feeling,

And the pure heartbreak at the thought that I could lose her.

Too many emotions were hitting me too quickly.

_It can't happen, I can't lose her… she has to be okay._

_She will be._

_She just has to be._

***~*~***

After a while everything had gone black and quiet, I assumed it was because of the way I was feeling. But quiet, echoing footsteps made me jump- awaking me from my uneasy sleep.

_Wait, I had fallen asleep, that's what that was…?_

I stood up immediately, waking myself up fully… I was afraid of how long I had been asleep and how much could have happened while I was.

I looked down the corridor to see that the doctor and the surgeon were approaching me with calm expressions on their faces.

I didn't even wait for them to speak, "Did it go okay, is she okay?" I asked frantically.

The doctor spoke professionally, his expression now solemn- "The surgery was mostly successful… though unfortunately she does have injuries that will take time to heal." He began explaining, "Miss Swan has suffered multiple broken bones, including her leg and several ribs, which we've re-aligned, we've also-"

_She's alive then…?!_

I cut him off- "How is she now?" I asked quickly.

He sighed quietly, "She's stable, I'm pleased to say that I think she'll be fine. At one point we thought we were going to lose her for a minute when her heartbeat slowed dramatically…"

I nearly fell to the floor, if I wasn't standing with my back against the wall, they I surely would have crumpled to the ground.

"She… nearly… died?" I whispered.

He sighed, clearly feeling very tired and sad, "Well yes… but she's stable now. It didn't take long to resuscitate her so I doubt there will be any repercussions from it, I assure you she was very lucky." He explained, "Although we will be running tests when she awakes though it will possibly be a while- she's still under anaesthetic." He explained in a rush. He was clearly tired and worn down from his all night shift.

That wasn't my worry though… inside my mind was rejoicing, because although she had suffered injuries, she was _alive._

…And was going to be awake soon.

I couldn't believe it… I thought I was going to lose her, but she came back. I felt like the happiest man in the world at that moment.

I realised that I hadn't replied yet.

"Right…" I nodded, showing them that I had understood what they said. "Can I see her?" I asked quickly after.

They both nodded, "of course, we'll take you there now"

***~*~***

It didn't take long to walk to her room; they had kept her in the same ward for now so it only took seconds to get there thankfully.

Before I went in they told me they would be moving her in a few hours, once she was awake, which I agreed to.

Once they were finally gone, I walked in the room very slowly, almost as if I was afraid of what I would see. I didn't want to see that she was in pain…

When I had stepped in I was relieved to see that despite the bandages, stitches and the wires that she looked peaceful, and calm, simply as if she was asleep having a simple dream.

Hopefully she was.

I noticed that there were some Christmas lights hung up around the window, they were multi-coloured, and seemed to cast a glow through the dark room bringing some light to the dull, white colouring of it.

I had completely forgotten that Christmas was only 5 days away… its amazing how things like that which you previously cared about can become unimportant when everything changes.

Like in the situation of nearly having your love taken from you.

I sat on the available seat next to the hospital bed and just watched her for a while. It was incredible… even with all the wires and bandages she was still so, so beautiful. I decided that when she awoke I would tell her that repeatedly, it would be the truth after all.

I smiled softly at her as the realisation hit me once again-

_She was going to be okay._

My beautiful Bella was alive and well.

I could have cried or yelled that realisation to everyone from the roof of the hospital if I wanted but for this moment I held myself back.

Because I just wanted to be with her.

I stood up and leant over her, brushing a few loose hairs away from her face.

"Bella… sweetheart? Can you hear me?" I whispered lovingly to her.

She didn't respond though.

I sighed softly, feeling impatient already for the moment that her beautiful brown eyes would open and meet mine again.

I leant down further and gently kissed her on her cheek, and then moved my lips to her forehead, giving a lingering kiss there as well, making sure to avoid her stitches.

I leant my forehead against hers for a while, just breathing in the beautiful scent of her.

After a while I moved to sit on the edge of her bed and then I took her hand in my own and gently rubbed soothing circles on her palm.

I wanted to talk to her, and I knew she probably wouldn't hear me.

But I felt like I had to tell her this now… I had to tell her I loved her. I would tell it to her properly when she woke up, but for now I just had to let the words escape me.

I smiled at her sleeping form, "Bella, love?" I whispered softly, before continuing- "I'm going to tell you this again when you wake up Bella… but I feel like I can't keep it to myself any longer…" I murmured. I closed my eyes, and leant closer to her.

"But I love you, I'm _in love_ with you…. You are everything to me, and I'm so, so sorry I didn't realise it before."

I continued talking to her- "I will spend every day making it up to you, if you'll let me, I promise." I sighed, running my free hand through her soft hair- "I just… I just love you _so much_" I sighed, smiling at her one last time before turning my attention to the windows and looked at the bright Christmas lights again.

_It was such a relief to tell her it, so wonderful to finally say those three words and-_

"You do…?"

I jumped in my seat at the sound of the voice that interrupted the silence, before realising who it was. After all there was only one person that could have that beautiful, gentle voice…

And I turned to look right at her.

Her eyes were open, and she was looking at me with an expression that was a mix of happiness, shock and disbelief.

_I had another chance._

_And here it was…_

I smiled at her, happy to see her smile back at me. I leant down towards her and ran my hand through her hair once again.

My smile became even softer as I whispered to her- "Yes, I do… I love you"

* * *

**So... not as much of a cliffy as usual. When I started this chapter I planned to go on further, but I was already over 4,000 words and really tired so cut it off. I will continue writing tomorrow and have the next chapter as soon as I can.**

**Anyway, are you all ready for the fluffier, more romantic stuff…? It's definately coming now, although there clearly is stuff to still be resolved such as Edward explaining to Bella, Edward dealing with Luke for what he did to Bella (yay!), him going to see everyone in Forks etc… but heck as long as theres EB and no more getting hit by cars/near death experiences that's okay yeah? **

**Anywayyy... Please review... we can easily get over 600 right? :D More reviews equals quick updates like this!**

**Thanks for reading :)**


	22. Love and forgiveness

**A/N- Hii :) I'm just amazed that we've made it to 641 reviews.. thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter.. I never thought we would get to this amount overall, and theres still a few chapters to go... just wow! It truly is so appreciated, and thank you to all those who have loyally read this story and reviewed.. I would have give up long ago if it wasnt for you!**

**Sorry that this update was a little slow.. I havent had much time this week to write.. only today really. Though its only been a week, thats not that long right? :)**

**Hopefully this chapter will help you all understand why she got hit by the car.. its all in Bella's POV, and starts from where the beginning of last chapter starts off, it does go through quick though! Finally her reaction will be revealed ;) **

**Please review!!**

* * *

_Previously…_

_Her eyes were open, and she was looking at me with an expression that was a mix of happiness, shock and disbelief._

_I had another chance._

_And here it was…_

_I smiled at her, happy to see her smile back at me. I leant down towards her and ran my hand through her hair once again._

_My smile became even softer as I whispered to her- "Yes, I do… I love you"_

* * *

_Song for the chapter- Lie in the sound- Trespassers William_

_(Simply because I think that the mood of the song fits the mood of the chapter… well mostly)_

_I love you more than I should,  
__So much more than is good for me  
__More than is good… _

_Oh, the timing is cruel,  
__Oh I need and don't want to need… more than I should_

_I am falling, say my name  
__And I'll lie in the sound…  
__What is love…? But whatever, my heart needs around._

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter twenty-two: Love and forgiveness**

"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved — loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." **- Victor Hugo**

_Bella's point of view:_

_Pain._

_Fear._

_Aching._

All around me I could hear sirens, beeping… and voices. Voices that were yelling at me, telling me to keep on fighting.

_Keep fighting Bella, hold on,_ they repeated constantly as they fought to help me.

But as I tried to block out the pain my question was… _why bother?_

After all I truly didn't see the point anymore. Because as I felt the terrible pain from the car hitting me, all I wanted to do was allow the darkness take over me- I wanted to fade away to somewhere where it didn't hurt anymore.

'It' meant the heartbreak, the physical pain… everything. Why did it all have to hurt so, so much?

Some people had the perfect life and didn't suffer pain like this… and ironically some of them didn't deserve the happiness that was bestowed upon them, and yet for some reason they got it.

So why wasn't I allowed just a small amount of that happiness that some people had so much of…? It was selfish of me to ask for it, but it was all I had ever wanted.

I know that my life has never been bad… I'm not trying to sound ungrateful. But somehow it just seems as if there was always something to hurt me… like the fact that my mother didn't want me, and Edward and Luke didn't either… I had always felt so unwanted just because of those few.

And that had always hurt.

I knew that if true happiness were ever given to me that I would never take it for granted- I would be appreciative and grateful instead.

So here is my overall question- was this car hitting me tonight telling me something? Was it the straw that finally broke the camel's back? Telling me that I never deserved anything good, and that I was just a waste?

_Just give up Bella, because no one will care either was._

I had made my decision and was slipping away. But then as I was ready to let go… I heard the voice.

"_Bella!"_

"_Just hold on sweetheart, it'll be okay…"_

"_Please, please be okay…"_

When I heard that voice break through the silence, I felt like I had a reason to fight. Just so I could hear his voice one more time… the voice I loved so much.

The voice belonging to the person that I had fought for, but lost so many times.

Edward.

And I was nearly there… but then everything began fading. His voice was gone, and the pain felt stronger… I didn't know what they were doing; no one was saying anything. All I could hear was the words 'broken' and 'loss of blood', and I knew from those simple comments that my body was betraying me.

And in that exact moment I begun to lose the fight.

I could hear the constant beep, and the panic of the doctors, but everything was dull… the light in front of me was getting brighter though, I was so tempted to step into it.

But jolts kept bringing me back into reality.

And I thought about everyone I loved… Charlie, Alice, my aunt, my best friends- Jacob, Rosalie, Jasper…

And most of all, Edward.

How could I hurt them?

_Is it too selfish of me to choose to die, when I'm leaving so many people behind?_

Yes, it is.

And with that I fought harder then I had before- trying to fight against the darkness. I didn't want it to drag me any further under.

But eventually everything went out of focus. And I became numb to everything around me. And gradually found myself unable to think anymore…

***~*~***

I didn't know how long it had been.

And I certainly didn't know what time it was now, I could take a guess but the odds are I would be far off.

All I could hear the steady beeping, and the sounds of the doctors that were passing by me.

I was now aware of the pain that was beginning to form in my leg and my chest. However I ignored it and tried to move some part of my body… I hated feeling so trapped. It was really uncomfortable to be stuck in one position like this.

I felt a lot more alert now and I secretly cheered in my mind at that thought. I was proud that I hadn't let the darkness completely drag me under even though it was still all I could see.

Wait… does that mean that I am dead after all?

It was silent for a while as I continued with my thoughts about life and death, it remained that way until I heard the door to the room open quietly, and quiet footsteps crossing the room.

I assumed that it must be the doctor here to deliver more pain and discomfort…

It was quiet for a while; all I could hear was quiet breathing from beside me.

Okay, so maybe it was a visitor… but whom?

Whoever it was began brushing my hair back from my forehead gently.

_Charlie? Alice? Jacob?!_

My questions were answered when the person spoke- "Bella… sweetheart? Can you hear me?"

Edward…?

Of course, that made perfect sense!

He came to the hospital with me, I remember hearing him talk to me… he was there when it happened… it makes the most sense for him to be here.

I focused on his voice, while continuing to try to move my hand and to open my eyes.

I felt him kiss me on the cheek and then my forehead, before leaning his forehead against mine. His breath was sweet and relaxing, and I felt myself considering stopping trying to wake up and to stay this way instead- just so he would keep close to me like this.

However, he soon moved away from me which was slightly disappointing, though he did take my hand in his which calmed me again.

He was quiet for a long time, not that I blamed him for not talking- it must be boring if there was no one to reply to him, he might feel weird talking to someone who cannot reply.

However, he surprised me because he spoke again- "Bella, love?" he whispered.

_Love…?_

He continued talking without much of a pause- "I'm going to tell you this again when you wake up Bella… but I feel like I can't keep it to myself any longer…" he murmured quietly.

He didn't say anything for several moments; I could hear him moving and then feel his cool breaths on my face.

I didn't know what his silence meant; I never would have guessed what he was going to say next in a million years.

I didn't believe it.

Finally… he spoke.

"But I love you, I'm _in love_ with you…. You are everything to me, and I'm so, so sorry I didn't realise it before."

He… he… loves… _me?!_

…Is this a dream?

It _has_ to be a dream – theres no way this could be reality – but is that possible though? After all I can't see him… and every time I've dreamt this I've seen his face.

Does this mean that I did die after all, and I'm in heaven or somewhere in between?

It made no sense- surely he would have told me when I told him how I felt? He got married yesterday and he loves Tanya…

There's no way that he can love me.

I continued to try to wake up using all the strength I had in me- I needed to see him, to find out if this was real and if the words he spoke were the truth.

After intense effort I managed to move my right hand slightly- which unfortunately was the hand he wasn't holding.

As I fought with everything in me to see the light again and prove that I wasn't dead, he continued talking to me which running his hand through my hair- "I will spend every day making it up to you, if you'll let me, I promise. I just… I just love you _so much_" he sighed.

Will I let him…?

Suddenly I felt like I had more energy and with one last push of effort my eyes shot open… all I could see for a moment was a blurring of colours, it took several moments for my eyes to adjust to the dim lighting of the hospital room.

Once everything was clear the first thing that my eyes set on was Edward- he wasn't looking at me though, he was looking at the window instead. I couldn't help but notice how tired he looked, his eyes were now bloodshot, and his hair was an even worse mess then before all of this.

And yet… he was as beautiful as ever.

So… will I let him make it up to me…?

_Was it ever really a question?_

He was here, and I loved him- I had always loved him.

And I knew now that those feelings would never fade.

I had just nearly died, and yet for some reason I was given another chance to live despite the odds. And that's what I was going to do…

For some reason Edward was here- clearly he had not got married. Was it because of me…?

I was going to take my chance at happiness, even if it broke me again… what did I have to lose…?

And so after clearing my throat quietly, I managed to whisper- "You do…?"

To my amusement he jumped slightly in his seat, clearly not expecting to hear me. However once he had gotten over his surprise, he slowly turned towards me allowing the most beautiful smile to grace his flawless features.

And to my surprise he didn't deny it. Instead, he leant towards me and ran his hand through my hair in his gentle soothing way again.

His expression softened even more then before – if such a thing were possible - before he quietly replied. "Yes, I do… I love you"

I didn't doubt him at all; there was no mistaking the sincerity in his eyes.

I just found it disbelieving… how could he love me? He said he didn't… didn't he?

He was going to marry Tanya… so when did he realise that he loved me as well? Was it when I told him how I felt, or just before the wedding?

I didn't say anything for a while- I just continued staring at Edward.

His smile had faded slightly, though I could tell he was fighting hard to keep it as best he could.

He hesitantly reached out to touch my cheek – he probably expected me to hit his hand away - and whispered to me.

"Now would be a good time to say something," he murmured, smiling more naturally now.

I stuttered in my simple response- "W-When?" – I paused for a moment – "when did you realise this?"

He closed his eyes, "the night after the party"

I paused for a moment trying to think of which one he meant, "The one at your parents?" I guessed.

He nodded.

Hold on, that could only mean one thing… "So you knew how you felt when I told you I loved you?" I asked him slowly.

He nodded again.

Despite everything I felt annoyance at this, "… Why didn't you tell me then? Why did you say you didn't love me?" I asked him angrily.

He cut me off, "Bella, I _never_ said I didn't love you that day"

I rolled my eyes, noticing how he was trying to be clever with me. "You never said that you _did_ love me though" I argued with him, hurt creeping into my town.

He sighed sadly, guilt covering his expression; "I know that"

"Why didn't you?" I asked him.

"I… don't know" he admitted sadly before turning to look at me, "Look Bella, I've been an idiot… such an idiot, okay? In the end I _knew_ I didn't love Tanya and that I only loved you. But I thought that I had to marry her… I felt like I was obligated to because it had gone too far… Besides, I thought she was a good person, but it turns out that she really wasn't" he sighed angrily.

That's an understatement… she really wasn't a good person- conniving and evil would be the best terms for her.

"…Did you find out about her arrangement with Luke then?" I asked sadly, remembering that I only found out the truth about that a few hours ago.

He shook his head, "No, actually it was-" he paused quickly, as a confused expression suddenly spread across his head, "hold on… what arrangement with Luke?"

Stupidly, I blushed. For some reason I didn't want Edward thinking of me as an idiot, "I… its… nothing" I stuttered.

He was adamant that I told him though, "Bella, please tell me" he begged leaning towards me.

I shook my head though, feeling tears begin to well in my eyes- tears of rejection and frustration. "It's stupid… I feel so stupid, like such an idiot…"

"Shh Bella…" he murmured, moving to sit back on the edge of my bed again. "It's okay, please just tell me what's wrong" he whispered soothingly.

I pulled on my hair, closing my eyes as I quietly whispered, "She paid him…"

It was silent for a moment, "Paid him… for what?" Edward eventually asked quietly.

I refused to look at him as I replied, "'To pretend to go out with me… to love me" I replied sadly.

"She… they… she _what?!" _Edward gasped in surprise.

I looked at him, and blinked a couple of times, "You didn't know about it?" I asked puzzled. Wasn't this what he was referring to her when he said she wasn't a good person?

He wasn't looking at me though as he replied; "No I didn't, I can't believe it…" he paused for a moment, running his hand through his hair, "did he tell you?"

I nodded. "He said that the guilt got to him… apparently"

He nodded as well, "So this must be what Tanya was referring to earlier…" he murmured to himself.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

He finally looked at me, though his expression was blank, "Nothing…" he replied.

I sighed sadly though I decided that I wasn't going to ask him again, probably because I wasn't desperate to know.

It was because I was afraid that I didn't want to know what he meant.

"I just… I can't believe they would do this… why would Tanya have the nerve?" he growled to himself, his expression furious.

It was silent for a while and eventually the realisation struck me that we hadn't talked about his confession much. I still didn't know whether to believe it or not. I really wanted to with everything I had in me… I wanted to have the knowledge that someone truly loved me.

However due to everything that's happened so far, I don't know how long it will take to be convinced. I knew I would forgive him for what he's done up until now over time. I didn't need a straight out apology or for him to make some grand gesture… I would allow myself to trust him over time, just as long as he promised that he really did care so much about me.

I noticed that he still looked angry, and a somewhat stupid thought occurred to me- "Are you angry at me?" I asked hesitantly.

He instantly turned to look at me again, though through his expression I could tell that he was looking at me as if I insane, as if I had grown two heads or something.

"Bella, why on earth would I ever be angry at you for this? It's not your fault at all; they were the ones who lied to you!" he exclaimed, "I just cannot believe this- why would anyone want to hurt you? As beautiful, sweet and gentle as you are…" he murmured, before pausing for a moment or two.

"I'm just so furious with Luke and Tanya… they are not going to get away with this" he growled.

"Edward, don't do anything please…" I begged, not wanting to be the cause of any bother, "It's over now… done with, it doesn't matter" I insisted.

He shook his head; "Anything or anyone that's hurt you matters and needs to be taken care of"

"No, it doesn't" I whispered, so low that he didn't hear.

He continued talking- "Why would Tanya have done this…?" he asked quietly to himself.

I knew the reasons- jealousy, paranoia… knowing that I loved Edward and that she wanted to ensure I didn't try to 'steal' him.

But I didn't say anything.

I closed my eyes, and changed the subject slightly; "you didn't marry Tanya, did you?"

His reply was instant, "No… I couldn't"

"Why not?" I asked quietly.

He reached over and took my hand in his, "Because of you of course," he admitted, smiling at me sweetly, "I realised that a life with Tanya would be miserable if it meant never seeing you again"

I continued asking my questions- "So what happened? Did you cancel the wedding before?" I asked.

"Not exactly…" he admitted sheepishly, "I sort of announced it when we were at the altar, I told the priest to stop the service. And then when I had explained myself to Tanya, I sort of just… ran away"

I managed to smile slightly, trying to lighten the mood a little, "how cliché of you" I remarked dryly.

He smiled at me as well, "exactly"

I sighed softly, "Thinking about it… we're just one big walking cliché aren't we? We're 'the best friends who have known eachother their whole lives that fall in love' … it's the kind of thing you see on films or read in books"

"Hmm, but the last time I checked we are neither in a movie or in a romance book and…" he paused, and lifted up my hand again giving it a gentle squeeze- "this is real"

"It's real" I murmured, trying to take that fact in.

_It's real…_

"Do you really mean what you said earlier?" I whispered, referring to his confession that he loved me, "If you did, then please promise me that its true…"

He leant towards me so he were only inches apart, his eyes held my own and were sincere as he spoke- "I promise that I meant it… I love you"

I smiled slightly, as we remained close. We stared at each other for an immeasurable amount of time, conveying all our emotions through our expressions. As Edward softly stroked my hair all I could see in his expression was compassion, relief and… _love._ I didn't want this moment to end but the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them- "What's going to happen now then?"

His expression was still tender as he replied, "Whatever you want to happen"

"What…?" I asked confused.

He kept eye contact with me as he replied, "Bella, I want to be with you… I've realised that I cannot live another day without you…" he said softly.

I was amazed by his simple words and all I wanted to do was let him sweep me off my feet. However there still were so many issues that were not resolved, which Edward didn't seem to be thinking about… I couldn't just forget those issues though.

"You want to be with me when you only left your fiancée one day ago?" I asked slowly.

He replied instantly to my surprise, "Yes, and you know why? Life's short Bella, today was proof of that…" he paused slightly, clearly remembering what he saw earlier. "And because I was so stupid and didn't realise the way I felt, I don't want to waste time any more like I have been doing so far."

I sighed sadly… what he was talking about was not the trivial problem I was currently thinking about.

"But… we… it wouldn't work though Edward, we live _a thousand miles_ away… its just not possible," I whispered sadly.

He shook his head, smiling reassuringly at me, "I'll move here"

I shook my head as well, noticing how he was still close to me. "I can't ask you to give up your life like that" I replied sadly.

He placed his hand on my cheek gently, his expression still gentle, "I wouldn't be though… Bella, I didn't really have a life in Miami, I didn't know it at the time but I was unhappy there… a huge part of me was missing" he paused, before gently rubbing his thumb along my cheek, "because that huge part of me – _you_ - were here"

I smiled at him, but tears were beginning to form in my eyes at the thought of losing him- I knew he hadn't thought this through. "But what about your college?"

"What about it?" he smiled, gently wiping one stray tear from my cheek that had fallen- "I didn't like it there… I can always see if Dartmouth will offer me a place, or go to community college… if that fails I'll get a job" he shrugged lightly.

"But Edward…" I began to argue.

He cut me off, "mind over matter Bella"

"Mind over matter? Edward… what if you're unhappy here as well? What if you realise that I'm not what you want? You could do so much better…"

He cut me off, "No ones better then you"

I opened my mouth to argue, but couldn't find the words- why was I making it sound like I was against this?

…It was all I had ever wanted, and all I would ever want.

Unfortunately it was my lack of confidence in myself that was holding me back here, I still believed that I couldn't compare to other girls that were much more beautiful and interesting then me.

Edward mistook my silence for something else, he thought I was mad at him for everything.

"Bella… I know I've been terrible in all of this, for not telling you how I felt and for considering marrying Tanya. I know I don't deserve you, and that I've done so many stupid things, but can you forgive me for them? I am truly sorry and promise I will make it up to you… I will _never_ hurt you again, just please… give me a chance to show you how much you mean to me" he begged me softly.

I waited several moments before breathing out the reply I always had in my mind.

"I… I forgive you" I whispered to him.

It was silent for the shortest moment, only the length of a couple of heartbeats before he looked up at me, his expression covered in hope and surprise- "Really…?"

I nodded, smiling at him through my tears.

He sat on the edge of the bed once again and reached towards me, though this time I was quicker. Using the little amount of strength I had I sat up and met him halfway, wrapping my arms around his neck and he wrapped his around my back.

He held me as tight as he could without hurting me – luckily the pain medication was beginning to work now – and he whispered to me as I began to cry harder, just letting all my emotions take over me.

"Bella, my sweet Bella…" he murmured into my hair softly, "I'm here and _I love you_, I never realised it before but I've _always_ loved you, and from this day forward I will _always_ love you… if you'll let me"

I smiled at through my tears that were now pouring relentlessly down my cheeks, "Yes… of course"

"I love you," I whispered softly to him.

It was the first time I had said it since directly to him since that fateful night in the meadow. However this time I got the response I had always dreamed of, the response I wished for that night but didn't get until now.

… And it didn't matter, because he was here and telling me it now. The past could be forgotten… all that mattered was the future.

"I love you too, my beautiful Bella" He smiled, pressing his forehead against mine.

After staying in that position for several soothing moments he helped me rest back against the pillows, adjusting me so that I was in a comfortable sitting position.

I laughed breathlessly, out of pure bliss because of his sweet comment; "you do not know how long I've waited for you to say that…" I whispered.

He smiled crookedly at me, though he looked deep in thought. "Bella…?" he murmured quietly, playing with my hand gently in his own larger one.

"Yes?" I replied, looking down at our clasped hands.

He hesitated for a moment before leaning even closer to me, so we were only inches apart.

His expression was only full of love as he whispered, "Can I try something?"

I was confused at first but when he leant even closer so our lips were almost touching I knew exactly what he meant.

I nodded silently- unable to form a coherent sentence at this moment in time.

He smiled at me and then closed the distance, gently pressing his lips against mine. I instantly wrapped my arms around his neck trying to pull him closer and he obliged, deepening the kiss.

We didn't feel the need to pull away from each other- once we needed air; we just lay together, not even moving when the doctor came in to check on me.

As we both held each other and continued with our gentle caresses, we continued to enjoy what originally bought us to this point… us being best friends. We both laughed and cried as we talked, in bliss that we could finally be together.

I knew I wouldn't ever get used to this and that I had finally got some of that happiness that I wanted so much. Maybe getting hit by the car did mean something…

I didn't know if I could have forgiven him so easily if I didn't have my new perspective on life… which was just going for what I want and trying to be happy.

Which I'm certain Edward would help me achieve.

Because, even though I knew that we still had many issues to resolve and so many problems to face just ahead of us, I knew we could deal with them.

…Even if some of them were ones that we were not aware of yet, or would never ever expect.

* * *

**Fluff is here!! And yay they're together :D ... This wasn't too cheesy was it?**

**I don't know if people wanted Bella to be more mad at him, but I tried to explain her reasoning for being as understanding as she was. This was part of the reason why I put her getting hit by the car in.. though I'm a little worried.. have some people stopped reading this story because of the twist? :/ **

**So yeah.. I'm not sure about when I'll be able to update next. Because I'm going on holiday on Tuesday (the 7th) for nearly two weeks.. and I can't write while im there. I'm going to try my best to update before I go, maybe on Sunday or Monday simply because I really want to get the next chapter out. But I'm not sure if its possible as I'm so busy until then :/ So yeah.. I'll still try but sorry in advance if I can't.  
If I cant then the next update will be either the 18th or the 19th of this month.. I'll make the update super long and fluff filled to make up for it though :D Please don't give up on the story though! **

**Please review! Any chance of 680? :) Thanks for reading x**


	23. Fears and possession

**A/N- Hiii :D Guess what stories back...? Haha. Anyway, once again thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter :D I always love all the comments, and how lovely everyone is, so thank you. :D Thanks for the nice comments wishing me a good holiday as well :D**

**Although I am kind of confused, because I was concerned that some people have stopped reading this, but when I looked the hits have stayed consistently the same, yet the reviews have dropped a little. Don't get me wrong, the amount of people who review is amazing and so much more then I ever expected I would get to. (I didn't even think this story would break 500... and now we're nearly on 700! It's incredible!) But yeah, just please let know if you're all still interested in this, because loads of people have voted yes to a sequel.. I just want to make sure that people would read it. **

**Anyway, I did plan for this chapter to be out a lot sooner, about a week ago. But when writing it, it... just wouldn't come out. I wrote the whole chapter and read it through… and I was so disappointed. It was awful. I didn't even bother editing it, I just spent a lot of time re-writing it. The chapter still has the same line of events… everything that happens is still the same, but just written different. Thats why it took so long, sorry for the wait.**

**Sorry for the long AN as well haha. Please review, and I really, _really_ hope you all like this chapter :D**

* * *

_Previously…_

_We both laughed and cried as we talked, in bliss that we could finally be together. _

_I knew I wouldn't ever get used to this and that I had finally got some of that happiness that I wanted so much. Maybe getting hit by the car did mean something… _

_I didn't know if I could have forgiven him so easily if I didn't have my new perspective on life… which was just going for what I want and trying to be happy._

_Which I'm certain Edward would help me achieve. _

_Because, even though I knew that we still had many issues to resolve and so many problems to face just ahead of us, I knew we could deal with them._

…_Even if some of them were ones that we were not aware of yet, or would never ever expect._

_***~*~***_

(Song for the chapter- Trespassers William- Matching weight)

_Tonight we don't have a lot to go on  
__No  
__But that's not how it lives in my head  
__No _

_Not at all  
__Blind times  
__Thought we were matching weight  
__We pulled _

_Sometimes it was you and sometimes it was me but where are we  
__You say, "Don't take it all so hard for now"  
__"There's so much space"  
__And, "There will always be later for that"_

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter twenty-three: Fears and possession**

"Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death." **- James F . Bynes**

_Bella's point of view_

_6 days later- 26__th__ December_

The time after my accident passed relatively quickly, and with it the days passed with a feeling of calm and serenity- mind you that could have been because of the wonderful company I had with me.

As far as I knew Edward had never left my side- he was there when I fell asleep and then when I woke up again in the mornings. Eventually the nurses gave up on politely asking him to leave and just accepted his constant presence.

There was no way I was going to argue with him- every time I mentioned him going to get some sleep in a proper bed he would tell me he was comfortable enough where he was- he always made sure that his tone left no room for argument.

On the early morning of December 20th shortly after I had awoken the doctor came in at several points, repeatedly running the typical tests to make sure there I had no additional injuries. He also made sure that there wasn't any problems following the surgery and the 'lack of oxygen' I had inevitably sustained during the night.

That was when he dropped the bombshell of what really happened during the surgery that night- needless to say I was shocked when I heard that I had technically been dead for 2 minutes.

I silently noted that Edward had forgotten to mention that so far, though I definitely do not blame him for that. He was probably still numb about it, after all he looked the most worried when they were checking my heart rate and taking blood tests.

It was unimaginable how concerned he must have been to hear of it originally.

Eventually the doctor came back with the results convincing me that things were fine, surprisingly. I took convincing back I expected much worse considering my lack of luck.

Well… my lack of luck until that night anyway.

The doctors told me how lucky I was to only get the injuries I got, and that it wasn't any worse.

They didn't need to tell me that though- I knew it.

I knew it because I _felt_ lucky.

Anyway back to the chain of events following that night- Charlie and Alice arrived here quickly, on the late afternoon the day after the accident to be exact.

When they first walked in they both seemed completely and utterly relieved to see that I was okay. They both acted normal, not asking too many questions about Edward and me apart from when Alice asked the obvious and expected _'are you together yet?' – _question.

…The response from Edward was instant and was yes, of course.

Charlie wasn't in the room at that current point, though he knew about everything. I knew that shortly after arriving that Charlie had spoken to Edward separately for a while, I made a note to ask Edward what they had talked about while we were travelling back to Fork's later today.

Alice had stayed a couple of days before leaving to spend Christmas with Jasper- she kept apologising and asking if I wanted her to stay any longer but I assured it was okay… I wanted her to enjoy the holidays after all.

I called Jacob and Rosalie to insist that I was okay and that they were fine staying where they were- they didn't need to come and see me because I wouldn't be in Hanover for much longer. I would have been annoyed at Alice for calling them and causing them worry if she hadn't of been so sweet over the past days. I've had the feeling that I've taken her friendship for granted until now… I always burdened her with my problems and hardly acted like a ray of sunshine in response. I knew that now things were better, I vowed to make it up to her, to be the best friend she deserves in return.

Christmas itself went by normally- well as normal as a Christmas in hospital can be.

Part of me wanted to be out before Christmas itself, but the doctors had insisted on keeping me in for longer due to the amount of cuts I had and the risk of infection.

I accepted it easily.

Admittedly, I didn't really mind.

The other part of me wanted to stay in here, just to heal physically for a while. I never told Edward but everything did hurt- the cuts stung, and the broken bones ached whenever I moved.

As well as the physical pain, I needed to heal mentally as well. I knew I had a journey ahead of me, but I needed to take the time to accept everything that's happened before I was ready to take the next step forward.

Which my week here had helped me do- most of the time here was only me and Edward, and the realisation that he really was here to stay began to sink in.

And finally the time to take the next step has come- today I was leaving and Edward and I would be going back to Fork's to collect everything and to spend the rest of the holidays with our family before moving back here permanently.

All was good, so why was I so nervous of things going wrong?

"What's going on in that beautiful mind of yours?" a soft voice whispered to me.

I looked up to see Edward smiling down at me, and couldn't help but smile in response. I knew I would never get used to this, me and Edward being together was always something I had wished for, but never thought it would actually happen. Now that we had been together for a week it hadn't even begun to sink in… I doubted it ever would.

"Nothing really," I murmured, answering his question, "just thinking about going back to Fork's"

He analysed my expression for a moment; "Okay…" he eventually replied softly, brushing my hair away from my face.

It was silent for several moments, but then without warning a loud yawn escaped from me, I heard Edward chuckle quietly before kissing my hair.

"Why don't you sleep for a couple of hours, before we leave?" he asked me quietly.

I wordlessly nodded, knowing that sleep sounded very appealing at this moment. I knew that lately I had been very tired, the doctors assured me it was normal and I would soon be back to my regular sleeping pattern- the extra sleep was helping my recovery along.

Overall, more sleep wasn't an awful thing, even though it meant less time with Edward.

"Okay," I replied quietly before smiling at him again, innocently this time though- "only if you lay with me though"

He smiled knowingly, and instantly shifted his position so he was lying next me instead of sitting.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, "Sleep angel," he whispered, kissing my forehead tenderly, "I'll be here when you wake up"

I nodded and closed my eyes, trying to push my fears to the back of my mind. It was irrational to be thinking of losing Edward now… especially when we were like this.

I wondered if the fears would ever completely fade… I suppose time would definitely help with that process.

Those thoughts were my last as I fell into a light sleep, with Edward beside me the entire time.

***~*~*~***

_Edward's point of view:_

I heard Bella murmur my name once again in her sleep and smiled tenderly down at her, taking the time to admire my beautiful, strong and brave girl.

I was currently holding her as she got a couple of hours of valuable sleep before we started the journey back to Forks. Both of us were currently lying together on the small hospital bed- albeit it wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep, but I insisted that Bella at least tried to get a couple of hours.

She agreed, but only on the terms that I lie with her. And needless to say there was no chance of me saying no to that… so here we are.

However, sleep never came to me. So instead I lay awake staring at the white ceiling letting the guilt silently eat away at me.

…The guilt because I was already failing her after such a short time.

Every now and then as she shifted in her sleep I would hear her whimper… I knew it was from her injuries. She would never admit it, but she was in pain- being Bella though she was too selfless to hurt anyone else by confirming his or her fears that she was hurting though.

However I knew her too well, and so I could tell by her expression that she was hiding the aches that she constantly felt.

And in response to seeing that all I could feel was helpless- helpless that I couldn't save my girl from this pain she was feeling, if I could feel it for her, I would without a doubt.

But unfortunately it had to be Bella who suffered, and that made me feel incredibly guilty.

Along with that guilt, there was also the guilt, not only because of everything I had done wrong leading up to this moment but also because of the lie I told her- of where I was a couple of days ago.

When I confronted one of the liars, and ensured that they would never hurt Bella again.

_Due to the late hour the hallways leading to the apartment I was looking for were completely empty- everyone had clearly retired for the night._

_It would probably be louder then this normally, but I doubted there were many people living here at the moment- most people were at home for the Christmas holidays, hence the quiet, empty and eerie feeling that this place seemed to give out._

_I looked up at the doors I was passing as I ran down the corridor- room 122, room 124…_

_Finally, I found what I was looking for._

_Room 128._

_I hoped I had the correct address- Alice had insisted that this was his correct room number and I believed her knowing that she always seemed to be correct about everything, but I suppose that mistakes can be made._

_I'm living and breathing proof of that._

_I repeatedly knocked loudly against the wood, not caring that it was midnight- I only wanted to be here a short while before going back to Bella, I didn't want her to wake and find me missing. _

_I resisted the urge to yell out their name, knowing it would wake people up. But damn, if they didn't answer soon… _

_My sudden urge to knock the door down was cut off when I heard muffled cursing from the other side of the door. It was only mere seconds later that it swung open to reveal whom I had come to visit. _

_Luke took several seconds before he recognised who I was, "Edward…?" he asked slowly, his tone sounding completely stunned. _

_Suddenly, all rational thought left my mind- I was like a man possessed. In my haze of anger I pushed my way into the apartment, pinning him up against the wall by his neck. _

"_I found out what you and Tanya did to Bella…" I growled through my teeth, finding myself blind and shaking with rage. _

_Luke didn't say anything- he seemed completely frozen in shock and also uncomfortable from the hold I had on his neck. His eyes were wide, and his hands were held up in defence- and yet he didn't even attempt to fight. _

_I was irritated with his lack of response, "How could you do that to someone like her?!" I growled, shaking him hard. At one point I heard his head make contact with the wall. The noise of it echoed throughout the apartment, and although I knew I must have caused damage I didn't let go. _

_Instead I continued to stare at him with what could have only been a hateful expression._

_And then finally after a long wait, he broke the silence- "I'm sorry" he mumbled. _

_I laughed without humour, and held him even tighter knowing I was now making it difficult for him to breathe._

"_What? Could you repeat that please?" I taunted him, shaking him as I spoke. _

"_I'm sorry! I never planned on hurting her…" he croaked out. _

_I sighed impatiently, already expecting him to say something like this, "Well what did you plan on doing then?" I asked, loosening my grip on him slightly. _

"_I don't know…" he mumbled, "look, maybe that was Tanya's plan at the beginning, for me to hurt Bella… but things changed…"_

_I frowned in confusion, "How exactly?"_

_He sighed, but then winced as I shook him once more. His words came out in a rush as he spoke- "I fell in love with her, okay?"_

_Upon hearing that one four lettered word I instantly let go of him- he crumpled to the floor clutching the back of his head while I took a couple of steps backwards. _

_There was a long pause as I tried to accept what he had just said… I just couldn't believe them. _

"_You're lying," I eventually murmured._

_He shrugged from his position leaning against the wall, "Whatever… I know I'm telling the truth, that's all that matters" he replied off-handily, wiping the blood from his hands onto his shirt. _

"_You didn't tell her about this, did you?" I asked quietly. _

_He shook his head, "No… I didn't get a chance to, she left before I could"_

_Internally, I sighed with relief. "Good" I replied instantly. "That's something that she __never__ needs to know."_

_His expression was hard to read, "Why not?" he asked lowly. _

_I shrugged, the hatred never left my expression as I spoke- "Because theres no way someone like you can ever be in her life again" I replied. _

"_You can't control if I'm in her life or not" he grumbled, finally getting up off the ground and standing on his feet. _

"_Why not?" I replied, deliberately throwing his earlier words back to annoy him. _

"_Because… I know she'll need someone like me in her life at some point." He replied quietly, "…Like when you run off back to Tanya or something like that, and leave her again-" _

"_There is no way in hell that I am going back to Tanya" I growled, cutting him off._

_The stupid smug smirk more prominent then ever before as he shrugged lightly- I knew that he was trying to make me angry, as if he was encouraging me to take all my anger out on him._

_I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of that though. _

_I expected him to make some other smug comment, although when I looked back at him his expression had completely altered into concern. _

"… _Have you seen Bella this past week then? Is she okay?" he asked quietly, changing the subject. _

_I refused to sound so kind in my reply; "No… she's not okay" I murmured, finding myself worrying once again about my girl. _

"_Is it because of me?" he asked shamefully. _

"_Partly" I admitted, nodding slightly. _

_There was a short pause._

"_What do you mean by 'partly'?" he eventually asked quietly. _

_The truth came out before I could stop it, "Bella was in an accident… she was hit by a car" I whispered quietly, flinching at the horrific memories._

_As they faded slightly from my mind all I could see was Luke's now terrified expression. Suddenly I wished I hadn't told him… if what he said about loving her was true, then I knew instantly that he would want to see her. _

_Which couldn't – wouldn't - happen. _

_I heard him panicking- "Wait? She was hit by a car?! When?" he asked frantically. _

"_A few days ago, on the 19__th__" I admitted, knowing that I might as well stick to the truth now. _

_He still seemed frantic- guilt was now clouding his expression, "So it was after I confessed…" he murmured before pausing for a moment, "I have to go and see her right now!"_

_I knew he was going to say that- really I didn't expect any less- but I also knew I had to stop him though._

_Once again it was like I was possessed, I stood up and blocked his exit, rage and hate filling my voice as I yelled- "no, you will not."_

_He tried to get around me, "But I need to see if she's okay, I have to apologise…" _

_I cut him off, "No, you don't have to, I won't allow it"_

"_You won't allow it?" he eventually mumbled, anger now obvious in his voice. _

_I shrugged slightly, "I'm not going to let you go and hurt her once again"_

_He rolled his eyes, the smug expression once again back on his face, "That's a little hypocritical don't you think?" he eventually growled. _

_There was no noise until the sound of a bang and a sickening snap filled the apartment. It was when my knuckles began to sting slightly was that the realisation dawned in- I had punched him in the nose, having been completely possessed with rage at him, and myself because of the reminder of how I had hurt Bella. _

_He was currently on the floor holding his hand over his face. He pulled his hand away and all I could notice was the crimson blood that seemed to be everywhere I did feel guilt and regret but couldn't find the words to apologise. _

"_You will not talk to her ever again…" I told him lowly, " you will not go near her, look at her or dare to hurt her again" _

_I knew I was taking it too far, but at that moment in time I didn't care. I didn't care if I killed him… all I wanted was the reassurance that Bella would never be hurt again. _

"_Or what?" he mumbled quietly. _

"_Let's just say that this-" I mumbled, gesturing to him and the blood stains on the floor. "-Is nothing compared to what I can do"_

_He looked down at his lap, "I cannot guarantee that I won't see her around though, we both go to the same college after all..." he cut off after seeing my expression, he sighed defeated- "Okay, okay, I won't talk to her- you have my word."_

…I knew the way I had acted was impulsive, rash and too strong. I had let the tiredness I was feeling and the guilt I had over everything overtake me. I took it out on Luke when really he wasn't the one to blame.

In reality he was Tanya's puppet in this whole game… I knew she was the one that was really in the wrong.

I could never be violent with her though, so I decided to let out my anger on Luke, while also ensuring that he will not play Bella anymore.

I knew I would spend the rest of my life making sure she was happy, even if that meant eliminating anyone that could hurt her from the picture.

As if she was hearing my thoughts about her, Bella slowly began to stir as she began waking up from her sleep. I instantly turned towards her, brushing her cheek with my fingers tenderly, feeling her smooth skin beneath my fingertips.

However… as I waited patiently for my angel to wake up, I couldn't help but fear how she would react if she found out I had talked to Luke without her knowing.

Would she be mad at me for hitting him?

Would she resent me for telling him to stay away from her?

Would she be upset that I had kept it a secret?

… Or… was it something that I shouldn't be worrying about?!

After all I had my Bella… she was safe and almost fully healed- her beautiful smile seemed like a permanent feature on her face now, and as long as she was happy I was too.

So why am I spending my time worrying about something like this, when I should be looking forward to my certain future with Bella?!

The answer to that… I didn't know.

* * *

**Question: Do people think Edward was in the right or the wrong? Would love to hear your opinions :D**

**Anyway... the next chapter will be them in Fork's where Edward will talk to Tanya, Tanya's father, and his parents. All of those people will obviously act differently towards him… ****Oh yeah, there will also be lots of E/B, more then what this chapter had. :D**

**By the way theres about 3/4 chapters left, so it wont be long and we'll have a nice resolution- its all planned. Yay :D**

**I hope people liked this... please, please review! Lets see how far into the 700's we can get yeah? ... Please? :D**

**Thanks for reading! Emma.x**


	24. Enemies and insecurities

**A/N- Hii! Thank you all once again for the awesome, spectacular reviews! I was worried that people weren't interested in this anymore... but its great to see so many people are still reading and reviewing! To get so high into the 700's is amazing... I never thought this story would get this far.. so thank you!**

**Anyway, heres chapter 24... hope its okay. Don't be mad at the re-appearance of a couple of characters... IF I do a sequel, they will be important to the story, so it was important that they came back in now..**

**So, hope you like, sorry for the long wait, hopefully this really long 5,200 word chapter will help :) Please review!!!**

_

* * *

__Previously…_

_Would she be upset that I had kept it a secret?_

… _Or… was it something that I shouldn't be worrying about?!_

_After all I had my Bella… she was safe and almost fully healed- her beautiful smile seemed like a permanent feature on her face now, and as long as she was happy I was too._

_So why am I spending my time worrying about something like this, when I should be looking forward to my certain future with Bella?!_

_The answer to that… I didn't know._

* * *

_(Song for the chapter- Need- Hana Pestle)_

_I'm not quite sure how to breathe  
Without you here  
I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to say good bye  
To all we were_

_Be with me  
Stay with me  
Just for now, let the time decide  
When I won't need you_

_My hand searches for your hand  
In a dark room  
I can't find you...  
Help me, are you looking for me?_

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter twenty-four: Enemies and insecurities **

"The beauty of enmity is insecurity; the beauty of friendship is in security."  
**- Robert Frost.**

_Bella's point of view: _

The miles passing by and the feel of Edward's hand in mine did little to ease my concerns.

Concerns, along with a mix of other emotions include doubts… fears… and even some slight jealousy.

Edward and I were on our way back to Fork's, and although things were great between us I couldn't help but feel these… insecurities should I call them?

It was in my nature to somehow manage to put a negative spin on things in some situations… and it seemed like I was doing just that right now.

To top off all my insecurities, I also had the feeling like Edward was lying to me as well… after all he seemed more protective then I could have ever imagined, and I often caught him deep in thought- looking as if something was greatly concerning him.

He would always tell me everything was okay when I asked him… which helped further my belief that he wasn't being completely truthful with me, after all I could _always_ tell when he was lying.

… It was one of the perks of knowing him so well I suppose.

By this point I wasn't focusing on anything… the in-flight movie, the fact that meals were being passed out, and not that Edward was speaking to me.

"Bella…?"

I felt Edward's hand gently nudge my shoulder a couple of times and I finally snapped back into reality. I looked over at him to notice him watching me intently, confusion and admiration written across his beautiful features.

"Hey there…" he whispered, smiling softly at me, "you looked deep in thought there, is everything okay?"

I automatically nodded vigorously, "Yeah… it is mostly, I… guess I'm just nervous that's all," I admitted, not even attempting to lie to him, I knew I wouldn't be able to do successfully.

"What are you nervous about?" he asked frowning slightly.

I sighed, leaning against my head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arm comfortingly around me. "…Going back to Fork's I guess" I eventually whispered against the fabric of his shirt.

I heard him take in a gentle breath and instantly knew he was about to ask why that was again, so I decided to save him the effort and answer for him.

"…I'm nervous because going back to Fork's means you being back in the same town as your ex-fiancée," I admitted softly, blushing slightly at my own stupidity.

He sighed softly, making it seem like he was almost… _relieved_ about my answer; it was as if he was expecting me to say something much worse. "Sweetheart, why would that make you nervous?" he replied gently.

I shrugged, "It just does…"

"Why…? Please tell me" he urged me, holding me even tighter to him.

I moved my head away from his shoulder and positioned it so it was now buried in his neck, "Fine… its because… I'm afraid you'll go back to _her_" I whispered gently.

He stopped breathing for a moment- I could both feel and hear it. "What…?" he eventually gasped.

I kept my face hidden- finding myself unable to look at him, "…I'm scared that when you see her again that you'll realise just how… ordinary I am. And that you'll choose to be with her again"

He sighed softly, and pulled me onto his lap ignoring the looks from other passengers across the aisle from us. He took my face in his hands and looked me in the eye as he spoke- "Bella… I promise you that will never happen. How many times do I have to tell you that you're not _ordinary_? You're… beautiful, in every single way compared to Tanya. She pales in comparison to you" he insisted, not looking away from me the entire time.

I shook my head despite his firm grip, "But what if she convinces you somehow, she might end up reminding you of the better life you could have? The richer, more extravagant life in Miami?" I whispered, unable to look at him anymore- afraid to see his expression.

"I don't want that life Bella… I thought I told you that?" he whispered sadly, his tone of voice giving away his feelings towards this.

"I know you did… I'm just insecure I guess." I sighed softly, finally looking up at his face, "Edward, after waiting so long… I've got you, and I don't want to lose you… ever"

His expression turned from sad to determined, as he stroked my cheeks with his thumbs- "You will never lose me Bella… I can promise you that"

I nodded, "okay…"

"You do believe me right?" he whispered, before looking away and talking more to himself then me- "…This is what I always feared- did I hurt you too much, by staying with Tanya for so long…?" he muttered, regret filling his tone and expression.

I interrupted him, knowing that he now needed reassurance- "No… at least I don't think so… I'm just nervous that's all. I felt that I had to tell you that… you do deserve the truth after all," I admitted quietly, giving him a not-so-subtle hint to tell me the truth about whatever he was hiding.

He didn't say anything, and so I continued to speak my now more positive thoughts aloud- "…But things _will_ be okay, I know that deep down." I whispered, "It's just going to take some getting used to… us I mean…"

***~*~***

After talking for a little while longer, things soon settled down and the atmosphere was a lot more comfortable between us, we were able to act like the conversation had never happened… despite the fact that my concerns were still lingering in the back of my mind.

Edward refused to let me off his lap and instead held me even tighter then before. I was perfectly content and near to falling asleep at several points- I knew I would have… if it wasn't for Edward whispering random comments and jokes into my ear, and kissing me several times.

I didn't allow myself to fall asleep… simply because I didn't want to miss one moment with him.

I knew that I would just have to accept that Tanya would be around for the next week or so, and that she may want to talk to Edward at some point.

I also knew that there was no option- I had to be able to accept what Edward had told me- that he wasn't going anywhere- and the only way to do so was to trust him with this.

And so I would.

The rest of the flight seemed to pass quickly- probably due to my change in seating arrangements- it all was great, except for a couple of occasions where other passengers told us to be quieter. I think my constant laughing had begun to get on their nerves, especially because it was an early in the morning flight- most people just wanted to sleep.

Once the plane had landed we made sure to take our time getting our bags and getting through security- my slight lack of mobility was one of the main reasons for that.

I sighed in relief as we were finally making our way through the terminal, and waved enthusiastically at Alice and Jasper who were there waiting for us.

Alice had agreed beforehand to give us a ride into Fork's… it was only yesterday that Jasper joined in on this when he came to Fork's to surprise her, spending New Years with her.

Edward and I began making our way towards them, pushing our way through the busy stream of people; Edward helped me along the entire time with a secure arm around my waist.

I snuck a glance at the large crowds of people just skimming over everyone, not really taking in what I was seeing, when something or should I say someone caught my eye, as they stood still smiling at me.

It didn't even take me one second to react.

"JACOB!" I yelled in surprise and elation, full of shock of seeing of seeing one of my best friends from college here.

His smile grew impossibly wider and then ran closing the distance, knowing that it was impossible for me to do just that in this condition. He quickly pulled me into a tight hug, either completely oblivious or completely ignoring the fact that Edward was there next to me.

All my thoughts at that moment were on seeing one of my best friends… my friendship with Jacob was different to everyone else's. I always thought of Edward and Alice as my best friends… but it seemed as if Jacob was so close to that. I thought of him as the brother I'd never had… and he had always insisted that he felt the same- he thought of me as a sister.

"What are you doing here?!" I asked him excitedly.

He shrugged, though he was still holding on to me, "I thought I'd come visit you…" he replied sweetly.

"You came all this way for that?" I asked in surprise.

"Bells… I only live three hours away remember?" he told me teasingly, "the drive was worth it to get to see you… to make sure that you're okay after everything..."

A not so subtle throat clearing abruptly stopped him in what he was saying. We turned around to see that Edward was glaring up at Jacob… clearly he had been the one to clear his throat.

I noticed that Alice and Jasper stood off to the side quietly, looking at each other with knowing expressions.

Jacob nudged me gently, "Who's this?" he asked, gesturing to Edward.

I looked up at him confused; "You don't rem… oh!" I gasped.

I remembered that Jacob had never actually met Edward until now, until this moment he had only heard the whole infamous 'unrequited love' story that from me a short while ago- when he had realised that I was upset about something and insisted I told him the truth.

Needless to say, Jacob admitted that he hated what Edward had done, despite my strong defences on Edward's side.

I also had no doubt that Alice had filled him in on the blanks when telling him about my accident over the phone- what I didn't know was whether that would make Jacob even more mad at Edward or not.

I suppose now was the time to find out.

I cleared my throat softly, "Jacob… this is Edward," I told him gently, before stepping in Edward's direction, slightly away from Jacob.

"Oh…" he gasped in recognition and understanding, before altering his facial expression- to one of curiosity and anger. "What's he doing here?" he spat out.

By this point I was back at Edward's side, I brushed my hand against his and he seemed to understand what I wanted- his hand clutched onto my own, his fingers intertwining with mine.

I knew Edward knew who Jacob was- I had mentioned him several times recently- but he still probably didn't expect Jacob to be hostile towards him…. Or knowing Edward, maybe he did.

It was silent for a while, Jasper coughed quietly and suggested going to find the car, but no one took him up on that idea.

Instead, Jacobs attention was on how close Edward and I were standing to eachother. He stared for an immeasurable amount of time, and then it finally clicked- "You're together now?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes" both Edward and I replied instantly.

"But… he… why would you forgive him for what he's done Bells? How much he's hurt you?"

I shrugged, "there wasn't much to forgive, I love him and-"

"I love her too" Edward cut me off, "and all the things I did before were huge mistakes"

"Hm" Jacob nodded, "'sure you're not gunna change your mind and go back to the blonde one?"

I visibly flinched at his comment and of course everyone noticed- they all turned to look at me curiously. Edward was the only one who wasn't looking at me in confusion, he now had one arm around my back rubbing soothing circles, possibly to calm himself as much as me.

His expression now matched Jacobs.

"What do you even know about me and Bella?" he growled out, "That's never going to happen, and if you ever say anything like that again I won't hesitate to-"

"Children!" Alice suddenly yelled, making us all jump in surprise.

We all looked at her, "what?" Jasper asked, speaking all of our thoughts aloud.

She shrugged, "now is not the time or place for a fight, I could just sense one was coming"

"Right…"

She rolled her eyes, "lets just go to the car okay?"

I agreed automatically and eventually after a long stare down both Edward and Jacob agreed as well, though it was clear that there was still tension between them. Jacob was acting like the over-protective best friend, which I must admit was unnecessary, and Edward… well, he obviously didn't like how protective Jacob was being,

… Which I could understand.

Due to the tension between them, the hour long journey into Fork's felt at least 5 times longer then that- I unfortunately had to sit in-between them in the car, and found that they were constantly vying for my attention or glaring at each other.

Something told me that this new found rivalry with Edward and Jacob was no where near being over.

_Great, just what we need…_

***~*~***

_Edward's point of view_

_Great, just what I need- an angry best friend._

We had arrived back in Forks hours ago and Jacob hadn't dropped the _'angry, over-protective'_ façade that he had, which made the atmosphere here at the Swan's household very uncomfortable.

Luckily Alice and Jasper hadn't left to go to Alice's house yet- they were hanging out here for the day first, I just wish that they wouldn't have to leave- things would be more difficult when they were gone.

To make things even more uncomfortable, it had been decided that Jacob would be staying at Bella's house in the guestroom, while I stayed with my parents whom I hadn't gone to visit yet- in fact I hadn't seen them since the wedding.

I know that's going to be a little awkward…

I could handle it though, no matter how they decided to react- I just wished that I didn't have to leave Bella's side.

Bella and I were currently lying on her bed together while everyone else stayed downstairs. I had of course been in this room many, many times throughout my eighteen years, but this time it was different in so many ways.

Namely because we were now wrapped up close to each other, with her head resting on my chest and my arms wrapped completely around her, holding her to me.

I didn't want to move, but there was one thing that was nagging at the back of my mind- the fact that I had to get the engagement ring back from Tanya.

The reason why I had to was because ring was worth a huge amount of money- I bought it after selling one of my many precious cars.

Admittedly, when it came to proposing I originally could have given Tanya a ring without spending anything- my mother Elizabeth had insisted multiple times on me giving her my late grandmothers ring. She told me that it would be so much more meaningful, because it was what my grandmother had always wanted- for the ring to go to my one true love.

But for some reason, I just couldn't do that. Even back then, I couldn't see Tanya wearing something like that, and a big part of me didn't ever want her to, as selfish as that seems.

And so, I bought a ring instead, and told my mother that I would give Tanya the engagement ring as a wedding present instead-, which I _never_ intended on doing.

I now knew whom my grandmother's ring really belonged to, and she was lying next to me right now. It belonged the one person who was truly worthy and beautiful enough to wear something like the ring that was almost as precious as her.

_My beautiful, sweet Isabella._

I didn't know it at the time, but the reason I couldn't give the ring to Tanya was because deep down it had _always_ belonged to Bella and not her- it of course just took me realising that I loved Bella for me to discover that.

But anyway, I knew I had to get the engagement ring I had bought Tanya back as soon as possible- I needed to sell it to help me with the extra tuition I would be paying _if_ Dartmouth accepted me.

I knew it was awful of me to ask for it back- after all what ex-fiancée would do that to someone they walked on and hurt?– But, on the other hand I desperately needed the money now I wasn't relying on my parents… and well, Tanya deserved it after everything she had done.

So, as I planned to go over to the house I just hoped that Tanya wasn't there, although I assumed that she would have to be if I was to get the ring back.

"Bella?" I murmured softly, gently breaking us out of our comfortable silence.

"Hmm?" she replied instantly, humming softly against my chest.

I sighed, "I'm so sorry to have to do this… but I have to go to Tanya's" I told her regretfully. She stiffened against me, "why?" she eventually whispered softly, her voice showing her dismay. I closed my eyes, knowing that Bella had every right to be mad at me- though I wished she wouldn't be. "I just have a couple of things I need to collect from there, is that okay?" I asked quietly.

She was quiet for a while, "Yes… it's okay" she eventually mumbled, sitting up and edging herself so she was now sitting on the side of the bed.

My arms instantly mourned the loss of her, "are you sure?" I whispered moving so that I was sitting beside her.

I hesitantly wrapped an arm around her waist, and to my immense relief she smiled softly up at me.

"Yes, I'm sure" she told me softly.

I leaned forward and kissed her, "Thank you… and remember what I promised you?" I asked her for reassurance.

"Yes" she replied instantly, though there was doubt in her tone.

"I won't be long, I swear" I whispered, kissing her cheek before smiling at her- "You won't even have time to miss me"

The corner of her mouth pulled into a smile, "Doubtful… I miss you when you're gone just a minute" she mumbled.

I held her tighter to me for a moment; "It's exactly the same for me… I'll be really quick okay?"

She nodded, "Yes"

I leant forward and nuzzled her neck; "I love you" I breathed against her skin.

Her reply was instant and came out sounding strong and determined- "I love you too"

***~*~***

Here was one question I had about life- what would you do without friends?!

The answer to that was suffer immensely… of course.

I had repeatedly thanked Alice for letting me borrow her Porsche before leaving to come here, after all it would have taken me much longer if I'd had to walk here, possibly hours instead of minutes.

I didn't want to spend that long away- I just wanted to get back to Bella as soon as I could. I knew that she was upset about me coming here, and I completely understood why that was, heck if the situation were reversed I would feel exactly the same.

Actually… knowing me I would have probably ended up insisting that I went with her.

Luckily Bella was a stronger and better person then me, hence why she understood why I really needed to get this ring back.

She didn't say it in so many words, but I knew that she didn't want me to have to talk to Tanya, but understood that it was inevitable.

Eventually I pulled up outside the house, internally sighing in annoyance at having to do this before getting out of the car and walking up the long immaculate garden to get to it.

I knocked on the door loudly, silently wishing that this would be as quick and easy as I hoped.

Unfortunately it just had to be the one person I both didn't want it to be, but knew it had to be that answered.

… _Tanya._

"Edward…?" she gasped in surprise, a smile slowly creeping over her features.

_This isn't what it looks like Tanya. _

I cleared my throat, "Tanya" I stated quietly.

She stepped out onto the porch towards me, her face one of wonder, "I knew it…" she murmured, reaching towards my arm.

I sharply took a step back, knowing what she was thinking- "Tanya, I-"

She was shaking her head in disbelief, "I knew you would come back, you leaving me was just a mistake… I'm so glad you've finally seen sense though!"

"Yes, I have" I nodded, knowing that I wasn't talking about the same thing as her.

She smiled wider, "why don't you come in? Theres no one at home, we could spend the whole afternoon together…" she murmured suggestively.

I laughed without humour, "Tanya, that's not why I'm here"

She blinked in confusion, "Oh…? Did you want to go out tonight then instead?" she asked dumbly.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, "No Tanya- I meant what I said at the wedding, it wasn't a mistake"

Surprise overtook her features, "Oh…" she mumbled, finally understanding.

I nodded, "Yeah, but anyway… the reason why I'm here is because you've got something that belongs to me that I want back"

"What…?" she asked, confused.

I gestured to her hand, "the engagement ring, I'm sorry to ask this, but I need it back" I told her quickly.

She was silent for a while, surprise was the main expression on her face, though it quickly turned to anger and then smugness- "You expect me to give it back to you?" she laughed, showing that the fake nice Tanya was gone- the bitch was back. "You gave it to me! It's mine!"

I shook my head angrily, "It's not yours, it never was"

She folded her arms across her chest; "I'm not giving it back" she shrugged, smirking.

I shrugged as well, already suspecting that she was going to say that. Good thing I had a plan- "Fine, then I guess everyone in this town will be more then glad to hear of your little scheme with someone called- what was it again? Liam? Louis? … _Luke?_" I smiled, watching her eyes widen in horror.

I continued speaking my thoughts aloud; "…and maybe I could show them a nice video of your confrontation with Bella at the party? I'm sure that would go down well…"

She clearly wasn't expecting to have been caught out- "You wouldn't dare… my family would…" she stuttered, her voice panicky.

I shrugged again, smiling humourlessly, "you know Tanya, I did actually feel guilty leaving you, I thought that you were a nice person, I thought you didn't deserve it… How wrong I was!"

She was frowning, "What's it going to take for this to go away?" she mumbled, through her pout.

I smiled, pointing at her hand, "The ring for starters, you can also stay away from Bella- _never_ do anything to hurt her again."

She cut me off- "But she's the one who deserves it! She stole you from me!" she yelled in frustration.

I shook my head, "She never stole me, it was my decision."

"But…" she began begging.

"Tanya," I groaned, getting very impatient now, "do we have a deal or not?" I asked slowly, looking over to her for an answer.

She sighed loudly though I knew it was out of defeat- she knew I had won on this situation.

"Yes…" she mumbled, pouting even more then before.

She pulled the ring off her finger and placing it in my outstretched, already waiting palm.

In that moment I felt incredibly smug- having finally gotten something over on her.

However, despite feeling smug I knew that my troubles were not over yet… after all I still had to face my parents where I knew I would be meeting an angry father in particular. I would also have to face the other residents of Forks, and be the somewhat un-willing subject for gossip.

I also had to face Bella's friend Jacob, who seemed to hate me. It was obvious why he did- he felt something more for Bella then friendship, though no one else seemed to notice, most of all not him or Bella.

I could tell what he was really thinking though.

To top it off, I also had to find out what I was going to do with my life… which meant firstly trying to get into college if I wanted any type of future at all.

But still… standing here I knew that it didn't matter, because from here onwards there would always be one constant in my life, and she was everything I could ever want and ever need…

_Bella._

I smiled lightly, feeling no regret at all for any of my decisions as I said my final words to my past before going home to my future-

"Goodbye, Tanya"

***~*~***

_Bella's point of view_

I was sitting in the middle of Jacob, Alice and Jasper, silently observing as they all argued over what DVD to watch next.

I had decided to keep out of this particular conversation, honestly I truly didn't care whether we watched _Pretty woman_ or _Die Hard_… or whatever film that was.

Instead I kept my gaze at the door- waiting for him to come back. I knew I had no reason to be this worried… but I couldn't help it, I knew today would be the turning point whether I could fully trust that Edward would ever leave me.

Though it seemed somewhat impossible after everything we had been through, all through today I had the same fear that continued to swirl around in my mind- the fear that he would leave me.

I focused back on my friends, knowing that we must have looked somewhat comical right now. Alice and Jacob were still arguing, Jasper had his head leant back against the couch in resignation, and I was spread out with my leg propped up on the table, staring into space- my eyes wide as I daydreamed.

Alice and Jacobs voices grew even louder, I groaned in annoyance, pulling at my hair. I'd finally had enough- it was only a freaking DVD after all…

"Would you two stop?" I snapped, "I swear if you don't stop arguing right now, I will take the DVD's and shove them so far up your-"

I was cut off by the sound of the front door closing loudly. I instantly looked up to the entrance to the room- waiting to see whom it was walking in. I figured it was most likely to be Charlie, but still I couldn't help but hope _he_ was back.

And then, my question and prayer was answered.

"Shove them up where?" Jacob mumbled far in the background- I barely heard him though, my eyes and mind were only focused on Edward who was smiling at me.

"Edward…" I breathed in elation.

He closed the distance in a few short strides, "Hey… theres my beautiful girl" he murmured, pulling me into his arms.

"You're back…" I whispered in relief, noticing that the others were leaving the room quietly to give us a couple of minutes privacy- Jacob looked reluctant to leave but was being dragged out by Alice.

Edward sat beside me, and immediately wrapped him arms back around me, "Of course, I said I wouldn't be long didn't I?" he whispered, kissing me gently.

I allowed myself to completely relax in his hold, feeling completely content already, simply because he was here.

"Did you see Tanya?" I murmured, worry creeping into my tone.

"Yes" he replied instantly.

I bit my lip out of worry, "And…?" I urged him on.

"And what?" he asked confused, "…There's nothing to talk about."

"Really?" I blinked in surprise.

He nodded at me, smiling sweetly- "Really" he insisted.

I relaxed even more in his embrace, leaning against his chest, a content smile stretching across my face- "So… we're sticking to our plan then?" I asked quietly, with excitement building in my voice, "You're really going to move to Dartmouth?"

He nodded and kissed my hair, "Yes I am… I'll obviously need to stop off in Miami to finish off there, and collect my things but after that I'll be there with you for good" he murmured, kissing me again.

"I can't wait…" I whispered softly,

He smiled at me gently, "Neither can I"

It was silent for a short while, Edward began running his hand soothingly through my hair, before leaning over to kiss me- "Want to go somewhere?" he whispered against my lips.

My reply was instant as I smiled against his lips- "Sure, where did you have in mind?"

He tightened his arms around my waist, "Hmm… how about the meadow?" he murmured into my hair.

I flinched at the memory of the last time we went there remembering exactly how it ended. Admittedly, I felt surprised that Edward had suggested it- surely he must have realised the coincidence, and remembered the last time?!

But then as I thought, I realised something that Edward must have thought of as well… the last time we were there was in the past… we needed to look towards the future and not continue to look back on the bleaker times. That was what I had done so far today with being accepting that Edward had to visit Tanya.

So why couldn't that continue…?

I knew I desperately wanted to go there now, but there were still a few minor problems in our way…

"What about my lack of mobility, how are we supposed to get there…?" I asked sadly, gesturing to my leg.

He shrugged, and leant forward to nuzzle his nose with mine, "That's not a problem… I can carry you."

I scoffed but accepted his idea, "well, what about our friends then?"

He shrugged, "what about them? They won't mind staying here and watching movies"

I nodded, smiling at him, though I was still slightly hesitant… it seemed selfish of us…

He could tell what I was thinking. "Bella… isn't it time that we started thinking about ourselves more? Isn't the most important thing to be happy?" he smiled softly, as if thinking of an inside joke.

"It is" I nodded instantly, thinking his words through.

He smiled and then stood up in front of me, holding out his hands to help me up. I glanced in the direction of the kitchen where I knew everyone was, and without thinking much more my decision was quickly made.

More time with Edward certainly wouldn't be a bad thing…

I smiled up at him, and placed my hands in his larger ones, noting once again just how well they fit together- it was like two puzzle pieces finally put next to each other.

And then together we went to where everything began, while only thinking of certain future we had together.

No matter what we were certainly going to have to face.

* * *

**So there you have it! Chapter twenty-four finally complete!**

**I didn't want to cut off there, but with 5,200 word I figured that it was long enough for now. Besides it was about time this chapter got out wasn't it?**

**So yeah… sadly this story is coming to an end a lot quicker then I thought, there is possibly only one chapter left plus an epilogue… it depends on how it comes out I guess. No matter what happens we're looking at three chapters at the most… sad, isn't it? I don't want this story to end… guess it has to though.**

**Anyway… please review! I already have a lot of the next chapter and the epilogue done, so they should be out very soon! Please keep reviewing… can we see how close to 800 we can get? It would be INCREDIBLE to get to that by the end of the story… so any chance we can try?**

**Thanks for reading! Emma .x **


	25. Moving and beginnings

**A/N- Whats this?! A new chapter?! Don't be too shocked haha, there was no way I was giving up on this :D Yeeahh... Things have been crazy in real life until recently, and when I got back to writing I found that it wasn't easy to get back into writing this story unfortunately. But yeah.. finally got a chapter back out. So, so sorry for the long wait. **

**Thank you once again for the reviews for the last chapter! Can't believe that this story is so near 800... should hopefully make it by the end which I never expected when I started it, so really- thank you! Especailly for all the lovely comments!**

**Anyway... this is the last chapter. Only the epilogue to go after this! It is mainly explanations and time skipping, but hope people like it. Let me know if its what you expected!**

**Please review!! Though I won't blame you if I don't.. especailly after the delay. **

* * *

Previously…

_He smiled and then stood up in front of me, holding out his hands to help me up. I glanced in the direction of the kitchen where I knew everyone was, and without thinking much more my decision was quickly made. _

_More time with Edward certainly wouldn't be a bad thing…_

_I smiled up at him, and placed my hands in his larger ones, noting once again just how well they fit together- it was like two puzzle pieces finally put next to each other. _

_And then together we went to where everything began, while only thinking of certain future we had together._

_No matter what we were certainly going to have to face._

* * *

_(Song for the chapter- You fill my heart- Jason Walker)_

_When I, I saw your face, it was like a space in my heart was filled  
__Its like I knew, from the very start, that you were every other part of me_

_And its like I have loved you since, from the moment we met…  
Since time began... you fill my heart_

_When did it take so long to find your touch?  
__Hope, was never gone, even though it took so long to find you, yeah…_

_Because I have loved you since, from the moment we met…  
__Since time began... you fill my heart,  
__And I have loved you since, from the moment we met…  
__Since time began... you fill my heart._

* * *

**A thousand miles**

**Chapter twenty-five: Moving and beginnings**

"The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."  
-** Allan K. Chalmers**

_Bella's point of view_

The two weeks back in Forks passed in a blur… they say time flies when you're having fun though right? Well, if that's the case then fun certainly must mean being happy also… which is exactly what I was.

Even though it would be a while until my cast could come off my bruises from the accident were starting to heal, as were the painful memories of everything that had happened over the past month.

And now, both Edward and I were on our way to making it together.

Edward had been accepted into Dartmouth a few days ago, though due to the late start it would mean that he would have to do an extra semester and not graduate until January- needless to say though he was very surprised and thrilled about it.

Just like I was… his acceptance had only made me even more confident about mine and Edward's future. He had said countless times that he would be moving to Hanover no matter what their response was, and while the selfish side of me rejoiced at the thought of getting to be with him no matter what, the selfless side of me didn't.

… Because I knew that he deserved better then that, he deserved the college place he had worked so hard through school for.

So for him to get the acceptance was pure relief for both of us… now all he had to do was find somewhere to live-, which he constantly assured me, was the easy part.

Unfortunately due to his late entry he would have to find somewhere to live outside of the dorms, and even though it was tempting… I knew I wasn't ready to live with him just yet. Sure, I had known him virtually my whole life, and loved him more then anyone… but needless to say we still had to build up our relationship… now I finally had him I was determined to not rush into anything and ruin it.

So instead Edward was now set on finding somewhere near to the college… so that we could still be close together without the permanent pressure of living together.

Which we both knew was the ideal solution… for now.

And as for everything else…?

Well, Jacob continued to stay at Charlie's house with me for a few days before returning home… and while I was happy to have another one of my best friends around for the holidays I knew it was making Edward very jealous. He had somehow gotten the idea into his head that Jacob liked me as more then a friend, and had insisted on pointing it out to me several times over the few days Jacob was here.

I always argued with him over it though… I knew that Jacob only saw me as a friend, just like I did with him. There was no need for Edward to feel any kind of jealousy towards him.

_Although…_ the extremely selfish side of me was slightly happy to see Edward jealous like that- it made me pleased to see that I had that effect on him. Plus… when I remember all the times I've sat back silently jealous while seeing him with Tanya it seems somewhat fair…

_It's in the past; it's in the past._

And so, I continued to reassure Edward that there had never been and would never be anything between Jacob and me. And soon enough he became much more comfortable with it, while Jacob also became more accepting of me being with Edward. He initially had worries because of all the hurt Edward had caused me, but after many talks of me telling him that I had forgiven him, Jacob gradually warmed up to the idea. And once the day came that he left to go home both him and Edward were now more civil towards eachother and more comfortable about the other being in my life once we got back to college.

Though deep down I still knew it was all an act… they probably would never like eachother much, which was something I would have to accept.

And as for the other problem…?

…Well, I only saw her or should I say 'it' once.

It was when I was out at the store- I was out collecting stuff to fill up the fridge back at home, and she seemed to be doing the same. She didn't notice me until we were back out in the car lot. She only looked up once with a blank expression on her face- when she registered it was me, she almost had a flicker of guilt mixed into that expression.

_Almost._

But still, Tanya didn't say anything to me, just like I didn't with her. Even though my expression was less then friendly I really didn't see the need to yell at her- as far as I'm concerned everything's now in the past.

… And hopefully with a little luck I'll never see her again.

So on to the good parts…?

… Well, the highlight of the two weeks was definitely, the start of the year of 2008 of course.

This year New years eve was celebrated just between Edward and me- we didn't feel the need to spend it at some wild party, and neither did we feel the need to be surrounded by our friends. We just wanted to be with each other; just the other person was enough company.

… And it was _more_ then enough.

We both knew that the change of the year was a big deal for us- sure, it wouldn't be first we were spending with each other, but it was the first we were spending as a couple. After so many years of me being too afraid to tell him how I really felt, and too many years of him not realising his true feelings, we were both certain that this New years eve together was the start of many.

I knew that we'd both made mistakes… Edward was insistent that his were far greater then my own though, and soon I gave up arguing with him. All I insisted on was him forgiving himself… like I said before, all the mistakes made were now in the past.

And eventually he gave in.

And so the night was spent just the way we used to… watching cheesy movies, eating junk food… and just relaxing in eachother's arms.

Though this year when the clock striked midnight Edward started our new tradition, as he pulled me into his arms, tighter then ever before and pressed his lips to mine.

And then when we broke apart for air, his lips didn't leave my skin as he gently whispered- "Happy New Year… my love."

Like I said… _perfect._

***~*~***

_Edward's point of view_

The three-story building in front of us did not stand out of the crowd… it was simple, red brick, with a small yard clearly for all the residents to share. It – _well one floor of it_ – was where I was going to be living from now on.

Appearance wise it didn't compare to the beach house I had in Miami… but I loved this so much more, for many more reasons.

The last couple of weeks in Fork's with Bella had been perfect- besides from her lovesick puppy friend of course- and I was determined to continue with that mantra.

After hours of searching, and hours upon hours on the phone I had found somewhere that sounded good… a two-bedroom apartment located just a five minute walk away from the college.

_Just about near enough to my beautiful Bella then._

The only downside was that I would have to live with a roommate that I wouldn't be meeting until later today, but still… I didn't care if he turned out to be an enemy of mine, heck I would even life with Jacob if it meant being near Bella.

I just hoped that she liked it, because if she didn't… well I would be homeless for a while.

"Well… here it is" I mumbled, smiling down at Bella beside me. I myself was secretly relieved that the place so far seemed to look exactly the way it did in the pictures… it certainly was a gamble getting this place without ever seeing it before.

Although, I honestly wouldn't mind living in a box if it meant Bella liked it… which I hoped she would with this apartment.

She was silent for a while, staring up at the building with awe "T-this? You're living here?" she asked in shock,

"Yeah… well only one floor of it of course" I shrugged, smirking.

She rolled her eyes at me, before looking back at the building with the same expression as before. "Well… it definitely beats mine and Alice's dorm room that's for sure…"

I laughed quietly, "would you like a tour?" I asked, holding out my arm for her.

She laughed softly as well, taking my arm in hers. "I would love one"

I supported her with one of my arms tight around her waist she walked using her one good leg, I knew that it was lucky that the apartment block had elevators because I knew this journey would take a lot longer if not. Before I knew it we were upstairs and I was nervously opening the front door for her, "Before you get too dazzled I will admit this place isn't just for me, I do have a roommate" I warned her quietly, as she entered the apartment using her crutches.

"Oh yeah?" she murmured, running her hand along the kitchen cabinet which she had walked straight up to. "…This 'roommate' doesn't happen to be blonde and female does she?" she murmured teasingly, with some doubt underlying in her tone.

"Hm, no… I'm sure that the ad on the website said that he was male, and called Emmett," I smiled as I followed her.

She continued her avid search through the kitchen, "Emmett huh? As in Emmett McCarty?" she asked offhandedly, taking a particular interest to the fridge.

"Yes… do you know him then?" I asked curiously, interested to find out more about people Bella knew here.

She shut the fridge, cringing at something she saw in there- "Not personally, but I've heard my friend Rosalie mention him tons of times, I think she has a crush on him" She replied curtly, before walking towards the window.

"Oh right…" I mumbled, before walking over so that I was standing right behind her, within reaching distance.

"This apartment has such an amazing view…" she murmured softly.

I looked up so I could see what she meant, but didn't see much- only trees and fields that seemed to go on for a long while.

"The trees remind me of home" she whispered quietly to herself.

She turned back in my direction, but apparently didn't know that I was right behind her as she walked right into me, jumping in surprise.

I laughed quietly and pulled her into my arms tightly, "so do you like it here?" I murmured softly, kissing her neck.

She relaxed in my grip, but her words were certain and strong as she replied- "How could I not…? It's amazing here… I mean of course it needs a major clean, but the view… the space… its _perfect_"

"Good, that's all that matters- that you like it" I whispered, kissing her again.

She sighed softly in content; "I love it"

"That's good… because maybe someday soon it could be us two living here" I murmured softly.

She turned round to look up at me, a thoughtful look on her face. "Someday" she nodded, smiling.

I leaned forward so our noses were touching; "soon" I breathed.

And with that I silently vowed to myself that the 'someday' Bella was referring to would definitely be soon. I now know that I would never fail her again.

I knew I could spend the rest of my life regretting the things I've done… like the fact that I was blind for so long, and stupidly believed that I could be with some girl other then Bella.

Yes… things like that.

And I also knew that it would take a long time to make it up to Bella, but I was certain that I would do it eventually. All those things are in the past… but Bella…?

… She's my certain future.

***~*~***

**ONE YEAR LATER…**

***~*~***

_Bella's point of view_

Would it be too cliché of me to say that things were brilliant for me this past year?

Yes…?

_No…?_

I don't care… because it has been.

Today is new years eve and once again both Edward and I will be entering another year together, though I'm certain that this year will be even better then the last… if that's even possible.

Admittedly, it took a while for me to gain complete trust in Edward, and full confidence that I'm enough for someone like him. But persistence pays off… and the way we are now just shows that waiting can be worth it.

Things were all good… just like I had hoped neither of us had seen or heard from Tanya in the past year, which was a relief for obvious reasons.

I had seen Luke about several times about college-, which was inevitable of course- he would usually say hi and ask how I'm doing but never more then that, I noticed that he was usually with the same girl and despite everything I felt happy for him. I couldn't hate him despite what he had done… simply because I had cared for him a lot, and I just wasn't a hateful person- everyone makes mistakes after all. Besides, I know he's not going to affect me… he was just another part of my past, and all I've been focused on is my future.

Speaking of my future… despite some initial doubts, all of my friends from Dartmouth quickly accepted Edward and we quickly became a close group. Edward especially got on with his roommate Emmett, who turned out to be a year older then all of us and in my own words _'a big, loveable teddy bear'_ … he too was quickly accepted into our friendship group. And after much advising Rosalie told him about her feelings- and they are now together and inseparable, as are Alice and Jasper…

… And Edward and me.

It's currently closing in on midnight and just like last year its just Edward and me curled up together on the couch. Only now it's in the apartment we are sharing, as of a week ago.

Yeah… I had quickly decided not to waste any more time, I knew that I would never want anyone but him, so why not show the world how serious we are?!

Of course we would never be the picture perfect couple, we still argued over stupid little things just like when we were younger- which I doubt will ever change.

Although I was currently a little worried, Edward had been acting slightly off all night… he seemed quieter then normal, and constantly deep in thought.

It was only as the clock finally struck twelve that my Edward was back. Just like last year he pressed his lips against mine and whispered against them- "Happy New Year… my love"

"Hmm you too" I hummed in contentment, smiling at he continued to kiss down my neck, "Edward…?"

He hummed against my neck to show he was listening.

I sighed softly; "…Did you ever think we'd get to this point?" I whispered gently, not wanting to talk any louder.

He moved his head up and kissed my cheek gently, "Honestly?" he replied slowly, "…I never thought I would be this happy."

A slow smile spread across my face, "Really?"

"Yes, really" he smiled back at me, cupping my cheek in his hand while grabbing one of my hands with his spare one, "Erm, Bella, I…" he began talking quietly.

"What is it?" I asked nervously.

He sighed softly, his expression tender- "You know how much I love you right? You don't doubt it?"

_Not anymore I don't. _"No, I don't doubt it," I replied instantly.

He smiled slightly, "…And you know just how much this past year has meant to me right? When I said I never thought I'd be this happy just a minute ago I meant it" he murmured, rubbing his thumb over my cheek.

I breathed out gently, "I know you did"

He exhaled softly running his hand through his hair, and then let go of my hand.

And then he did the last thing I expected.

He slid off the couch and knelt in front of me… on one knee. He didn't say anything, but I knew exactly what was going to happen when his free hand reached into his Jeans pocket and pulled out a small red velvet box.

Oh… my…

He cleared his throat, "Bella, you are my life now. I love you more then words can possibly express, and I will spend the rest of my life just trying to show you just how much I adore you… if you'll let me that is…" he murmured, staring up at me tenderly.

It was _staggering_. The amount of love and hope in his expression, was truly beautiful… I knew that if I were standing that my legs would give out on me- because _this was it_. This was the moment I had always wished for, and it was _wonderful._

He smiled up at me, though he looked incredibly nervous- "Bella… I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever… Will you… _marry me?"_

_Oh wow…_

Of all the times I had imagined this, I never expected it to feel as unbelievable as this. The love I felt for this man was more then I ever thought I could feel- it was as if it was in the air around us.

As I came back out of my thoughts and formed my response, I noticed just how nervous he looked- it was as if he was actually imagining the possibility of me saying no… such an absurd idea!

I knew it was time to end his misery… after all I knew all along what I was going to say.

It was something I had always wanted to happen, but never believed that it actually would. It seemed so impossible a couple of years ago after all with everything that happened…

We were _a thousand miles_ apart back then, but now we couldn't be closer.

But its amazing how things can work out isn't it? … I got the ending I had always wanted- all the hurt and pain was worth it to get to this moment. It didn't matter what Edward had done in the past, and that it had taken me so long to tell him the truth…

It didn't matter, because we had made it now.

And so, I finally responded with the answer I had imagined for years. And I said it with a smile on my face-

"Yes… _a thousand times_ yes, I'll marry you"

The smile that broke out on his face was blinding, and before I knew it I was in his arms as he swung me around the room. He was kissing every part of me he could reach as he kept whispering, '_I love you, I love you, I love you_,' over and over, while I laughed loudly out of elation and happiness.

…And the rest as they say, was history.

* * *

**:D :D :D Predictable ending… Yes? No?… well it was planned from the very start, when I first planned the story and I never once considered changing it, it fits after all. Just hope people liked it! **

**Anyway the epilogue will be up next, should be up by Monday. Really hope you like it! I'm sorry once again for the wait!**

**But please review!!!**

**Thanks for reading.. Emma.x**


	26. Forever and always

**A/N- Hii, heres the epilogue!! Quick update I know.. but it was definately owed after the long break between other chapters, haha. **

**Anyway, theres a bit of a long A/N at the end- if you liked this story then please, please read it.. feedback would be appreciated. **

**Thanks again for the reviews for the last chapter! Hope you like this fluffy epilogue, and for the last ever time for a thousand miles... please review! :D**

* * *

_Song for the chapter- Michelle Featherstone- We are man and wife_

_All the things you are to me _

_Darling you have set me free _

_Always give you what you need and what you deserve _

_All the joy and all this love _

_And all that it is from above _

_Now together there's enough to fill this world _

_'Cause you are… the love of my life, _

_You are… the love of my life… _

_Now we're man and wife. _

* * *

**A Thousand Miles**

**Epilogue: Forever and always**

"Love is the emblem of eternity: it confounds all notion of time: effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end."

– **Germaine De Stael**

Everyone in the room was silent as one clear voice echoed softly off of the walls, speaking the question I had always longed to hear-

"Isabella Marie Swan do you take Edward Anthony Masen to be your husband? …"

Although it was what I had always wanted I couldn't help but slightly drown out the sound of the minister's voice, instead only focusing all my attention on the beautiful man opposite me. I had realised something- this wasn't about fulfilling all I had wanted… no.

Instead in this single moment… nothing or no one in this room mattered but him.

…And nothing else mattered but us… well, that and the clear fact that we'd somehow made it to this point. It seemed so impossible at many points- the day in the meadow when I told the truth, the night of my accident…

But you know what? It all seems like such a blur now.

Were things easy at first? No. But… once we'd gotten past the problems, it was amazing just how easy it was being with Edward- it was effortless… like breathing, something you don't think about and something that's done with little to no effort.

And the reason for that was quite simple- he was all that I needed- he was my best friend, my soulmate, the love of my life…

… And in just a few moments, he would be my husband too.

I was aware that the minister had stopped speaking by this point, but my eyes didn't stray- they stayed focused on the beautiful green ones shining in devotion back at me, just like they had been for the whole service to this point.

And so, knowing that this was my moment, I allowed the widest possible smile on my face as I whispered the two words that I needed to finally make myself truly his-

"I do."

Edward's smile was breathtaking, blinding even, as he pulled me in for a deep kiss before being even instructed too. I laughed against his lips breathlessly as kissed me, vaguely aware that everyone else in the room had broke out into a loud applause- because they too were all happy to see this, to see Edward and I together.

When we eventually broke apart for air I briefly let my eyes stray for just a moment to everyone watching us… I could see Charlie discreetly wiping a stray tear from his cheek, with Aunt Sarah next to him not even trying to conceal that she was crying. Then there were Edward's parents, both with identical smiles on their faces. It was lucky, but they both easily forgave Edward for his decision two years ago telling him to go for what made him happy, it had taken time but they had realised that she wasn't the right one for him.

I will never forget the day that they both came to me and apologised for not realising that I was Edward's true love all along- it was a huge relief to get their acceptance.

Behind them, I could see the smiling face of all my friends, and then other distant relatives, neighbours from back in Fork's… everyone that I knew.

And then after looking at everyone I cared about, I turned back to the only person I would ever love more then my own life.

He smiled as if he knew what I was thinking, before wrapping an arm tight around me, kissing me gently once, twice… _three_ times before leading us through the crowd.

And then when we made it outside in the sunshine he lifted me properly into his arms, holding me to his chest as he walked us forwards across the gardens, towards our wedding reception.

I laughed softly against his neck; "I love you."

"And I love you too… Mrs Masen," he whispered, kissing my cheeks with a beautiful grin on his face.

…_Clearly he loved my new last name almost as much as I did. _

He sighed gently, looking at the sky briefly as he held me even tighter- "I can't believe you're my wife" he murmured gently.

I kissed him on the jaw as I wrapped one of my arms around his neck, "I can't believe you're my husband" I whispered his words back at him.

He smiled even wider at the word _husband_, "_'Edward and Bella Masen'_… who would have thought it huh?" he whispered in disbelief and wonder, "Remember our first day of school?" he asked me sweetly.

I laughed softly against his neck, "What you mean how I cried and cried when Charlie left until you came over, kissed me on the cheek and told me it would all be okay?" I murmured gently.

He nodded, a look of devotion and pure love in his emerald eyes, "Mm hmm… and it was, wasn't it?" he winked at me.

I laughed breathlessly, "…Only because you were with me though."

He laughed softly too, as he hoisted me higher up in his arms, "…come on Mrs Masen I believe we have some celebrating to do" he smiled kissing me once more as he continued walking us forward together.

… his words had a bigger meaning then he thought, because I silently knew that we would definitely we celebrating more then our wedding tonight.

… _Our baby. _

I smiled to myself, ghosting my free hand that wasn't wrapped around Edward's neck over my still flat stomach.

_No one knew yet…_

I myself had only found out yesterday evening, after Alice had insisted on me taking a test- the sneaky pixie had a feeling that I was expecting all along it seems… she was the only one apart from me who knew so far. Though it definitely wouldn't be long until Edward found out- I couldn't wait to see his reaction.

Because even though we still had our senior year to go at college, and even though we were barely twenty-one and were only newlyweds, I knew that he would be very happy with the news.

_Just like I was._

I already had the picture in my head of a little girl with Edward's beautiful bronze hair and all his features so that she would look exactly like a copy of him. Though something told me that she would have my eyes-, which would make her look a little like me.

_Wow… I really couldn't wait to tell him. _

It would definitely be tonight, just before we left for our honeymoon together- which was going to be two weeks in a surprise destination that he insisted had to be a surprise.

And then what would happen for us newlyweds with our baby when we get back?

Well… no one knows.

… I only know that we'll be happy no matter what.

Because I knew as a fact that we were definitely ready to face the challenges, as Edward and Bella Masen, and best friends and soulmates together.

_Forever and always. _

…We would face them united, no matter how soon they may come… or how unexpected they may be.

***

**So yeah... all finished. I'm actually really sad now.. but yeah it had to end, I think its been going on long enough. Thank you to anyone who's ever reviewed/ given me ideas/ support for the story.. I probably would have given up long ago if it wasn't for you.. so thanks! :D**

**Right so on to the super long AN and the bit I was reffering to at the top of this chapter... hmm, yeah- there were an amazing 55 votes saying yes to a sequel, so I'm going ahead with it!**

**So this is what it'll be about… it will be their first year of married life, and the birth of their baby. I've figured out exactly what's going to happen… and its full of twists and turns that I don't think people will be expecting. But as well as having plenty of drama, there will also be more humour when Emmett finally comes into the story and there will of course be plenty of E/B romance the whole way through :D**

**It will be called A Hundred Reasons, and the summary is this- Sequel to a thousand miles. Now that Bella and Edward finally have everything they've ever wanted… can things stay that way? Will they be able to face the challenges that life brings or will something come along that has the potential to tear them apart?**

**So feel free to check it out- its up on my page. If not… well that's fine. Thank you for reading this story though, it's my first twilight fanfiction and the longest so all the support really means a lot!**

**Emma.x**


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